Livewire 78,229 13
06/02/2004 09:32 AM

Ahaha! Delightful jest!



Trae would have us believe that women poop.

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 09:37 AM

Riiiiiight. I'm sorry, I meant that my friend dropped a bunch of her friends off at the pool this morning for their morning swim, and well, didn't wash her hands after leaving said pool.



You know all the germs that hang around pools.....

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/02/2004 09:37 AM

My friend has a three year old kid, so in the area of ass wiping, he still needs help.

When i am over there, i never hear the sound of soap lathering or taps running after the kid takes a Shakespeare.

I stay sitting in a chair making sure my hands do not touch anything in thier house. I also have to try not to vomit when the kid offers me a cracker with his grubby little hands.

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 09:41 AM

My phantom office pooper probably was the same was as a kid. Either that or she pooped in a mud hole and had someone else wipe her ass

Trixxieisstartingtothinkyouguysdontlovehernaymore 65,021 15
06/02/2004 09:49 AM

I make mental note if a dude doesn't wash his hands after, here at work and then avoid that person. Oh and I tell everyone else in the office.

Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
06/02/2004 10:12 AM

I suggest you print this and discreetly place it on their desk when they step out for their next installment.



>*<

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 10:15 AM

Butt that's the thing: I don't know who it was!! It's a mystery. Somewhere in my office, there is a dirty pooper.

shoelace414 10,080 13
06/02/2004 10:17 AM

Don't forget that the bathroom door opens in, and you touch the door handle.

DeclanMcManus: mi otro hermano, Therlin! 131,874 36
06/02/2004 10:18 AM

People (poople?) like this is why GoJo Industries invented Purell hand sanitizer.



Buy it, use it, love it.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/02/2004 10:23 AM

Ugh, bleh. This is why I love me some hand sanitizer and I only open and close the bathroom door with a paper towel.

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 10:27 AM

I never touch any handles in my office with my bare hands.



Never EvAr!!

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/02/2004 10:27 AM

Just thinking about your phantom pooper makes me want to boil my hands.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/02/2004 10:29 AM

I fill my pockets with paper towel before getting down to business. I use it for turning on and off the tap as well as opening the door.

I oft times get made fun of for this, but i can be pretty sure that when i eat my lunch, i am not ingesting urine and feces.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/02/2004 10:30 AM

After sharing a one-seater with the entire suite for the past three years I have come to the conclusion that the only thing worse than the bathroom habits of men are the bathroom habits of women.



Ladies, if you're gonna hover over the seat when you pee at least have the decency to wipe the piss off the seat when you're done.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/02/2004 10:33 AM

Now THAT is something I don't get. You know it's there, why would you leave it? Because someone else might enjoy wiping up your pee?



When I worked in NYC that problem was rampant. All of my coworkers were professional, well-dressed egotists yet not a one of those women could wipe the friggin seat.



*shivers*

Trixxieisstartingtothinkyouguysdontlovehernaymore 65,021 15
06/02/2004 10:36 AM

Nothing can be worse than really public mens room twa'lets (e.g.bus stations, airports). I am convinced there is a whole tribe of men who whip it out and get as much seat, floor and wall coverage as possible, while singing, you gotta sit in my piss, you gotta sit in my piss.

Vlad The Impaler 19,599 12
06/02/2004 10:39 AM

Wait, women pee sitting down? Now it all somehow makes sense!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/02/2004 10:41 AM

SheCab, I guess they figure men are such pigs they wont mind wiping up the pee that some dainty prim-and-proper woman left all over the seat.



Also, women are insane.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/02/2004 10:45 AM

The worst bathroom i have seen was in a bus. A bunch of drunk business men have the aim of a cat with a bag on it's head. The urine was actuall pooling on the floor.

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 10:58 AM

Enough drunken music fests have helped me finely tune my ability to pee standing up. Not only can I do that, but I don't hit the seat.



Oh, and I don't have a penis.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/02/2004 10:59 AM

Want to buy one? I have a couple spares.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/02/2004 11:00 AM

The worst thing about peeing with a penis is when you get the rare and messy forked streem.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/02/2004 11:04 AM

I thought it was just me.



There's nothing quite like waking up in the morning all groggy, shuffling to the toilet, dropping your pants and aiming right for the bowl only to have the pee go sideways into the cat's dish.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/02/2004 11:28 AM

Cat: mmm, salty!

Trixxieisstartingtothinkyouguysdontlovehernaymore 65,021 15
06/02/2004 11:30 AM

It's rare alright, but one time, and one time only I got a three streamer.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/02/2004 12:48 PM

i say the forked stream really isn't that rare. i have a few per month. the worst is when the angle between the forks is so wide that both streams miss the toilet.



the threefer is a rare treat indeed.

gobadine 2,737 10
06/02/2004 12:54 PM

Q. I want to know how some men evacuate and cover the bowl, the bit above the water flush, the toilet seat, and still have time to wipe crud streaks on the walls.



A1. because they can

A2. because they have a shower attachement up their bottom

A3. because they are men



and as pee is sterile, does it matter if you get it on your hands and dont wash them afterwards?



love live the gloryhole, its like tv in the toilet.

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 12:55 PM

Annoyance Level Defcon 5

ringworm 68,315 13
06/02/2004 12:58 PM

pee is sterile when it's in your bladder. once it comes out, it's a germ magnet.

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 04:08 PM

I had a phantom Shakespeareter once too.



Did atlanta get a new soccer team?

Chickens Needs His Coffee Like a Crack Whore 286,472 61
06/02/2004 04:12 PM

Cum dams! Nothing causes a 90 degree stream on the wall like a dried cum dam. Damn cum.

Chickens Needs His Coffee Like a Crack Whore 286,472 61
06/02/2004 04:12 PM

delicious cu*BLADDOW*

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 04:16 PM

Nothing can be worse than really public mens room twa'lets (e.g.bus stations, airports...



and trixxie conveniently leaves of truck stops...

Wonder Bread 3,319 10
06/02/2004 04:23 PM

It's worse when one of the forks actually shoots slightly down soaking your pants in piss. But only slightly, i've never ever seen vertical forking.

Wonder Bread 3,319 10
06/02/2004 04:24 PM

Oh and, in Soviet Russia, toilet seat pisses on you!

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 04:26 PM

After reading about how dysfunctional you guys are when you pee, it's no wonder you always miss the toilet.



Now, I understand. I suppose now you're going to say that the reason most bachelors have little pubes around the toilet is because it's because you struggle so hard to keep the hose straight, you lose a few?

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
06/02/2004 04:30 PM

Trim over the toilet, less mess..

DUH!

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 04:32 PM

because you struggle so hard to keep the hose straight, you lose a few?



No, it's because we are jerking off...oh...nevermind...

Wonder Bread 3,319 10
06/02/2004 04:32 PM

Nope, they get sucked in by the wind suction of the stream when we take a piss after holding it in for really long.

Scratchy 2,750 12
06/02/2004 05:22 PM

Ok, time for nerd corner. I will start out with a disclaimer here: I wholeheartedly believe in washing ones hands after taking a crap, or a piss, and I don't like the thought of being exposed to other peoples waste... But... overly germ-phobic people are ill-informed about washing your hands after using the bathroom. While in a small way it can help to slow the spread of some bacteria or virii, the effect of washing your hands, or refusing to touch doorknobs, etc. is negligable. The environment in which we live is utterly filled with bacteria, as is your body. You are both covered and filled with bacteria. If a person is healthy, they will not have harmful bacteria in their feces, even though feces is filled with bacteria from the large intestine. Here are just some of the good (beneficial) ones:



Lactobacillus rhamnosus, Lactobacillus casei, Bifidobacterium bifidum, Lactobacillus bulgaricus, Lactobacillus acidophilus, Lactobacillus acidophilus DDS-1, Bifidobacterium infantis, Lactobacillus sporogenes, Bifidobacterium longum, Lactococcus lactis, Streptococcus thermophilus, Lactobacillus paracasei, Lactobacillus plantarum, Bifidobacterim breve, Lactobacillus salivarius, Lactobacillus gasseri. Finding Escherichia coli is normal, and only one rare strain makes you sick. (E. coli O157:H7)

Scratchy 2,750 12
06/02/2004 05:22 PM

The thing about the bacteria in feces is that none of them got there by crawling up your ass... you swallowed all of them to begin with. Also, bacteria live where they do (inside people, animals, waste, soil, water, etc.) because it is a hospitable environment, door knobs are not a very hospitable to bacteria. (very little food, moisture, heat) Dangerous anaerobic bacteria such as Clostridium botulinum (botulism) don't survive long in open air because the oxygen is toxic to them.



The simple truth is that if you are unlucky enough to encounter bad bacteria, you are probably going to eat it in the form of spoiled food, not from feces, even from feces on your hands being ingested. As gobadine suggested urine is mostly sterile, but contains some undigested nutrients, so it is as attractive to bacteria as something like sugar water. As for the toxins in urine, the exact same toxins are excreted in the same proportions in your sweat. My last point is that if you are never exposed to bacteria, you will never develope resistance to them, so in a way you need to be exposed in small doses in order to survive. So, if you are germ-phobic now... get a life... much as I need to for knowing this stuff.

Scratchy 2,750 12
06/02/2004 05:23 PM

Moral of the story: don't be afraid of poo.

Trixxieisstartingtothinkyouguysdontlovehernaymore 65,021 15
06/02/2004 05:28 PM

What if you're surounded by sicko perverts with all kinds of poo disease.

Aimlesssaywhat??? 54,807 10
06/02/2004 05:29 PM

Then you leave the GABfest.

Wonder Bread 3,319 10
06/02/2004 05:30 PM

Make like Bruce Lee and kill them all.

Scratchy 2,750 12
06/02/2004 05:33 PM

What if you're surounded by sicko perverts with all kinds of poo disease.



I would say your friends and doorknobs are an exception then. Especially because I have heard about your doorknobs...

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 05:39 PM

For Scratchy, the unlearned :



Salmonella live in the intestinal tracts of humans and other animals, including birds. Salmonella are usually transmitted to humans by eating foods contaminated with animal feces. Contaminated foods usually look and smell normal. Contaminated foods are often of animal origin, such as beef, poultry, milk, or eggs, but all foods, including vegetables may become contaminated. Many raw foods of animal origin are frequently contaminated, but fortunately, thorough cooking kills Salmonella. Food may also become contaminated by the unwashed hands of an infected food handler, who forgot to wash his or her hands with soap after using the bathroom.

Scratchy 2,750 12
06/02/2004 05:46 PM

A person with salmonella is not healthy. If you have salmonella, e. coli, botulism, etc... you will be very sick, as will the person who gives it to you. Notice how I put "If a person is healthy". I appreciate your attempt to discredit me, but you must work on your reading skills first.

Cocidius 436 9
06/02/2004 05:58 PM

I'm reminded of a joke.



A guy from Microsoft, a guy from Apple, and a guy from Sun are at a conference. During a break they all go to the restroom to take a leak.



After they finish, the Microsoft guy washes his hands, takes a whole bunch of paper towels and dries his hands really well. He turns to the others and says,



"At Microsoft, we have to be thorough."



The Apple guy then goes to wash his hands and takes a single paper towel and dries his hands perfectly with it. He smugly says,



"At Apple, we have to be thorough AND efficient."



The Sun guy just walks straight out the door without even washing.



"At Sun, we don't piss on our hands."



Bonus points if you're nerdy enough to understand the implications.

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 05:59 PM

One can believe one to be in a healthy state when one is not. Your advice is ignorant and foolish and propagates the spread of disease.



I hope you one day eat Shakespeare and die...

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 06:01 PM

"At Sun, we don't piss on our hands."



Bonus points if you're nerdy enough to understand the implications.



I guess at sun they're a bunch of bitches that sit down to pee.

Scratchy 2,750 12
06/02/2004 06:05 PM

I hope you one day eat Shakespeare and die...



I see you're on empty with the facts, time for some slander... that's what I'm talkin' about.

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 06:11 PM

<action>farts SHlTS</action>



oops

Trae: Kimmy Gibbler is a Whore 156,785 17
06/02/2004 07:50 PM

Ooooooooooooo...godot got served!

Livewire 78,229 13
06/02/2004 09:08 PM

(serious, straight-faced, in the tone of a public service announcement)

"Did you know that urine is sterile? You can drink it."

-Brad Pitt



(extra features on the Fight Club DVD, somewhere in the promotional trailers)

Dudergator ate WhoaDude 497 9
06/03/2004 12:23 AM

From that Berkely thing posted above:



"Do not smoke, eat, drink, apply lip treatments, or chew gum while cleaning up fecal matter."



Yeeeaaah, OK.... I also take baths when I ride my bike.

thelastpotato 147 9
06/03/2004 08:21 AM

Tubgirl only ever hits the shower curtain.

nOOb #97391 2,598 9
06/03/2004 08:55 AM

A Few Thoughts:



Trae: "...my ability to pee standing up. Not only can I do that, but I don't hit the seat". Yeah, but can you write your name in the snow?



Wonder Bread: "...i've never ever seen vertical forking". You mean that you have never had shoot up into your eye?!



And I can only pray that Tubgirl does not work in my office...but if she does, I hope she washes her hands.

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/03/2004 10:35 AM

Snow?



Ummmm hello? I live in Atlanta.

Trixxieisstartingtothinkyouguysdontlovehernaymore 65,021 15
06/03/2004 11:14 AM

would say your friends and doorknobs are an exception then. Especially because I have heard about your doorknobs NO you have not, there are very few people still here from the days of the doornob story, since it was on stew, and you can not even guess the degree of hilarity involved. It encompasses, get it encompasses, a lot more than just so so and so stuck a doornob up their who who. Oh yea so piss off and eat buggers

Fluro 14,139 11
07/10/2004 09:06 PM

i love thee, i have heard of the ledgand of the doorknob story, and please for the noobs share the beauty of that story.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/10/2004 09:11 PM

Oh, Fluro... Much as I'm on the edge of my seat to hear the story, I think your dictionary threw up all over your 'legend.'

Whistler P. McManus is quite sunburned 185,953 44
07/10/2004 09:41 PM

The other day we were in a little coffee shop that had just one rest room. I went in just after my wife's friend, and there was piss on the seat. After the friend left, I had the following conversation with the wife:



W: You know Stephanie pissed all over the toilet seat.

EJ: Yeah, she's one of those women who won't sit down on a public toilet seat.

W: douchebagsayswhat?

EJ: She squats and hovers over the bowl. A lot of women do that.

W: So why don't they lift the seat first?

EJ: They're afraid they'll slip and fall into the bowl.

W: With an ass that big?



(general hilarity)



W: Seriously, though, then why doesn't she clean up after herself?

EJ: Because she's a pig.

Bong Rip Bob 320 8
07/10/2004 09:51 PM

I'd like to know what causes a forked stream. Because seriously, I've never pissed in a solid stream before.

Whistler P. McManus is quite sunburned 185,953 44
07/10/2004 09:52 PM

I get the forked stream whenever I don't piss very shortly after blowing my wad. I have always attributed it to drying/dried jizz clogging up the works.

Bong Rip Bob 320 8
07/10/2004 09:54 PM

Ohh, I get worse than the forked stream as a punishment for that. After I have a wank, I'll need to take a piss and I'll feel a burning sensation in my penis head for a good hour to and hour and a half afterwords which is absolutly unbearable and has made think of both suicide and casteration. And everytime I do it I swear I will never jerk off again.

filly182 39,193 20
07/10/2004 09:56 PM

I could be wrong, since I'm not a guy, but that probably isn't healthy.

Phuc 237,915 21
07/10/2004 09:56 PM

Moral of the story: don't be afraid of poo.



Thanks, Chuck Berry. Hey, everyone, look for cameras under the bowl before the next time you release some brown trout back into the wild.

Whistler P. McManus is quite sunburned 185,953 44
07/10/2004 09:59 PM

Mr. Bong Rip Bob, it sounds like you're probably getting some of whatever you're using for lube up in your urethra. Are you using hand lotion? Try KY, or something else simple and water soluble.



Not that I know this from experience or anything.

AussieSarah 8,390 9
07/10/2004 10:03 PM

i went into the ladies room at KFC last week - i went to wash my hands and there was a sign above the soap dispenser "employees must wash hand befor returning to work"

OK this is a good thing - BUT , the bloody soap dispenser was EMPTY.

so the store was full of snotty nosed Shakespearety handed school dropouts getting Shakespeare all over peoples food !

i left without eating

Honey Bunches of Hollis 7,284 14
07/10/2004 11:52 PM

I've found that a lot of people can pee these little square things into tiny tubes. The talent is most common in GABbers. It's also cool that they can take the square things back if they want. Quite remarkable, actually.

Punjab 10 8
07/11/2004 01:04 AM

Its even better when people do more than "twerk" in the bathroom. One time i was in a bathroom, and on the stall wall, there were a few boogers, each circled and then a title over them "Biggest booger contest." I decided to add a bloody booger

Honey Bunches of Hollis 7,284 14
07/11/2004 01:07 AM

bloody soap dispenser



That's Frost-ing nasty.

Punjab 10 8
07/11/2004 01:07 AM

there are more living organisms on our bodies than the whole world's population

Punjab 10 8
07/11/2004 01:10 AM

yeah, just wait until you get into a stall after some nasty person, and the torpedo splashes (what torpedo doesnt?) and it seems like the water never fails to hit the bulls eye, your brown cyclops eye. every time this happens to me i have this habit of contracting my sphincter muscle closed

Chit From Shine-ola 178,757 15
07/11/2004 02:34 AM

Whistler, you better tell EJ, "I don't want you hanging out with her any more." (Joking)

You killed me with that exchange. Odd how the nasty messy ones are the ones that are most afraid of making contact whth the fixtures.



I always assumed that chicks were so messy cause they were busy shopping in the vending machines, reclining on the love seats, trading make-up tips, and doing makeovers at the lighted vanity tables they have.



Have you ever been to a small middle/upper scale club and peeked in the womans room, they must get Ikea to furnish them.

Us guys are lucky to get one stall with paper, and a looped towel roll on the wall, and have to piss in a trough to boot.

I was at a 49er game once hungover and forgot someone gave me a vitamin pack when we split in the morning claiming I would forget my hangover in no time. Five hours and 10 beers later I was in line pissin in the trough, when I see everyone one by one turn their heads and look my way. I was pissing flourescent yellow...



I just smiled and was going to explain, but then said.... Frost-it , zipped up and walked off.

Dolphin Juice 2,598 9
07/11/2004 03:00 AM

"there are more living organisms on our bodies than the whole world's population"



So, are you talking about you and your boyfriend's bodies, or about the entire kingdom of plants, animals, insects, and microorganisms?



Heh, I almost typed micro-orgasm.



And ladies, leave the Frost-ing seat up!

Phuc 237,915 21
07/11/2004 08:28 AM

And ladies, leave the cuddling seat up!



Is chivalry dead in the Shakespeareter?



Use your foot to kick the seat up and to flush.

Dolphin Placenta 2,598 9
07/11/2004 08:31 AM

Sexist!!

Neep, But I want a woman! 35,066 15
07/11/2004 08:54 AM

The most disgusting toilets I have ever seen are all University toilets.

Fluro 14,139 11
09/01/2004 11:02 PM

I beg to differ, because the ones at auckland are SPOTLESS.

They get cleaned about every 10 minutes, by the UoA's private army of immigrant negra's

SaltyDave 3,588 9
09/01/2004 11:14 PM

i dont swim in your toilet, please dont pee in my pool.....

CoffeeWizard2 1,109 8
09/01/2004 11:18 PM

Now personally I define cleaning the toilet as flushing once in a while. Which I might add is more than most college students do.