Toonces 514 10
06/02/2004 11:50 AM

My favorite thing about the new happy meals is the apples too. Especially that they include the apples to be healtier. Even more especially since they include a big vat of carmel to smother the apples in, thus negating not only the health benefits of the apples, but the health benefit of removing the fries.

Toonces 514 10
06/02/2004 11:50 AM

The Alcoholic's Happy Meal: 1.75 L of your choice of Rum, Vodka or Whiskey plus a 6 pack of regular cheeseburgers to eat at 2:30 in the morning. Any burgers left over are for breakfast.

Also known as the College Happy Meal

Chickens Needs His Coffee Like a Crack Whore 286,472 61
06/02/2004 11:53 AM

Morning After Happy Meal- Two PCP's, a cuppa joe, and the number of a free clinic on the wrapper of your egga-muffin.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 12:08 PM

The pedophile's happy meal: An empty box with a hole in the bottom.

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 12:09 PM

NKB

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Now I have to go clean up. I peed myself. Marry me?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 12:11 PM

<action>points to box in his lap</action>

How about a hot-dog instead?

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 12:15 PM

The Fag Happy Meal:

Sequined Box

Glass of Rainbow Ridge chardonnay

Prosciutto-Wrapped Mellon Slices

Butt Plug

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 12:19 PM

BFB- that sounds more like the Liberace Happy Meal...

gobadine 2,737 10
06/02/2004 12:46 PM

the pedophilles happy meal

a small childs box

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 01:37 PM

The Well-Paid Secretary Happy Meal:

Grilled Chicken Salad, Low Fat Dressing, Diet Coke. Toy: Handi-wipe and a kneeling cushion.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/02/2004 01:52 PM

The Bacon Lovers' Happy Meal

Eggs and bacon, trible bacon cheeseburger, Caesar's salad with extra bacon.

Toy: 'Footloose' DVD

TEDphat 6,408 9
06/02/2004 02:10 PM

The R Kelly Happy Meal



1 large cup of piss

1 teenage girl



or supersize your meal and get 2 young girls to piss on!

PuggyD 48,304 12
06/02/2004 02:14 PM

So do they still offer the old happy meals for kids who don't care if they're fatties?

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
06/02/2004 02:31 PM

The hippie happy meal:



One cup of fair trade coffee

One bowl of organic granola

Toy: A bar of soap and a "my first barbershop" kit.

Dead Robot, Race Bannon's Bitch 67,630 16
06/02/2004 02:31 PM

The BiPolar HappySad Meal



* Burger

* Fries

* A 5th of scotch

* Some pills

* A toy (but the bag is not to be used as a toy, ok?)

* Letter from your ex wanting you back.

Chickens Needs His Coffee Like a Crack Whore 286,472 61
06/02/2004 02:33 PM

Wishful thinking, eh DR?

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/02/2004 02:36 PM

The Gab on Zug Happy Meal: A few tasty morsels mixed in with shards of broken glass, brad nails, self-promotional items, bags of hammers, rainbow stickers, and a few unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear.

Demonigeo 279 10
06/02/2004 02:59 PM

The Suicidal Happy Meal

Shards of Broken glass, rusty nails, 2 bottles of pills and some rat poison

Toy: A knife

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/02/2004 03:04 PM

The John Hargrave Happy Meal

2 bars of Carrot-Honey-Mango all-natural soap, a bag of Olestra chips, an assortment of penis enlargment pills. Toy: Palm Pilot

Demonigeo 279 10
06/02/2004 03:14 PM

The College Students Happy Meal

2x6 Pack of Beer, Drugs (Assorted), More Beer and some vodka

Toy: Condoms

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 03:19 PM

The Schitzophrenic Happy Meal: 1 Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No, shut up. We want Nuggets. No we don't! We want a Big Mac! Onions, leave out the onions! Quiet you, we like onions.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 03:21 PM

The Gollum Happy Meal: 1 Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No, shuts up. We wants Nuggetses. No we don't! We wants a Big Mac! Onionsssss, leave out the onionses! Quiet you, we like onionses.

Toy: My Precious.

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 03:22 PM

Stuipd fat boobieses.

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 03:22 PM

Stupid fat fingers.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 03:23 PM

Stupid fat boobieses



The Two Titties?

Vlad The Impaler 19,599 12
06/02/2004 03:26 PM

The Copy Other People's Posts Happy Meal:

1. One lame-ass thread.

2. One clever long time poster's response.

3. Some noob dildo copying other people's funny.

4. A steaming can of shut the Frost up.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 03:27 PM

Vlad, why you hatin' foo?

Vlad The Impaler 19,599 12
06/02/2004 03:28 PM

Boobie, Vlad wasn't referring to you, Vlad was talking about the pedophile/college meal posts. Yours was amusing because you took a joke to the next level. There's weren't.

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 03:31 PM

Oh, carry on then. I just thought you were having a bad day at the castle...

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,785 17
06/02/2004 03:34 PM

The MILF Happy Meal:



1 short low cut sundress

1 fifth single malt scotch

Condoms

Phone number for son's best friend

(or pool boy)

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 03:37 PM

Jeff Jargrave Happy Meal:



1 Bar of Grandma's Old-Fashioned Oatmeal Soap, 2 Viagra, and a Large Olestra Shake. TOY:A Violent Anal dilator

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 03:37 PM

1. One lame-ass thread.



Frost you. Frost you very much.



Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Cheers!

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 03:37 PM

Talk about Frost-ing typos! SHlT!!

Blue-Footed Boobie 21,744 10
06/02/2004 03:38 PM

Well, I guess godot just proved Vlad right...

LLAMA! That will be one dollar please. 7,194 10
06/02/2004 03:48 PM

First, my apologies to Vlad if my building on an earlier joke offends.



The pedophile's happy meal would also come with extra mayo.

The Foot 14,139 11
06/02/2004 05:28 PM

I think it's more likely to come with some stimulation, or at least a court order.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 05:38 PM

Godot,



How did you get around the swearbot?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 05:39 PM

Talk about Frost-ing typos! SHlT!!

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 05:40 PM

nevermind.

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 05:41 PM

How did you get around the swearbot?



I know a super secret code to turn it off.

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 05:43 PM

<action>talks quietly</action>



and now we see a comedy message board member discovering the "L" key. Sometimes after such a discovery, we witness bouts of joy and anger mixed with the sporatic use of the shift key.



Here is an example :



LLlLLLLlllLlLl





Tune in next week when we discuss link imping.

godot 15,434 11
06/02/2004 05:44 PM

I know a super secret code to turn it off.



Disrobing?

KatsMeow 2,401 10
06/02/2004 05:47 PM

Imping is a small demon?

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 05:48 PM

<action>throws godot a bone from her post as 45th funniest of all time.</action>



Click.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 05:54 PM

"and now we see a comedy message board member discovering the "L" key."



I keep kosing it. I'pp never master this keyboard!

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
06/02/2004 05:55 PM

I llove the lletter l.

Vlad The Impaler 19,599 12
06/02/2004 05:58 PM

Sorry guys, Vlad isn't a hate monger, Vlad just feels that there is a certain status that must be upheld here. If we don't constantly strive to do better, to continually be original, we turn into Carrot-Top.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/02/2004 05:59 PM

<action>dials down the center</action>

Mofo Baggins <FrGr> 10,950 10
06/02/2004 06:01 PM

Munchies Happy Meal



12 Cheeseburgers

35 boxes of cookies

1 96 oz. soft drink



Toy: Smurfs collectors' DVD



Hey speaking of smurfs, check this out.

the flying nun 1,412 10
06/02/2004 06:36 PM

Talk about copulating typos! SHlT!!



Why would anyone copulate a typo?

The Foot 14,139 11
06/02/2004 06:39 PM

I wish I could give clickes to the swearbot, or at least buy it a beer.

Dead Robot, Race Bannon's Bitch 67,630 16
06/02/2004 06:43 PM

The Laci Peterson Happy Meal



One cheeseburger, no top bun.

One small fry (nyuk!)

One soggy rope

One really really heavy bag of cement.



The following has been removed due to a gag order.

SHP made someone's funny list. 181,718 70
06/02/2004 06:47 PM

<action>cleans her special corner of Hell, invites DR to join her.</action>

Dead Robot, Race Bannon's Bitch 67,630 16
06/02/2004 06:49 PM

Love what you've done with the place.



Oh is that Jessica Simpson? I hear she offed herself.

Langer 4 8
06/16/2004 12:51 AM

Barry Bonds' Happy Meal:

1. Steroids

2. Steroids

3. Steroids

4. Steroids

5. Some weights to help cover up the steroids.

YoYo 114 9
06/16/2004 07:29 AM

Merchant of Venice happy meal:

4 quarter-pounders

toy: 1 poorly worded contract

YoYo 114 9
06/16/2004 07:47 AM

White house happymeal

Freedom fries

False intelligence hash brown

Prisoner mistreatment cheeseburger

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/16/2004 08:06 AM

Toy: Halliburton brand Backscratcher

Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/16/2004 08:13 AM

Every TV Exec's Happy Meal



A roving live camera.

A white trash family thrown into an expensive house/job/situation.

Some drama.

Toy: Ratings reports

StormKat 2,051 9
06/16/2004 10:21 AM

REAL Weight Watcher's Happy Meal:

Double Quarter Pounder with cheese in a container labeled as "Low-fat Cottage Cheese".

Supersized fries packed in a carton of skim milk.

Triple-thick chocolate shake in an opaque Evian bottle.

Toy: a feather.

Trixxie (Spicey McFaggot) LeMay 65,021 15
06/16/2004 01:03 PM

Best Thread Evah!

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/16/2004 01:17 PM

The Parkinson's disease Happy Meal

Strawberry milkshake, vanilla milkshake, chocolate milkshake.

Toy: snow globe.

Slapdash 12 8
07/01/2004 01:33 PM

Geekboy Happy Meal

Food: Order-out curry, overcaffeinated soda, hentai magazine, drool napkin

Toy: The directory of all the porny corny hentai games in the KNOWN UNIVERSE. Now that's a happy meal.

The Menace from... uh... Limburg 895 9
07/01/2004 01:51 PM

The Typical American Happy Meal

A Double "You-Smegging-Lardass"-Burger.

One McSalad with "More-Lard-Than-Dressing"-Dressing.

A big portion of 3-foot French Fries.

Some Ice Cream, Strawcalorie flavor.







...Oh, and a Diet Coke.

Slapdash 12 8
07/18/2004 11:08 AM

David Lister Happy Meal:

Mutton vindaloo, poppadoms w/ exploded curry monster sauce, one (1) bowl of hot lager with croutons, beer Toy: Camphor-wood guitaur

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/18/2004 11:12 AM

The Alzheimers Happy Meal:



I'd like a coffee... and a... Hello, I'd like a coffee... and a hammer and some nails... Who are you?! What have you done with my husband?!?!

Sexual Harassment Policy Panda 181,718 70
05/10/2006 10:25 PM

The power of Millie compels me.





And while no longer in my funniest posts list, I'm bumping this for 2 reasons:



1) It's funny enough

2) I looked for a goddamn hour for Duh's "you don't know jack" thread and couldn't find it, and goddamnit I'm GOING to bump something.

SHP - dipped in caramel and stuck 181,718 70
10/15/2008 02:03 PM

One more, for old time's sake.

The New Zug Happy Meal:

1) Same burger
2) Same fries
3 Same sense of impending poop.

Count Ravos 63,462 21
10/15/2008 02:22 PM

New Zug Happy meal:-Nonexistant

Squirrel the Bill 53,270 54
10/15/2008 04:23 PM

The Sara Palin Happy Meal:

Moose burger
with a side of nuk-u-ler fries
and a small vial of human blood to drink

Toy: A fun McCain Defibrillator set.

Suicide Ranger dressed as Taunto 27,937 12
10/15/2008 04:35 PM

Thank you for giving that death rattle of a last Sarah Palin joke. Please bury it now.

Declan McManus as Gabriel Conroy 131,874 36
10/15/2008 04:44 PM

Oooh! The Native wants to Frost the Hockey Mom!

Squirrel the Bill 53,270 54
10/15/2008 04:47 PM

I think it's the lipstick.

Frankenpram 80,711 42
10/15/2008 04:54 PM

they're now offering healthier choices in the form of an Adult Happy Meal.

What's that, flavored prophylactics?

Suicide Ranger dressed as Taunto 27,937 12
10/15/2008 05:22 PM

Not at all, I don't support her, I am just Frost-ing sick of hearing jokes about her. She was funny for all of a week.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
10/15/2008 05:27 PM

Like your, "Stupid Depressed Indian" shtick wasn't lame after the first week.

Suicide Ranger dressed as Taunto 27,937 12
10/15/2008 05:44 PM

Oh, I won't worry about you Bill, you'll be gone soon enough.

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
10/15/2008 05:48 PM

Civil War Reenactor Happy Meal:

Salt pork
Hardtack
Water

Toy: ziplock baggie full of contraband modern toilet paper.

What the Duce? aka. The Great Glatt Kosher 313 5
10/15/2008 05:53 PM

Wow! All these old articles being dug up, it's like the night of the living thread.

What the Duce? aka. The Great Glatt Kosher 313 5
10/15/2008 05:55 PM

See what i did there? Because thread rhymes with de-yeah never mind.

Suicide Ranger dressed as Taunto 27,937 12
10/15/2008 05:56 PM

Native American Happy Sad Meal

Fry bread
Buffalo jerky
Water

Toy: Litter on the side of the road from all Happy Meals. Also includes press on single tear temporary tattoo.

Frankenpram 80,711 42
10/15/2008 07:07 PM

Like your, "Stupid Depressed Indian" shtick wasn't lame after the first week

He's NOT depressed!!

(sorry, Ranger. Buddy?)