Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 10:41 AM

<action> thinks calmly





WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT REGION!

greZow 112 8
06/18/2004 10:42 AM

I was just thinking of any region. Like down south jokes, jersey jokes,

hmmmm thats good for me!!! :)

greZow 112 8
06/18/2004 10:43 AM

yeah do I need to hold your hand to while you figure it out?

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/18/2004 10:47 AM

Man.. Southerners are soooo southern that they maintain their primary residence in the SOUTH!

Declan 'Pancakes' McManus 131,874 36
06/18/2004 10:47 AM

<action> says in his best Anne Robinson way





You ARE a regional joke, n00b,



Goodbye.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/18/2004 10:49 AM

Hey, how about that Anne Richardson(?).. she was a real pistol-popper, huh?

Declan 'Pancakes' McManus 131,874 36
06/18/2004 10:51 AM

Frogpop- If you mean the former Govenorator of the faboo state of Texass, that would be Ann Richards.



Jax and I want to have a afternoon out with her and Molly Ivins. Jax and Molly can get drunk, and Ann and I don't drink, so we can take notes.

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 10:51 AM

The South representin':



Three boys were sitting in their 3rd grade class on the first day of school, a mexican boy, korean boy and a redneck. They were getting bored, so the korean boy says, "I know a game we can play! The who has the biggest pe pe game!" The mexican boy is very excited and says, "Yeah that game is the funnest!" So they decide to play it when they go out for recess. When they get outside they go off by themselves. The mexican boy says, "Ready to play guys?" and the redneck boy, excited yet puzzled asks how to play the game. The korean boy proceeds to tell him the direction, "All you do is pull your pants down and whoever has the biggest pee pee wins!" So the korean boy says, "OK! I'll go first." So he pulls his pants down and they look and agree that its ok. Then the mexican boy pulls his down and they decide that him and the korean boy are tied because they are about the same size. Then the redneck pulls his pants down and as he is pullin them down, both boys are amazed. "WOW! thats the biggest pee pee I have ever seen!" says the korean boy. They both agree with much excitement that he wins. When the redneck boy gets home that afternoon, his mom asks, "Honey did ya make any new friends today?" "Yeah mom! I made two new friends today! And we played the best game!" "Really? What game is that?" The who has the biggest pee pee game! And mommy I won! I won!! Cause I am sooo smart!" "Awwww, no sweetie I think it's cause you're 23."

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 10:54 AM

New Jersey :



Visitor to NJ: "What's your state motto?"



Big Hair NJ Girl: "New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!"

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/18/2004 10:56 AM

Yeah, that's her Declan.

She was like a sweet old Gramms who don't take Shakespeare off nobody.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/18/2004 10:58 AM

Insert as needed: ,

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 10:58 AM

Land of fruits and nuts:



You live in California when . . .

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.

3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

4. You know how to eat an artichoke.

5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.

6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

StormKat 2,051 9
06/18/2004 10:58 AM

Here you go:



A redneck and a city-slicker were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the city-slicker's neck and said, "Do you have any last words?"



He said, "No."



They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river.



Then they tied the same rope around the redneck's neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?"



He said, "Yessir, shorten up that there rope boys 'cause I can't swim."

greZow 112 8
06/18/2004 11:18 AM

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0616043snake1.html



what da??

PuggyD 48,304 12
06/18/2004 11:23 AM

What does "Iowa" stand for?



Idiots

Out

Wandering

Around

!

salvage semi-lurks 28,986 12
06/18/2004 11:48 AM

You may be a Redneck if you give a Shakespeare as to whatever happened to Jeff Foxworthy who was just a cracker version of "Black guys they drive like this..."

Spicey McHarassment Panda 181,718 70
06/18/2004 11:49 AM

Reigonal jokes?



OK, so this reigon walks into a bar, and says "OUCH!"

The mysterious Snork 45,655 12
06/18/2004 11:50 AM

(I've banned before from places...Oh well)



What do a black man and a tire have in common?





The tire doesn't start singing the blues if you put chains on it....







*ouch*

Fratberry 282,828 53
06/18/2004 11:54 AM

My favorite Canadian joke:



Q: What does a Goal Keeper and a Quebec girl have in common?

A: Both change their pads after three periods...

ringworm 68,315 13
06/18/2004 12:03 PM

What do a black man and a tire have in common?



both know the difference between having something in common and having a difference between them.

greZow 112 8
06/18/2004 12:05 PM

hmmmmmm yeah Jeff Foxworthy,



not the next American Idol,

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/18/2004 12:08 PM

Auburn football.

The mysterious Snork 45,655 12
06/18/2004 12:08 PM

<action> blushing furiously </action>



I was translating...

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/18/2004 12:11 PM

I originally read the joke below written in French, about Quebec, but just found it in English about Indiana, Michigan or Connecticut. Adapt at will.



Dear Diary...



August 12

Moved to our new home in Quebec. It is so beautiful here. The forests are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow covering the trees!



October 14

Quebec is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful forest and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most wonderful animal on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!



November 11

Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. Love it here!



December 2

It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight and I won! When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place, I love Quebec!



December 12

More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here!



December 19

More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to go to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Frost-ing snowplow.



December 22

More white Shakespeare fell last night. I got blisters on my hands from the shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Emersons!

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/18/2004 12:11 PM

December 25

Merry Frost-ing Christmas, more Frost-ing snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the road to melt the Frost-ing ice.



December 27

More white Shakespeare fell last night. Been inside for 3 days except for shoveling out the driveway after that snowplow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, car's stuck in a mountain of white Shakespeare! The weather man said to expect another 10 inches of the white Shakespeare again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?



December 28

The Frost-ing weather man was wrong. We got 34 inches of the white Shakespeare this time. At the rate it won't melt before next summer. The snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken 6 shovels already shoveling all the Shakespeare he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last shovel over his Frost-ing head.



January 4

Finally got out of the house today. We went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3,000.00 worth of damage to the car. Those Frost-ing beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed all of them last November!



May 3

Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all the Frost-ing salt they put all over the road?



May 10

Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in Quebec!

Fratberry 282,828 53
06/18/2004 12:12 PM

Auburn football.



Heh. Thief!!

Aimless, token Iowan 54,807 10
06/18/2004 12:15 PM

What does a girl from Alabama say while she's having sex?







Roll over Dad; you're crushing my cigarettes.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/18/2004 12:15 PM

call mr. plow. that's his name. that name again is mr. plow.

Aimless, token Iowan 54,807 10
06/18/2004 12:17 PM

What does a tornado and a divorce in kentuky have in common?









Someone's gonna lose a trailer

Aimless, token Iowan 54,807 10
06/18/2004 12:19 PM

What do women in Minnesota put behind their ears to attract men?









Their ankles.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/18/2004 12:22 PM

Knock Knock



Who's there?



Dishes



Dishes who?



Dishes Bob from the North West Territories.

greZow 112 8
06/18/2004 12:40 PM

Why are New Yorkers depressed??



Cause the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
06/18/2004 12:46 PM

Juan, Miguel, and Carlos are driving across the great state of Texas. Who's driving?









Immigration.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
06/18/2004 12:50 PM

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

JarHeadBinks 613 9
06/18/2004 12:52 PM

Canada's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Platypus 61 9
06/18/2004 01:27 PM

Multi-Regional

In New York,people drive with their horns.

In the midwest,they drive with their middle finger.

In California,people drive with one hand on the wheel,one hand on the cell phone,their foot to the floor,and a hand gun in their lap.

Sy the photo guy 6,547 10
06/18/2004 01:37 PM

My favorite Texan joke:



A Texan is in Quebec, Canada on business, when he has a sudden heart attack and dies. The funeral director looks all over the province, but can't find a casket big enough for the Texan, so he gives him an enema, and ships him home in a shoebox!

Whistler P. McManus, basso profundo 185,953 44
06/18/2004 02:49 PM

If a couple from [insert anywhere but New York and L.A.] get divorced, are they still cousins?

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
06/18/2004 03:03 PM

Three French Canadians, one Acadian, one Franco-Ontarien and one Quebecois, are in training for a job with the Federal government. When it is time for their English test, the trainer says "Make a sentence using the following three words: green, yellow, pink."



The Acadian steps up and says "in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, at lunch, I eat a green pepper and at night I watch the Pink Panther on TV."



The Franco-Ontarien steps up and says "in the morning, I see the yellow sun, the green grass and the pink flowers."



The Quebecois steps up and says "H'in da mornin' da phone she rings like dis: green...green...green! I pink 'er up and say 'yellow?'"

Softcore Porn Producer 7,627 9
06/18/2004 03:23 PM

q: how do you cure a polish heroin addict?



a: give em a plastic spoon

Mofo Baggins <FrGr> 10,950 10
06/18/2004 03:33 PM

Why is Oklahoma so windy? (It is)



Because Kansas sucks and Texas blows.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/18/2004 03:34 PM

But i have heard somewhere (i can't remember where) that it is Kansas that blows.

I'm Mike and I'm dead 3,390 10
06/18/2004 03:55 PM

Two fellers was a'goin' to the bathrom off'n a bridge. One of 'em said the water 'as cold, the other'n said the water 'as deep. I believe one of 'em was from Arkansas.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/18/2004 04:16 PM

Two South Dakotans takes Dick Cheney on a hunting trip. They are driving down the road, when they see an Indian. One South Dakotan pulls over and shoots the indian. Cheney says, "What are you doing?" The South Sakotan says, "It's ok. it's legal to shoot Indians in South Dakota."



A few miles down the road they see another indian, this time, the other South Dakotan shoots the indian. Cheney starts to protest again, but the second South Dakotan tells him that it's legal to kill Indians in South Dakota.



Another couple of miles down the road, they see an over-turned Budweiser truck, and there are about 20 Indians scooping up the free cases of beer. Cheney starts to lift his gun, but the first South Dakotan stops him. Cheney looks at him, bewildered. The second South Dakotan says, "It's illegal to bait them."

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/18/2004 05:20 PM

Utah: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus.

South Dakota: Closer than North Dakota.

North Dakota: Um... We've got... um... Dinosaur bones? Yeah! Dinosaur bones!

Minnesota: For sale.

Mississippi: Come feel better about your state.

Vermont: Yep.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/18/2004 05:39 PM

To make Europe a paradise:

Appoint the English to the reception, the French to the kitchen, the Italian to leisure activities and the German to organisation.



To make Europe a living hell:

Appoint the French to the reception, the English to the kitchen, the German to leisure activities and the Italian to organisation.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
06/18/2004 06:07 PM

This kid from [insert state or city here] comes home and tells his mother and father that he got laid for the first time. Shocked and embarassed, his mother sends him immediately to his room. The father goes upstairs to talk to him, but secretly he's proud of the kid. So he sits down and asks his son, "Well, did you learn anything today?" The son from [insert state or city here] says "Yeah. Next time I'm going to use Vaseline. My ass is killing me!"

I'm Mike and I'm dead 3,390 10
06/18/2004 06:53 PM

Loozianna joke:

Boudreaux comes rolling down the bayou in his boat. Thibodeaux sees its full of something white.

"Wha' you got in dat boat?"

"Nutra-Sweet, fo' to catch da nutrias. You wan' come along?"

"Naw you crazy man, dat won' work."

Boudreaux comes along later in the afternoon with a boatload of nutria (big water rat that Cajuns eat).

Repeat scene, with duct tape, for catching ducks. Again, Boudreaux catches a boatload of his quarry.

The next day, the boat is full of something green.

"Wha' you got today, Boudreaux?"

"Poe willow."

"Hol' on, let me get my hat."

You left it where? 211,520 32
06/18/2004 08:18 PM

For show and tell at school, Little Johnny brings in part of an artillery shell.



"When my grandfather was in World War II, this shell hit him in the azzhole."



The teacher corrects, "Don't say azzhole, say rectum."



"Wrecked 'im? Hell, it killed 'im!"





(This joke is about the anal region.)

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
06/18/2004 10:38 PM

There was these two cowboys, one from Oklahoma, the other from Texas.

One day they meet each other riding along the fence line when the okie said "Hi Tex", "howdy" said the Texan, "How long you been ridin?" asked the Okie, "oh going on three weeks." "Damn" said the Okie "that's a long time, why don't you do like we do and get one of those sheep over there and put it's head in the fence and have your way with her?" Then the Okie grabs a sheep to show the Texan how it's done, when he get done he looks at the texan and says wanna try? Texan says "sure but let me take my hat off first, don't want it to snag in the fence."