ringworm 68,315 13
06/18/2004 12:35 PM

i think rejection letters were on the development list.

Vlad The Impaler 19,599 12
06/18/2004 12:37 PM

Couldn't we have some sort of "I'm sorry your article sucks" message? Like:

Dear Gabber,

We offer our condolences, and regret to inform you that your submitted article was in fact still born. We are having problems determining the exact gender of your article, because of a mishap involving rusty pinking shears and a lime flavored sedative. In the meantime, feel free to help yourself to the plate of cookies in the lobby.

Sincerely,

Jim Ohnhargrave

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/18/2004 12:38 PM

I once wrote a topical, article about the (at the time) current president. I'm still waiting for Jeff to publiShakespeare.



You'll die laughing about that crazy Abe Lincoln.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/18/2004 12:39 PM

It takes about a month to publish and about half a day to vanish off the main Gab page, never to be seen again.

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 12:40 PM

Stay tuned for article updates!!



/asskisser

Vlad The Impaler 19,599 12
06/18/2004 12:42 PM

Vlad prefers ass lickers to ass kissers. Vlad figures if you're down there anyway....

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 12:47 PM

Trae figures you don't look much like John Hargrave so the answer is no. Trae appreciates the offer of free nuttage though.

superturkey 6,678 0
06/18/2004 04:06 PM

did i miss something? how the Frost did vlad get a full tube???

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
06/18/2004 04:16 PM

The process for article submission is thus:



Upon clicking the "send" button, your article is sent across the internet at blazing speeds of up to 14.4kpbs to an Apple IIe in the offices of "ZUG-O-Stratic Industries" on the island nation of Tonga in John's beautiful new corporate tax shelter. From there it is printed out on a dot-matrix printer and once the resident comediologists will carefully remove the perforated sides and load it into the Fax-O-Matic 76. An alternate copy is then placed in a sealed envelope and sent registered mail to the West Coast offices in Commerce, CA. After it has cleared customs, the document is reviewed by several high priced attorneys who scan your article looking for inflammatory rhetoric or advice of negligent nature that may cause undue harm to the reader. After the lawyers it makes a stop at the safety labs in Omaha for a bastion of tests to make sure the article won't scald, burn, pierce, or otherwise injure John once he gets a hold of. Finally, after a thorough disinfecting process that takes up to a week, the article is hand delivered to John in his sensory deprevation bubble by a dwarf riding a pony.

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/18/2004 06:00 PM

Midgets on horses! A guaranteed laugh every time.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
06/18/2004 06:03 PM

I consulted the comedy code for that one. I decided to use the adjective "dwarf" over "midget" because then you could imagine it as either a person afflicted with dwarvism or Gimlee on a pony. Gimlee on a pony? That crazy dwarf with his lazy eye! Is he looking at Frodo or Samwise?

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/18/2004 06:22 PM

Back in high school, it was always my lunchtime mission to get someone to turn around. Comedy gold, I tell you. It just started by pretending to be facinated by something over their shoulder, but then it progressed to "Fire!" "Snow in May!" and then culminating with "Midgets on horses!" Upon the unexpected success of this last line, I retired from the Turnaround schtick and moved on to bigger and better things. Like making fart noises and telling poo jokes.

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/18/2004 06:23 PM

did i miss something? how the Frost did vlad get a full tube???



Vlad = Declan = Whistler?