Livewire 78,229 13
06/22/2004 01:59 AM

True story. Last week, a cop pulled over a woman driving an SUV on Highway 91 in Richmond (near Vancouver). He pulled her over because her unrestrained child was jumping all over the car. The cop figured he'd keep the little dickens safe by pulling her over and asking her to belt up the kid. No ticket, just a warning.



He got her license and registration, and sat back down in his cruiser to check them out. Suddenly a Purolator van plowed into the back of his car. The cruiser then mashed into the SUV, and all three vehicles went into the ditch. The cop was severely injured, the woman and her child were only shaken up.



Way to keep the kid safe, dumbass. Why didn't you just shoot them?



They never mentioned on the news whether the Purolator van driver was hurt, or was going to be fired, or to be charged with "driving without due yadda yadda".

PowBlocks 782 8
06/22/2004 02:00 AM

My brother twisted his washer fluid sprayer at an angle so that when someone passed him, he would just spray them as they drive by. He's all like, "Eat washer fluid, bitchass!" Because, everyone knows the insane damage washer fluid does to cars.

Fratberry 282,828 53
06/22/2004 02:01 AM

Way to keep the kid safe, dumbass. Why didn't you just shoot them?



Beautiful.

Softcore Porn Producer 7,627 9
06/22/2004 02:02 AM

Soooo, should I stop putting it in my coffee?

Mr.Glass Is Watching You 25,340 11
06/22/2004 02:04 AM

Last time I checked, mothers driving their children weren't all that great in a cappuccino.



But by all means, keep it up.

Anita Blake 6,762 9
06/22/2004 02:06 AM

Small children go great with ketchup.

Blackhole 1,684 14
06/22/2004 02:07 AM

Bad Arrest: Guy Getting Arrested for doing 120 in a 15 (heavy urban area).



Make Arrest Worse: Guy proclaimed innocence saying he didn't see the "1" in front of "20"



Worst Arrest: Side Swiping a State Trooper.



Really Flush Yourself: Mutter in court "To Bad I Missed"

Fartpuppy - I got nothin' 5,142 13
06/22/2004 02:07 AM

If I passed your brother on the road do you think he could wash my car while he's at it?

Mr.Glass Is Watching You 25,340 11
06/22/2004 02:10 AM

He'd wash more than your car.





ZING!

Blackhole 1,684 14
06/22/2004 02:19 AM

Fade into commercial



Cheery Womens Voice Do you ever regret not being prepared?



Fade into scene starting with a cop leaning into "an average cars" window.



Cop Sir, Do you realize that you have blood all over the back of your car?



Man Why no officer, it must have been the boys, always roughhousing.



Cop May I see the back of your car?



Switch scenes to the man in handcuffs and a bloody corpse in the trunk, then to a "advertising blue" screen



Cheery Womens Voice Uh-o! Should have had windex!



Windex - For all of lifes unexpected stains.

Mr.Glass Is Watching You 25,340 11
06/22/2004 03:00 AM

The hell are you talking about? When I butcher hookers and stuff them in the trunk of my car, I know damn-well their sweet essences will leak through the tarp. The stains are my personal trophy for every one of the filthy, disgusting, sin-ridden...



I mean, yes. Yes, you are right. Funny man.

McStupid 13,155 9
06/22/2004 04:58 AM

I used to work at a restaurant in Minneapolis called Casalenda's that was a major cop hangout since they received half-off their food. Getting pulled over was great, since a warning was given to me each time because there was that little unofficial respect always there. This treat worked well for me and my co-workers until word spread too far to friends of ours. If recognized, cops would be easy on us. The more people started to get pulled over and trying to say they worked at that restaurant, the more the cops got tired of it and stopped the whole "deal".

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
06/22/2004 07:46 AM

Shakespeare, I've probably been pulled over more times than all of you combined. Some of the better ones include:



Speeding - 97 in a 30 (ticketed)

Speeding - 105 in a 55 (ticketed)

Speeding - Drag racing, unnecessary display of speed (ticketed)



I find when I get tickets, it's in bunches. One time I received in one traffic stop tickets for too-dark tinted windows, cracked windshield, loud exhaust, failure to signal, speeding (45 in a 30) seat belt infraction, expired inspection sticker and being so damn good-looking. One of those isn't real.



I've also been snuck up on by the cops while parked, pulled forcefully out of the car through the window, thrown to the ground and cuffed. I was taking bong hits at the time, so what?



Don't try this at home kids - I lost my license for a few years, and it's tough getting a date when you say, "How about you meet me at the bus stop?"

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
06/22/2004 07:49 AM

I also used to get pulled over frequently for what no other reason than suspicion. See, I have to drive through a very ritzy area on a daily basis, and my old car, a souped-up '78 Camaro with all the bells and whistles drew too much attention. So what if my exhaust rattled windows and caused car alarms to go off as I passed by?



If I heard, "what do you think you're doing around here?" once, I heard it a hundred times. Forget that I lived ten minutes away. "Do you mind if we search the car" was another big hit.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/22/2004 07:50 AM

it's tough getting a date when you say, "How about you meet me at the bus stop?"



unless you target mostly 15 year-olds for dating, since they aren't used to having wheels anyway.

Ditdah 123,102 14
06/22/2004 09:20 AM

unnecessary display of speed



Would you please tell me why the hell that infraction even EXISTS? What is a necessary display of speed?

Whistler P. McManus, basso profundo 185,953 44
06/22/2004 09:25 AM

I got pulled over for being a negro once. Boy was that cop embarassed!

Fartpuppy - I got nothin' 5,142 13
06/22/2004 09:29 AM

When you're getting away from the police silly.

Been there...tried that... 2,598 9
06/22/2004 09:47 AM

Hey Zaphod,

When you were getting harassed with that '78 Camaro, did you ever say things like

"Gee, officer, good job! You must have been doing 90 to keep up with me."

or

"You aren't going to look in the trunk, are you?"

Chit From Shine-ola 178,757 15
06/22/2004 10:36 AM

I was with a buddy that always had $800 dollar beater (cars), and had brown hair curly to his shoulders and a gotee etc.... Looked like JC actually, and we were higher than a busload of hippies en route to a Greatful Dead Concert, but visably breaking no laws, when he gets pulled over and within seconds three backups cruisers are there as well.

They run I.D.'s etc... remarkably neither of our 19 year old punk ass'es have warrants. So smartass decides to make an issue of it and ask why the hell we got pulled over, they just suggest we be on our way, but he insists. Finally the officer that pulled us overactually broke a big smile in front of the other cops and said, "Ya know why?"

"Cause you look a lot like Charles Manson, that's why"

"I laughed too, but paused to add, yea, but isn't he like already in custody?" (still giggling to not piss on their moment.)

Blank look from the cop, then the other cops laugh, he get's embarassed and says, "Look, I suggest you two get on your way now" as we did

Softcore Porn Producer 7,627 9
06/22/2004 10:39 AM

Aww man Charles Manson is in custody?

Chapped Labia/Sandy Vulva 311 9
06/22/2004 10:46 AM

What is a necessary display of speed?



After she wakes up

Lila 78,550 13
06/22/2004 11:09 AM

Last week I saw a story on the news about how a 20 year old pregnant woman was killed while cops were in "hot pursuit" on someone they were chasing.

When her parents tried to sue the department they issued a public statment that the cops "were not speeding".



I laughed out loud.



Have you ever, in your entire life, even while they were NOT pursuing someone but just driving along, seen a cop NOT going about 20 mph over what everyone else is doing?

Softcore Porn Producer 7,627 9
06/22/2004 11:10 AM

Everytime. I always did think they were great role models.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
06/22/2004 12:01 PM

I once got pulled over for 'tailgating an officer'. He was responding to a call though, so he couldn't giv me a ticket.

I'm Mike and I'm dead 3,390 10
06/22/2004 12:50 PM

In Texas, you can only get a ticket for following too closely if you hit someone. Its literally legal to tailgate here.



I've been pulled over for driving through a certain town a few times. I had a 1979 yellow Mercedes that had been sideswiped, and the town has no blacks.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,757 15
06/22/2004 01:33 PM

Yellow Mercedes that had been sideswiped and the town had no blacks?



Or



Yellow Mercedes that had been side "Swiped" in a town with no Blacks?

68,315 13
06/22/2004 02:09 PM

like that?

nothing 349 9
06/22/2004 04:32 PM

What is a necessary display of speed?



when her husband comes home early.

Livewire 78,229 13
06/22/2004 06:19 PM

Aww man Charles Manson is in custody?



Charles Manson in custard.

Mmmmmmm! Where's my spoon?!

PowBlocks 782 8
06/24/2004 12:40 PM

"Finally the officer that pulled us overactually broke a big smile..."



You lying bastard.

Dolphin Meat 2,598 9
06/24/2004 12:55 PM

Bit ches Against Sad Driving

Dolphin Meat 2,598 9
06/24/2004 12:59 PM

One time, a friend and I were flying high on Vitamin A and got stopped.

The guy used Cheech&Chongs line, "License? Isn't on the back of the car?".

The officers were not nearly as amused as we were.