csme: Jane's n0ob bitch 15,189 12
06/22/2004 04:44 PM

C'mere, I'll help you...

Titillated Porn Producer 7,627 9
06/22/2004 04:46 PM

If you're a masterbation virgin then consider be the masterbation messiah.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/22/2004 04:49 PM

Good for you. Masturbation is bad. If you have Jesus in your life that's all you'll ever need to "get off" on.



God bless you!!!!!

DeadMike 3,390 10
06/22/2004 04:50 PM

Shouldn't that be...

"...consider be the basterbation bessiah."

Oh, and you should feed a cold.

Or starve it, I can't remember.

DeadMike 3,390 10
06/22/2004 04:50 PM

Sorry, that was in response to the porn guy.

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/22/2004 04:51 PM

My only recommendation is to take it slow. Nothing's worse then a bad case of cooter claw.

Katsmeow 2,401 10
06/22/2004 04:52 PM

If you are 8 years old, its ok to be a vigin, if not,



may Satan save your soul. You are missin out on something very special sweetie.



you need a B.O.B.

Titillated Porn Producer 7,627 9
06/22/2004 04:53 PM

Shouldn't that be...

"...consider be the basterbation bessiah."

Oh, and you should feed a cold.

Or starve it, I can't remember.



i trust your knowledge more than mine. you're probably right.

DeadMike 3,390 10
06/22/2004 04:53 PM

Get TTJ in here, stat!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/22/2004 04:56 PM

Don't listen to these sinners!!!!



The only way you need to come is to Jesus!!!!

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 04:57 PM

Well, I only wrote this because I live in the most God-forsaken place in the world when it comes to men, so I am considering popping my masturbation cherry. This country is overrun by morons more moronic than the usual morons.



After lots of extensive research (don't ask), I've developed the following highly accurate statistics:



99.268427% of all the men in this world fall under one of the following 5 categories:



(a) they are married or taken in some way, shape or form.

(b) they are as gay as the day is long.

(c) they are total dogs and want nothing more than to get in my pants.

(d) they are underage. And I don't live in Kentucky or West Virginia. Nor am I Michael Jackson.

(e) They are utterly pathetic creatures.



The remaining 0.731573% either:

(a) live outside of a 500-mile radius from me, or

(b) won't give me the time of day. Meh. I didn't like 'em anyway.



So now I have to look at alternatives.

firelizard SFC 1,191 12
06/22/2004 04:58 PM

B.O.B. ?

<action>looks puzzled</action>



is that a yank term?

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 04:59 PM

Bombs Over Baghdad?

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/22/2004 05:00 PM

Who are you calling a creature?

Katsmeow 2,401 10
06/22/2004 05:01 PM

Battery Operated Boyfriend

Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
06/22/2004 05:01 PM

Battery Operated Boyfriend, duh.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:03 PM

Oboe Master, if you were a corporeal being, I'd have your lovechild.

Katsmeow 2,401 10
06/22/2004 05:04 PM

I had a feeling you knew what I was talking about Trae.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/22/2004 05:05 PM

In Trae's case it's 220v.O.B

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
06/22/2004 05:06 PM

I thought you were just being all fancy with BobJohnsons name.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/22/2004 05:06 PM

(or 221, whatever it takes)

Llunch Llady Lloyd 48,662 14
06/22/2004 05:07 PM

I thought she was spelling it out, like you do in front of kids.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
06/22/2004 05:07 PM

Feel free to post pictures and/or video.

SuperDuper 280 10
06/22/2004 05:08 PM

Too bad my services aren't up and running.A couple years ago I came up with a new business idea....DilDave,my name being Dave in RL.The idea is that women would much rather have the real thing over a plastic device, so I would cut a hole in a sheet and drape it over my body,hang my business out the hole and the woman could have the real thing without dealing with the man attached.If it weren't for those dang prostituition laws it would work I tell ya!

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:08 PM

When I was younger, I was taught that things of that nature were evil, vile things, and that if I ever did it, that all my dead ancestors would be watching me.



The idea of having my dead great-great-great Uncle Bob being a Peeping Tom while I masturbate is far too unsettling for me.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/22/2004 05:09 PM

they are as gay as the day is long.



these men get less gay in the winter?



live outside of a 500-mile radius from me



Ooh! Ooh! That's ME!

PuggyD 48,304 12
06/22/2004 05:09 PM

"Yes, that's right. I'm a masturbation virgin."



And even worse, you're a FILTHY LIAR!

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:10 PM

...that, and when I try becoming aroused with dirty magazines, I just giggle at the pictures a lot.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/22/2004 05:11 PM

I can place woman in one of three catagories.



a) Woman with low self worth and intelligence wanting to be treated like a human being for a change



b) Woman with low self worth and intelligence wanting to know if the big nose, big feet thing is true



c) Woman who do not "like me like that"

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
06/22/2004 05:13 PM

If you can, hold out for my picture. I promise you it's not worth it.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/22/2004 05:14 PM

I also put women into three catagories:



1) Virgins



2) Whores



3) My lovely wife.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/22/2004 05:17 PM

Your mother is a whore?

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:19 PM

Oboe Master, you are the Phoenix in my loins. I long for a pic of your visage, so that I may print it out and create an altar with with to worship you properly.



And maybe masturbate to.

Misfit 1,104 10
06/22/2004 05:19 PM

The idea of having my dead great-great-great Uncle Bob being a Peeping Tom while I masturbate is far too unsettling for me.



How about you great-great-great Uncle Bob watching you Frost a dog on the internet?

Misfit 1,104 10
06/22/2004 05:19 PM

The idea of having my dead great-great-great Uncle Bob being a Peeping Tom while I masturbate is far too unsettling for me.



How about your great-great-great Uncle Bob watching you Frost a dog on the internet?

Misfit 1,104 10
06/22/2004 05:20 PM

My wit would be much more evident if I could tell the difference between "you" and "your"...

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:21 PM

How about, you're a 'tard?

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/22/2004 05:21 PM

Your might be on to something, there.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:22 PM

Your wit would be more evident if it existed.

Whistler P. McManus, basso profundo 185,953 44
06/22/2004 05:22 PM

YES!



Oh, were you talking to me?

Whistler P. McManus, basso profundo 185,953 44
06/22/2004 05:23 PM

My post was in response to the professor.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/22/2004 05:24 PM

Teacher's pet.

filly182 39,193 20
06/22/2004 05:25 PM

And you're how old, Anita? Daaaaamn....you have a hell of a lot more self restraint than me! So, have you just never masturabated or never done anything sexual period?

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:28 PM

No, just never masturbated.



The fact that I'm a schoolteacher doesn't help, either. Everytime I even THINK about masturbating, I start thinking "God, what would the parents think of me!?!?!"

Whistler P. McManus, basso profundo 185,953 44
06/22/2004 05:29 PM

Trae, wouldn't claw cooter be worse than cooter claw?



Not being in personal posession of a cooter, I really don't know, but that would be my guess.

filly182 39,193 20
06/22/2004 05:29 PM

Heh. Chances are good that they either don't care, or realize that since they have kids, they've done worse than masturbation.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 05:29 PM

Think of the children! THE CHILDREN!!!

filly182 39,193 20
06/22/2004 05:30 PM

This is also assuming that you tell them that you masturbate. Maybe I have a bad memory or something, but I don't recall my parents ever having conversations like that with my teachers...

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/22/2004 05:31 PM

Young teacher

The subject

of schoolgirl fantasy...

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
06/22/2004 05:31 PM

I predict this thread will be the biggest ever.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/22/2004 05:46 PM

I have never masterbated either.



On an unrelated subject, sometimes when i wash my penis really fast, some white stuff comes out.

StormKat 2,051 9
06/22/2004 05:49 PM

The remaining 0.731573% either:

(a) live outside of a 500-mile radius from me, or

(b) won't give me the time of day. Meh. I didn't like 'em anyway.



It's 3:48PM here, but I fear that I fall into the (a) category.

Sheldwyn 14,626 9
06/22/2004 06:39 PM

Tools and a "how to"



<O>

CSI: Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/22/2004 06:42 PM

(b) they are as gay as the day is long.



Is this derived from Dog Day Afternoon?

CSI: Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/22/2004 06:44 PM

If you're going to start, then make sure you have a good lock on your bedroom/bathroom door.



Right, Mom?

superturkey 6,678 0
06/22/2004 06:45 PM

and a web cam.

Sheldwyn 14,626 9
06/22/2004 06:48 PM

Yeah, I forgot once. That was uncomfortable.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 06:54 PM

Forgot what, the lock or the webcam?



Gay as the day is long--Is this derived from Dog Day Afternoon?



No, it was derived from my Drill Sergeant.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/22/2004 06:55 PM

I was talking to a recruiter once, and he said "queerer than two boys kissin!"







Fag.

CSI: Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/22/2004 06:56 PM

Silly Flaggots.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 07:01 PM

was talking to a recruiter once, and he said "queerer than two boys kissin!"



Actually, the FULL quote is "queerer than two boys Frostin' on the church lawn on a Sunday morning. And the preacher taking pictures."

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/22/2004 07:02 PM

Gay as the day is long



Maybe he was refering to some sort of legendary Werefag.

Homo by day, Hetero by night..



Like Ladyhawk, but swishier?

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
06/22/2004 07:04 PM

Maybe he was refering to some sort of legendary Werefag.

Homo by day, Hetero by night..



That deserves to be etched into stone for future generations...classic...

piXXXie 5,871 11
06/22/2004 07:29 PM

I'm not sure how you can be thinking about dead ancestors and parents of your students and vicious birds and other such things while you're trying to get off. Do these thoughts come up when you're with someone else? Because, to be honest, when I have my friend B.O.B (aforementioned) or a real live Coleridge down there, the last thing I'm thinking about is my grandma's parrot or the smelly kid's mom.



I'm wondering if you've ever had an orgasm?

Emenius 1,433 10
06/22/2004 08:18 PM

And, if you have, please describe it in great detail so you can get more clickies than you ever thought possible.

peter eater sucks 1,850 10
06/22/2004 08:19 PM

"I have never masturbated. Ever."



Comedy GOLD!

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/22/2004 08:22 PM

"(e) They are utterly pathetic creatures."



Lower your standards. Not all of us are Hugh Grant starring in a romantic comedy with Julia Roberts, you know.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 08:22 PM

...and as his large skilled hands caressed her milky white breasts aglow with the soft moonlight reflected upon the water, and trailed down to her velvety softness, his hardness penetrated her open, welcoming warmth and plunged into her silkiness, making her gasp breathlessly as she tumbled into ecstasy...

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 08:24 PM

Hugh Grant is a Brit.



And a Brit that pays for hookers, at that.











'Tard.

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/22/2004 08:25 PM

Oh, and I didn't mention this before, but masturbation is the #1 cause of Satan infiltrating your genitals and infecting your pure nature.



If you start masturbating, you'll be on crack, then smoking marijuana, and the next thing you know you'll be listening to jazz music.

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/22/2004 08:26 PM

Yes, but Hugh's makeup team makes him so handsome, and his writers are so witty and charming.



I'd hit it.

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 08:26 PM

Crave attention much?



And by that I mean...welcome.

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/22/2004 08:28 PM

Actually, I just took a couple of years hiatus, during which I forgot the password to my old account.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 08:37 PM

I used to be a nice guy, but years of being an emotional tampon to women learned me to start bein a prick. Life is good.

the fake rockin donkey 6,678 0
06/22/2004 08:39 PM

elf, don't act like someone else, just make an almost identical account.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 08:40 PM

You're right, Elfer. I'd hit it too.



Say NO to Kenny G.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
06/22/2004 08:41 PM

You got to lick it before you stick it.

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/22/2004 08:43 PM

My god, when I saw the name "Anita Vacation" I thought to myself "Why is Anita posting here if she's on vacation?"



I am very, very samrt.

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/22/2004 08:47 PM

"elf, don't act like someone else, just make an almost identical account."



Why would I PRETEND to be someone who acted like a complete moron two years ago and then left?



That's like pretending to be an oven mitt salesman at a women's rights convention.

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 08:48 PM

Mr. Donkey, I have said this before and I'll say it again. Leave the midwest trailor park pickup scene. It's not for you. Try fat kinf people on match.com.



That's the only way to prevent imminent "Springer".

TableTopJane 173,958 15
06/22/2004 08:51 PM

DeadMike

6/22/2004 3:53 pm [wezjg1pb8XxeY7myTA1rgg]



Get TTJ in here, stat!



Yes, it's true. I'm 25, and I've just recently learned to masturbate. I'd be willing to share some tips.



First, I make sure the door is locked. I like to be naked, but not everybody does-that's up to you. Sometimes, I find that a little nipple manipulation helps, but not all the time.

Now, it helps if you have a fantasy in mind-the mind is a big turn on. I've also found that a side to side mot



Wait, she's the only one reading this, right? RIGHT?!?

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 08:52 PM

Thanks for the new jack material.

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 08:53 PM

Well from what I understand, you'll need it.



You are welcome.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 08:54 PM

I was thanking TTJ, but you can give me jack material too, Marilyn.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 08:56 PM

<action> pulls out notepad and pen, proceeds to take notes...



Now, it helps if you have a fantasy in mind-the mind is a big turn on.



Any particular fantasy in mind?



If it involves jumper cables and a jar of mayo, no deal.

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 08:56 PM

Is it possible to sue?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
06/22/2004 08:57 PM

Seriously, guys. A side to side motion when your down there with our pleasure button is much better than an up and down motion. And sucking? Usually more painful than anything.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 08:59 PM

I used to use a circular motion on one of my ex-girlfriends. She loved it.

Emenius 1,433 10
06/22/2004 09:01 PM

What about a circular motion? Wouldn't that be better than the side to side?

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 09:02 PM

There certainly is alot of echo in here.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 09:04 PM

There certainly is a lot of echo in here.

Emenius 1,433 10
06/22/2004 09:04 PM

It's very sad that I thought the same thing as Donkey. I suck at life.

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 09:04 PM

Sad.

newwave 45,912 10
06/22/2004 09:06 PM

Where? Someone's being-masturbated vagina? Oh no, one of my ex-girlfriends has stalked me and found me on GAB!

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/22/2004 09:07 PM

<action> wonders if ex-girlfriend was the operative word there... </action>

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 09:09 PM

Why wonder?



Annotate.

newwave 45,912 10
06/22/2004 09:10 PM

Sure, what would my current girlfriend want with stalking me? Especially here? She'd end up showing her boobies to you guys, then she's see that Hargave is taking penis pills, and she'd end up leaving me, and becoming my ex-girlfriend with a cavernous vagina that induces echoing... oh wait...

TableTopJane 173,958 15
06/22/2004 09:10 PM

Circular is okay, just as long as you don't focus too much on the up and down.



But we're talking masturbation. Masturbation virgin, make sure you have lots of time, because it will take a while the first time.

Tell me this, have you ever had an orgasm before?

Marilyn 12,471 13
06/22/2004 09:13 PM

I've had mushrooms.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 09:23 PM

I've faked orgasms before.



Oooh, there's a shocker.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,757 15
06/22/2004 09:25 PM

Any particular fantasy in mind?





Is it possible to sue?











Sure, if jewish, that will work.

HighSoci 30,076 18
06/22/2004 09:26 PM

I have a confession to make also... I masturbated while reading this thread.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
06/22/2004 09:28 PM

I have faked an orgasim too, it was pretty difficult but I managed.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 09:29 PM

I heard newwave's ex-girlfriend's Poe is pretty good once you get past those couple of used inches.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 09:29 PM

Men fake orgasms?!?!?!



*clutches her chest, keels over from shock

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/22/2004 09:37 PM

I can't fake orgasms.



Mainly because once I put it in, I usually jizz right away.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 10:08 PM

A man cumming too soon...



Oooh, THERE's a shocker.

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:28 PM

Anita,

I popped the masterbation cherry about 18 months ago. Right after I found out about Zug. Yes, the two might be linked. I bought a vibrator at a store and then 3 more as Christmas presents for my friends. Start slow. If you turn it on at the highest setting and then apply, you get no sensation. Start out low and work your way up. When you burn out the motor, just buy a new one. Throw the old one away in a public trash can so it isn't linked to you.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
06/22/2004 10:38 PM

Burn out a motor, how longer are you masturbating? Have you ever had smoke rise from one? Maybe you should get a gasoline powerd one, with a kickstand and a pull starter.

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:40 PM

What make you think I don't already have one? It used to be the lawn mower.

























This from a good Catholic virgin. Got to love those values.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 10:42 PM

how longer are you masturbating?



"how longer" she's masturbating is inversely proportional to her hope for your gender after dealing with 'tards like you in here.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 10:43 PM

Let's hear it for the Good Catholics!



...oh, wait, that doesn't exist. Isn't that an oxymoron?

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:44 PM

The men of Gab are very nice. The boys and stupid n00bs are just horney teenagers. I have bestowed the men of Gab with pictures of boobage and they have shown their maturaty by wanking off alone.

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:45 PM

I'm a good Catholic. I'm also a naught bar wench. Arrrg, matey.

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:46 PM

Naughty, naughty bar wench. Naughty bar wench can't spell.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 10:47 PM

Maybe if you bestow me with pictures of your boobage, I can successfully wank alone too.

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:51 PM

I don't swing that way sweetie.

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 10:53 PM

But then again....... I am a lonely college girl eager to make some thing of herself in the world and meet new people in intersting ways.

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 36
06/22/2004 10:58 PM

I have bestowed the men of Gab with pictures of boobage



I....I...I guess I'm....not yet....a man.

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 10:58 PM

Meh, I just wanna see your boobs.



































IS THAT SO WRONG?!?!?!?

The High Priestess prefers Wang Fu 58,864 29
06/22/2004 11:03 PM

No, Spicey, you're not a man. But a spicy pool boy. I'll call you "Spicey". "Oh Spicey, come rub lotion on my back." "oh Spicey, drop ice cubes on my ass and lick them off." "Oh Spicey, hold the camera while I pose for the men of Gab."

Anita Vacation 6,762 9
06/22/2004 11:05 PM

Spicey needs someone to make a man out of him.











Maybe we should try eBay.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
06/23/2004 01:50 AM

... vagina that induces echoing



Newwave, I love you today.



Also, for the women of zug, I recommend literotica.com. Men like pictures, women like stories. Hot, hot stories. Must go now.

The Artist Currently Known as Elfer 79 9
06/23/2004 02:05 AM

"Spicey needs someone to make a man out of him.

Maybe we should try eBay."



COINCIDENCE?

filly182 39,193 20
06/23/2004 02:10 AM

Nah, this is infinitely better than that other site.

filly182 39,193 20
06/23/2004 02:14 AM

But pictures are good too. Very, very good. Extremely good, even. Goodness gracious!

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
06/23/2004 02:17 AM

Eh, I don't believe it. Not for a second.



This is the 21st century. Damn, they teach about masturbation in health class now, and from the looks of your picture you're probably hardly old enough to have graduated high school, and if you're really a teacher, you've most likely taken a college human sexuality course.



God-damned attention whore, thinking you can play all innocent with the, "I've never touched my no-no place" and get the men of Gab all excited.



OK, so it probably worked.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/23/2004 02:18 AM

i prefer cat litterotica.

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/23/2004 03:44 AM

I like kitties

Big Chief Hammerhead 59,399 14
06/23/2004 03:56 AM

Maybe you should get a gasoline powerd one, with a kickstand and a pull starter.





So, what, she needs a motorcycle?

Whistler P. McManus, basso profundo 185,953 44
06/23/2004 09:38 AM

I'm a good Catholic. I'm also a naughty bar wench.



Mom?

Anita Cuppa Joe 6,762 9
06/23/2004 05:11 PM

Eh, I don't believe it. Not for a second.



This is the 21st century. Damn, they teach about masturbation in health class now, and from the looks of your picture you're probably hardly old enough to have graduated high school, and if you're really a teacher, you've most likely taken a college human sexuality course.



God-damned attention whore, thinking you can play all innocent with the, "I've never touched my no-no place" and get the men of Gab all excited.



OK, so it probably worked.



---------------------------------



For the record:



(a) I was raised by old-fashioned, overprotective way-the-hell-too-uptight parents, and went to a private Catholic school, where things like Sex Ed are non-existent.



(b) I'm a FIRST GRADE teacher. Why the HELL would I need a Human Sexuality Course in college to learn Elementary Education?!



Now, let me employ a common female stereotype:



Beebs, you're SUCH an Emerson.

... I am SO irresistibly attracted to you.

Creeping Myrtle 181,718 70
06/23/2004 05:27 PM

I've got a vibrator that doubles as a "massager."



It's had 3 open heart surgeries and a cord transplant.



The irony is that it was my exhusband doing all the repairs. Now that we're divorced and I have a new boyfriend, that thing barely sees the light of day.

Creeping Myrtle 181,718 70
06/23/2004 05:29 PM

And on a sidenote, First Grade Teaching Masturbation Virgin:



The parents of your students would probably be more disturbed that you are a memeber of the GAB community, and not all that worried that you rub one out after watching David Letterman.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
06/23/2004 05:30 PM

I'm sure all the dads would make it out to parent teacher night.

greZow 112 8
06/23/2004 05:33 PM

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

greZow 112 8
06/23/2004 05:34 PM

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Anita Cuppa Joe 6,762 9
06/23/2004 06:14 PM

GAB is virtually unknown down here. Probably because it doesn't come subtitled in Spanish.

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/23/2004 06:17 PM

Oh, I think down there is *very* familiar with GAB. Especially since we're all now very familiar with your down there.

Anita Cuppa Joe 6,762 9
06/23/2004 06:19 PM

You wish you were familiar with my "down there".





Go have a seizure. Sugah.

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/23/2004 06:22 PM

Are you kidding?! I haven't heard you say one thing that didn't have to do with Below Your Waist. Do you *really* want me to quote you?

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
06/23/2004 06:25 PM

*cough*Coleridgetease*cough*

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/23/2004 06:25 PM

Meh, I just wanna see your boobs.



Oh. My mistake.

Anita Cuppa Joe 6,762 9
06/23/2004 06:25 PM

Genius, you're in a thread titled "Confessions Of A Masturbation Virgin."



That, and I've talked about my boobies plenty.



And kitties.

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/23/2004 06:26 PM

And don't hurt your maha finger either. I'm pretty sure you'll need all ten of them by the time this thread is over.

Anita Cuppa Joe 6,762 9
06/23/2004 06:26 PM

By the way, you're a 'tard.

Anita Cuppa Joe 6,762 9
06/23/2004 06:28 PM

And if you think that maha-ing me a good couple dozen times is fun, you seriously need to get a life.



Or go masturbate.

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/23/2004 06:31 PM

Well, apparantly there is a third party who doesn't quite enjoy the display. And frankly, I'm quite sick of it too. I just didn't want you to think *everyone* was under your spell.

DeadMike 3,390 10
06/23/2004 06:32 PM

Oh, shut up! Both of you!

Christ, its like I'm sittin' here GABbing with my brother's kids or something.

You nerve racking bitches!

Phlamingo 131,068 34
06/23/2004 06:33 PM

Good luck on being a dicktease learning how to masterbate. Hope it works out for you.

Neep, But I want a woman! 35,066 15
06/23/2004 06:58 PM

Ooooh, Plamingo is jeolous of the new girl! Get a life, tard.

Emenius 1,433 10
06/23/2004 10:05 PM

And if you think that maha-ing me a good couple dozen times is fun, you seriously need to get a life.



Or go masturbate.



Yes, like the rest of us. Stop acting like you're not a lonely, pathetic, desperate little 12 year old desperate to have a human female touch his "down there"

Emenius 1,433 10
06/23/2004 10:07 PM

Unless you're of the female persuasion. If this is the case, replace "human female touch his" with "anything still warm touch her"

Emenius 1,433 10
06/23/2004 10:09 PM

I suck at life.

Dirk Diggler 51,764 12
06/24/2004 02:28 AM

Hey my first post... and what a thread to choose.



What you need to do is masturbate without actually meaning to thereby ridding you of any guilt.



These are my suggestions -



1. Lean against a running washing machine for extended periods whilst reading Stud magazine.

2. Take up horse riding.

3. Buy a Harley.

4. Ride an extremely crowded train with your eyes closed fantasizing about John Hargrave.

5. Use someone else's hand.



Hope these help and happy masturbating!

Miracles 22,430 0
06/24/2004 02:38 AM

Trae - the words 'cooter claw' made me whiskey laugh. Salute.



I'm gonna steal it though and start using it around town.