KELLOGG'S: Thank you for calling Kellogg's. This is Madeline.



JOHN HARGRAVE: Hi Madeline. I've been collecting Kellogg Kash for my son's youth group, and one of his hooligan friends, Dwight McFarland, pointed out that the chicken on your Kellogg Kash money is actually MAKING AN OBSCENE GESTURE.



KELLOGG'S: [Pause] Um ... OK, one moment. Let me go ahead and take a look at that. [Extremely long pause, some typing on a computer] Just a second. I'm trying to see what we have here. Can you hold?



JH: Sure.



[Hold time of 0:38]



KELLOGG'S: OK, I am looking at the box, I certainly apologize you think he looks that way. What he's doing ... he doesn't have hands, so he's holding out his wing.



JH: A wing with a middle finger.



KELLOGG'S: It's his thumb.



JH: It's not his thumb. It's in the middle of his hand.



KELLOGG'S: Well. I do apologize for what you think that means. I can forward your comments along to our advertising department...



JH: I don't know what kind of pranksters you have working in your graphic design department, but I don't find this funny.



KELLOGG'S: I'm sorry you feel that way, sir, but it is not representing what you think it is.



JH: Here's what I think. I think you have an artist in your graphics department who was bored, and decided to do it as a joke, and no one caught it until now. I mean, it's a bird flipping the bird! Don't you get it?



KELLOGG'S: Again, sir, there's not much more I can do except apologize and offer to pass your comments along.



JH: What is it anyway? A chicken?



KELLOGG'S: It's a rooster.



JH: Why? Is there rooster meat in your cereal?



KELLOGG'S: No sir, it's a rooster that wakes people up early in the morning. The rooster is associated with getting up early in the morning, and starting out with breakfast.



JH: I'm eating rooster organs?



KELLOGG'S: No sir. It's just a cartoon mascot.



JH: [Sigh] This is all very disappointing. I trusted Kellogg's for so many years.



KELLOGG'S: OK, I do see the index finger on the rooster now, he's making the #1 sign.



JH: What do you mean, you see it "now"? What were you looking at before?



KELLOGG'S: I was looking at another drawing of the rooster, sir, my apologies.



JH: How many dirty drawings of this rooster are there?



KELLOGG'S: Sir, I'll be happy to collect your data, and pass it along to our marketing department. They can address your concern immediately.



JH: How are they going to address my concern?



KELLOGG'S: Well, they will do some research and look into the matter.



JH: Research what? How many fingers roosters have?



KELLOGG'S: I don't know sir, I'm not in that department.



JH: Look, Madeline. How many fingers do roosters have?



KELLOGG'S: I've never seen a rooster.



JH: You've never seen a rooster?



KELLOGG'S: I've never seen a rooster have fingers. I've seen rooster with wings.



JH: EXACTLY MY POINT. The rooster shouldn't have any fingers at all!







KELLOGG'S: He's indicating that this is worth one dollar of Kellogg KaShakespeare's the number one.



JH: So first it was thumbs up, then "we're #1," and now he's indicating the denomination?



KELLOGG'S: Sir, are you looking at the drawing now?



JH: Yes I am.



KELLOGG'S: You see that thing on the left, that's his thumb.



JH: Right.



KELLOGG'S: Then if you look next to that, you'll see what we call the "index finger."



JH: Don't get sassy with me, Madeline. I know what the index finger is.



KELLOGG'S: I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to offend you.



JH: You guys at Kellogg's don't have some exclusive terminology for the first finger that you need to explain to me.



KELLOGG'S: I'm trying to point out that that is the index finger he's holding up.



JH: "What we call the index finger." Like you guys are some kind of finger scientists.



KELLOGG'S: I...



JH: Never mind. Dwight McFarland also said that Snap, Crackle, and Pop were gay lovers. Is that true?



KELLOGG'S: [Pause] No, sir.



JH: I can see the chicken flipping me off with my own eyes, but the Snap, Crackle, and Pop thing would just have to be inferred.



KELLOGG'S: Sir, if you'd like me to take your personal information, I can pass it along...



JH: I mean, they've been living together in that bowl for about 85 years now.



KELLOGG'S: These are cartoon characters. They represent the cereal. They don't really have a ... OK.



JH: Have a what?



KELLOGG'S: ...



JH: A sexual preference?



KELLOGG'S: Sir, I cannot continue this conversation. I'm going to have to put you on hold.



JH: I also heard that Tony the Tiger likes little boys. True or very true?



KELLOGG'S: I understand that you're concerned about your children, but I assure you that none of this is true.



JH: I mean, Tony must like little boys to be the mascot of a children's breakfast cereal for 100 years, right?



KELLOGG'S: I think he's just a cartoon character.



JH: How do you think he feels about little diabetic boys? Because, you know, they could go into shock from eating his cereal.



KELLOGG'S: Sir, I'm going to have to end this call now.



JH: Clear up just a few more things for me. Are Pop-Tarts really called Poop-Tarts?



KELLOGG'S: Sir, there's no need for all of this. Can I put you on hold?



JH: True or false: Apple Jacks were once called Apple Jack-Offs?



KELLOGG'S: I'm going to have to end this call now, sir. [Hangs up]

Dolphin Meat 2,598 9
06/25/2004 11:27 PM

Thanks again John.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/25/2004 11:51 PM

maybe it's just the beer talking, but that may well be the funniest prank call ever. CLICKIES TO YU0!!@

Daggy 86,705 14
06/26/2004 12:19 AM

It was the beer talking.

newwave 45,912 10
06/26/2004 01:25 AM

You had me at "rooster meat," but I would have been more grateful for some immature rooster/Coleridge line.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/26/2004 01:47 AM

DANM YOU, TALKING BEER!



DAMN YOU TO HELL!!

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/26/2004 02:12 AM

Big deal.. you also said "I share Lesbians on Special K"

Hyperspaz 959 9
06/26/2004 08:17 AM

I think John should start allowing us to download the audio versions of these pranks. Of course, I understand it could be bandwidth intensive, so why not just send it to a few peeps and they will eventually migrate around.

Boots at the Boar 2,305 11
06/26/2004 08:35 AM

Sooner or later, call centers around the world will catch on, and just hang up immediately on anyone matching the Johnny's voiceprint. I can't imagine a sh!ttier job than "Customer Service Call Agent", except for maybe any title ending in "Regional Representative".

Phuc 237,915 21
06/26/2004 09:22 AM

When I see some c0ck giving me the finger, the first thing I wanna do is git me a bowl of Apple Jacks.

Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
06/26/2004 09:41 AM

<action>sobs</action>You Frost-ing liar! I waited by the phone all night long!

Neep, But I want a woman! 35,066 15
06/26/2004 11:39 AM

That was cool. My stomach muscels hurt from laughing.

Munkus 2,801 10
06/26/2004 02:16 PM

All we get over in crappy england is "brand new foil wrapped for freshness" cornflakes



Frost the foil, i'd rather have the cash

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
06/26/2004 02:23 PM

You're high, John. That bird is clearly giving you a thumbs up.



What you can't see, though, is the huge erection poking out of his jeans.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/26/2004 04:01 PM

Why didn't you ask for scrotum sauce?

Jimmy Carter 4 8
06/26/2004 05:03 PM

No wonder the lunch woman was so offended when I paid for lunch with Kellogg's Kash.

themod 12 9
06/27/2004 01:18 PM

The rooster clearly saying F OFF lol.

Emenius 1,433 10
06/27/2004 02:16 PM

F OFF lol indeed. Now let the grown-ups talk

mr.funky chunks 256 9
06/27/2004 05:47 PM

john look at your icon you are commplain about your own kind

The Last One 7 9
06/28/2004 11:15 AM

Yep, thats advertisments, always sneaking in the little obsenity like "Tony the Tiger" having his hand on his crotch (really was on a box for some promotion last year). They're secretly (or covertly) trying to corrupt our young childrens minds, but I will stop these evil monsters! I am going to burn all Kellogg's boxes! Muahahahahaha!

Cheers,

~One in a million

StormKat 2,051 9
06/28/2004 01:11 PM

Then if you look next to that, you'll see what we call the "index finger."



Comedy! Pure and simple.



And this is, what we in the scientific community call, a rooster.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/28/2004 03:19 PM

JH: Research what? How many fingers roosters have?



This is where I laughed. Thanks for sharing!

SheCabbage 5,200 13
06/28/2004 03:21 PM

Oh my god, they DID change it.



That is FANTASTIC!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
06/30/2004 02:33 PM

I think this is all part of some larger conspiricy.

camtastic 92 8
08/08/2004 01:57 AM

All I want to know is what the hell is going on betwee those "kids" and the Trix Rabbit. I mean what? Are these people proud about the fact that they are promoting a segregated cereal market?



Nazis...

exxxitOnly 128 8
08/29/2004 02:06 PM

While we are on this topic, a pretty good place to do prank calls is to CBW. It might work better if you live in Ohio, as it is Cincinnati bell wireless. But anyway, that's where I work, and thats where im sittin now. But we always appreciate a good prank call now and again, and there are some seriously stupid people that could be very easily pranked. just call 1-888-391-3925

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/29/2004 07:01 PM

see, i look at the Kelloggs Kash (Konspiracy) and see a rooster throwing gang signs...very racist...

KKK, gang signs...what's the deal here?

monkeys that don't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP 443 8
09/30/2004 01:58 AM

one of the monkeys fell over from laughing. we're going to sue for damages to the floor.

'Giggidy' 42 9
05/03/2005 10:07 PM

I think I took something called 'Special K' at a frat party in college..Then If memory serves me correctly (Which is dosen't), t'was followed by massive gobstoppin' amounts of cornflakes. And then we made fun of the word 'Rooster' for about an hour.

erOhead 0 8
05/06/2005 01:08 AM

JH: I also heard that Tony the Tiger likes little boys. True or very true?





Excellent.

Jaknife 0 7
01/05/2006 10:54 PM

hah. one of the funnier call articles. love the end part about the other cereal mascots. snap crackle and pop. lol.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
01/05/2006 11:05 PM

Oh yes...the mascots....





How the wee children laughed and laughed.



















In 2004.

nhc 0 5
03/06/2008 04:52 PM

You should actually record stuff like this so a person can listen to it. Just too hilarious if one can actually listen to prank calls!

Tali S Woman 25 6
07/07/2009 06:45 PM

John,

Just have to say I love going thru the archives and finding something as hilarious as this. Should have been in the book! Start writing a new one........