Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 09:08 AM

The good news is that Mike left me a list of cat names followed by descriptions. I am currently in the process of renaming them. So far I have 'Frostles,' 'Booger,' 'Stinky,' and 'Mr. Oh look, Bankey's cleaning a litter box, I better go leave a nice big freah steaming turd in the one he hasn't made it to yet so he'll feel like he didn't waste a trip.'

Lizzie Borderline 4,212 10
06/30/2004 09:15 AM

You just can't handle that much Poe.

Bonky 75,728 15
06/30/2004 09:17 AM

Give them the scritchins under their necks, the swizzles right in front of the base of their tail, and open a can of tuna, smear it on your chest and take a picture and post it.



Thank you.

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:20 AM

DONT DO IT!!! They'll eat you!

Lizzie Borderline 4,212 10
06/30/2004 09:21 AM

I can see one of those evil kitties reaching into Bankey's chest and pulling out his beating heart.



OH GOD BANKEY BE CAREFUL!

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:22 AM

Eat the Poe before the Poe eats you.

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 09:23 AM

Oh yes, this is totally helping with the insanity.

McStupid 13,155 9
06/30/2004 09:35 AM

Grind up some Ritalin and mix it in with their food. That should calm the little bastards down.

33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:36 AM

Meow meow meow meow,

Meow meow meow meow,

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow,

Meow meow meow meow,

Meow meow meow meow,

Meow meow meow meow meow!!

Meow meow meow meow

Meow meow meow meow

Meow, meow, moew, moew, moew, meow meow meow

Meow!

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:37 AM

Crap...how do you do actions??

Lizzie Borderline 4,212 10
06/30/2004 09:42 AM

You should send this to Frat, and tell him his cats really know how to party.

Bonky 75,728 15
06/30/2004 09:48 AM

Okay, nix the tuna, just rub baby oil on your chest AND PICTURES, DAMNIT!

Bonky 75,728 15
06/30/2004 09:49 AM

Oh, and take pictures of you rubbing baby oil on the pictures!

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 09:53 AM

I'll be happy to do what I can with the pictures, but what part of the baby does oil come from?

Lizzie Borderline 4,212 10
06/30/2004 09:53 AM

I agree with Bonky. And I think that your pants should accidentally fall off when you are taking the pictures, too.

33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:53 AM

HELP ME IM A DUMB N00B

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 09:55 AM

<action>shows lamburger how to do action tags </action>

<*action> your action <*/action>

minus the *'s

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:55 AM

<a>tries to figure out actions</a>



FOR TEH LOVE OF GOD SOMEBODY HELP ME

Katsmeow has an online lesbian girlfriend 2,401 10
06/30/2004 09:57 AM

<action> shows her how to do it </action>

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/30/2004 09:58 AM

<action>gives Bankey a clickie</action>



Thank you!!

StormKat 2,051 9
06/30/2004 10:26 AM

Give them the scritchins under their necks, the swizzles right in front of the base of their tail



Shhh! Not so loud. If this weakness gets out, we're all doomed! DOOMED!

Fratberry 282,833 53
06/30/2004 12:37 PM

Dearest Bankey,



1: I'm walking into the ocean at 3pm.

2: I'm not coming back.

3: I've made out my will.

4: They're all yours.



Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahaha!









P.S. You're taking care of Mike's cats too? Damn.

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 12:49 PM

I knew I should have done a find and replace before I copied and pasted.

Smurf Fever 32 8
06/30/2004 12:51 PM

Is it weird that my cat plays fetch? Sits? and Meows on call?

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
06/30/2004 12:53 PM

YOUR CAT PLAYS FELCH? Youre a sick person.

Smurf Fever 32 8
06/30/2004 12:55 PM

Felch?



I said FETCH.



And yes. She does. With straws from our local Golden Arches.

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
06/30/2004 12:57 PM

So what youre saying is that your cat felches with a straw.

Chickens aint in Kansas anymore 286,472 61
06/30/2004 01:00 PM

1. Get a good set of golf irons.

2. Line up cats.

3. Smack those catheads for something like 300 feet.

4. Tell fratberry you adopted them all out while he was gone.

5. Sell his bloody golf clubs.

6. PROFIT!

7. Don't worry about the damn cats anymore for the next 12 days and stay somewhat sane.

Smurf Fever 32 8
06/30/2004 01:00 PM

k. if'n the Smurf knew what the freek FELCH is, she would comment.



But uh...her brain hurts. Too much FELCHING going around.



<action>blinks</action>

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
06/30/2004 01:01 PM

So do you like to felch?

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
06/30/2004 01:02 PM

Oh sorry- here is what felching is.

Smurf Fever 32 8
06/30/2004 01:06 PM

<action>vomits</action>



K. Um...well, considering I now have a mental image of not only a cat felching, but of that NASTY horrid FELCHER as well which has ruined my day of sitting here and staring at the screen of my computer.



The Smurf doesn't particularly enjoy felching. Sorry to disappoint you, buddy.

Lamburger 33,017 9
06/30/2004 01:07 PM

Oh I thought you were talking about fletching.



(After anal sex, the dominant male sucks up all semen and fecal matter from the anus, sloshes it around in his mouth and passes it back to the other person through a mouth-to-mouth kiss.)

Smurf Fever 32 8
06/30/2004 01:09 PM

AHEM.



I feel my lunch coming back up. Maybe I shoulda just kept my cat's F-E-T-C-H-I-N-G abilities to meself.



Oops.

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
06/30/2004 01:46 PM

Shoots and scores!!



I was just Frost-ing with ya, felching is much worse.

Creeping Myrtle 181,718 70
06/30/2004 01:47 PM

I like this definition of fletching better:



to tie a piece of bacon to a piece of string and invite your partener to swallow it. then rut them up the arse, holding onto the piece of string, at the moment of climax pull on the sring, causing your partener to gag and giving you an even tighter hole to bring you off.

BobJohnson, Oil Baron 178,045 22
06/30/2004 01:51 PM

Has anyone heard the story about the old lady who was killed by a pack of hungry cats while she slept?



Goodnight, Bankey. Sleep tight.

ringworm 68,315 13
06/30/2004 01:55 PM

you should train them to be your unholy army of the night.

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 03:11 PM

How revolting to come back and find my innocent cat maddness thread has been felch-jacked.

642 9
06/30/2004 03:35 PM

Cats shouldn't be your only worry right now Bankey.

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 03:39 PM

ummmm....









k.

Jesus's Son 45 8
06/30/2004 03:39 PM

My ferrets are gay. The point is they need a baby-sitter for next week...

Bankey 70,843 10
06/30/2004 03:42 PM

I WISH these cats were gay, then they'd be to preoccupied with their giant 12 cat orgy to drive me insane. Maybe I'll drop off some gay cat porn and lube the next time I check on them and see if that does any good.

Jesus's Son 45 8
06/30/2004 03:45 PM

I wouldn't be that worried about them being gay if they weren't neutered

Creeping Myrtle 181,718 70
06/30/2004 03:47 PM

I'm thinking maybe Frat isn't really on vacation.... I think the cats ate him and have been posting here. I mean, why else would he have made that silly "I got a bad haircut" thread.

Quick! Check the keyboard for fur and the browser history for Meow Mix and mouse fetish websites!

firelizard SFC 1,191 12
06/30/2004 06:02 PM

Those cats are being cats. They're not being bad or nutty.



Take a dog in with you and let the mayhem commence.

Fratberry 282,833 53
06/30/2004 10:02 PM

Maybe I'll drop off some gay cat porn and lube the next time I check on them and see if that does any good.



The office. My desk. Bottom drawer.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 08:23 AM

Check the keyboard for fur and the browser history for Meow Mix and mouse fetish websites!



Why would the cats be looking at www.richardgere.com?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 08:24 AM

Huh. That was supposed to be some bad joke about the richard gere/gerbil thing. But that's a real website. It takes you to what looks like a charity for bald children.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 08:34 AM

Upon closer inspection, it seems to be one of those "Free Tibet" sites. Didn't Bono already do that?

The Menace from... uh... Limburg 895 9
07/01/2004 08:36 AM

Huh-huh, you said bone.

Bankey - crazy cat man 70,843 10
07/01/2004 08:53 AM

The saga continued yesterday, I was assaulted by one of the cats that decided my ankle 'needed a good whoopin,' and another cat shadowed me the whole time I was there, which was cute until I tried to back up and almost tripped right over him.



I also added a few more names to the list, most notably:



"Ms. I didn't want nothin' to do with you before I knew you had treats but now I wanna be your best pal" AKA "Ms. Oh now that you're out of treats you can kiss my pink winker goodbye"



"Mr Would you please get out from under my goddamn feet, I'm tring to clean a litter box here"



and "Mary Kate" & "Ashley" (these are boy cats but who's keeping score here?)

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 09:04 AM

Is Mary-Kate the one compulsively cleaning himself while the others are eating?

Lizzie Borderline 4,212 10
07/01/2004 09:08 AM

Where have you been, Jane?

Bankey - crazy cat man 70,843 10
07/01/2004 09:08 AM

no mary-kate is the one that keeps doing lines of salt off the kitchen counter.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 09:11 AM

<action>looks around, scared and confused</action>I don't know, Lizzie. They slide bread under the door every 12 hours. They say they'll let me out if I tell them where the money is. I don't know where the money is, Tell my parents I love them.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
07/01/2004 09:12 AM

Exactly, while Ashley plays, "Binge and Purge" with a hairball all Frost-ing day long.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 09:13 AM

<action>blushes</action>Never mind. I was in the bathroom. My bad.

Lizzie Borderline 4,212 10
07/01/2004 09:14 AM

I get like that around tile, too.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
07/01/2004 09:18 AM

I can't wait until the first one of those two Frosts up and blows someone on video tape, or is found in a frathouse some early morning after a party, with her face all glazed like a donut.

I bet the tabloids already have articles written for most scenarios.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 09:20 AM

I bet the tabloids already have articles written for most scenarios.



I bet the men of America have bottles of Jergens and a box of tissues waiting, too.

Fratberry 282,833 53
07/01/2004 11:26 PM

no mary-kate is the one that keeps doing lines of salt off the kitchen counter.



Stay out of my "salt" stash!!!



Heh, on another note, looks like you stumbled upon my "other" stash. Nice job, amigo. I bet you're just naming the same cat over and over and over again.



Comedy freakin' gold.