Chickens aint in Kansas anymore 286,472 61
07/01/2004 10:22 AM

OTWIWD, I took a noob who thought making up penthouse forum entries was a good thing and flipped him over and started ....







nah.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 10:27 AM

I don't drink.

Chapped Labia/Sandy Vulva 311 9
07/01/2004 10:27 AM

And since I don't read penthouse because I don't have a reason to choak my own chicken, I wouldn't know that...



Hey, why aren't there any chickens in Kansas anymore?



Wait, I know, because you brutally ass raped them while flipping through your copies of Penthouse... Go get a woman fudgepacker

csme: Jane's n0ob bitch 15,189 12
07/01/2004 10:32 AM

Good comeback.









No, really.

Bankey - crazy cat man 70,843 10
07/01/2004 10:33 AM

in soviet russia maybe.

Barefoot Chance 171,270 14
07/01/2004 10:35 AM

In soviet russia, Chicken Frosts YOU!

Chapped Labia/Sandy Vulva 311 9
07/01/2004 10:36 AM

you want a comeback?



How about you were all noobs at one point and their isn't a reason to get all up in my case because I'm trying to get a hold in these postings...



The jokes will get funnier... Just give it time



Meanwhile, if you want insults, just give me something to use and I'll rip on you all day... I'm good at that

csme: Jane's n0ob bitch 15,189 12
07/01/2004 10:37 AM

Not another one of these whiney assed n0obs.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 10:39 AM

Hey! That's my n00b you're talking to. Back off, Dirty Vagina!

SHP is feeling optimistic today 181,718 70
07/01/2004 10:39 AM

You people are too busy arguing to see the true comedic potential of this one line:



I don't drink.

Chapped Labia/Sandy Vulva 311 9
07/01/2004 10:41 AM

Whiney? Where in the hell did you get whiney in that response ass?



All I'm saying is that you put up with it and now its my turn... I'm just not going to take this Shakespeare lying down...



or bending over as you had to do

SHP is feeling optimistic today 181,718 70
07/01/2004 10:43 AM

One time when I was drunk I tried to take a Shakespeare lying down.

Chapped Labia/Sandy Vulva 311 9
07/01/2004 10:43 AM

why don't we actually get some funny stories from when we were wasted? I know that I am not the only person out here who drinks...



alone in my room while listening to Blink 182's Adam's Song

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 10:43 AM

Oh, I saw the comedic potential, SHP.

csme: Jane's n0ob bitch 15,189 12
07/01/2004 10:46 AM

I like it in the ass. If you relaxed a little, you'd like it too.

Bankey - crazy cat man 70,843 10
07/01/2004 10:48 AM

One time, when I was drunk, I fell asleep at my friends house and while I was asleep my 'good buddies' covered me in fresh vegetables like carrots and broccoli and took pictures.



The next morning no one could come up with a reason why it should be funny, but they all agreed that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 10:49 AM

One time, when I was drunk, I called a GABber and yelled at him for about 45 minutes. And I wasn't even sure what I was mad at him for.



Okay, actually, I've done this more than once.

SHP is feeling optimistic today 181,718 70
07/01/2004 10:51 AM

Aw, Bankey, that's so sweet, already calling the cats your "good buddies."

Chapped Labia/Sandy Vulva 311 9
07/01/2004 10:51 AM

Damn, you took all the fun out of it Oboe

csme: Jane's n0ob bitch 15,189 12
07/01/2004 10:51 AM

You are easy. Not as easy as Trae, but you are easy.

The Menace from... uh... Limburg 895 9
07/01/2004 10:52 AM

I've never been drunk before. I'm the embodiment of purity. WORSHIP ME, damnit.

Nachos - Hardcore since...well, never really... 57,521 23
07/01/2004 10:54 AM

So all Canadians are easy?



I'm catching the first plane over...

SHP is feeling optimistic today 181,718 70
07/01/2004 10:57 AM

If by "worship me" you mean get drunk, screw your sister, and puke on your shoes, I think we can take care of that for you.

Chickens aint in Kansas anymore 286,472 61
07/01/2004 10:58 AM

Wait, the guy who tried to make us believe he took some chick in the ass is calling ME a fudgepacker?



Hello? Pot? Yeah, this is Kettle.

SHP is feeling optimistic today 181,718 70
07/01/2004 11:00 AM

"Fudgepacker" means anal sex giver?



Uh oh. I called my dad that last Christmas when he was putting the fudge away for Nanna and Pop's gift.



So.many.tears.

Slapdash 12 8
07/01/2004 01:15 PM

Oooooooh... stop ranting on the new guy, he's trying to get a niche in this dirty pervy enviroment. Man, I love this new 'bot. the "f-word" becomes copulate! Great medical terms!

csme: Jane's Jew, Chance's Ho 15,189 12
07/01/2004 01:22 PM

Relax Slappy, makes it easier to take it in the ass.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/01/2004 01:26 PM

One time when I was drunk I got dropped off at my house. I ended up walking in my neighbors house, sitting on the couch, and having them look at me like I was nuts. I looked up and saw them and said "I'm in the wrong house aren't I?"

HighSoci 30,076 18
07/01/2004 01:34 PM

And this one time when I was drunk, I stuck a fluteBLAM...

Chickens aint in Kansas anymore 286,472 61
07/01/2004 02:34 PM

Foye, I would click that so many times if I could.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/01/2004 02:38 PM

Thank you but the tequila had something to do with it to.

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
07/01/2004 02:45 PM

I had a similar situation to Foye's. I came home and took off my clothes and laid down in bed. I decided that I wanted a reeses peanut butter cup, so I got up and went to the kitchen to get one and went back to bed.



The next day my roommate sent me an IM at work telling me about a hot guy in his bed the night before. I figured he brought someone home. But alas, no... it was me pre-peanut-butter-cup. With no clothes.

Impboy 51 8
07/01/2004 02:56 PM

I got reall trashed this one time and I had to puke, but I didn't get to the toilet in my dorm fast enough so there was some splatter. So I tried to mop it up with some paper towels that were at hand, but my motor functions weren't workign to good so I kinda used half the roll when I tried to yank it out. Then i tried to flush the lot down the toilet and fluShakespeare, but I ended up clogging the toilet. The next day when I had to drop a deuce (you know the infamous hangover deuce), I couldn't go in my toilet cuz it was clogged so I keyed into the foyer of this kid I know (cuz I knew he wasn't there) and crapped in his. I still haven't told him.

Impboy 51 8
07/01/2004 02:57 PM

I got really trashed this one time and I had to puke, but I didn't get to the toilet in my dorm fast enough so there was some splatter. So I tried to mop it up with some paper towels that were at hand, but my motor functions weren't working too good so I kinda used half the roll when I tried to yank it out. Then i tried to flush the lot down the toilet and fluShakespeare, but I ended up clogging the toilet. The next day when I had to drop a deuce (you know the infamous hangover deuce), I couldn't go in my toilet cuz it was clogged so I keyed into the foyer of this kid Bob (cuz I knew he wasn't there) and crapped in his. I still haven't told him.

Impboy 51 8
07/01/2004 02:58 PM

Sorry about that. My computer is almost as slow as I am.

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 36
07/01/2004 03:08 PM

This one time...when I was drunk...I stuck a tongue depressor up my penis.





Sadly, the depressor did not dance.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/01/2004 03:09 PM

Here's a story that is alcohol related.

I was 19 when I went to Hooters one day to watch football. As a joke I decided to order a beer from the waitress. Well she asked to see my ID which I pulled out with a Shakespeare eating grin on my face and she looked at it for a few seconds, after she handed it back to me she said "coming right up" and I was happily drinking beer for the rest of the game.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/01/2004 03:11 PM

and she wasn't even blonde

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
07/01/2004 03:53 PM

OTWIWD, I called up my ex-girlfriend and yelled BITCH! and hung up. At least I think it was my ex, I don't know who my friends called but, they said it was her.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
07/01/2004 04:20 PM

Much like Foye's story.



One of my best buddies went to school in San Diego, and has a bunch of friends that he has introduced us all to. So our group of buddies hooks up with the SD group a few times a year, weddings, parties etc...

One year we were having a New Years Bash in SF, so they came up, most flew but about four drove and arrived at my buds condo while we were still out clubbing, so they let themselves in and being Shakespearefaced, they crashed imediately upstairs knowing that tomorrow was goin to be more heavy abuse.

We came back and crashed as well with about 9 or 10 guys and were surprised in the A.M. by the four that drove at the door.

Seems they went to the condo 2 doors down, opened the door and threw sleeping bags out all over and got surprised by the owners of the place in his underware when he came upstairs the next morning and helped them roll up their bags and find the right place. Talk about four red faces. I still get embarrased for them today when I think about it.

piXXXie 5,871 11
07/01/2004 06:14 PM

OTWIWD at a UCLA football game...I'm almost embarrassed to admit this. So I was with my boyfriend at the time and my best friend's parents and we were tailgating in the parking lot. I had been drinking A LOT of captain and diets and I had to pee really badly. I held it and held it until it hurt. Finally, I had to go. So I walk my stumbling ass all the way to the bathroom, pull my pants down, proceed to take the longest, most satisfying piss imaginable. I'm finally done, reach over and grab some toilet paper, spread them to wipe and realize that MY UNDERWEAR ARE STILL ON. I sat there for a minute and just looked at my sopping drawers. I had no idea what I should do, so I decided to just get up and go. Pull my pants back up and leave.



I get back out and I'm laughing hysterically at what I've done. My boyfriend says "Well, what'd you do with your underwear?" I looked at him like he was crazy and said "They're still on!"



God, I should really stop drinking...

SHP is feeling optimistic today 181,718 70
07/01/2004 06:16 PM

I would click that story, but the truth is, I'm laughing at you, not with you.

Marilyn 12,471 13
07/01/2004 07:22 PM

I'm sorry, but the lead post seems a tad rapey to me.

piXXXie 5,871 11
07/01/2004 07:30 PM

It's fine SHP. I deserve to be laughed at for that one.



I would click your post...but it just wasn't funny at all.

Phlamingo 131,068 34
07/01/2004 09:02 PM

I wasn't drunk, but I went into the ocean today for a little swim, and during the long drive home, sandy vulva, I thought of you.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
07/01/2004 09:25 PM

I just went to buy beer for the holiday weekend. (I'm getting an early start) On the corner, there was a homeless man on the corner. I usually ignore them and think "Don't stand so close to the beer store if you're begging". But I looked at this guy's sign, and it said "Why lie? I need beer".

I gave him 2 bucks.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
07/01/2004 09:34 PM

At 5'0" to say that I'm a little woman is an understatement. However, I am expected to match my counterparts beer for beer. Needless to say I was hammered very early on.



By mid-day I was doing shots out of condoms. By late evening a group of college type gentlemen were attmepting passing a giant glass boot filled with beer. I thought they were wussies since not a one of them could chug the whole boot. I stormed my little ass over there and threw down the gauntlet. "I'll bet you fags I can kill that whole boot in one pass. If I do I get to keep the boot!"



Being as they were about as drunk as I was, coupled with the fact that I was a tiny drunk girl in a bikini top and shorts, they agreed.



I chugged and chugged. As the boot began to empty these gents were beginning to regret their agreement and I heard background scuttle that they weren't going to give up the boot.



I was dragged from the scene by my friends kicking and screaming after emptying that damn thing of every last drop. I proceeded to the porta-potty in daisy dukes a bikin top and men's size 14 engineer boots.



Later that night I puked pickles everywhere.



I don't even remember eating pickles.

Lamburger 33,017 9
07/01/2004 09:40 PM

One night I was so drunk...I gave Snipe*Star a clickie.

0 9
07/01/2004 09:47 PM

one time when my friend was drunk and passed out, we shaved off his eyebrow, and then after that we had sex with his grandmother

Flying Hippo of Doom™ 1,246 10
07/02/2004 01:15 AM

Jeez, I dont even know the name of most gabbers these days..



SO MANY Frost-ing N00BS!!!

Lamburger 33,017 9
07/02/2004 02:15 AM

Sorry, there's been a tremendous influx in n00bs lately due to godot's entire extended family joining.

Hyperspaz - Buck, Buck Champion of the World! 959 9
07/02/2004 02:39 AM

Freakin noobs!



hey, a free emoticons ad.

Xxara 1,114 9
03/13/2005 01:53 AM

"I was 19 when I went to Hooters one day to watch football. As a joke I decided to order a beer from the waitress. Well she asked to see my ID which I pulled out with a Shakespeare eating grin on my face and she looked at it for a few seconds, after she handed it back to me she said "coming right up" and I was happily drinking beer for the rest of the game."



Gee a Hooters girl who can't read......................who ever would have guessed?

TheFoye 55,700 16
03/13/2005 02:31 AM

Well since it's here...



One time I got drunk at the barracks and had to walk home(because I couldn't find my car) I woke up at 10 the next morning in a field behind the PX! I walked in through the front door and my wife was freakin', seems she had been out looking for me for an hour!

Fratberry 282,833 53
03/13/2005 02:32 AM

!!!!!!!!!!

TheFoye 55,700 16
03/13/2005 02:36 AM

I noticed you haven't been saying much lately, Frat!



You feeling ok?

Fratberry 282,833 53
03/13/2005 02:38 AM

Yeah, I've hardly been posting at all. You meant that I haven't been posting much FUNNY lately.

TheFoye 55,700 16
03/13/2005 02:40 AM

I didn't say anything about posting I said saying!



In the two posts I've seen of your today one was blank and the other was the italcized !!!!

Fratberry 282,833 53
03/13/2005 02:41 AM

There, just like that.