a strange coincidence with a cousin.
A comedy article
by el guapo  648  9
07/09/2004 06:03 PM 248 views
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This story is true and disturbing, yet oddly kinky, like a three-hour German scat porn flick. You know there was sweet, sweet sex involved at some point but just can't understand how it ended in such a mess.
I live in a small Latin American country where laws don't really apply and there are as many stray dogs as stray children. About three weeks ago I was out with some friends at a bar when this cute girl caught my eye. She had long brown hair, blue eyes and a strangely familiar smile. Before I knew what was going on, this girl came over and we started talking. Being el guapo, and a reader of ZUG, my vast and disappointing experience with the opposite sex has left me with a wide selection of don'ts and a very limited collection of do's when handling the delicate creature that is woman. I instinctively began to converse with her breasts but the strange smile that I had noticed earlier seemed to override my primordial sexual desire and I had a proper, decent conversation with what seemed like a completely normal girl. We decided to meet again the next day, and the day after that, and so it went for over two weeks. My defective arsenal of compliments and sweet-talk had devastating effects on her, and she inevitably ended up in bed with me. It was all going well until one day we went to lunch and my mother happened to be at the same restaurant (keep in mind, there are about 3 restaurants in this damn country).
I go say hi to my mother as Martha is in the bathroom, and then I head off to the bathroom myself. When I'm coming back to the table, I see my mother and my girlfriend talking to each other and laughing as if they've been friends for years. I think it's a little strange, but don't pay any attention to it. I walk over to introduce them to each other when Martha says "Hey, el guapo, I'd like you to meet my aunt," pointing to my mom, Mrs. guapo. Silence. A second of confusion, followed by a wave of realization as I finally comprehend Martha is in fact my cousin!!
I had been dating my cousin for two weeks.
Even worse, I had slept with my cousin!
Even worse, I had to explain to my mother that I had slept with my cousin.
As it turns out, my most recently successful escapade with the elusive vagina was in fact with my own flesh and blood -- not that I have a vagina on my hand, which would be awesome, but with my hot cousin. I'm sure most of you have a hot cousin who you wouldn't mind boning if she wasn't related. But only I, el guapo, actually did it.
So there's one more on el guapos list of don'ts that I never thought I would even consider: don't eat the fruit from your own tree.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
35 votes
5.0
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25 Comments on "a strange coincidence with a cousin."
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Lord Dyran 6,040  9
07/22/2004 12:25 PM
Chances of birth defects from incest between cousins is actually quite small.
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Chris Garrett....aka Craven ANYhead 86,932 12
07/22/2004 12:27 PM
You know what they say...
Incest is best, put your cousin to the test.
Closer kin, deeper in.
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SHP: it's all about me 181,718 70
07/22/2004 12:31 PM
Wait. I don't get it.
Your cousin and your mom were doing it too?
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ringworm 68,315 13
07/22/2004 12:35 PM
i am sorry for your loss, you dirty, nasty cousinFroster.
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Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
07/22/2004 12:53 PM
Pictures and/or Video will be required in order for u to determine the severity of your case.
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Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
07/22/2004 12:56 PM
<action>is puzzled</action>So, you're saying this behaviour is inappropriate?
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Feckoff 2,552 9
07/22/2004 01:01 PM
Incest: Why go across town when you can go across the hall.
Anyway it's only wrong up to first cousins.
Apparently.
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
07/22/2004 01:06 PM
<action>Sings</action>
OH! I'm my own Grandpa!
I'm my own Grandpa!
It sounds funny I know,
But it really is so...
Oh I'm my own Grandpa!
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newwave 45,912 10
07/22/2004 01:51 PM
I wouldn't know. I only bang my sister, because my female cousins are not that hot, and my male cousins always want me to take it up the ass.
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ringworm 68,315 13
07/22/2004 02:05 PM
my only female cousin is a capper.
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Fratberry 282,833 53
07/22/2004 02:20 PM
The only hot female cousin I ever had sex with is dead now. Thanks for digging up my emotional demons. Asshat.
You ARE still dating, though, right?
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el guapo 648 9
07/22/2004 02:25 PM
as pangloss said, i give her a lesson in the bush every once in a while
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newwave 45,912 10
07/22/2004 02:35 PM
No way am I letting a story with hot hot incest action get bumped off the board by rotten eggs.
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SHP: it's all about me 181,718 70
07/22/2004 02:45 PM
So, is your mom hot?
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el guapo 648 9
07/22/2004 02:48 PM
its always about you, shp.
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Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 286,472 61
07/22/2004 02:58 PM
Dyron up there is correct, according to the news (a bunch of asshats themselves). And especially since she is probably not your first cousin, since you didn't know her, I wouldnt' worry about it.
Frost on.
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ringworm 68,315 13
07/22/2004 03:16 PM
oops, i completely forgot about my other female cousin (a non-capper, at that!). she'll be 18 next year.
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Mechman 119 8
07/24/2004 01:20 PM
Well then, you've got an opportunity!
And as far as genetics goes, cousins are fine.
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Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
07/24/2004 01:22 PM
My sister made out with one of our second cousins after the two of them ate an assload of mushrooms and they KNEW they were related.
Drugs are bad m'kay
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El Hammerheado 59,399 14
07/24/2004 03:03 PM
What the Frost are you bitching about? You got laid, and so did she. How do you think the world got populated anyway?
Game on!
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Apollo 8 8
08/05/2004 10:22 AM
"I instinctively began to converse with her breasts but the strange smile that I had noticed earlier seemed to override my primordial sexual desire and I had a proper, decent conversation with what seemed like a completely normal girl."
That's strange, I have a cousin too that's pretty smokin' but her smile overrides that for some strange reason. Maybe it's a cousin thing that the big guy up in the sky made so we don't go around making defected people
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Apollo 8 8
08/05/2004 01:22 PM
Scratch the defected part, thats only for siblings, but then you'll be a sick bastard like Hitler
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GriffXX 559 9
08/06/2004 01:03 PM
like a three-hour German scat porn flick.
That's a lot of scat, dude. How much cheese are those Germans eating?!
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