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If looks could kill
A comedy conversation by Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
07/21/2004 04:11 PM 648 views

There is an ecclectic man that works in my office. His eye glasses always match his outfit. He's in his 50's and thinks he's 25. He also likes to smack the girls butts around the office.



I think he hates me. I walked by him in the hall and he glared at me like I had just taken his eggo toaster waffle. Why he would look at me with such contempt and hatered?



Oohhhh. I remember.



Yesterday he walks into my office (which is 90+ degrees) and stands behind the fan on my desk which is pointing directly in my face. He then proceeds to lift his arm to expose his un-deoderized armpit so that the smell can be sucked through the fan into my face. I can only think that this man is attracted to me and wants me to smell is phermons.



In response to his trying to swoon me with his body odor, I stop what I'm doing and look him in the eye and say, "You stink like corpses of a thousand hot dogs."


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Side-splitting 28 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991816
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31 Comments on "

If looks could kill

"

(Funniest: Oliver Chest,Space Admiral BobJohnson,Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I)


Side-splitting 11 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991819
Oliver Chest 203,475 12
07/21/2004 04:13 PM

Soo.. did you blow him?

 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991822
The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
07/21/2004 04:14 PM

If looks could kill

You'd be lyin' on the floor

You'd be beggin' me, "Please, please baby don't hurt me no more"

 

Hilarious 10 votes 4.9 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991825
Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
07/21/2004 04:15 PM

What's really funny is that he's a manager and all the people he manages were in my office when I said that.



I shall call him, Mr. Dangerfield.

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991836
Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
07/21/2004 04:20 PM

You've succeeded in inducing an 80's flashback in the form of Motley Crue's Looks To Kill.

 

Hilarious 4 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991841
Chris Garrett....aka Craven ANYhead 86,932 12
07/21/2004 04:24 PM

ummm, that would be HEART.



I know someone who knows someone who used to be married to someone who used to own the CD.

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991851
Anita Bottle Of Aloe Vera 6,762 9
07/21/2004 04:28 PM

f looks could kill you would be an Uzi

Or a shotgun - BANG! What's up with that thang?

I wanna know how does it hang?

Straight up, wait up, hold up, Mr. Lover

Like Prince said you're a sexy mutha-



Okay, I'm going to come back to our present decade now.

 

Side-splitting 13 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991873
Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
07/21/2004 04:39 PM

If looks could kill, talking to stupid people would be a lot more fun.

 

  1 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991892
The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
07/21/2004 04:48 PM

Haha. not only did he get the band wrong, but he got the titles of both songs wrong.



"If Looks Could Kill" - Heart

"Looks That Kill" - Motley Crue

 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991898
Fratberry 282,833 53
07/21/2004 04:49 PM

No, Motly Crue lyrics would have been so much more complex...



She's got the looks that kill

and kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-hill-ill



She's got the looks that kill

She's got the looks that kill

She's got the looks that kill

She's got the looks that kill

 

Hilarious 4 votes 4.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991912
The mysterious Snork 45,655 12
07/21/2004 05:52 PM

...Weapon of mass Destruction...

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991933
Dogs Akimbo 211,526 32
07/21/2004 06:13 PM

I was gonna be all pedantic and point out that 1) eclectic is spelled with one 'c'; 2) eclectic means that you choose the best from various fields or styles; and 3) since you said that his eyeglasses matched his clothing, you probably meant either "aesthetic" or "gay."



But then you finished boffo with "You stink like corpses of a thousand hot dogs" and left me speechless.



I gotta start paying attention to the important stuff...

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991954
Scratchy 2,750 12
07/21/2004 06:29 PM

If looks could kill, I would have to wear blinders to drive, or traffic would never move... If only clickies worked in the real world...

 

Hilarious 2 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991970
Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
07/21/2004 06:42 PM

Please forgive me for referencing the incorrect song title.



Also, Frost you.



Warmest regards,

KPF

 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=991990
Trae: Uvula Girl 156,785 17
07/21/2004 06:53 PM

KPF, Donk is very sensitive about his Buttrock. He means you no harm.

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992051
Kellogg's Porn Flakes 3,943 11
07/21/2004 08:44 PM

<action>is in a bitchy mood</action>No harm...I think I have the male equivalent of Aunt Flo. I believe I'm the unwitting victim of a conspiracy to rob me of every minute of Frost-ing sleep...a fiendish plot masterminded by my 3-month old daughter.

 

0 8
07/21/2004 08:50 PM

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Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992060
The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
07/21/2004 08:51 PM

Yup. you're really showing us.

 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992061
ringworm 68,315 13
07/21/2004 08:52 PM

i bow to your 'leetness.

 

Hilarious 2 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992062
The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
07/21/2004 08:55 PM

I guess he schooled us, yo.

 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992065
Teh Porn Producer: uninspired and illiterate 7,627 9
07/21/2004 08:59 PM

You got served .. yo'

 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992066
Teh Piemaster 12,538 15
07/21/2004 09:01 PM

Dizzam!!!111 yo, he gotz u,LOLZ

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992067
ringworm 68,315 13
07/21/2004 09:04 PM

it really wasn't pretty.

 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992068
Briham 38,843 10
07/21/2004 09:13 PM

Actually, Dogs Akimbo, I think she meant eccentric.

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992069
The mysterious Snork 45,655 12
07/21/2004 09:27 PM

Appeasement...



Yes, I am the uber-wuss.

 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992564
Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
07/22/2004 01:22 PM

I was gonna be all pedantic and point out that



Hi,



Did you not read my post about my office being over 90 degrees?



You're lucky all my posts don't look like sassy Miss' Anonymous post from me passing out on my keyboard from heat exhaustion.



Thanks,

Kittuns

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992574
Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 286,472 61
07/22/2004 01:31 PM

Hey, kittuns, go look at my motorcycle paint thread and give me your opinions.

 

Funny 3 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992620
Freshly Microwaved FDIC 816 9
07/22/2004 02:08 PM

At the next office party, you should all chip in and buy him a gift. A really cheap gift of really cheap deodorant. Like one of those tree-shaped air fresheners.

 

Hilarious 4 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992706
Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
07/22/2004 02:36 PM

go look at my motorcycle paint thread and give me your opinions.



Is that the thread labeled "rotteneggsssssss" or "rotteneggggsssssssssucksballs"?

 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992802
Trixxie (Ms. Anita Douche') LeMay 65,021 15
07/22/2004 03:45 PM

"You stink like corpses of a thousand hot dogs." is good; but I think: "You stink like the farts of a thousand dead corpses." is better.











 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=992981
Meek Atom 268 8
07/22/2004 10:49 PM

I scanned over this thread, and what I got was that Motley Crue is your boss and he never washes. Or should I say....washed....up! HAHAHAHA.I'm sorry.

 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=993015
Bong Rip Bob 320 8
07/22/2004 11:29 PM

If looks could kill that explains why I survived my last girlfriend. I hate myself.