The BobJohnson ChatBot 177,870 22
07/26/2004 10:26 PM

What does this have to do with the DNC?

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/26/2004 10:27 PM

It's because Jimmy Carter is so cute and furry.

PersianZug 888 9
07/26/2004 10:30 PM

what does she call the Coleridge? (you, pegleg, you might not of understood this if you are pished)

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/26/2004 10:30 PM

Now she's smacking Barbie dolls together as loud as possible and yelling that it's thundering.

BooBoo Kitty Breed 2,640 9
07/26/2004 10:33 PM

Holy crap, you're foster parenting for Kunta Kinte?

Fluro 14,139 11
07/27/2004 02:25 AM

You CLEARLY haven't beaten her enough.

GoBanana 590 9
07/27/2004 02:26 AM

Kill her.

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
07/27/2004 02:28 AM

bury her with the rest of em.

Frogpop 173,113 25
07/27/2004 02:45 AM

Do you guys homeschool the foster kids too, or does the state make you give them a god-neutral public edumaction?

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/27/2004 08:25 AM

The little brat started in at 5:30 this morning.



I WANT YOU TO ROCK ME!



no



I WANT YOU TO ROCK ME!



no



I WET MY BED



move to the other side



MY PJ'S ARE WET!



mine aren't



MY PJ'S ARE WET



change your clothes



I WANT YOU TO ROCK ME!



*picks up rocks*

Livewire 78,229 12
07/27/2004 09:19 AM

I WANT YOU TO ROCK ME!



Put on Queen's News Of The World album.

Lord Dyran 6,036 9
07/27/2004 09:23 AM

Rock him like a hurricane!

turtle10 41,927 26
07/27/2004 09:32 AM

Remember, there is a fine line between rock and shake.

Lord Dyran 6,036 9
07/27/2004 09:33 AM

... You're not a British nanny, are you, Chickens?

Fratberry 277,313 52
07/27/2004 09:34 AM

Chickens,



Have you considered the benefits of cat ownership?



Sincerely,



Fratberry

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/27/2004 10:33 AM

Maybe a tiger





















to feed the little brat to.

PersianZug is stalking you, chickens 888 9
07/27/2004 01:41 PM

cat ownership? yes, i would like to stroke a Poe regularly.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/27/2004 01:46 PM

Do you really expect kids who are put into foster care to be normal and well-behaved?

PersianZug 888 9
07/27/2004 01:47 PM

how can they be normal living near chickens?

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/27/2004 01:51 PM

Chickens: That is it young lady! Off to bed, with no bible stories!



Little Girl: (runs away weeping)



Hen: Don't you think you were a little hard on her?



Chickens: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
07/27/2004 01:52 PM

I just have a visual of Maude and Ned Flanders in my mind.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/27/2004 01:53 PM

And the obvious award goes to: OLIVER CHEST!!!!

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
07/27/2004 01:53 PM

I won something?

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/27/2004 01:58 PM

I paraphrased a quote from Episode 8F16, "Bart The Lover," which originally aired on 2/13/92.

Lord Dyran 6,036 9
07/27/2004 01:59 PM

<action>tackles Oliver.</action>



You bastard! That award was supposed to go to me!

Revolutionary Chickens 282,028 58
07/27/2004 02:03 PM

well golly gee willikes

Flourescent Sombrero 91,270 9
07/27/2004 02:09 PM

Yay! Imagination Christmas!! I got a pogo stick!

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/27/2004 02:11 PM

I got a hula hoop!

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/27/2004 02:12 PM

Ep. BABF04, originally aired 01/09/00. "Little Big Mom."

Scorpion 4,080 9
07/27/2004 02:35 PM

Looks like someone unearthed their copy of "The Simpsons: A Complete Guide To Our Favorite Family"

Lord Dyran 6,036 9
07/27/2004 02:39 PM

Or went to snpp.com

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
07/27/2004 02:42 PM

I like people that know each line from each episode, and the episode number of the Simpsons. Because if those kind of people can get laid, so can I.

Lord Dyran 6,036 9
07/27/2004 02:44 PM

Who needs to *know* anything anymore? Google can supply just about any information in seconds.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
07/27/2004 02:47 PM

I have this type of disturbing fascination with The Simpsons and Seinfeld.



We named our dog Schmoopy.

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/29/2004 08:03 AM

She's at it again.



MISS EMMA! MISS EMMA!



I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM REAL BAD!



THERE'S A CRICKET IN MY ROOM!



I WANNA COME OUT!



MISS EMMA! MISS EMMA!



I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM REAL BAD!



THERE'S A CRICKET IN MY ROOM!



I WANNA COME OUT!



Think she's talking about coming out of the closet?

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,005 15
07/29/2004 08:13 AM

How do your kids react to having weird kids around? I think your doing a really cool thing, but how do the little chickens feel?

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/29/2004 08:20 AM

<action> reaches over feels top of little chickens head



um, kinda warm and furry

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,005 15
07/29/2004 08:23 AM

I bet my brother's daughter is a bit slimey right now. Her mother's mucus plug is disintergrating so it won't be long before she is warm and furry. *grins*

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/29/2004 08:36 AM

I'M HUNGRY.



I'M HUNGRY.



THERE IS A BIG CRICKET IN HERE.

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/29/2004 08:36 AM

chickens: Well? There ya go.

Dead Robot 67,626 15
07/29/2004 08:42 AM

Can you send this one back? Good lord its like you're fostering some sort of demon.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,088 15
07/29/2004 08:44 AM

This is a Foster Child right ?









I bet the Fosters are smokin crack, all liquored up, and giggling their ass off right now !

Dead Robot 67,626 15
07/29/2004 08:49 AM

I see you've played Knifey Spooney before!

Chit From Shine-ola 178,088 15
07/29/2004 09:00 AM

I think you should slip all the other chillins a note that it is time for a blanket party ala Private Pyle @ Full Metal Jacket!





I've seeen this routine before, next step is she will be reciting Rudy Ray Moore lines, and doin the Emma Cumma Once, and then I cum, Essa cumma two times.......bit

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 10:10 AM

On the way to drop the little monster off at day care this morning, she asks me "Are you okay with hugs? From me? Like at home?"



I explained that you have to earn hugs, and that little girls who try to get into bed with other little girls, and little girls who scream at the top of their voices at 5 am aren't acting very huggable.



Then I shoved her out of the moving car in front of the daycare.

Lord Dyran 6,036 9
07/29/2004 10:11 AM

Big girls who try to get in bed with other girls, though ....



Those, I would hug.

SHePanda 181,263 70
07/29/2004 10:16 AM

I respect what you do, Chickens.

Not everybody can open up their home to children with emotional problems and more needs than a whole slew of "normal" children.

I just don't understand why you keep Frost-ing them up so badly.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 10:31 AM

It's a hobby.

SHePanda 181,263 70
07/29/2004 10:36 AM

I WET MY BED

move to the other side

I WANT YOU TO ROCK ME!

*picks up rocks*

Maybe a tiger

to feed the little brat to.

I explained that you have to earn hugs...



Nobody's going to be really surprised when they find you and Hen locked in the attic.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 11:02 AM

I just found out the chemical soup they feed this kid are all stimulants. Three meds from different doctors and it's no wonder she bounces off the walls.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 03:43 PM

HOLY Shakespeare UPDATE BATMAN: This just in.



DSS will lie to you like a crack whore to get you to take a kid. Anything. "This kid is an angel" "Straight A Student" "Teaches Sunday school" etc.



We have long ago learned not to trust them.



Today, i'm floored. We got a call from the former people who were a long term placement for this kid. We're just keeping her until they find a new permanent home for her.



The reason she blew the last placement?



SHE TOOK A HAMMER TO A BOX OF KITTENS.



I. kid. you. not.



The child has killed. Can you say Jeffery Dalmer?



*exits to go get new batteries for entryway alarms*

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 03:45 PM

I mean really, can you imagine anyone taking a hammer to a box of kittens?!!

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 03:46 PM

What kind of a Frosted up family would hurt a kid so bad as to make her think Shakespeare like that up?

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 12
07/29/2004 03:47 PM

A family that isn't free with the hugs.

SHePanda 181,263 70
07/29/2004 03:48 PM

Boy I bet Kittuns is pissed.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 03:48 PM

She only wants to hug to get inside your defenses.

SHePanda 181,263 70
07/29/2004 03:50 PM

There was this movie on Lifetime or some other Angry Women network once about a family that adopted a child that tried to kill them. It was scary. You are living the real life thing.



Also coming to mind: McCauly Caulkin in "The Bad Seed"

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
07/29/2004 03:51 PM

Maybe she was hungry...

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 03:54 PM

Shepanda- the movie was Child of Rage and I have met that little girl. She is now grown, wonderful and practices the same therapy that healed her (that we do).

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 03:56 PM

some treatment info

SHePanda 181,263 70
07/29/2004 03:58 PM

Wow.

</serious>

The High Priestess of Stewie, Mistress of the Seas 58,193 29
07/29/2004 04:01 PM

I've got my cross, and I'm filling up on Holy Water. I'll be over in 5.







You...... don't have stairs in your house do you? *shudders*

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/29/2004 04:02 PM

Stairs AND a balcony.



Bring your backwards collar.

Bankey 70,843 10
07/29/2004 04:04 PM

I would have thought kitten abuse would bring you two closer together.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 12
07/29/2004 04:04 PM

In all seriousness Chickens, i don't know how you can emotionaly cope, looking after a child like that. It makes me feel ill just thinking about what may have happened in her past. It is good to hear that people like you are able to help these kids.

Errol 10,580 9
07/29/2004 04:05 PM

Find out why she's in foster care to begin with.



Then do that to her again.

Frogpop 173,113 25
07/29/2004 05:36 PM

I mean really, can you imagine anyone taking a hammer to a box of kittens?!!



yeah, but it doesn't even get me hard anymore..



She only wants to hug to get inside your defenses.



and to find out where you keep your hammers.

Gavvo 1,789 11
07/29/2004 05:43 PM

Did they actually say "SHE TOOK A HAMMER TO A BOX OF KITTENS" or did they say that she was hammering away at some Poe?

Fluro 14,139 11
07/30/2004 12:54 AM

I think you misunderstood her- she wanted a hug, not a good cuddling.

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
07/30/2004 10:05 AM

Geez, the brat is such a manipulator. That's characteristic of the diagnosis, everything is okay on their terms.



So she made a mess of her room. We told her she could not come out for breakfast until it was clean. She spends two minutes in there and then goes into:



OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.



I have a theory about a new treatment. Anybody seen that shock collar we had for the dog?

SHePanda 181,263 70
07/30/2004 10:21 AM

OKAY, I'M READY



Those words have lost all meaning.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
07/30/2004 11:48 AM

Re-reading that I can see that I didn't explain that she was calling us to come check her work so she could come out of the room.



Calling us like the FRIGGING EMPERER OF RUSSIA CALLING FOR HIS BREAKFAST like we would drop everything an come running so as not to inconvenience her royal highness.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
07/30/2004 11:54 AM

So... why bother? Romania is filled with orphanages.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
07/30/2004 12:25 PM

I ahve a kid with anger managment problems, he's my own not a foster kid.



I used to think I had it bad.



He must never meet this girl. Chickens I hope you don't live in Philadelphia.



I hope your Karma tubes are as full as your pee tubes.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
08/02/2004 12:47 PM

Oops. I screwed up a tad yesterday.



This kid is a classic RAD case. Very unloveable, very manipulative, likely to show inapropriate affection, etc.



She gets into our car yesterday after two days of respite at another caregiver's house (we had to have a break, she's exausting) and the first thing out of her mouth was "Mr. Chickens? Can I call you daddy from now on?"



"HELL no."



It was out before I knew it.

SHePanda 181,263 70
08/02/2004 01:07 PM

You do realize that tonight's the night that she will be coming at you with a bic lighter and a super-sized bottle of Rave hairspray...

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
08/02/2004 01:11 PM

Well, what do you expect from some one that shaves his nads?

ringworm 68,315 13
08/02/2004 01:20 PM

This kid is a classic RAD case... "Mr. Chickens? Can I call you daddy from now on?"



"HELL no."



and you, sir, are a classic awesome case.

Errol 10,580 9
08/02/2004 01:41 PM

This kid is a classic RAD case.





She doesn't sound rad. She sounds like her behavior sucks your suave, hairless, chicken balls.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,088 15
08/02/2004 01:53 PM

Aren't you susposed to like notify all the neighbors in a five mile radius, when a child of her caliber moves into the area?





I too have to give ya props Mr. Chickens, cause you not only share your coup with these delinquents, but you have to be a part time therapast as well.

What's up with all this Reactive Attachment Disorder etc...

You must have to stay up to date on your psycho kid terminology as well.



To quote Chris Rock, "Whatever happened to just plain Crazy?

SHePanda 181,263 70
08/02/2004 02:01 PM

You send this kid to daycare, right?



Does she go to the regular La Petite or does she attend Daycare for the Emotionally Challenged Kitten Killers?

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 9
08/02/2004 02:02 PM

Get her a box of puppies for Christmas...

Chit From Shine-ola 178,088 15
08/02/2004 02:20 PM

It's been so long since I have had a cat, how many come in a box these days ?





Ya know a box of kittens looks a lot like that "Whack-a-mole" game to a kid on Ritalin.

Declan McManus, Irritated American. 130,657 34
08/02/2004 02:36 PM

Two words:



Retroactive Abortion.





Two More words:



Tubal Ligation.



(of the "mother" and the "child.")





Four words:



Are you crazy, Chickens?

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
08/02/2004 02:41 PM

You wanna know the real scary part? Hen is signing her up for school this week. She will be sitting right next to someone's unsuspecting little Suzie.



She shouldn't be there with normal kids. She will directly negatively effect their education. The law says she has to be there.





And she's one of about 5000 just like her in my county alone.



And you wonder why we homeschool?

Declan McManus, Irritated American. 130,657 34
08/02/2004 02:48 PM

I've never seriously wondered why you homeschool.



I have seriously wondered why you continue to foster.



You both are either working on sainthood, or need to pistolwhipped, and I can't figure out which it is.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
08/02/2004 02:49 PM

Always with the tempting offers you sick Frost.

Declan McManus, Irritated American. 130,657 34
08/02/2004 02:54 PM

You have no idea.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,088 15
08/02/2004 03:04 PM

It would be a god damned shame if she whipped a tasty chocolate AK47 desert out of her lunch bag one day, and the S.W.A.T. snipers had to pick her off on the lunch bench before she went all Columbine on em, wouldn't it ?

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/02/2004 08:20 PM

I have seriously wondered why you continue to foster.



He does it for the child tax credits. I've been learning all about it in my Tax class. Chickens can't stand the thought of those liberal spendocrats up there in DC spending one dime of his hard earned chickenfeed. He'll put up with any bad seed they'll give him, just spite Irving R Smyde.

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
08/03/2004 03:06 AM

Oh, great. Update. HIPPA laws state we cannot even warn the school/teacher of the kids capabilities. She very well may try to feel up little Suzie, and no one is allowed to warn the teacher to keep an eye on the kid.



Man, I love lawyers and the careing gubment.

Pegleg Chickens 282,028 58
08/03/2004 03:07 AM

No tax breaks Frogster. I checked.

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
08/03/2004 03:09 AM

THEN WHY!!??

Humphrey B Bear 51,759 12
08/03/2004 05:58 AM

1. Build cage.

2. Put kid in cage.

3. Buy ferrets.

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/03/2004 06:51 AM

You've got too high of a turn-over, Chix.



"A foster child who lives in the taxpayer's home for the entire year, a legally adopted child, or a child placed in the taxpayer's home by a placement agency qualifies as a child for this [relationship] test [in regards to dependency exemptions]."



If they do qualify as a dependent, then you're eligible for the additional child tax credits.



Here's a fun fact:



"A taxpayer may claim an exemption for a dependent who was born or died during the year if the dependency tests were metwhile that person was alive."



..so you should load up on foster kids in December, then, a few weeks into January you can start killing them off, one every few weeks, and it will count as though they lived with you for the full year and you can still claim them as dependents!



You're welcome.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,005 15
08/03/2004 07:09 AM

Froggles...

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/03/2004 07:59 AM

yes dear?

Frogpop 173,113 25
08/03/2004 08:03 AM

(talking taxes always gets her all hot and bothered..)

Anita Blake 6,762 9
08/03/2004 08:05 AM

I love children, and I love my job as a schoolteacher.



However, the best part of being a schoolteacher is that, at the end of the day, YOU CAN GIVE THE KIDS BACK.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,005 15
08/03/2004 08:07 AM

I love you froggles. It's probably because on full house when ever Uncle Jessy went up to screw Beccy, they always told the little Michelles that they were doing their taxes.

Pegleg Chickens- Arrrrrr 282,028 58
08/03/2004 10:46 AM

Frogs, yes, you are correct, if you have a kid in house for more than 60% of the year you get the tax break. We actually did that early in our fostering.



However now, we offer strictly respite for other foster parents, so no one kid is in our house nearly long enough, the opposite side of that is we can get away on a weekend without the kids if we want to.

Fratberry 277,313 52
08/03/2004 10:50 AM

OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY, I'M READY.OKAY,...



I think you're fostering Rainman's daughter.

Fratberry 277,313 52
08/03/2004 10:51 AM

<action>realizes he keeps coming up with great band names</action>

20 Gimpy Chickens 282,028 58
08/09/2004 10:43 AM

Update: first day of school is a no go.



a. Her one-on-one (OoO) didn't show. Aparently, they have this option, and the barely functioning kid has to go it alone in a giant new school, first day of first grade, unsuspecting teacher. The kid just met OoO on friday and said," I don't like her. She's hairy, wears glasses, looks like a nerd, and I'm not going to school with no nerd. Onion is a OoO now?



b. Unsuspecting teacher is no so unsuspecting and despite gag order laws has a bit of info on mini-Hitler and takes one look at her and goes "uh-uhh. No one-on-one, no first day of school. I can't take it." Hen agrees but didn't want to be the one to make the call and have DSS down her back.



c. child in question has gone into animal mode. She crawls about on hands and knees, meowing her heart out in an attempt to be cute. Boy, did she pick the wrong catless house. She wants to be fed on the floor in a bowl. Riiiight, Hen says.



d. on a sad note, we found out a bit more about what made her this way. Turns out "Dad" was selling her to his pedo buddies from infant to three years old. A three year old described performing fellatio on two men in a bathtub in a therapy session but the parents walked cause some idiot DA put a 3 year old on thes stand in front of her abusing parents. Surprisingly, she caved and ruined an almost airtight case.



Wonder why God allows Hell?

20 Gimpy Chickens 282,028 58
08/09/2004 10:45 AM

e. another right odd situation was Hen, a vehement homeschooler, standing in the midst of 40 or so weeping mothers dropping their kids off for their first day of school. Moms left and right weeping about not having Jr. at home anymore. Hen biting her lip trying to keep in her opinions.



This was not a healty situation.

20 Gimpy Chickens 282,028 58
08/09/2004 10:45 AM

healthy even

SHP - Terminatrix, now with Laser Beam Eyeballs! 181,263 70
08/09/2004 10:58 AM

Dear Chix,

I know of a guy who takes in orphan cats. I can hook you up.

His name is Frat.

Love,

SHP

20 Gimpy Chickens 282,028 58
08/09/2004 11:20 AM

Does he do pick-ups?

Jolson 16,156 9
08/09/2004 11:41 AM

Wow, that foster child is a real prom queen cum dumpster.



YAY! I got to say it in a thread!

Freshly Microwaved FDIC 816 9
08/09/2004 12:21 PM

Chickens: My best to you, your demon, your hen and your other chicks. Just do she and yourself a favor and don't send her to Georgia. I know where she'll end up if you do.

Jolson 16,156 9
08/09/2004 12:25 PM

My sister took in a foster kid for a while several years back. He had been in and out of foster care from the time he was 6 months old and by the time he was 3 or 4 had spent most of his life in foster care because he kept getting pulled for one reason or another. My sister had him continuously for about a year and a half and he was overall a pretty good kid. They laid down rules early and as a result he was a really well behaved child around them and our family. Unfortunately the Florida DCS's policy is to try and reunite biological parents with the kids regardless of how unfit those parents might be.

20 Gimpy Chickens 282,028 58
08/09/2004 12:27 PM

Same rules here Jolson. They take it so far as to not pull other kids from the home of a pedo since that particular child has not as yet been abused. They have to wait until the kid is hurt and screwed up for life to pull him out.



Makes sense.

The Merry Snork 45,631 12
08/09/2004 12:38 PM

No, it doesn't.



Har har

SHP - Terminatrix, now with Laser Beam Eyeballs! 181,263 70
08/09/2004 12:44 PM

Chix, you're a pretty good Christian, right?



Can you honestly tell me that the parents of children that you foster, especially the parents of this little girl, don't deserve the most painful death that one can imagine?



And can you honestly tel me that you don't pray for said death?



And can you also tell me that you wouldn't be happy to kill them if not for that nasty little jail issue?



I can't say that I'm that good of a Christian, because I'm praying for a fate worse than death for those parents.

20 Gimpy Chickens 282,028 58
08/09/2004 12:51 PM

Yes, I think I'm a pretty good Christian.



What that means is I have a constant struggle with what I know to be right over what I know I would like to do.



I would love to remove the guy's penis with a fork. I would relish in it. I think the premise behind Star Chamber was wonderful.



Darn that whole "vengence is mine" stuff. Darn that whole "trust the courts and police to dole out justice" thing.

SHP - Terminatrix, now with Laser Beam Eyeballs! 181,263 70
08/09/2004 12:56 PM

You and I both know that the courts will do no such thing.



When my oldest sister died, her husband went to prison a few months later. My nephew got to stay with my other sister for a few months at a time, but they kept giving him back to his dope dealing, car stealing, people beating up dad.



Three years later, when they finally declared him unfit, not only would they not let my sister adopt him, but they wouldn't let her friends, who qualified and then some to adopt him either, saying that it wouldn't be in the child's best interest to remain close to blood relatives.



So.Frosted.Up.

The Merry Snork 45,631 12
08/09/2004 12:59 PM

You can join my Merry Militia, and together, we can take back this country and then the world!

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/24/2004 03:45 PM

They found a group home for the Miss Emma kid come thursday.



Two. More. Nights.





This child is by far the craziest (bad way) kid we have ever had. There is really no describing it.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
08/24/2004 03:48 PM

On the last night, tell her she has to leave because her being bad forced you to have Santa Claus killed.

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/24/2004 03:50 PM

I was just getting ready to open the floor for suggestions. Thanks. Anyone else?

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
08/24/2004 03:52 PM

In all seriousness, I don't know how you can do this type of thing. You have a much bigger heart then I.

</serious>



Or your wife does and you are too much of a pansy.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
08/24/2004 03:54 PM

Don't be fooled. Chickens takes these children into his luxorious home and then forces them into carpentry and interior design. Before he started fostering, he and Hen lived in a tar paper shack. Three more kids, and the mansion will rival that of Bill Gates. Those Frosted up little kids pay for themselves after three hours of interior wiring or patio repair.

csme 15,189 12
08/24/2004 03:58 PM

There is nothing you can do to this kid that will produce any lasting effect. She's already Frosted up for life. Gabbers can't even match her kind of psycho.

El Hammerheado 59,398 14
08/24/2004 04:00 PM

Tell her that the orphanage will punish her by doing to her what she did to the box of kittens.

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
08/24/2004 04:03 PM

Just tell her that no one will ever love her. Ever.

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/24/2004 04:03 PM

three hours of interior wiring



There was the one kid who took his new battery powered toothbrush apart and used the little drive paddle inside to remove the light switch cover, then repeatedly short across the wires. The sparks kept flying all around him and he was yelling that there was a fire in the wall.



He was a toughy. He also destroyed a set of patio sliding doors.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 12
08/24/2004 04:03 PM

I built a my house next door to a group home. I saw the group home being built to, they had 1/2" Aspenite under the drywall to prevent holes being punched through the walls.

One kid had his head out the window all the time screaming "CALL THE POLICE!!!". A girl that looked about thirteen kept making some rather unappropriate coments to me.



The best part is after selling the place, i was in doing some paint touchups, when the new owner asked what was up with all the cars next door. I said "Oh that's a group home. Have a nice day". I turned and left him standing there with a rather unpleasant look on his face.

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/24/2004 04:04 PM

Just tell her that no one will ever love her. Ever.



She doesn't want the truth. She can't handle the truth.

Chickens walks like Grandpa McCoy 282,028 58
08/26/2004 06:46 AM

Well, this morning is IT. Princess MeMe is off to the orphanage. The system has given up on finding her a family and is going to institutionalize her in a class III lock down facility until she's 18.



Hen spent a couple of hours boo-hooing last night. The kid has no one on this earth that loves her. Or will. She pushes away too hard. We know what treatment would cure her, but cannot find a (childless) family willing to pay the price. (the therapy would be intense, 24 hours stuff for like 18 months but the kid would be normal afterwards).



Scary thing is, this is what fills the orphanages these days. Not the nice kids with no parents from Annie and Oliver, but really horrible kids who's parents have turned them into monsters. And they are concentrated into single buildings where they play on each other and up the craziness. Anybody need a job? I guarantee you will not be outsized.

Chickens walks like Grandpa McCoy 282,028 58
08/26/2004 06:54 AM

We found out more about her in therapy last night. Like she was literally feral when they found her. 4 years old and never had her hair cut. couldn't speak. The father and brother pimped her out and used her themselves daily.



She was force to eat poop and pee and fresh kill raw songbirds the father would kill in the back yard. She was starved.



After she found out she was moving yesterday, she went into horde mode and literally ate 4 sandwiches and begged for more. Begged. Screamed. Cried. Wailed that she was starving.



She had a birthday Tuesday. We gave her the first birthday party she has ever had, which she did her best to ruin. She tried to deny my kids pieces of the cake and tried to throw it.



Before I had taken her to the high end toy store in town and asked her to help me pick out a really good toy for a girl her age who belonged to my secretary. She picked out a furry cat that wagged it's tail and sang the Meow Mix song.



After she opened it at the party and found out it was for her, she begged to cut out the battery pack from it's belly with a knife. Begged.



Where was God when this kid was getting raped by her "family"? Where was the mother that abandoned her with the two creeps?



This, I will take up with God someday. This and brocolli. Damn broccoli.

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/26/2004 09:39 AM

She's gone on on on on on on oooooh I.

I'd pay the devil to replace her....



with just about anything else. It's been a tough 30 days.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 12
08/26/2004 09:42 AM

Chickens, compared to that, what horrible things i thought could have happened to her seem like someone making fun of her for wearing corrective shoes.

Dead Robot 67,626 15
08/26/2004 09:42 AM

the therapy would be intense, 24 hours stuff for like 18 months but the kid would be normal afterwards



I loved Clockwork Orange!



Seriously Cman...you have muevo more patience than I.

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/26/2004 09:45 AM

Second scarey thing is that Hen wants to do this kind of therapy once our kids are up and out. So I have this to look forward to forever.



DR. How bout sending me a vial of blood?

Oliver Chest 203,450 12
08/26/2004 11:20 AM

Not the nice kids with no parents from Annie and Oliver,



LEAVE ME OUTTA THIS!!

Declan McManus, Irritated Bear 130,657 34
08/26/2004 11:35 AM

I've said it before. You and Hen are either saints, fools, or both.















Have you ever asked your own kids what they think of this constant parade of strangers?

Chickens in the Summer of Self-Destruction 282,028 58
08/26/2004 11:47 AM

Yeah. My daughter just called me to sing me a song she just wrote for the departing kid.



They seem to understand. They do complain occasionally, but they know the difference. They have a better concept than most about how good they actually have it, and how bad life could be.

SHP is loved afterall 181,263 70
08/26/2004 01:15 PM

I'm thinking perhaps she killed those kittens for dinner.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,287 14
08/26/2004 01:19 PM

Wow.

Fluro 14,139 11
10/31/2004 08:19 PM

Chickens could write a series of articles. He could call it "Bad Eggs: What really goes on in the coop"

Or: "Little Duce Coop"

Jane...Now I'm here, I'm nowhere now 173,911 15
10/31/2004 11:46 PM

Oh, Frost. Can someone go buy me some tampons? I must be about to start. I cried while reading this thread.

Spicey McHaggis 114,978 33
10/31/2004 11:51 PM

Here ya go, Jane.

Ghost of Chickens Past 282,028 58
12/10/2004 03:53 PM

Update. The above mentioned kid called last night to talk to Hen. Afterwards, one of her keepers got on the phone and said she has upgraded to self abuse (at 6 years old). She has punctured nearly every part of her body. Her arms, legs, privates, jammed light brights into her ears until she screamed with the pain.



Hen cried for like 30 minutes last night.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 12
12/10/2004 04:09 PM

Hey Chickens,



Thanks for bringing the funny and putting me in a light and cheerful mood for the weekend.

Ghost of Chickens Past 282,028 58
12/10/2004 04:12 PM

Piercings get you hot, huh?

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 9
12/10/2004 04:15 PM

You suck. I was in a good mood until I remembered this thread...and read the update.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 130,657 34
12/10/2004 04:28 PM

I guess Chickens's point in reviving this thread was to point up the fact that Ford's baby got off easily.

Oliver Chestnuts roasting over an open fire 203,450 12
12/10/2004 04:37 PM

Chix, do you hate it when people are happy or something?

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 130,657 34
12/10/2004 04:42 PM

Not precisely, Ollie.



Chickens hates it when other people are happy.

Oliver Chestnuts roasting over an open fire 203,450 12
12/10/2004 04:47 PM

I meant to say "other." I wonder what happened to it.

Scratchy wearing a mistletoe belt 2,680 9
12/10/2004 04:53 PM

I meant to say "other." I wonder what happened to it.



Well, when you find out, update this thread. Because, you know... we care so much.

¡Debo ahora bailar con mi árbol de Navidad! 54,807 10
12/10/2004 04:55 PM

Way to kill the funny Chickens. Hey, while you are at it, would you like to kick my dog or give my mom a heart attack?

Mr. Sir 66,708 9
12/10/2004 05:42 PM

That kid's family sounds like they are complete freaks. Do you think they ever dressed her in clothes like this?

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,193 29
12/10/2004 05:42 PM

<action> looks at menu </action>



Umm, yes I'd like the Depressed Special #5 with a side order of Lightbrights and hammers. Can I get that to go? I'm going to be volentering at the animal shelter.

Lamburger 33,017 9
12/10/2004 06:21 PM

Why is everyone all depressed?! She was probably just trying to make herself into a human light bright! I used to do that too and I turned out okay.

Mr. Briham: 230 lbs. of Christmas Cheer 38,843 9
12/10/2004 07:16 PM

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tr- What the hell? That's not the Christmas tree! Take those out this instant!

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 282,028 58
06/06/2006 06:44 AM

6 bump

Slinky 28,185 10
02/27/2008 07:30 PM

Gotta bump teh funny!

drunkenfart 4,871 6
02/27/2008 10:00 PM

i hate to seem like a sissy, but after reading through all that, i find it impossible to find something funny to say.

Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
02/27/2008 11:12 PM

Suddenly Arthur trying to learn reverse engineering by taking apart my Epson printer and being unable to put it back together seems like no big deal.

Thanks for the reminder, and my hat is off to Chickens and Hen.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
02/28/2008 12:06 AM

no Shakespeare, chicken is a saint

Declan McManus Original since 2010 130,657 34
05/28/2010 02:37 AM

GAB search works a teensy bit too well these days.

Drewcifer 3:16 40,113 50
03/24/2011 04:26 PM

I read this thread last night. I had dreams about this thread last night. I was thinking about this thread all day today. Then I ran across this image:


I'm off to go get hammered now.