Oliver Chest 203,475 12
07/28/2004 02:09 AM

<action> sigh



You are an idiot. I am still n00b. You are giving me a bad name by being in the same group. Please just go over to HoB or something.

The Happy Napkin - Jane's Biatch 30,762 12
07/28/2004 03:09 AM

Same here. You are not a n00b. You are a retard.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 03:18 AM

Can I shoot them?

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 03:24 AM

I'm going to agree with Oliver on this one. You're giving n00bs a bad name, as odd as that sounds.



Look, Ishmael, if you plan on sticking around, starting threads like this are a good way to make you the newest and easiest target. You'll find it better if you actually said "Hi" first.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
07/28/2004 03:32 AM

<action> Hands Neep rifle

Neep, you clearly have seniority here... no need to ask our permission.

Squeaks 359 8
07/28/2004 03:39 AM

Ishmael, while I respect your right to be a tard, I cannot encourage it. You are the reason we n00bs can't have nice things; like respect and free s'mores from Jeff.

AussieSarah 8,390 9
07/28/2004 03:47 AM

You are not a n00b. You are a retard.



Add idiotic assw!pe to that and you'd be spot on .

Fluro 14,139 11
07/28/2004 03:48 AM

Neep, I ask that you shoot him in the bollocks, if your aim is that good.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 05:12 AM

Oh yeah. And Oliver, everyone in this thread but Fluro and myself are in my range, watch it.

Emenius Front - It's A Put On 1,433 10
07/28/2004 05:17 AM

Let the shoosting commence!

El Hammerheado 59,399 14
07/28/2004 05:52 AM

<action>sights in scope on .50 Cal. rifle</action>My trigger finger is getting itchy...

SuperDuper 280 10
07/28/2004 06:00 AM

Name your cliche.I'll call mine Bob.

Nachos by moonlight 57,521 23
07/28/2004 06:28 AM

<action>runs through the thread naked and screaming</action>

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 06:46 AM

BLANG!



*Watches n00bs scatter*

Fartpuppy - Now with 20% more lurk 5,142 13
07/28/2004 06:52 AM

<Action>Has never heard a gun go blang before.</Action>

superturkey 6,678 0
07/28/2004 06:54 AM

have you heard one go 'co-blang'?

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 06:56 AM

<action> sets phaser to "kill" </action> "Captain, we have idiot's on long-range sensors. Suggest we launch photon torpedos."

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 07:09 AM

Computer, belay that order. Mr Tuvoc, take Mr McStupid to the brig. He is clearly an alien imposter.

Fartpuppy - Now with 20% more lurk 5,142 13
07/28/2004 07:12 AM

Wasn't Tuvoc part of some rebellion but the leader didn't trust him and handed him an uncharged phaser?



Or have I mistaken him for someone else?

superturkey 6,678 0
07/28/2004 07:12 AM

'belay' the order? are you going to Frost instead?

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 07:15 AM

Tuvoc is usually very trust worthy, when he isn't occupied by aliens or having his mind controlled. That's why he is cheif security officer.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 07:15 AM

Tuvok, that is.

superturkey 6,678 0
07/28/2004 07:17 AM

i thought tuvoc was hated even by his own label? wasn't that why he got shot in vegas?

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 07:17 AM

<action> knows Voyagers command codes </action> Nice try, Neep, but your little mutiny won't work. I'm afraid I'll have to transport you to a Borg cube to be assimilated. Sorry.

Fartpuppy - Now with 20% more lurk 5,142 13
07/28/2004 07:20 AM

Right, I think I saw an episode last night when he was mind controlled.

Fartpuppy - Now with 20% more lurk 5,142 13
07/28/2004 07:21 AM

<Action>Might be a nerd.</Action>

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 07:24 AM

I see you're trying Fartpuppy, so I'll clickie you for that.

Fartpuppy - Now with 20% more lurk 5,142 13
07/28/2004 07:26 AM

This is the only way I remember anything, unless i've seen it several times I forget after a couple of days.

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 07:29 AM

<action> IS A GEEK </action> I regret nothing.



I'd like to meet Neep on a holodeck sometime.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 07:32 AM

<action>watches Tuvok take McStupid out with a phaser then fires photon torpedos, on a modulating frequency, at the sheild generators



Sorry McStupid, my crew are too loyal to me. They would never give me up to the borg.



Captian to Chakotay...

Computer, locate Chakotay.

Gonzo 20,522 17
07/28/2004 07:49 AM

<action>walks into thread, looks around, sighs, calls in an airstrike, and exits.

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 07:50 AM

Tuvok wouldn't fire on someone unless his own life were in danger. Admit it, you took control of his mind.



Security to the bridge! Intruder alert! Neep is an imposter!

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:00 AM

Tuvoc is logical. He is also the head of security, he isn't just watching out for his own arse. Anyway, you recovered from being stunned and you are in the brig. We are watching you and Chakotay, B'Ellana and the rest of the Maqui are loyal to me now, don't even try it.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:02 AM

To make that clear- we are watching you. Also, Chakotay and B'Ellana are loyal to me now, as are all the other Maqui that are part of this crew.



Now get me some coffee!

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 08:06 AM

I doubt it. Seven of Nine and the Docter have already taken care of breaking me out. We're on our way to the bridge. Hope you like your time in a Cardassian prison mine.

Frogpop 173,153 25
07/28/2004 08:12 AM

If you don't stop interfering with my Gab experience, I'll

be forced to find you both in violation of the prime directive.





The needs of the Frogpop outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:16 AM

Hah! You know Seven and Doctor would never betray me. Sure Seven has looked like it in a few episodes, but she was always really on our side. Pah. Computer, end programme. Seven has been running this programme in holodeck 2, to test your strengths and weaknesses.



*Watches McStupid being escorted to the real brig*



By the way, I found Chakotay. I guessed what he had been up to when he arrived at the bridge at same time as Seven. Seven was trying to discreetly pin her hair back up. Once I got my coffee, I thought it was cute. They are fooling no one.

Fartpuppy - Now with 20% more lurk 5,142 13
07/28/2004 08:16 AM

So I just rolled the dice and the door was trapped?



Oh wait wrong thread, sorry.

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 08:16 AM

You'll have to take that up with Picard. He gives the orders around here.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:19 AM

Pssst, meet me in my ready room.

<action>Whispers to Froggles

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 08:26 AM

Dammit, I'm shutting off your replicator! Get your crappy food from Neelix!

Frogpop 173,153 25
07/28/2004 08:28 AM

I engaged the search engine, and boldly found an old thread, where many men have gone before.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:33 AM

Pah, you don't have the power to turn off my replicator from the brig, silly. I trust you're enjoying your talaxian delicacies?

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 08:38 AM

I'm not on the friggin' brig. Odo from Deep Space Nine was disguised as one of my shoes the entire time.



Look behind you, Neep. Your command is over.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:40 AM

He is delusional. Doctor, sedate him.

McStupid, 75% less sodium 13,155 9
07/28/2004 08:45 AM

Nah, I've stolen the docters program and transfered it to one of the holodecks.



We're having a phaser tea-party. Care to join?

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 08:48 AM

Hah, I'd like to see how you could steal it from inside the brig, when you are sedated. Goodnight.

Neep, Janeway's personal foot masseuse. 35,066 15
07/28/2004 05:02 PM

I am teh geek!

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
07/28/2004 08:49 PM

"Bring it own"



What the Frost is own?

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
07/28/2004 08:50 PM

"Bring it own"



What the Frost is own?

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
07/28/2004 08:55 PM

Opps sorry... How did that happen?

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
07/28/2004 09:20 PM

Because you are not smart.

443 8
09/26/2004 06:26 PM

OK, I'm new around here but I've got enough respect to not start a whole new conversation about it, so I thought I'd just contribute to this one.



This place seems woefully disorganized. How do I find my way around? For example, I wanted to contribute to the most recent thread about being a noob, hoping there'd be one that was fairly current. I used the search to look for the word n00b or noob or newb, but the results don't seem to be in any particular order and there was no way of sorting them.



I'm no expert 'Net geek, but it seems to me that most discussion boards have some sort of order to them. For example, there might be a forum for discussion of movies or music and another for the discussion of politics. Here it seems to all be a ragtag jumble of... well, to be honest, I'm not sure what they're of because I'm new here.



Also, there are apparently already a bunch of monkeys around here. I've got a roomful who are experiencing an existential crisis because they're used to being almost the only monkeys to participate in otherwise human conversations. Is there some sort of monkey pheromone around here?



Your wise and helpful advice and information would be appreciated.



Yours hopefully,

monkey management.

Dogs Akimbo 211,526 32
09/26/2004 06:38 PM

As best as I can tell, we're lined up according to height.

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/26/2004 06:39 PM

<action>dares test monkey to touch zug</action>

Dogs Akimbo 211,526 32
09/26/2004 06:39 PM

You've shown up just in time for dodge ball. We're choosing teams by counting off.



One!

Briham 38,843 10
09/26/2004 06:41 PM

<action>immediatly screws up the counting</action>One! No, two! Wait, what number were we on?

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/26/2004 06:45 PM

monkeys cant count



what? you think monkeys smart?

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/26/2004 06:49 PM

Home of the Brave

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/26/2004 06:49 PM

house of blues



a sad dwelling

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
09/26/2004 06:54 PM

HoB = House of Booty



Bunch of goddamned pirates over there I tells ya.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
09/26/2004 07:01 PM

YAR!

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/26/2004 07:07 PM

monkeys, pirates... who will be first to mention ninjas?

Dogs Akimbo 211,526 32
09/26/2004 07:10 PM

That would be HoN.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/26/2004 07:10 PM

Monkey person, the short answer is that this is not a regular message board so finding old topics in order to add to the "right" one is useless. This is a comedy board. It's all about making people laugh. That's why there's a system on the main page of conversations dropping off the page if nobody has contributed to a convo recently (relevent to other conversations).



It's a whole new world.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
09/26/2004 07:12 PM

<action>slaps Roofie upside da head</action>

Let him make a fool of himself for crying out loud!

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/26/2004 07:44 PM

perhaps you dont know there are girl monkeys as well as boy monkeys

just me ok with the Stinky Spiggot 13,787 15
09/26/2004 08:48 PM

Bunch of goddamned pirates over there I tells ya



Yah a bunch of BUTT Pirates,

keep your back to the wall.

Briham 38,843 10
09/26/2004 10:44 PM

<action>flings poo at the roomful of monkeys</action>

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 12:40 AM

<action>scream and fling poo and banana skins back at briham</action>

Turk Diddler 0 8
09/27/2004 12:45 AM

Monkey magic man mad means monkey magic misfires!

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 01:01 AM

<action>fling poo at clever m words</action>

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 01:02 AM

<action>realize that the word "poop" is funnier than the word "poo"</action>

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 01:03 AM

<action>fling poop at clever m words and briham</action>



<action>wait for those clickies to accumulate</action>

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 01:05 AM

<action>wait for those clickies to accumulate for clever use of word "poop" while replenishing poop stockpile</action>

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 01:21 AM

click dammit!

Turk Diddler 0 8
09/27/2004 03:36 PM

That takes me back, though I never did enjoy choir practice.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 03:44 PM

hello n00b.

your looking for the standard gabbers n00b bashing?

welp, here you go.



1.your dumb

2.shut up

3.don't post

4.(somthing totally unrealated about either penis, boobs, turkeys or about Frost-ing)

5.I'm going to kill you

6.more I'm going to kill you

7.your dumb

8.your dumb learn to spell

9.your a n00b

10.bla bla bla somthing about helmets and short buses

11.your not funny go away



sorry kid

if your looking for the kings of ass-ripping I think you brought your ass to the wrong site.



*drinks more beer and gets more drunk*

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/27/2004 03:47 PM

HoB is where GABbers go to die.

Chance 171,270 14
09/27/2004 04:26 PM

I love it when people start threads like this. How else will we sort the intelligent contributors from the ass clowns?

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
09/27/2004 04:52 PM

Insults? Okay, let me see now.



May your first born mate with an albino Siberian yak.



May you be forced to felch said yak and post pictures until the image of tubgirl is forever wiped from our minds.



May the goatse man haunt your dreams forever.



May Lady Trixxie have her way with you all.night.long.

Jannie 10,022 10
09/27/2004 05:33 PM

<action>sings randomly</action>Bein' a tard, and askin' for flames,

Darlin', you give n00bs a bad name.

So just go away if you think we're lame,

Baby, you give n00bs a bad name.







I'd do more, but I'm lazy.

Electric Alaskan Nazi Napkin 30,762 12
09/27/2004 05:42 PM

Dread Pirate:



1. Spell-Checker.

2. You're not your.

3. You're under 18 so it is illegal for you to drink beer. Unless of course beer is an acronym for Breakfast Eatery Edible Drink.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 06:04 PM

What did I tell you kid



and Napkin the legal age for drinking is 21



just thought you should know



and the acronym... ya good one.

Briham 38,843 10
09/27/2004 06:13 PM

Breakfast Eatery Edible Drink

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 06:30 PM

I'm a noob... Bring it own behotches!



Give me your best! I want those insults coming left and right!



You make this sound like your posting a personals add. Trust me, you don't want anybody 'round here.

Briham 38,843 10
09/27/2004 06:34 PM

Dude, that guy hasn't been here for about two months. A little late on the comeback there, buddy.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 06:35 PM

...you may be right.























KICK HIM WHILE HE'S DEAD!

Wonder Bread 3,319 10
09/27/2004 06:37 PM

<action> Kick. kick. </action>

Damn, this is pretty relaxing!

Electric Alaskan Nazi Napkin 30,762 12
09/28/2004 01:21 AM

Well, if you aren't 18 then you sure as hell aren't 21. Unless you figured out that whole space time continuum thingie.

The Rat 2,085 9
09/28/2004 01:38 AM

21? That must really 'blow goats'

Friendly Rapist/Child Molester/Chef Napkin 30,762 12
09/28/2004 01:52 AM

Soviet Georgia?



In Soviet GeorgBLAM!

Mr.Glass: Herald of a Burning World 25,340 11
09/28/2004 01:56 AM

Hey, I know! Let us make another "I'm a noob, gimme your best shot" threads. Eventually they will compound and create a comedy black-hole after imploding, sucking in all of entertainment, and we can sit around in black and white and talk to each-other in text slides with fancy borders.

The Rat 2,085 9
09/28/2004 02:03 AM

And the piano music, you can't forget the piano music.

Pop-Tart Dude 53 8
09/28/2004 02:08 AM

Wh doesn't he do the world a favor and just get a Vasectomy?

Nerd's Victory Thrust 27,000 12
09/28/2004 02:10 AM

Castration. Get it straight.

The Rat 2,085 9
09/28/2004 02:13 AM

That wont stop him posting.







Unless he has it done in Mexico, and they steal his organs.

Nerd's Victory Thrust 27,000 12
09/28/2004 02:23 AM

Delicous.

monkeys that don't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP 443 8
09/28/2004 09:15 AM

noobs are the salt of the interweb

monkeys that don't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP 443 8
09/28/2004 09:16 AM

flames are the pepper

monkeys that don't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP 443 8
09/28/2004 09:17 AM

monkeys are the cheese

monkeys that don't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP 443 8
09/28/2004 02:45 PM

mmmmmmmmm



Cheese



Behold the power