We love the subs!
A comedy article
by dinesh  24,862  16
07/29/2004 01:17 PM 439 views
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The Quizno's near my house is setting new standards for operational inefficiency.
To start with, the "store manager" Aida is usually sitting at one of the tables in front of a mound of paperwork. She's never doing any of it, mind you, but she sits there, talking to her friends, or just staring blankly ahead. More on this later.
Next, you walk to the back of the store to begin the ordering process. On the off chance Aida is not, in fact, sitting up front, then odds are good there are NO EMPLOYEES VISIBLE ANYWHERE. I've found myself standing there for 5 minutes, waiting to see how long it would take, before finally some other dude walked in, waited for about 20 seconds, then screamed at the top of his lungs for some service. As if from thin air, 4 or 5 employees scuttled forth from the back room.
Next, the sandwich maker. Usually between 10-14 years old. This is generally the most efficient part of the process, and it still takes 5 minutes for them to make a single sandwich. For starters, no more than one person is ever allowed to make the sandwiches, God forbid two of them share the workload. Secondly, there is no multitasking. If the person has to wait for the meat-like product to finish reheating in the little dirty dishwater boiler, the entire process stops while everyone just stares at the steamy swamp water.
Eventually the preparation is completed, and the sandwich goes through "the griller." Like a watched pot, there's some sort of temporal rift going on in there, and you never know if, or when, the sandwich will come out the other end.
Usually it does, though. And it sits there, at the end of the conveyor, half in and half out, getting more and more burned. Because the employee responsible for this section of sandwich making is invariably not present, or wandering around behind the counter, or cleaning her nails. Finally, the person will wake up, as if from a deep sleep, see the smoking bread, and spend the next 45 seconds with the pair of tongs trying to pull the sandwich platter out from the heat coils.
Next, the application of lettuce. Thankfully, this one usually goes off without a hitch. I don't really understand the whole two sheets of wrapping paper process, but eventually that gets done as well.
Now, time to pay. Only Aida is allowed to run the cash register. She is literally 5 feet away from me at her paperwork table, watching the sandwich preparation completing, but she never, ever gets up to be ready at the register when everything is ready. Usually I have to look at her, clear my throat, that sort of thing.
Mosying back to the register, she will usually stop by the condiments and spend about 15 seconds straightening up, or yelling for someone else to come straighten up. Nope, I'm not waiting or anything. What is wrong with this Frost-ing 'tard?
On one occasion, when I was (admittedly stupidly) getting multiple sandwiches made, she actually told the lettuce applier to stop working on my sandwich and finish the sandwich of the guy behind me, for some reason I cannot even begin to imagine. He looked at me, shrugged, pulled on the beard he had grown while waiting for this neverending process, and happily did as he was told.
If there is a saving grace, it's that they have an automatic change dispenser, so I never have to worry about this moron counting out my coin change.
Of course, I go back at least twice a week, because if anything trumps annoyance, it's my laziness.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
38 votes
5.0
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0 votes
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Livewire 78,229  13
08/25/2004 07:38 PM
"Hello, I am Dinesh Maneyapanda, noted porn site webmaster and former Enron CFO. I would like a [insert sandwich here], and for your enjoyment I will sing Gilbert & Sullivan tunes in a delightful falsetto until my sandwich is completed."
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0 votes
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Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
08/25/2004 07:41 PM
I detect a hint of contempt towards the unskilled laborers of Quiznos. For shame!
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0 votes
0.0
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Phla Mignon 131,068 34
08/25/2004 07:53 PM
I asked for a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit at McDonalds, and got a *steak,* egg and cheese biscuit, though I suspect it was more like a ground-up mouse drowned in oil, egg, and cheese biscuit. I ate the whole thing. And hallucinated all through the work day.
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0 votes
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The High Priestess 58,869 29
08/25/2004 07:55 PM
That wasn't mouse. Mouse is far to gamey. McD's has moved of to human waste. Much cheaper and easier to produce.
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0 votes
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El Jefe 0 8
08/25/2004 08:18 PM
I thought it was Taco Bell that used recycled human waste...
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0 votes
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dinesh 24,862 16
08/25/2004 08:23 PM
heh, my comic timing is awesome. i wrote this article nigh on 4 weeks ago, but just today added the next chapter to the saga.
When i arrived today, ready to do battle once again with father time, the front door was inexplicably LOCKED. Another person was already knocking. A glance inside showed the employees lounging about, doing nothing.
Finally Aida noticed us and sauntered over. Unlocking the door, she exclaimed "I don't know HOW that got locked!"
Idiots.
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0 votes
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Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
08/25/2004 08:24 PM
Haha! That's awesome.
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0 votes
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Livewire 78,229 13
08/25/2004 11:02 PM
she exclaimed "I don't know HOW that got locked!"
*examining the deadbolt with a magnifying glass*
Watson, I have determined that this was an inside job!
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0 votes
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Daggy 86,705 14
08/26/2004 05:08 AM
Aida's going to spit in your sandwich.
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0 votes
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sperm 190 9
08/26/2004 05:20 AM
which means it will take even longer to make a sub
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0 votes
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MegaZega93 129 8
02/23/2007 10:27 PM
I love how I work at Quizno's, yet I still got an absolute kick out of that whole thing.
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0 votes
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dinesh 24,862 16
02/24/2007 01:45 AM
rock on!
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0 votes
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Rabble Ravos 63,462 21
02/24/2007 05:46 AM
But its so delicious. You're jut being too saucy.
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0 votes
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The Dancing Pickle 266 6
02/24/2007 06:10 AM
He looked at me, shrugged, pulled on the beard he had grown while waiting for this neverending process, and happily did as he was told.
Made me laugh hysterically. I keep imagining Jesus standing behind you in line, Waiting impatiently.
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0 votes
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Commander Pram 80,711 42
02/24/2007 05:44 PM
Frost Quizno's, it's all about tha Subway, Holmes.
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0 votes
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Jeen Hulk 47,687 51
01/26/2008 07:25 AM
You must be from Northern Jersey, because people from South Jersey call 'em hoagies not subs.
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0 votes
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dinesh 24,862 16
01/26/2008 09:59 AM
heh, central NJ in the hizzouse!
though i am actually from buffalo.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Phla ___ __ ______ ___ ___? 131,068 34
01/26/2008 11:15 AM
I was going to post in this thread, but I already did. So I won't.
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