The High Priestess of Stewie, Mistress of the Seas 58,869 29
07/29/2004 07:23 PM

I once choked on a w00t.

ixos 852 9
07/29/2004 07:24 PM

I screen my calls and move frequently, never owning any ID other than a blockbuster card. Death is a Dumbass.

GoatPhoenix 369 8
07/29/2004 07:25 PM

I chose not to supersize.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
07/29/2004 07:28 PM

Death and I have a special arrangement.



I beat him at battleship.. I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
07/29/2004 07:31 PM

I clicked a different post of your Trae; since you're all "NLI".

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 07:32 PM

NKB, is Death at your door?

Lord Dyran 6,040 9
07/29/2004 07:39 PM

I once choked on a w00t.



W00t means penis, right?

45,655 12
07/29/2004 07:44 PM

<action>jotting down IP</action>



...Dumbass?

Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.

The High Priestess of Stewie, Mistress of the Seas 58,869 29
07/29/2004 07:44 PM

I friggen wish.

Errol 10,584 9
07/29/2004 07:46 PM

I friggen wish.





Well...if...uh...you needed a penis to choke on 'n' stuff...I could be...err...available?

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 07:46 PM

Where's Ditdah?



.. she needs to "bandage" me up

The High Priestess of Stewie, Mistress of the Seas 58,869 29
07/29/2004 07:47 PM

available



Hey baby. What's up?

Errol 10,584 9
07/29/2004 07:48 PM

Well...after your post...my penis is.

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 07:48 PM

The package heading towards the north.

Munkus 2,801 10
07/29/2004 07:58 PM

Escaping death always brings with it some humorous shenanigans

(Chris Garrett) 3MTA3 86,932 12
07/29/2004 08:29 PM

EXCELLENT

meancoffeebean 348 8
07/29/2004 08:53 PM

it was cartoonish, my near death experience.



i was out by bagby hot springs in the summer of '00 ...

the guy i was dating then and i were out scoping the area.

we pulled over to go tramping through the woods and explore a log jam we had seen from the road.

after several hours of exploration, we decided it was hotsprings time again and we went to make our way back across the log jam to get to the path to go the car.

how my ex, he is a long and lanky man. 6'2" and 150 pounds.... at least, he used to be .. hehe .. anyway -

he see's a shortcut across a crumbly dirt path that easily would have saved about 40 minutes of loggy terrain for me to climb over.

at the time i was much less of a fit body, and i am 5'6", and at the time, weighed in at 250 pounds.

the ex says "oh lookie, a shortcut" and nimbly sprung his happy ass across the 45 degree angled mound of rubble and gravel and dirt. at the bottom of this mound was a dropoff of about 25 feet into old volcanic rock. but BEN did it so SURELY i could ...

meancoffeebean 348 8
07/29/2004 08:53 PM

WRONG!!!

meancoffeebean 348 8
07/29/2004 08:53 PM

i get two springy steps into sproinging across like he did, and my gravity gets the better of me and the dirt, which starts to slide out from under my feet ... i flatten myself to the precarious surface only feel my whole body slowly slipping toward the cliff! i dig my fingers into the dirt desperatly seeking something solid to grip onto --

Lo and Behold my hand finds a root, so i grab onto it with the grip of an infant on an earring, only to find the root is NOT ROOTED!!

it slowly disengages it's minor grip on the dirt and i look over to my now ex-boyfriend to plead for a hand, and he's TWENTY FEET AWAY ... i scream

"BEN! .. i'm slipping and i need your help"

he see's me and comes dashing back, stretches out with one hand and clings to a sapling conifer with another, and carefully reduces my weight enough with his pull to allow the dirt to support me the rest of the way across....





so i escaped.....barely, and have only developed a slight aversion to heights....



sometimes i still have dreams about it though -- in my dreams i have a cartoon hand grabbing a cartoon root in real dirt, and i find myself wishing for a pencil....

Pegleg Chickens 286,472 61
07/29/2004 10:26 PM

Well, I wrecked my motorcycle, breaking my leg while wearing a kilt.



Death showed up, but I got away cause he was laughing so hard.

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 10:27 PM

I was playing Death thay day.



.. i loved you so much that i felt bad

The High Priestess of Stewie Fucked Lord Dyran 58,869 29
07/29/2004 10:32 PM

Did death sound like Norm McDonald?

BooBoo Kitty Breed 2,640 9
07/29/2004 10:35 PM

<action>Gonnygeezabreak</action>

Must you mention kilts when I'm on the rebound Chickens? It's just not right!!

4 8
07/29/2004 10:37 PM

I just yell out "KILL ME" repeatedly.

Death's a sucker for reverse psycology.

The High Priestess of Stewie Fucked Lord Dyran 58,869 29
07/29/2004 10:41 PM

I guess no one got my Family Guy reference. I'll go kill myself now.

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 10:44 PM

"If I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A child molester, and I'll be damned if I stand here and get lectured by pervert."

JordanRL 125 9
07/29/2004 10:48 PM

I was going to comment on your Norm McDonald reference but Jimmy Kimmel was standing next to me with his scyth

Proud Elitist 2,629 9
07/29/2004 10:54 PM

A couple of years ago my friend invited me up to his cottage as he had just purchased a ghetto snowmobile. Being the safety-minded fellow that he is, he also had some cool motorcycle style hemlets with the flip-down visor.



We head out and find an open snowy field boarded by dicthes and forest on three sides. It's about 200 yards to the other side, and with me sitting on the back, my friend guns it to see what his new beast can do. We get it up to 40 mph, when we hit a patch of ice and lose control. He starts flailing the steering wheel around, and ends up hitting the "kill" switch in the process, diasbling the brakes.



So now we're skidding across the ice, screaming, and the ditch and sorest are fast approaching. We launch into some shrubbery and sapplings, and branches are everywhere, scrapping at my helmet and tugging at my winter coat. we fly over one side of the ditch, and the nose plunges into the other side. Physics takes over at this point, the snowmobile flexes, ad becomes a giant springboar, throwing me off the back end. I sail over my friend, through the forest, and hit a tree.



I come to with my friend standing over me, with a look of panic on his face. I fip up my visor, and mutter, "I'm drving home"



It is only once we are back in the cabin, nursing my headache and sore ribs, that I realised I could have either hit the tree with my head and causes serious damage, or missed the trees and ended up going through the small forest onto the road, to be run over.



We went out again the next day and tried to break our record of 40 mph.

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 10:55 PM

So long. Suumarize for the drunkard.

Proud Elitist 2,629 9
07/29/2004 10:58 PM

Snowmobile accident ... didn't learn lesson

Teh Porn Producer: I'm Not Dead! 7,627 9
07/29/2004 11:00 PM

That has a lesson?



.. i thought it was part of teh fun ..

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
07/30/2004 01:45 AM

I have cheated death many times.



Once, I was at a local train station that had stairs going up and over the tracks...About three flights worth. It was a really cold winter day, and I didn't realize the stairs were icy. I placed my foot on the first step, and it went flying out from under me. I slid down the entire three flights, even skidding through the two small "landings" between the stairs. Ended up without a scratch.



When I was 15 (and too young to be driving) I stole my mothers car and went driving around like a maniac. We came to the top of the steepest hill in town and I floored it, so we went flying down this hill. In the rain. At the bottom is an intersection with a light, and the intersecting road is a main thoroughfare. The light was red, and cars were in my lane. I hit the brakes (this was before the advent of anti-lock brakes) and started skidding. Trying to avert an accident, I swerved to the left. Just as I'm thinking I saved the day with my quick thinking, an 18-wheeler turns onto the street I'm in and begins making it's way up the hill, in the lane I am now travelling in. (Damn you, Mookie!) With no time to think, and an impending disaster unfolding, I slammed the transmission into reverse. And it worked. Somehow, the tires got traction and I was able to go from at least 30mph forward to reverse almost instantly. I backed all the way up the hill to safety.

Quang 138 9
07/30/2004 01:52 AM

Well, I was in human form driving this 18 wheeled vehicle, and all of a sudden this wild human in a vehicle enters my lane and starts heading for me...

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
07/30/2004 01:54 AM

Another time, I fell asleep while travelling on the Grand Central Parkway at 4am. I was in the left lane, and have no idea how long I was sleeping. The car struck the median and the jolt woke me up, and I instinctively jerked the wheel to the right to get back onto the highway. I overcorrected, and began spinning uncontrollably across four lanes of highway. The next thing I know, I'm all the way over on the right, I'm sitting in the passenger seat with an intense desire to pee, and a van resting comfortably on top of my car. I exit the car through the passenger door, walk to the bushes and take a piss, and as I'm heading back to the car, the ambulances had arrived and they strapped me down to one of those boards and rushed me to the hospital. They xrayed every inch of my body, and found absolutely nothing.



I was later told that witnesses said that the van hit me without even slowing down, and estimates were he was doing over 60. What they think happened was on impact I was thrown into the passenger seat and was spared being crushed by the van, which hit me directly on the driver's side door. I was "T-boned", if you will. The drivers side door was crushed in so severely that it prevented the movement of the stick shift, and completely deformed the seat and steering wheel. When I went to the junkyard the next day to retrieve my stuff from it, the guys there we're asking if the driver died and whatnot, and when I told them I was the driver, they all called me a liar. They also said if they realized I had expensive stereo equipment in the car, it would have been stolen 5 minutes after they got it there.

Lord Dyran 6,040 9
07/30/2004 08:33 AM

Zaphod, remind me to never get in a car with you.

Gopher 570 10
07/30/2004 01:07 PM

Death won't come for me until 2050.

Gopher 570 10
07/30/2004 01:09 PM

Death and I have a special arrangement.



I beat him at battleship.. I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want.



Who do you most resemble Oliver. Bill or Ted?

Scratchy 2,750 12
07/30/2004 02:47 PM

They xrayed every inch of my body, and found absolutely nothing.



Well, that explains why you weren't hurt... you're incorporeal. Either that or you don't exist.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
07/30/2004 02:50 PM

and todays obvious award goes to...... GOPHER!!!



now get off the stage ass.

Dogs Akimbo 211,526 32
07/30/2004 06:36 PM

They xrayed every inch of my body, and found absolutely nothing.



No, no, no...



The joke is, They xrayed my head and found nothing.

ringworm 68,315 13
07/30/2004 06:54 PM

they x-rayed every inch of my body and found that i've an adamantium-reinforced skeleton.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
07/30/2004 06:59 PM

Cocktail, anyone?

Dogs Akimbo 211,526 32
07/30/2004 07:00 PM

If Trixxie is all alone, adamantium and he's happy!

Dead Robot 67,630 16
07/30/2004 07:02 PM

Badump dump. He's here all week folks, try the veal.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/31/2004 01:39 AM

<action> has concussion a - sense this</action>A head fell at work today on my speaker. Big one heavy with three four corners, sharp hit my temple. )My funnybone is not located there.(

Stars from Soviet Russia saw me.



oP.o

Frogpop 173,153 25
07/31/2004 01:57 AM

oPo, spaghettios!