Lord Dyran 6,040 9
08/08/2004 12:26 AM

And then there's my favourite:



'There was a young lady from Bude

When swimming one day, in a lake

A man in a punt

Stuck an oar in her ear

And said You cant swim here it's dangerous!'

Flying Hippo, Looking for a new name 1,246 10
08/08/2004 12:55 AM

okay....

Gonzo 20,522 17
08/08/2004 12:58 AM

There once were some rhymes they called limericks

Repeated by smart men and dimwits

They're easy to make

A real piece of cake

Until you get to the last line.

1,246 10
08/08/2004 01:03 AM

teh

Sy the photo guy 6,547 10
08/08/2004 12:48 PM

There once was a creature from Dallas

Who had both vagina and phallus

(s)he diddled herself so much,

her Carroll was sore to the touch

and her phallus developed a callous!

Dogs Akimbo 211,531 32
08/08/2004 09:59 PM

There once was a fellow named Kent

Whose Coleridge was so long that it bent

To save himself trouble

He stuck it in doubled

And instead of cumming... he went

Dogs Akimbo 211,531 32
08/08/2004 10:26 PM

Okay, not dirty, but I've always appreciated it:



There once was a man from Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket

His daughter named Nan

ran away with a man

And as for the bucket, Nantucket



The man followed the pair to Pawtucket

The man and the girl with the bucket

He said to the man,

You're welcome to Nan

But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Hollis the Butt Munch! 7,284 14
08/08/2004 11:54 PM

There once was a lady named Cager

Who had agreed to a wager

She consented to fart the entire oboe part

Of Mozart's quartet in F major

(Chris Garrett) Jacques Strap 86,932 12
08/09/2004 07:13 AM

There once was a man from Peru.

Who fell asleep in a canoe.

While dreaming of Venus,

he pulled out his pe*nis,

and woke up with a handful of goo.

The Merry Snork 45,655 12
08/09/2004 09:06 AM

That should teach those damn Peruvians. Next time I'll Shakespeare on his head.

TEDphat 6,408 9
08/09/2004 10:05 AM

Rule 1: All limeracks must start with "There once was"



Rule 2: There is no fight club

lupience, Leaping with the Lords 26,981 11
12/13/2005 06:58 AM

There once was a lady named Dot

Who lived on pig Shakespeare and snot.

When she ran out of these,

She would eat the green cheese

She scraped from inside her twat.

Chit Eating Grin 178,762 15
03/09/2006 10:12 PM

On the chest of a barmaid at Yale

Was printed all the prices of Ale,

And on her behind,

For the sake of the blind...

Was the same information in braile.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:18 PM

Chi-Chi, demure and kind-hearted,

Fell back hard with his legs up and parted,

But it was not just bad gas,

That escaped from his ass,

He'd lost sphincter control and had sharted.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:18 PM

Hammerhead lives among deep ocean shelves,

Preying upon humorless noobian elves,

With a bite like a bee,

He can force them to flee,

While they trip, slip and chit on themselves.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:19 PM

Roofie has wisdom and grace,

Welcome within the confines of this place,

She once offered a noob,

A spot 'neath her left boob,

Now he keeps cumming in his own face.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:19 PM

Now Ollie would proudly proclaim,

That trousers were just for the lame,

He preached this bad con,

Till he ended up on,

The state registry's Hall of Fame.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:19 PM

A fetching young vixen named Trae,

Used her body for cyber foreplay,

Once the sight of her boobs,

Graced our computer tubes,

She converted the whole QTA.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:19 PM

Timmy, devoid of all class,

To impress a new young GABbing lass,

Deep-throated a sword,

On Zug's photo board,

And shot razor blades out of his ass.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:20 PM

I once faced my deepest of fears,

When my bowels up and reversed their gears,

I lost my smug grin,

Tried to hold it all in,

But finally shot chit out both ears.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:20 PM

The lass I brought home was a prize,

With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,

Her breasts, so well kept,

Were what I'd expect,

But her penis was quite a surprise.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:20 PM

We party, blow out and regale,

Till police sirens burst out and wail,

Once arrested we now,

Have to figure out how,

Not to give up the butt while in jail.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/09/2006 10:21 PM

Felecia so carelessly wields,

Rancid gas that knows not any yields,

She once loosed a big queef,

That just reeked of rank beef,

And blew wings off her used panty shields.

Chit Eating Grin 178,762 15
03/09/2006 10:33 PM

Dude...100 miles ?







Make the drive.

Dogs Akimbo 211,531 32
03/09/2006 10:51 PM

There once was a lass from Alquonqin.

Who didn't know Shakespeare about limericks.

She had sex with your cousin

But not you, you dirty bastard.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/10/2006 06:49 AM

An Aussie with dire love trouble,

Enclosed himself within a bubble,

Till a thundering blast,

From the depths of his ass,

Reduced his clear sphere into rubble.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/10/2006 06:49 AM

With no dignity to undermine,

This man had no great need for a line,

He need buy no minks

Nor fanciful drinks,

For he'd found a love truly bovine.

Jep Zeddelin 58,758 13
03/10/2006 06:50 AM

Saddam faced his deepest of fears,

Jailed with sixty five queers,

In his dungeon of sin,

His Shakespeare got pushed in,

Till it violently burst out both ears.

Phuc 237,915 21
03/10/2006 09:44 AM

There was a young bishop from Avery

With a vice most obscene and unsavory

With a shake of his jowls

He "rogers" young owls

Which doesn't sit well with the knavery

the avenged 126 6
04/29/2008 07:41 AM

there once was a women from Eeling,
who had a peculiar feeling,
she lay on her back,
and tickled her crack,
and pissed all over the celing.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
04/29/2008 08:31 AM

there once was a man from montana
who loved to play the piana.
one day his finger slipped
then his pants ripped
and out came a hairy banana

Pram 80,711 42
04/29/2008 01:17 PM

There once was a guy who loved shoes
had so many he couldn't choose
which ones he would boof
until he felt aloof,
and which ones he'd let age like a booze

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
04/29/2008 04:48 PM

There once was a young man from Eeling
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then, like a trout
He would stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling.

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
04/29/2008 04:54 PM

There was a young lady named Jill
Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.


Another young lady, named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her Emerson in Buckingham Palace.

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
04/29/2008 04:58 PM

There once was a man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon
He didn't have the luck
To be born by a Frost
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.

(That one is EJ's submission.)

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
04/29/2008 06:09 PM

This was Emailed to me at some point.


There once was a man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he'd bang 'em together
They'd play stormy weather
And lightning would shoot out of his ass

Pram 80,711 42
04/29/2008 06:11 PM

Tird Ferguson
3/09/2006 8:55 pm [1S+TrJ_Ck8BXCKHQhNpJ5Q]

My dad told me this one when i was 9.....

There onces was a man from Degrass.
His balls where made out of brass.
when he clang them together
They made stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass

Sorry, Shemp.

Pram 80,711 42
04/29/2008 06:15 PM

I once was a poster on GAB
who thought posting doubles was bad
the one time I noticed,
it's Shemp who had posted
and now he'll prolly kick my ass.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
04/29/2008 06:16 PM

Like I said, it was sent to me.

Didnt say I made it up.



Sorry Pram.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
04/29/2008 06:17 PM

OH!



I can see clearly now.



Carry on.

Pram 80,711 42
04/29/2008 06:19 PM

There once was a game people played
although some regs thought it was gayed
the object of it
was to get mad and spit
"OH Shakespeare, I JUST LOST THE DAMN GAME!"

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
04/29/2008 06:56 PM

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Said Frost-ing is one thing I do know
Now women are fine
And sheep are divine
But llamas are numero uno.

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
04/29/2008 07:00 PM

Okay, last one, I promise.

There once was a young man from Sidney
Who could put it in up to her kidney
But a mailman from Quebec
Put it in up to her neck
He had a long one, didn't he?

Just Plain Jeen 47,687 51
04/29/2008 07:34 PM

There once was a girl who took baths.
She liked shoving weird Shakespeare up her ass.
She made everyone hurl,
so they named her tubgirl,
which gave her a smidgen of class.

Mung Champ 35,886 35
04/29/2008 08:04 PM

A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit
"Does Shakespeare stick to your fur as a habit?"
"Of course not," said the hare,
"It's really quite rare!"
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

TracyBunny 1,124 6
04/29/2008 08:56 PM

There were two young ladies from Birmingham
And here is the story concerning 'em.
They lifted the frock
and they sucked on the Coleridge
of the bishop as he was confirming 'em.

But the Bishop was nobody's fool -
He'd been to a large public school.
He took down his britches
And butt-Frosted those bitches
With his twelve-inch Episcopal tool.

But that didn't bother those two.
They said, as the Bishop withdrew:
"The Vicar is quicker,
and thicker, and slicker,
and longer and stronger than you."

foxybill42 623 6
04/29/2008 09:01 PM

In days of old
when men were bold
and rubbers wern't invented
they would take a sock
wrap it round their Coleridge
and baby's were prevented

foxybill42 623 6
04/29/2008 09:07 PM

There was a fat cat named bert
who liked to dig hole's in the dirt
he filled them quite fast
with the food that he passed
and also an occasional squirt

Closet Friend 7,662 11
04/29/2008 11:39 PM

There once was a feisty young terrier
That liked to bite girls on the derrire,
He'd yip and he'd yap,
He'd jump up and *snap!*
And the fairer the derrire the merrier!

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
04/30/2008 12:19 AM

There once was the avenged. Yes, a noob.
And he bumped an old thread, what a rube.
He is quite lucky,
This thread's teh funny,
So when raped, his ass might get some lube.

the avenged 126 6
04/30/2008 12:44 AM

wow gray, nice one.. and I hope I'm lucky enough to get the lube.

Pubah 56,805 18
04/30/2008 10:25 AM

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
He had green blood and a huge Coleridge
you finish...

Pram 80,711 42
04/30/2008 10:51 AM

his dick was necrotic,
'cause something had chomped it,
it swelled so big, he couldn't walk!

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
04/30/2008 03:35 PM

There once was a Vulcan named Spock
He had green blood and a huge Coleridge...
Jealous and whiny
Cause Capt Kirk's was so tiny
And Spock got more ass at the dock.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/01/2008 06:48 PM

There once was a Klingon named Worf
who liked to have sex with a Dwarf
He let out a laugh
When he split her in half
And said, "Eckla dingle hack schlorf".

Jepperoni 58,758 13
05/01/2008 09:22 PM

Talk about being a loser. I was going to search for a thread that I once posted a bajillion limericks in to recycle some old jokes when I realized that this was the thread I orignally posted them in.

I'm in desperate need of new material.

Thud 68,459 19
05/01/2008 09:23 PM

Stop getting in car wrecks, you'll have more time to write dirty little ditties.

Jepperoni 58,758 13
05/01/2008 09:35 PM

There once was an uninsured lass,
Who was far too retarded to pass,
It since has been settled,
She ignored the brake pedal,
And rammed her car far up my ass.

Mung Champ 35,886 35
05/01/2008 10:16 PM

There once was a man named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
He said "I admit,
I am a bit of a Shakespeare,
But think of the money I save".

the avenged 126 6
05/02/2008 12:43 AM

there once was a retarded chap,
who yammered on about crap,
offended would be,
the misses and me,
when he'ld pull down his pants and fap.

Pram 80,711 42
05/02/2008 10:47 AM

Study limmerix MOAR.

Pram 80,711 42
05/02/2008 01:25 PM

Whoops, I meant:

There once was a guy called Avenged
the "the" in his name was pretend
he made a post here
in this thread out of fear
that he'd never find a GABber friend!

Pram 80,711 42
05/02/2008 01:40 PM

There once was a man from Chattanooga



Nahh.

Pram 80,711 42
05/02/2008 02:02 PM

There once was a lass from Malibu
she had scabs and stuff on her poonannoo
a friend came to visit
from another planet
when cumming, he said, "NANOO-NANOO!"

Secret Squirl 53,270 54
05/02/2008 04:22 PM

there once was a squirrel with a nut
he shoved it way up in his butt
and several more too
till he had twenty two
22 nuts in his butt what a slut

Pram 80,711 42
05/02/2008 05:15 PM

There once was a man from my ding a
ling my ding a ling my ding a ling
my ding a ling my,
ding a ling my ding,
a ling, my ding a ling, my dingBLAM!

Pram 80,711 42
05/02/2008 05:15 PM

<action>oh crappola, I forgot part of that.</action>

^I want you to play with it.

the Avenged 126 6
05/03/2008 07:01 PM

I dont really care if I make a GABber friend or not.. this place is funny either way though

Todd Awful 12 5
06/15/2008 04:02 PM

There once was a girl from Nantucket
whose box was shaped like a bucket.
It was so big and wide
and hollow inside
that none of the young men could...well you get the idea.

rorrimimage 23 5
06/15/2008 07:12 PM

There once was a man from Kentucky
One night he thought he got lucky
But he would realize
She had something between her thighs
And he thought that was yucky

the Avenged 126 6
06/15/2008 09:16 PM

wow, and I thought I was the only noob to bring up old threads... (read above)

5150 or the Canadian equivalent 1,692 7
06/16/2008 08:51 AM

Avenge this, Coleridgesucker.


...











I'm out of ideas.


WAIT

Avenged was from North Carolina
who married a crusty old-timer
the one thing about him,
is that when they were dinin',
Avenged discovered she was a him.

FAIL

Bill the Squirrel from the future 53,270 54
06/16/2008 09:29 AM

51 thought he was witty.
But in fact all his jokes were real Shakespearety.
He is a real prick
And eats bowls of dick
And all we all gave him was pity

5150 or the Canadian equivalent 1,692 7
06/16/2008 11:16 AM

Bill thinks he is a squirrel
he assumes that his wife is a girl
having never been laid
cuz he's neutered or spayed
he cant give his wife a necklace of pearl.

Dogs Akimbo 211,531 32
06/16/2008 12:44 PM

I think we've answered Ima's question.

Phuc 237,915 21
06/16/2008 12:48 PM

There once was a skanky ol' whore
Whose twat was all puffy and sore
The dogs from the street
Liked to eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers

Phuc 237,915 21
06/16/2008 12:52 PM

There once was a young man named Paul
Who had a hexagonal ball
Its size plus its weight
Times their square root plus eight
Is his phone number--give him a call!

A Zolton in Springtime 88,158 34
06/16/2008 12:58 PM

There was a fair lass from Poughkeepsie,
Who went drinking and got a bit tipsy.
She hooked up with a chap,
Who'd just gotten the clap.
Now she's got nasty sores on her lips, see?

Mung Champ 35,886 35
06/16/2008 01:02 PM

There once was a fellow McSweeny,
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth,
He added Vermouth,
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

Mung Champ 35,886 35
06/16/2008 01:10 PM

On a knoll a young maiden named Molly
Her innocence lost through young folly
His name was Sing Chum
And too soon he did cum
And all he could say was "I'm solly!"

A Zolton in Springtime 88,158 34
06/16/2008 01:11 PM

A young lad from Lake Titicaca
Dined out at a posh Benihana.
He choked on a scallion
From his beefsteak medallion
And told his story to Barbara Walters.

Bill the Squirrel from the future 53,270 54
06/16/2008 03:12 PM

There once was a Canadian
Who tried to be funny again
He started to cry
When I stuck my dick in his eye
And filled his skull full of seamen

5150 or the Canadian equivalent 1,692 7
06/17/2008 09:20 AM

and filled his skull full of seamen

Now, how you fit the navy in my skull is beyond me.

Twat. Learn to spell, you ignorant prick.

Bill the Squirrel from the future 53,270 54
06/17/2008 09:27 AM

<action> watches semen running down 5150's cheek</action>Wow, are we getting a little sensitive? Prick?

namelessss 31 5
07/24/2008 01:19 PM

There once was a man from Ft. Knox
Who liked to jerk off into socks.
His socks were all squishy
And smelled a bit fishy
Like his shoes had been down at the docks.

namelessss 31 5
07/24/2008 01:20 PM

There once was a dude from Aruba
Who got his dic* stuck in a tuba.
The brass was so dry
He couldn't pry
It back out so he needed some lube-a.

namelessss 31 5
07/24/2008 01:33 PM

There once was a President Bush
Who misplaced his head in his tush.
He took us to war
Though we all said "What for?"
So in '08 he's gettin' the push!

namelessss 31 5
07/24/2008 01:58 PM

There once was a man from Hong Kong
He had the world's tiniest schlong.
No good for sucking
Let along fuc*ing
It was shorter than two inches long!

Alt+F4- The Annoying Button 11 5
07/24/2008 03:59 PM

There once was a very bald man
and he lived in a frying pan
he whipped out his dick
and burnt the small prick
and now all he does is lickety- lick

KChikita - Same as in town 128,103 98
07/24/2008 04:22 PM

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Blah blah blah,
Frost it.

Marmite...Did ya fookin' miss meh? 12,955 12
07/24/2008 04:34 PM

There was an old man from Brazil
who swallowed a dynamite pill
heart retired
and his bum backfired
and his will shot over the hill

I found this when I was about 12 in a book of dirty limericks that my Aunt kept in the toilet. Classy or what?

eric Sylva 9 5
02/20/2009 07:29 PM

 The art of the limerick an old one.

The shower I've taken a gold one.

The content be dirty

Diarrhoea be squirty

Impolite as it is to have told one.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
02/20/2009 10:06 PM

There once was a website called Zug.

Where people could verbally thug,

Where a squirrel disses Thud,

As Pram wacks his pud.

And Mothcleaner speaks of butt plugs.

jackoni 10 6
02/17/2010 04:27 AM

There once was a dude in the city.
Who was out on the prowl for some tittys.
As he walked around.
On his face grew a frown.
For all the tittys he found were Shakespearety.

jackoni 10 6
02/17/2010 04:43 AM

There once was a lonly gamer.
Who thought he could get no lamer.
When consulting his friends.
On changing his trends.
They said, "become a house framer".

try to do a clean limric, and get anthing funny.

Cyco Ivan 11,330 11
02/17/2010 04:59 AM

try to do a clean limric, and get anthing funny.

Try using spellcheck, I bet the missing vowels are why it's not funny.


Then again, probably not.

PunFun 6 3
05/05/2012 11:33 AM

There was an unfortunate young fellow called Giles
Who had the ugliest bottom for miles
But a surgeon took pity
And made it quite pretty
All dimples and poutings and smiles!

PunFun 6 3
05/05/2012 11:34 AM

There was once a lass from Darjeeling
Who danced with such exquisite feeling
Not a sound was heard, not a tinkling
Except for the fly buttonShakespeare-ing the ceiling!

PunFun 6 3
05/05/2012 11:37 AM

Jack and Jill swallowed a pill
Was supposed to make them hotter
Jack peaked soon and flopped around
Jill came grumbling after!

Dogs Akimbo 211,531 32
05/05/2012 12:00 PM

1) That's not a pun.

2) That's not fun.

3) There once was a poster PunFun
Who hardly rated a menshun
But I needed point three
and with Profit! not likelee
I thought I would mention that a pun is supposed to have 5 lines with the first, second and fifth lines rhyming, you scurrilous vermun

The Lobster. 18,568 33
05/05/2012 12:50 PM

A limerick has 5 lines with lines 1,2,and 5 rhyming, and lines 3 and 4 rhyming.

A pun is something entirely different.
Unless your comment was pun intentional, then I stand apologetic.

Dogs Akimbo 211,531 32 slaps himself in head
05/05/2012 12:57 PM

Doh!

"Amateurs like this me are the reason weed is still illegal for the rest of us you."

dwezel 644 10
05/05/2012 01:21 PM

There once was a man from Milenocket
Who stuffed his dick in a socket
Along came a bitch
Who flipped on the switch
and his balls went off like a rocket

The Lobster. 18,568 33
05/06/2012 04:33 PM

There once was a man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When he'd bang 'em together
They'd play stormy weather
And lightning would shoot out of his ass

Dwezel 644 10
05/14/2012 05:05 PM

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created the Poe to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and Frosted it,
and called it a Carroll.

The Lobster. 18,568 33
05/15/2012 02:38 PM

That is not a limerick. Please see my definition above.

Dwezel 644 10
05/15/2012 04:42 PM

Crap that was suppost to go into the morbid joke thread.

Chaostails 288 8
05/16/2012 01:16 PM

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a garbage can,
I smoke and I drink,
and I piss in the sink,
I'm Popeye the sailor man.