Livewire 78,229 13
09/06/2004 03:23 PM

All bugs in my house get the vacuum hose.

Dogs Akimbo 211,539 32
09/06/2004 03:23 PM

You sure Frankie Seven Legs hasn't already been in the ring with Mike Tyson?



I'm just sayin'...

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/06/2004 03:25 PM

I am always one for the underdog.



I'll take Frankie 7 legs.



And what the hell are you growing that feeds spiders that big? The spiders here are itty bitty things.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/06/2004 03:25 PM

I want George to win. He looks like a badass!

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 03:26 PM

I'm taking some Quicktime movies with the camera.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/06/2004 03:30 PM

This is the most exciting thing I plan on doing today.



On purpose.



** Disclaimer: I do not condone the harm of these spiders in anyway, but since Gabe was going to squish them I am playing along.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
09/06/2004 03:31 PM

I always wanted to do that when I was a kid! Although I always pictured a-spider-versus-a-bunch-of-ants-fights. But my parents wouldn't let me on account of it being unnecesarily cruel.



I hope your spiders mate instead of fight and create some sort of super species of spider that can post on GAB. Then we could all make hilarious "I only have 2 hands!" jokes.

Lady Tabula Rasa 14,056 9
09/06/2004 03:36 PM

You got them to SCARE YOUR WIFE?!



No wonder you never get laid.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 03:39 PM

I've got some video. These are pretty sucky, so don't waste your time unless you have broadband.



Frankie (1,186 KB)

George (1,827 KB)



I've got to say, Frankie seems to have the moves. He floats like a butterfly and stings like some sort of stinging machine. George may have reach and weight, but Frankie fast. George just sits there like a lump.



For size reference, with legs mostly extended George is about the size of an Oreo and Frankie is about the size of a quarter.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 03:40 PM

No wonder you never get laid.



Watch it or I'm mailing them both to you.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/06/2004 03:47 PM

My money is still on Frankie. He's got Moxie.



I like that

PuggyD 48,304 12
09/06/2004 03:54 PM

Do you think they're actually going to fight? I'd say they're more likely to just ignore each other.

Pistol luvs you with bullets 10,071 9
09/06/2004 03:57 PM

I'm putting my money on Frankie, too. He kinda remind me of one of my cats . . . He got the Shakespeare knocked out of him once and now he's ready to kick some ass.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
09/06/2004 03:59 PM

My money is on Gorgeous George.....





He made the hairs on my neck stand up when I first saw him !!





Ohhh, and Gabe,



Where the Frost do you live ?



Creeeeepy !

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 04:03 PM

Eugene, Oregon. What spooks me out is that I think George is a hobo spider. They're venemous and their bites are commonly mistaken as those from brown recluse spiders. They also run around the house a bit.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 04:11 PM

Venomous, sorry.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 04:14 PM

I can't begin to tell you what a case of the jibblies this has given me. I've got a constant feeling of something crawling on me, and a few seconds ago I shifted in my chair and my t-shirt rubbed against my back and I Frost-ing shot up and started beating on myself trying to smash the inmagined spiders underneath my clothes. Frost.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 04:28 PM

LET'S GET IT ON!



We started with some prefight glamour shots. I got one of George with some spooky side lighting that really makes his hairs stand out.



Then I inverted one cage on top of the other, leaving nothing between the two combatants but a SINGLE, THIN LAYER OF GLASS!



I gave them a moment to get focused, then I removed the barrier!



And nothing happened. They just sat there like a couple of tools.



I tried shaking the cage a little, and managed to get them to start running around.



Now we were getting somewhere! In this exciting shot, you can see that Frankie has George on the run and chases him around the ring!



chase.mov 3,049 KB



It didn't look good for the champ! Then, like a cobra, George struck! In fact, he was so Frost-ing fast, I couldn't capture it 'cause I was dicking with the camera.



Frankie actually Shakespeare his pants. There's web everywhere. He tried to ensnare George with it, Spidey-style, but to no avail. George's awesome jaws crushed the life out of poor Frankie.



Here's a couple of clips of Frankie in his death throes.



down.mov 2,700 KB

down2.mov 3,248 KB



I'm thinking about making him a tiny little championship belt. No there's nothing left to do but search through the woodpile for another challenger.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/06/2004 04:33 PM

I am so depressed.



I really thought Frankie coulda been a contender.



That George is on bad mutha.....

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
09/06/2004 04:34 PM

I read there were no Brown Recluse populations out west, after hearing about 3 friends tell me stories of being bitten by them in the past.

I'm in CA. (they are not)







MAP

More Documentation

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 04:40 PM

Cool link! You can mail that guy spiders and he'll tell you what they are. I'm totally mailing off George once he's over the hill. I'd love to know if these are really hobo spiders or not.



So far no new challengers. If I come up empty, I'm going to put him up against the cat.

TheProfessorJohn 1,146 8
09/06/2004 04:42 PM

Being bitten on the nutsack by one of them might change that guy and his fancy scientific theories.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/06/2004 04:42 PM

Well known spider expert Darwin Vest has been missing since June 1999. This website is now maintained by Darwin's family and may not contain the latest data. For the latest updates on the search for Darwin click here.



I don't think he can help you. He is missing.

PuggyD 48,304 12
09/06/2004 04:43 PM

I think today alone, GaB has managed to justify the existence of digital cameras worldwide.

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
09/06/2004 04:45 PM

The wife isn't pushin for this wood to be stacked any time too soon is she?



Call the local cable network,

this could go into syndication I'm thinking !

ringworm 68,315 13
09/06/2004 04:46 PM

that poor, dumb bastard.

TheProfessorJohn 1,146 8
09/06/2004 04:47 PM

"Well known spider expert Darwin Vest has been missing since June 1999. This website is now maintained by Darwin's family and may not contain the latest data. For the latest updates on the search for Darwin click here.



I don't think he can help you. He is missing."





Maybe he was bitten by one of those phantom Brown Recluses. For more information, see dictionary entry for "Irony."

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
09/06/2004 05:02 PM

Professor, He addresses your claim to once being bitten if you scroll down to "Yellow Sac Spiders"





Yo Gabe, better get a cup dude.

Briham and the Masters of the Universe 38,843 10
09/06/2004 05:02 PM

I've been looking online at spider pictures. I think Gorgeous George is some sort of wolf spider. Still trying to identify Frankie.

teh porn producer 7,627 9
09/06/2004 05:22 PM

I don't think Spiderman would enjoy any of this. Oh, the inhumanity.

12,538 15
09/06/2004 09:44 PM

Back in my day, we used to fight crawfish. That was always fun.

TheProfessorJohn 1,146 8
09/06/2004 09:48 PM

You and who used to beat up crawfish? Shame on you..



It's no fair to pick on things bigger than you. Even if they DO have pincers.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 11:07 PM

Not too long after I got back out to the woodpile, I found Mini George. This was gonna be an even better fight that the first one!



I ran him inside, snapped a pic of the two in their separate pens and then let them loose!



Nothin'. They just sat there like bricks. I shook holy hell out of the ring, but even when they fell on top of one another they'd just skitter away.



I went to stack more wood thinking maybe some ass kicking would happen while I was gone. Of course I found another spider.



This was a daddy longlegs. I figured he was just the sort of pansy assed spider that the other two would enjoy kicking the Shakespeare out of, so into the fray he went.



Those Frosters wouldn't even throw down on an old man. I got fed up and went to stack more wood. And found another spider.



"Listen up, bitches!" I yelled, dumping the fourth spider into the tank. "I got all day ahead of me, and I'm gonna keep throwing new dudes in here until someone opens a can of whup ass!"

Gabe 9,232 13
09/06/2004 11:07 PM

They didn't do Shakespeare. So I went to stack more wood. And I found an earwig.



"Now you Frosters are in trouble," I said, dumping the new man into the ring. "Here comes El Guapo, Molester of Spiders, and he's going to get earwiggy on your asses!"



El Guapo immediately crawled up to the top of the pen where he remained, hiding like a little Poe. So I went to stack more wood. And found another spider.



"You are trying my patience!" I screamed, shaking out number six into the melee. "I want to see some asskicking of magnificent proportions, and I want to see it pronto, or else it's the vacuum for all you Frosters!"



Not a damn thing. They seem to do a good job of keeping to themselves. El Guapo hides up near the ceiling. The two smaller spiders got their web jive on, which seems to be tripping up some of the others, but no serious whupping as of yet.



I finished stacking all the wood. I got annoyed with the lack of violence in the cage of death, so I shook them all out into the grass on the other side of the street. Good riddance, pacifist Frosters!

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
09/06/2004 11:18 PM

It would have been funny if George would have killed the Daddy Long Legs. The poison in his system would have killed George.

Captain Lila 78,550 13
09/06/2004 11:46 PM

Although I have throughly enjoyed it as a thread this would have made an excellent article, albeit with less clickies.



Folks, Gabe deserves full tubes all 'round so give often and give generously!

Gabe 9,232 13
09/07/2004 12:09 AM

Next week we'll try it with worms.

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/07/2004 12:56 AM

i'd much rather see a scissorfight....

Chit From Shine-ola 178,762 15
09/07/2004 01:30 AM

Afraid to ask what you might be stacking next week that might put you in contact with the worm kingdom ?











You can still save me a seat though!

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
09/07/2004 03:23 AM

This thread sucks.



I like to pretend that spiders don't really exist.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/07/2004 04:42 AM

Suuurrrreeee they don't.



You know those big, oreo-sized hairy Frosters?



THEY HIDE IN YOUR SHOES!



Make sure you always tip them upside down and shake them before you put them on if you want to keep your toes!

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
09/07/2004 05:37 AM

Not five minutes ago a larger-than-normal spider crawled across the wall. I introduced it to the sole of my shoe. They made love, if by making love I mean I smashed it with the shoe, and the spider oozed goo.



I blame this thread.

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/07/2004 06:07 AM

delicious goo?

Lorenzo Duke 3,183 11
09/07/2004 06:20 AM

Great thread. But you really should have starved all 6 of 'em for a while, then introduced a fly.



Bon appetite mother-Frosters!!!

Gabe 9,232 13
09/07/2004 09:39 AM

I blame this thread.



He was just a forward scout. The three battalions should be showing up in the next day or so.



Shake out those sheets before you go to bed!

cynful 215 9
09/07/2004 03:37 PM

Once, back in high school, I was sitting in my room studying when I felt a little tickle on my arm. I looked down just in time to see a quarter-sized spider run up into the sleeve of my T-shirt.



I ripped the shirt off as fast as I could while flailing around wildly, then I stood there in just a sports bra and checked all over to make sure he was gone. There was no sign of him.



Then I looked straight down into my cleavage, and there he was gazing back out at me from inside my bra!

I grabbed the bottom-front of the bra with both hands and tried to rip it off as fast as I could, and ended up straining he hell out of pretty much every muscle in my back and shoulders.



In summary, spiders suck ass.

daisypie 49,378 9
09/07/2004 04:07 PM

Don't you mean, in summary, spiders suck boob?

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
09/07/2004 04:29 PM

I dreamt of spiders last night. I hate you.

CoffeeWizard2 1,109 8
09/07/2004 04:31 PM

I dreamt of spiders last night.



Then he woke up covered in gooey uhh... spider web...

Flaming (not-in-the-gay-way) Sombrero 91,274 10
09/07/2004 04:33 PM

Well im not surprised.



You made No progress this weekend, did you CW2?

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/07/2004 04:34 PM

"spiders suck boob"

does it have to be a boob

or can it just be a nipple

and how does one go about getting this done?

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/07/2004 04:36 PM

Well im not surprised.



You made No progress this weekend, did you CW2?



You should know! when you fart does cum blow out of your ass?

CoffeeWizard2 1,109 8
09/07/2004 04:38 PM

I, unlike the homo sonbrero, had things to do this weekend and was therefore not on this website. Sorry to dissapoint you all...

Spazz 0 8
09/07/2004 05:46 PM

as a n00b, i dont mean to insult you all by my participation in this gab, but after reading this particular gab, i went to bed. i woke myself up from scratching my neck. to my horror, i found that i had been biten by a spider! (i think) the spiders that hang around my puter must not have enjoyed reading about the torture of other spiders as much as i did.



and my neck frosting hurts!



i will disappear now.

CoffeeWizard2 1,109 8
09/07/2004 05:48 PM

It is now, not know...

That is the kind of mistake a fish would make...

Flaming (not-in-the-gay-way) Sombrero 91,274 10
09/07/2004 05:52 PM

I, unlike the homo sonbrero, had things to do this weekend and was therefore not on this website. Sorry to dissapoint you all...



I only wish you were as sure of your spelling and grammer before hitting "submit" as you are of the wildly absurd assumptions you make.





Go ahead, Find a post from me that was before the 7th and after the 3rd.

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/07/2004 05:53 PM

Dur, fish can't type.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/07/2004 06:00 PM

<action> is thinking that if there was ever a good time for GAB to craShakespeare would be now.



John?

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/07/2004 06:19 PM

Spiderman is afraid of no man! Well, maybe Shoeheelman.

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/07/2004 06:49 PM

I'm sorry.

Hollis the Butt Munch! 7,284 14
09/07/2004 09:21 PM

Frost-ing hell. Even the pictures of the spiders made me shudder with queasiness. Should've been an article, dude.





P.S. It's "grammar," not "grammer" or "grammAr."

Gabe 9,232 13
09/07/2004 11:36 PM

With something this fantastic I couldn't wait the requisite week or so to see it published.



Also, Spider Fight III will be happening next week on pay-per-view. I spoke with Don King and he's totally into it.

The Rat 2,085 9
09/08/2004 04:16 AM

<action> feels it still needs more emphasis </action>



its grammAr not grammer

chedder 13 8
09/26/2004 05:10 PM

cummon u need to starve them for a bit

Frogpop 173,153 25
10/20/2004 01:54 AM

I just watched PoloChukker's kitten Nemo fight a superspider to a draw in 4 rounds tonight.

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
10/20/2004 09:46 AM

and guess who ended up killing the spider?

Neither of the two males in the room!



I'm bringing the cat back... what good is he if he can't kill a spider? now I just have to figure out what to do about the boyfriend.

Frogpop 173,153 25
10/21/2004 01:01 AM

Come ON! I was comfortable!

The_Riddler? 26 8
10/21/2004 04:32 AM

I once tried to fight about 12 ants to a medium sized cockroach. I got bored when the damn things wouldn't Frosting fight. I left and the next morning the ants had killed the cockroach and escaped through the airholes. And i missed it all. Oh well, Spider Fight has quenched my thirst for insect-goo

Frogpop 173,153 25
10/21/2004 04:36 AM

Incorrect. The Roach ate the ants, and then died of indigestion.