What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/13/2004 11:47 AM

About six varing degrees of Billy bob teef, bug eyes, ears like solar collectors, horse faces, haircuts from hell, and enough stored fat to equal a ten year supply of fried pork rinds. Yet, strangely, you could tell they all sprang from the same god-awful loins. A whole herd of them.



"OH GOOD LORD!"



It was out of my mouth before I knew it. Now here I am in the quite embarrassing situation of having commented out loud on the ugliness of an entire family mere feet from their oh so ugly faces, and have them all stare directly at me. I can only hope that they were too stupid (probable) to realize my untoward comment was aimed at their contenances, but maybe at the ride. Or something else. Thank God they were strapped in and couldn't attack the children.



So, I turn red as a beet, and hustle the little chicks away from the unintended freak show as quickly as possible, only to have my son, as we're still in earshot quite loudly say, "Dad, I want some of those funny teeth. Can you buy me some? They have to be selling them here at the fair".



Nothing like adding insult to injury.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 11:51 AM

they were too stupid (probable)



Way to go, Jethro.

Geekzilla 954 12
09/13/2004 11:53 AM

I am a little disappointed you didn't snap a quick picture with your camera phone so that we could experience the horror first hand. I will just picture the Appalachian family from the Simpsons, except fatter, I suppose. Is that close enough?

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/13/2004 11:54 AM

If you found your kids some teeth like that they'd blend in better and not get beaten up. Or maybe the hillbillies would accidentally take them home. Hmm, bad idea.



And chickens, check your damn e-mail.

Commander in chief Snorkius 45,655 12
09/13/2004 11:55 AM

Your kid is awesome, Chickens.

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/13/2004 12:11 PM

I have to admit the embarrassed father part of my brain went into a WWF lockup with the Sick and Twisted part of my brain over if I should stop and take some pictures of them since they were locked into the ride and all.



Unfortunately, the embarassed father part took got a good headlock on the other and I ran away screaming.

This aint your mothers Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/13/2004 12:14 PM

Way to go, Jethro



Not so fast, Tammy-Sue.



Probable adj.

Likely to happen or to be true: War seemed probable in 1938. The home team, far ahead, is the probable winner.

Lamburkey 33,017 9
09/13/2004 12:18 PM

Crooked false teeth may not be a bad investment. If you take them with you to restaurants and say you found it in the salad bar, you can get a free meal!

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 12:23 PM

Chickens, that reminds me of the picture I was chastized for taking at Gablanta 2.



Remember? Crocadile Dundee?

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/13/2004 12:42 PM

Crocadile



Back at you, Ellie May.

csme 15,189 12
09/13/2004 12:56 PM

Similar experience at a fair here. My daughter (who is 8) actually said, "Looks like they didn't have any chlorine in the gene pool."



I choked on my corndog and nearly peed my pants.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 12:59 PM

Yeah, I knew I was gonna get spanked by you Chickens. Damn the lack of an Edit button!

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/13/2004 01:01 PM

blah blah I was gonna get spanked by Chickens blah blah blah blah

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 01:03 PM

...again blah blah blah

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/13/2004 01:03 PM

<action> tries but is unable to get back to work now

Zackman 3,927 0
09/13/2004 01:03 PM

Don't tease her Chickens, she only gets hornier when you do that.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/13/2004 01:05 PM

We had a county fair not but 2 months ago and it was like a one tooth, smelly, uneducated rebels of the south convention. If you weren't properly adorned wherein a rebel flag somewhere on your person you would have to sit through the demolition derby in utter shame

O yes and the bumper sticker on the back of my car didn't help either (rebel flag x'd out and says You lost, get over it.)

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 01:07 PM

I see the memory hasen't faded, eh Zack?

PuggyD 48,304 12
09/13/2004 01:08 PM

Since I'm at college, I missed my hometown's annual Dairy Days this past weekend. Best fried cheese curds evar.



But their theme every year is some awful cow related pun. Like a few yeas back it was "Moolennium".



But this year they finally hit rock bottom. I predicted long ago that at some point they'd run out of clever bovine sayings, but they really fell hard this year.



The theme was "Hay! Herd of cows?"



"Hay! Herd of cows?"



Get it? It's clever, dammit! LAUGH.



"Hay! Herd of cows?"

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 01:17 PM

Udderly ridiculous.

Madgoat 801 10
09/13/2004 02:13 PM

Here in sunny God-forsaken Los Angeles, they are actually advertising the county fair by calling it "the realest thing since the body parts you were born with." Then they play a jingle about the lack of fake breasts and low-carb foods.



I still find the radio commercials for plastic surgery they play here disturbing.

Zackman 3,927 0
09/13/2004 02:18 PM

For a while I thought Silicon Valley was some posh colony in LA.

SHP 181,718 70
09/13/2004 02:42 PM

I like how just because Chickens lives in the Armpit of the Universe he now says it's ok to make jokes at the expense of Southerners everywhere.



Why, if my pick-up truck didn't have a flat and the old hound dog hadn't just had puppies under it, I'd get mah daddy's shot gun and come show you what for!

Madgoat 801 10
09/13/2004 03:04 PM

For a while I thought Silicon Valley was some posh colony in LA.



It's actually Silicone Valley, and it's out in Van Nuys.

Madgoat 801 10
09/13/2004 03:05 PM

For those of you who don't know LA, Van Nuys is where all the porn studios are. Also, consider yourself lucky.

Jannie 10,022 10
09/13/2004 05:16 PM

<action>posts randomly</action>I never ride any of the rides at the fair, because I'm not about to put my life in the hands of a guy with an eagle tattooed on his forehead.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/13/2004 05:22 PM

That's not an eagle. Thats scarring from too much sun, smokes and booze.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
09/13/2004 05:22 PM

Every time the fair comes to town here in Maine I try to tell myself that it will be fun, but it's always the same rednecks with filthy babies dressed in camoflage getting in fights and wearing too much spandex while watching the demolition derby.

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/13/2004 05:26 PM

for all us Northern folk, don't forget the Topsfield Fair October

2-11....people think that the South has all the rednecks, but a lot of those people have never been to New Hamshire, Maine, Southern and Northern Mass, etc....oh we gots 'em all right....we got one-toothers, mullets, spandex, acid wash wearers, rat-tailed kids, etc etc....i can't wait....

SheCabbage 5,200 13
09/13/2004 05:38 PM

The Freyburg Fair...demolition AND explosives!

Whistler P. McManus 185,953 44
09/13/2004 06:33 PM

At the Ohio State Fair, the same people were in attendance. Mullets, star and bars, gappy gums, unwashed litters of offspring, etc.



They had a queen of the fair, and someone carved a statue of her out of butter.



No, not a naked statue.

McRib, limited time only 13,155 9
09/13/2004 06:39 PM

The Minnesota State Fair carves butter statues of our queen as well and every year I just want to go where it's on display, cut off it's nose and slab it on a baked potato.

Calliope 927 10
09/13/2004 06:40 PM

When I was younger I had a friend who raised a cow by herself for her 4H group and showed it at the fair. Even though she loved it like it was her own baby her parents sold it to be slaughtered anyway.

millie 116,984 28
09/13/2004 06:49 PM

I live in the Northeast, and I agree with those who say that there are inbreeds and wicked ugly families throughout our great land, not just in the South.



But at least they don't talk funny.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/13/2004 06:53 PM

When I was younger I had a friend who raised a cow by herself for her 4H group and showed it at the fair. Even though she loved it like it was her own baby her parents sold it to be slaughtered anyway.



Just tell her that her cow will always be with her in spirit and in a little carboard box with Big Mac written all over it.

The High Priestess is having hurricane problems 58,875 29
09/13/2004 10:35 PM

But at least they don't talk funny.



Nah Ah don' know what ya'll er talken about rah hurh. We Suthenahs' right n' finely purrty. Its them Yanks that don' foo' wit our way-uh-life. Now shut yo mouf, you is digrassen yo' mama.

Napkin God 30,762 12
09/13/2004 10:42 PM

Naw, Chatsworth is porn central. One out every 3 kids in my nephews school in chatsworth had a family member in porn.

Cheif Te Fluro Rowhanga 14,139 11
09/13/2004 11:12 PM

heh. member.

Phuc 237,915 21
09/13/2004 11:19 PM

I will be taking my daughter to her first The Big E this year.



Yessiree, Bobbo, it ain't just the souf what has a fair full o' genetically-challenged troglodytes who make the cast of "House of 1,000 Corpses" look like a Mensa meeting. We gots mullets galore, bubbly thighed kid-beaters, and people who couldn't pronouce "I have a car in my front yard" right if you threatened them with a hot poker and no lite beer for a year.



I can't wait.



Jim Petry will be there, too. Join us: Friday, September 23.

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/14/2004 02:19 AM

hmm.. to stalk, or not to stalk.. That is the question.

Whether tis nobler to walk up and intoduce myself to Phuc,

or to huck tater-tots at him from a-far, and in doing so, mock him..

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/14/2004 02:20 AM

also, the 23rd is a thursday.









What?

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/14/2004 06:33 AM

Frogpop, why don't you just heckle him from the Drown the Clown booth like normal?

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/14/2004 06:44 AM

Trae has a booth at the Big E!?

Phuc 237,915 21
09/14/2004 08:00 AM

Yeah, Friday the 24th. As you can see, I've been getting my brain in shape for the 'Tardfest.

Chickens 286,480 61
09/08/2005 10:24 AM

Whoo-hoo, the fair starts tomorrow! Wonder if my favorite family of troglodites will be there.

Phuc 237,915 21
09/08/2005 10:27 AM

Wonder if my favorite family of troglodites will be there.



That being the entire family of Homo MasonDixonicus?

Carnite 1,300 9
09/08/2005 11:08 AM

I predicted long ago that at some point they'd run out of clever bovine sayings



Yeesh, they need lessons from little old New Zealand! We have a small rural town called Bulls. Every second shop has some pun in the name, Bank-a-bull, Edi-bull, etc. etc. It's truly incredibull.

All Trixxie, and a Crock of Dick Cheese 65,021 15
05/30/2006 12:56 PM

If Trae had been there you would have had to awkwardly wait 30 minutes standing there with your camera while she made sure the lighting, camera angle, obscene gestures she was making, were all okay before she finally authorized you to take her picture with them.

Mrs. JM 24,693 8
05/30/2006 01:04 PM

Ah, yes - you gotta love the state fair... such opportunity for people-watching...and funnel cake...and a chance to view the 3-armed chinese kid.

Mrs. JM 24,693 8
05/30/2006 01:14 PM

...and one of the most likely places to run into more than one person named Cletus.

GollyJee 520 7
05/30/2006 03:49 PM

Yeah, the south aint got a monopoly on gap toothed inbred swamp donkeys. Y'all come on over to Lebanon or Xenia Ohio for a mullet watching expedition whenever you like. We even got some of that pure appalachian stock ifin you want trully authentic mutant billyism http://www.brianpeppers.com/...

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 286,480 61
06/06/2006 06:43 AM

8 bump