erika the dumbass 76,152 9
09/14/2004 10:36 PM

How many 2 yr. olds does it take to paint a room red?













One. If you throw it hard enough.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/14/2004 10:45 PM

That ole boy got madder than Scott Pederson after he went fishin and ran out of bait.

Zackman 3,927 0
09/14/2004 10:46 PM

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?



'Cuz they don't have balls to scratch.



Why was the gay guy fired from the sperm bank?



For drinking on the job.

Miracles 22,430 0
09/14/2004 10:50 PM

Zack, 'drinking on the job' made me want to be your Jesse Spanno. You can climb through my window to make me smile anytime.

Zackman 3,927 0
09/14/2004 10:53 PM

That got me strangely aroused, like that time I saw Father Kelly behind the vestry telling little Mike Callahan that it was OK to touc....



Nevermind.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/14/2004 10:58 PM

Them boys got out of there faster then Timothy Mcveigh out out of Oklahoma City.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/14/2004 11:09 PM

This place is more confuseing than Fathers day in Harlem.

that one dude 31 8
09/14/2004 11:29 PM

im hotter than a priest at a little league baseball game.

Miracles 22,430 0
09/14/2004 11:33 PM

Zack, if I am playing Jesse Spanno - we better watch out for Kelly Kapowski. That whore will make you stop talking to me.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/14/2004 11:41 PM

Better watch out Zack, She'll get you in more trouble than Kobe Bryant at a Colorado Girl Scouts convention.

Miracles 22,430 0
09/14/2004 11:44 PM

I will not! Only if he doesn't buy the Samoas or the Thin Mints.

Slayer of Shoes 549 9
09/14/2004 11:58 PM

You know its too early when you get morning wood an hour after you wake up.

Declan McManus, Irritated Bear 131,874 36
09/15/2004 12:40 AM

Freddie Mercury.

Mofo Baggins, finder of ...stuff 10,950 10
09/15/2004 01:10 AM

-You really love animals, don't you?



-If it gets cold enough.



</AceVentura_non-sensicalism>

Happy Fun Ball 852 9
09/15/2004 08:12 AM

Heh, I thought I'd get some maha's from the coathanger thing I did to dur fish (insert 300 alias's here.) Welcome to gab, there is no taboo.

Feeble, Annoyer of Gabbers 32,400 15
09/15/2004 08:40 AM

"Slicker than Trixxie's doorknob".

Feeble, Annoyer of Gabbers 32,400 15
09/15/2004 08:41 AM

"Shaking worse than the Pope banging Kate Hepburn".

Chris Garrett (Craven Somehead) 86,932 12
09/15/2004 08:42 AM

Knock knock.



Who's there?



A Frost-ing stupid drooling retarded kid!!!



HAHAHAHA

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
09/15/2004 09:16 AM

Three in the front seat, three in the back seat, and 6.5 million in the ashtray.

Chris Garrett (Craven Somehead) 86,932 12
09/15/2004 09:18 AM

What is..."How many Jews can you fit in a Town Car?"

Feckoff 2,552 9
09/15/2004 09:22 AM

You look about as happy as a Jew on the way to a shower.

Ms. Trixxie and the Perforated Spincters 65,021 15
09/15/2004 09:28 AM

"Ouch Bob, the batter just got beaned again, that's right Al, this guy has been hit in the face with more balls than Elton John"

Feckoff 2,552 9
09/15/2004 09:34 AM

As ironic as the radio playing "It's Raining Men" after the twin towers were hit.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
09/15/2004 12:18 PM

I was secretly hoping "Let The BodieShakespeare The Floor" by Disturbed would become the official song of 9/11.

Chris Garrett (Craven Somehead) 86,932 12
09/15/2004 12:20 PM

Drowning Pool...not Disturbed.

Flourescent Sombrero, Unfunny 'til 11:30am MDT 91,274 10
09/15/2004 12:22 PM

It was actually by a band called Drowning Pool, not Disturbed.





That is all.



Well, I'm off like a jewish foreskin!

Flourescent Sombrero, Unfunny 'til 11:30am MDT 91,274 10
09/15/2004 12:22 PM

Whore

Chris Garrett (Craven Somehead) 86,932 12
09/15/2004 12:26 PM

HA!



Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew?





Pizzas don't scream when they're put into the oven.









Whats the difference between a tire and a black guy?



Tires don't sing when you put the chains to them.

Flourescent Sombrero, Unfunny 'til 11:30am MDT 91,274 10
09/15/2004 12:28 PM

Oh we're doin these now huh?





Why was white chocolate invented?



So the black kids could get dirty faces eatin it too.

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/15/2004 02:15 PM

Young Father Omalley was new to the confessional, and was flipping through his handbook in vain trying to find a pennance for the woman who had just confessed giving her boss oral sex.



In frustration, he finally opened the confessional door and whispered to Little Bobby, the alter boy, "Psst, Bobby, what does old Father Flannigan give for a blow job?"



Bobby, "Two Hershey's bar and a Payday."

Flourescent Sombrero, Unfunny 'til 11:30am MDT 91,274 10
09/15/2004 02:24 PM

A priest, A Buddhist and Mike Tyson walk into a bar together.

The bartender looks up, sees them, and whips out his shotgun.

"Aint no way Im'a have that joke in here!"

Zackman 3,927 0
09/15/2004 02:25 PM

3 dogs in a vet office, one turns to the other and asks "what are you here for?"



"I took a big dump on the persian carpet. So now they are gonna put me to sleep. And you?"



"I pissed all over the brand new bed, so they are also gonna put me to sleep"



Thgey turn to dog bumber 3 and ask "How about you buddy?"



I Frosted my mistress while she was on her hands and knees naked looking for something under the sofa"



"WOW! So are they gonna put you to sleep as well?"



"Nah, they're just gonna trim my nails"

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/15/2004 02:33 PM

Tires don't sing when you put the chains to them.



but if you use a rope, both will swing....

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/17/2004 10:37 PM

He got madder than a starving white trash kid with no arms or legs watching his mother's pimp throw away the last doughnut.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
09/17/2004 10:48 PM

This thread is mean.



I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
09/17/2004 11:47 PM

Jesus loves you, do you know how I know?



He was screaming your name when I was Frost-ing him last night.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/17/2004 11:57 PM

Donk, I've never seen anyone head for hell that hard or fast. Wow.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
09/18/2004 12:23 AM

Oh yeah?! Watch this!!!!



*pushes Christopher Reeve down a flight of stairs*

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/18/2004 12:35 AM

Not even close. But it was wrong of you.











To not take pictures!

Jannie 10,022 10
09/18/2004 12:39 AM

A couple of years ago, I was having a Halloween party. My brother told me he was going to come as Superman, if he could find a wheelchair.



I un-invited him.

GoBanana 590 10
09/18/2004 02:31 AM

I haven't seen an englishmen take a blow like that since hugh grant.

GoBanana 590 10
09/18/2004 02:33 AM

What's the worst part about ass Frost-ing a little boy?



Getting blood on your clown suit.

El Hammerheado 59,399 14
09/18/2004 04:35 AM

Donk, did he mow your lawn before or after you ass Frosted him?

Slayer of Shoes 549 9
09/18/2004 09:33 AM

I can't find Jesus. Can someone help me look for him? Hes not under my bed.

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
09/18/2004 09:59 AM

Donk, I've never seen anyone head for hell that hard or fast. Wow.



And just think. I'm taking everyone here with me.

Fearsome Orange 262 13
09/18/2004 10:35 AM

Remember when Michael Jackson held his kid out over the window ledge?



That was an improvement. Usually he just tosses them off.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/19/2004 06:29 PM

Worse than a hairlip kid with a studdering problem try to get a cab in New York City.



T-t-t-t-t-t-t- Shakespeare

T-t-t-t-t-t-t-Frost

T-t-t-t-t-t-t-Taxi

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/19/2004 06:35 PM

what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?



























Christopher Walken......

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
09/20/2004 12:21 AM

Just like finding Lori Hacking in a city dump.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
10/10/2004 08:22 PM

Madder then the day the welfare office closed on Martin luther King day.

Itchy Gooch 439 9
10/10/2004 08:28 PM

Clumsier than Christopher Reeve on a pogo-stick.

Sir Clovis 1,465 10
10/12/2004 08:55 PM

Faster then Christopher Reeves going to the pearly gates.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
10/12/2004 09:25 PM

What is pink and crawls up your leg?





































a homesick abortion

Madgoat 801 10
10/12/2004 11:32 PM

What's worse than a male chauvenist pig?





A woman who won't do as she's told!

Adrian the Slut. 13,341 13
10/13/2004 12:10 AM

I'm hung like a baby.....









....18 inches, 7 pounds.

Filly Breast 39,193 20
10/13/2004 12:15 AM

Gooooood lord!

Miracles 22,430 0
10/13/2004 12:31 AM

Dave - that was funny. I actually chortled.



I just love Christopher Walken and if I need some boots to do that walken...I'll buy them!

NaClDave 3,588 9
10/13/2004 12:33 AM

Funny thing is, I wrote that before he died.....now who am I gonna pick on, Larry Flynt?

NaClDave 3,588 9
10/13/2004 12:34 AM

"This joke is going down the toilet quicker than a unwanted baby on prom-night."



Not to be a ball buster, but wouldn't that be 9 months AFTER prom night?

Hank Hill 1,465 10
12/29/2004 09:47 PM

Them folks over seas over here got weter than a bunch of fat girls going to see a Ricky Martan concert.

C. D. Birdseed: Now tsunami powered 1,098 8
12/29/2004 09:56 PM

What has 17 tits and flies?



The dumpster behind the cancer clinic.

Hank Hill 1,465 10
12/29/2004 10:59 PM

Ok let me try his a again, this time without sounding like a waterhead.



Those folks over seas got wetter than a bunch a fat girls going to a Ricky Martian concert.

Toht 252 8
12/29/2004 11:11 PM

Why did Ron Artest leave yesterday's game 10 minutes early?









To beat the crowd.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/30/2004 12:54 AM

A Ricky Martian concert? I bet Judy Jetson would like him.

C. D. Birdseed: In re-evaluation mode 1,098 8
12/30/2004 01:06 AM

Ding Ding: Round 3 for Hank Hill coming up!

Last Years Chit (use before 12-31-04) 178,762 15
12/30/2004 01:11 AM

Q: Daddy, how come I get so many gifts to my birthday?







A: Because you have cancer son.

La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/26/2005 09:31 AM

That reminds me of one of my favorite shirts in high school.

It was a white shirt, and in purple letters it said "LAPD- They treat you like a King".



Man, I loved that shirt.

Jilly 24,693 8
08/26/2005 09:42 AM

Fernando and Carson want to become firefighters.



They receive training and begin their first day.



The Cheif tells them - "Okay boys, if there's a fire- you know what to do. Remember your training"



Sure enough they see smoke coming from a nearby building.

They run to go put out the fire.



The Chief shows up at the fire and Fernando and Carson are having sex!



CHIEF: Oh my God! Fernando, Carson! What the hell are you doing??!!



FERNANDO: Well chief, Carson passed out from the smoke.



CHEIF: Don't you remember your training? You're supposed to give mouth to mouth!



FERNANDO: How do you think this whole thing got started?!

Sylvester 4,465 9
08/26/2005 12:31 PM

Sort of reminds me fo the joke:



What do this thread and Mike Tyson have in common?



They're both tough on the ears.

Dogs Akimbo 211,539 32
08/26/2005 04:08 PM

I but you all are just sorry as hell now about all the crap you gave Sylvester.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/26/2005 04:11 PM

my mother used to like me

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/26/2005 05:06 PM

A redhead, a brunette and a blond are in an office. The redhead looks towards the corner of the office and says:



"I think I see semen."



The brunette walks over to the corner, kneels down and touches the semen. She says:



"It looks like semen and it feels like semen."



The blond walks over to join the brunette. She looks at it, reaches down and touches the semen and then tastes it. She says:



"It taste like semen, but it's not from anyone in the office."

supergrover 4,517 9
08/26/2005 08:11 PM

Johnny Kielbasa and the Hartman twins get thrown out a plane.

supergrover 4,517 9
08/26/2005 08:12 PM

out of

Dogs Akimbo 211,539 32
08/26/2005 08:27 PM

Knock knock.



"Who's there?"



"Your grandmother in a thong."

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/26/2005 08:29 PM

freefalls 5000 feet and lands on supern00bs. I love fat 19 year olds.

Suzy Gardner's Dad 2,724 8
08/26/2005 08:38 PM

How do you keep a clown from laughing?

















Hit him in the face with an axe.

Dogs Akimbo 211,539 32
08/27/2005 12:05 AM

Why did the fireman scratch his balls?

Sylvester 4,465 9
08/27/2005 12:06 AM

What's worse I felt like I gave birth













































to three big beautiful bouncing baby bleeding ulcers.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/27/2005 02:35 PM

Whats worse than 5 dead babies in a barrel? 1 dead baby in 5 barrels...

Millah 24 7
08/27/2005 03:24 PM

A Jew with a boner walks into a wall...





He breaks his nose.

ChiliDog 322 10
08/27/2005 05:13 PM

What's worse than 5 dead babies in a barrel?



One live one eating it's way to the top.

Millie 116,984 28
08/28/2005 12:16 AM

I would like everyone to know that "Millah" should not be confused with MILLIE!



I would never make an anti-Semitic joke, since I love Jews, collectively as a group, and individually, when I can.



Thank you.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/28/2005 02:15 AM

You blow more than a cheap hooker.

Carnite 1,300 9
08/28/2005 02:32 AM

What do you get when you hit a baby on the head with a hammer?



An erection.

Carnite 1,300 9
08/28/2005 03:36 AM

What's the difference between a Black baby and a White baby?



20 minutes on high.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/28/2005 02:14 PM

What do you call a black, peg-legged priest?







Holy Shakespeare on a stick!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/28/2005 03:30 PM

What does a baby look like in a blender?













I don't know, I am always too busy masturbating.

Cruz FB 9,993 12
08/28/2005 03:34 PM

Whats brown and melts in your mouth ?









A lepers Coleridge

The Trav 502 8
08/28/2005 11:07 PM

I am the master of all dead baby jokes.



What's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby?















I don't have sex with a sandwich before I eat it.

supergrover 4,517 9
08/29/2005 12:45 AM

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?



My favorite flavor.

supergrover 4,517 9
08/29/2005 12:47 AM

<action>speaks in retard voice and flops on the ground</action>



I made that up. Yeah! I'm special!

Lupience ate Uncle Pie 26,981 11
08/29/2005 12:49 AM

What's better than winning a blue ribbon in the Special Olympics?













...Not being retarded.

Fisticuffs 40 7
08/29/2005 02:11 AM

"the aristocrats"

Health Is Bad For Your Smoking 138 8
08/29/2005 07:45 AM

What's worse than spinning a baby on a rope?





Stopping it with a pitch-fork.

MaxPlanck, riding round forever on a manmade horse 18,876 12
08/29/2005 09:43 AM

What do you call a fag's foreskin?

Mudflaps.

Nerfball 145 8
08/29/2005 12:30 PM

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?



A rape victim.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/29/2005 12:35 PM

What do you call a white guy surrounded by...





4 black guys?

Victim



5 black guys?

Coach



10 black guys?

Quarterback



100 black guys?

Warden

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/29/2005 04:54 PM

If this isn't stupid stupid......... then I must be Nutbutter!

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/29/2005 05:18 PM

Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded.

The Debonaire Dr. Duh 24,152 8
08/29/2005 05:28 PM

A guy goes into a bordello and slams down $1000 on the contertop and orders the Madam to bring him the best girl she's got. The Madam quickly rushes off to get her best girl. As the man is waiting in the lobby he notices a jar of tomatoes. Since the man was hungry and figuring that no one would miss a tomato, he quickly unscrews the jar and bites into the tomato, savoring the juicyness of it as the lobby door opens and in walks a vision of loveliness. The blonde takes one look at him and runs off screaming.



The guy finishes his tomato and licks his fingers and rings for the madam. She appears, apologizes and runs off to fetch another girl. Still waiting in the lobby, the man begins eating another tomato. Just as he's finishing it, a brunette with the longest, most succulent legs walks in, sees him and runs away in tears. The man, now completely pissed off, rings the madam again. "I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but $1000 should damn well make your girls pretend like I am!", exclaimed the man.



"Yes, of course. I do apologize, I just don't understand why they would be running away from you?", says the madam. Just then, she notices the tomato juice covering the man's fingers. "What's that?". "This is tomato juice from that jar of tomatoes you have over there. They're very delicious!". The madam looks at the man in horror. "Those aren't tomatoes, those are last months abortions!"

S. Kake 55,555 14
08/29/2005 05:34 PM

Did you make that joke up? It sucked.

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/30/2005 11:05 AM

Why the hell am I hungry?!?

Squeamish 38,986 14
08/30/2005 11:39 AM

How is anal sex like brocolli?



You probably won't like it as an adult if your parents made you have it when you were a kid.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/30/2005 12:22 PM

SPIDERS!

Lord Balsac, Jaws of Death 436 9
08/30/2005 12:35 PM

Why do all the ladies like Jesus?

Lord Balsac, Jaws of Death 436 9
08/30/2005 12:36 PM

<action>holds arms out at full length</action>



Because he's hung like this.

S. Kake 55,555 14
08/30/2005 12:36 PM

Cause he's not as Frost-ing annoying as you?





(har, "hung like this", har.)

Mr. Sir 66,713 9
08/30/2005 12:38 PM

'cause ladies like a carpenter with a nice beard?

S. Kake 55,555 14
08/30/2005 12:39 PM

"I'm Nailed Right In"

Bankey 70,843 10
08/30/2005 12:44 PM

Because he's hung like this.



No wonder it took him three days to rise again.

Piquantrax 8,691 9
08/30/2005 03:32 PM

This is racist, my grandfather was told by his father, it's horrible, and politically incorrect.



How many "Ogden Nashes" does it take to shingle a roof?



Three, depending how thin you slice them.

Sharribarri 14,124 11
08/30/2005 03:45 PM

The other day, the phone rang for one companies I work for and I answered.



Capper: Hewwo, Dis is Kafee. May I speak to Grewg.

Me: I am sorry, he is unavailable. May I help you with something?

Capper: I am cwalling from de Natonal Handicapped Association.

Me: Please hold.



(Me, turning to the office manager: Holy crap, they have cappers calling. You can't say no to a retarded person. thats just mean.

Her: Well come up with a creative response.

Me: (in my head) No Fank Ewe.)



Me: Greg is unavailable. Maybe you can try back at another time.

Capper: Okway. Fank ewe.

Bankey 70,843 10
08/30/2005 03:48 PM

Better answer:



"Well, his home number is ....

... and he should be home around 1:00 AM tonight, I'll make sure he is expecting your call. No later than 3:00 AM please!"

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/30/2005 10:46 PM

Whats funnier than a dead baby?







A dead baby in a clown suit.

Carnite 1,300 9
09/02/2005 11:51 AM

<action>Bump.</action>

Just Mildly Funny 0 7
09/02/2005 12:36 PM

What's the difference between a pile of watermelons and a pile of babys?







You can't use a pitchfork to move the watermelons.

Mr. Sir 66,713 9
09/02/2005 12:45 PM

The pitchfork joke compares bowling balls vs. dead babies.





You can use a pitchfork to move watermelons, Frosttard, it's just not as satisfying.

Jilly 24,693 8
09/02/2005 12:55 PM

GYNOCOLOGIST: "Okay m'amm before we begin I am going to numb your vagina"



PATIENT: numb my vagina?!"



GYNO: (sticks his face in her crotch) "num num num num"

Jilly 24,693 8
09/02/2005 01:31 PM

A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied. "Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are you?" "Twenty-six."

Mr. Self Destruct 7,400 0
11/10/2006 10:52 PM

BUMP!

Juansidious 7,400 0
11/17/2006 10:57 PM

Why did Hitler kill himself?

































He saw his gas bill.

Pram tootin' 80,711 42
11/19/2006 11:40 AM

What color were Hitler's eyes when he died?



Blau... man brannte auf diese Weise, man durchbrannte so durch!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
11/19/2006 12:10 PM

I hereby invoke Godwin's Law and close this thread.

Pram Maven can't reuse a name for some reason 80,711 42
11/19/2006 01:12 PM

Godwin's law (also Godwin's rule of Nazi analogies) is an adage in Internet culture that was originated by Mike Godwin in 1990. The law states that: There is a tradition in many Usenet newsgroups that once such a comparison is made, the thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress. In addition, it is considered poor form to invoke the law explicitly.

SAVIORA, B.A.P. Extraordinaire 4,599 8
11/19/2006 01:30 PM

Do you have to be such a Nazi abou...Aw, damn!

That's What She Said 27,416 24
11/19/2006 01:33 PM

What do you do when your dishwasher is broken?



You slap her

Hammerhead 59,399 14
11/19/2006 01:45 PM

"In cases where the subject of the comparison to Hitler fails to recognize the applicability of Quirk's Exception, Quirk's Exception shall not apply and Godwin's Law shall take effect in its normal manner."

Pram Maven can't reuse a name for some reason 80,711 42
11/19/2006 01:59 PM

<action> surrenders </action>

Jax In The Tesseract 8 12
06/02/2010 07:10 AM

What's the difference between acne and a priest?



Acne waits until puberty to come on your face.