NaClDave 3,588 9
09/20/2004 03:28 PM

oh my god....it DOES mean you're gonna die....but most likely from food poisoning....

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
09/20/2004 03:28 PM

I think it means you got no fortune. . . .



IN BED!



(sorry, I'm also a big dork.)

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/20/2004 03:29 PM

i got one once that had 3 initial....

SOL....i thought SOL was the spanish word for sun....oh well, must have been a misprint....

erika the dumbass 76,152 9
09/20/2004 03:32 PM

I'd rather have no fortune than the one I got the other day. It simply read: "It is a nice day."



That's right. I didn't tell me to have a nice day, or predict that I would have a nice day, it just made the observation that it had been a nice day. My fortune cookie made small talk with me.







And it wasn't even a nice day.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/20/2004 03:36 PM

I got one the day after hanging out with this female interest of mine, who is like 19, sexy and way smarter than me. No, Like WAY smarter.

Opened it up and it said "In youth and beauty, wisom is rare in bed"



I think im gonna get a lotto ticket with the numbers on the back.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/20/2004 03:37 PM

I once got this fortune in my cookie.



'You will receive good fortune from the mouth of a small child'



Of course I play the game too.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/20/2004 03:38 PM

wisom is rare?



I sure hope spelling is one of her areas of expertise.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
09/20/2004 03:39 PM

That's why fortune cookies are liars.



My worst fortune cookie fortune wasn't a fortune or even small talk. It was an advertisement for a crappy play. I think they were trying out some "creative advertising" technique. It was no good.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/20/2004 03:40 PM

If you wanna point the finger, i suggest Chan, the small chinaman they have chained up to a typewriter in the back, next to the kitchen.

Lamburkey 33,017 9
09/20/2004 03:41 PM

I just had a terrible thought. What if the next time I'm about to have sex, I pull down the guys pants and NOTHING IS THERE.

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/20/2004 03:41 PM

The day i get a fortune cookie with an ad in it is the day i hang up my chopsticks....is nothing sacred any more? general gau must be rolling over in his grave....

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/20/2004 03:42 PM

I just had a terrible thought. What if the next time I'm about to have sex, I pull down the guys pants and NOTHING IS THERE.



so you've heard the rumors about me?

SHP 181,718 70
09/20/2004 03:44 PM

I got one telling me that I needed to learn a new language and get a new soul.



GET A NEW SOUL it read.



But of course it was probably written in English, sent to the Fortune Cookie Company Inc. in China, therefore it was translated into Chinese, and then translated back to English before being shipped to America to be sold to us, so it probably said "There's gum on your shoe" at one point.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
09/20/2004 03:47 PM

If you play the "in bed" game with the "get a new soul" fortune, it really does make it all much more interesting.



Try that next time.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/20/2004 03:48 PM

<action> pulls out notepad...starts scribbling down notes and mumbling to himself...



Never have sex with Lammie...just in case....

Briham 38,843 10
09/20/2004 04:49 PM

My happiest fortune said simply "You are the Greatest in the World." How awesome is that? Especially when "In bed" is added.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/20/2004 05:05 PM

That is pretty cool. However, the Real greatest person in the world is going to be choked that you got his fortune cookie.

Mofo Baggins, finder of ...stuff 10,950 10
09/20/2004 05:26 PM

<action> holds lamburger and cops a quick feel </action>





eh, I've had better

Chris Garrett (Craven Somehead) 86,932 12
09/20/2004 06:09 PM

I opened one up and it said:



"You have the body of a God. Buddha."

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/20/2004 06:27 PM

"You have the body of a God. Buddha."



so your ear lobes really hang down to your shoulders and your eyes are so squinty you can't see out of them?

Calliope 927 10
09/20/2004 06:50 PM

I got one once that said "You like Chinese food."



Of course I'm still holding out for an actual fortune like "You will die a slow and painful death."

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
09/20/2004 06:53 PM

One time, mine just said "You pee." I was saddened because it's true. Both ways.

Slayer of Shoes 549 9
09/20/2004 07:04 PM

My favorite was "This biscut is very tasty."



NO way I'm touching THAT biscut in bed.

Hollis the Butt Munch! 7,284 14
09/20/2004 07:58 PM

I got one that said "Simplicity of character is the direct result of profound thought."



WHAT THE Frost?

Ragamuffin 37 8
09/20/2004 08:11 PM

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation in bed.

So does that mean i should aim higher???

Our first and last love is ... self love IN BED!?!? eeurgh





I am just covering up for the fact that i keep that one under the kleenex box....

Filly Breast 39,193 20
09/20/2004 08:52 PM

Whoa, Calliope! I didn't know there was more than one of those....my friend got that one once, as far as I'm concerned that's the best damn fortune cookie ever.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
09/20/2004 09:00 PM

I agree, but isn't it hard to get soy sauce out of your sheets?

millie 116,984 28
09/20/2004 09:06 PM

Ragamuggin, that first one is just telling you to fake orgasm.

millie 116,984 28
09/20/2004 09:07 PM

Oops, great spelling. Sorry Ragamuffin!

LongDistance 281 8
09/20/2004 09:21 PM

My mother once got one that read: "He loves you as much as he can, which is not very much."



WTF!

ixos 852 9
09/20/2004 09:35 PM

"He who stand on toilet is high on pot."





Still trying to figure that one out.....

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
09/20/2004 09:38 PM

He who makes love on the ground gets piece on earth.



Stop reading my e-mail!

McRib, Sci-Fi Junkie 13,155 9
09/20/2004 09:38 PM

Fortune cookies are evil. There's just something creepy about finding hidden messages inside your food. I keep expecting to open one and find something like this:



"You will die a horrible, horrible death at the hands of a circus clown."



See? Do you want your cookie predicting your extremely disturbing death? I didn't think so.

El Hammerheado 59,399 14
09/20/2004 11:06 PM

I once got the "golden egg of opportunity" one like John got in the Fortune Cookie Prank. My inlaws were there, so I had to explain why it was so damn funny.

Declan McManus, Irritated Bear 131,874 36
09/21/2004 10:33 AM

Best one I've had recently is: "You make your own adventures."

SHP 181,718 70
09/24/2004 01:54 PM

Today, I got the coveted "double cookie" and got two fortunes. They were (in the order read)



You have a reputation for being straighforward and honest [in bed].



You will have good luck in personal affairs [in bed].





I'm so getting laid today.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/24/2004 01:57 PM

You sure are.



But being as straightforward and honest as you are, You should just come out and say that you're gonna go masturbate for a few hours.

sharribarri 14,124 11
09/24/2004 02:58 PM

I have 2 that I spared from the round file:

My favorite is: "One who hurries cannot walk with dignity."

# 2 "Your ability to find the silly in the serious will take you far." (funny, my pee quota doesn't reflect that. They lie.)



However, my all time favorite Chinese proverb is : Confuscious say "Man who go to church sit in own pew."



get it ? say it out loud.

Aimless Flotilla DeBarge 54,807 10
07/27/2005 06:56 PM

I just had a terrible thought. What if the next time I'm about to have sex, I pull down the guys pants and NOTHING IS THERE.





How do you think Barbie feels???

Frogpop 173,153 25
07/27/2005 10:56 PM

Skinny?

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,874 36
07/28/2005 02:18 AM

Tonight's was "If you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all."

Piquantrax 8,691 9
07/28/2005 08:52 AM

I got one that said "You love your family too much"

Not only was I pissed at this odd omen, my sister and I broke up months before I got the fortune.

Feckoff 2,552 9
07/28/2005 08:59 AM

Could be worse. It could read:



"Help me! I'm trapped on the conveyer belt of the cookie machine and i'm going to be cooked in the oven. Please send help. I don't know how much longer i can keep runni..

Chit Eating Grin 178,762 15
07/28/2005 09:24 AM

"Help me! I'm trapped on the conveyer belt of the cookie machine and i'm going to be cooked in the oven. Please send help. I don't know how much longer i can keep runni..





To that my reply would be:



"You betcha my friend, OK, we get you out right away, no problem."



"Coming right up."

CrazyLogic 0 6
06/14/2006 07:41 PM

I just got the fortune cookie of death.. or dispare or... something bad. It reads "Enjoy yourself while you can" ... That's not something I would say to someone I loved!!!... Oh yeah.. .my lucky numbers are 4,22,38,41,1,34 and I learned Wei-dao means Taste.

But geez "while you can"! either death or dismemberment!! I can feel it!

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
06/14/2006 07:47 PM

Normally, I wouldn't post in a thread this old after it's been bumped, but I'm quite nostalgic about this one. Not only was that my firt post up there, but I think it still remains my funniest. Sad, but true.



Anyway, carry on.

THESTALKER the nOOb that posteth too much. 742 0
06/14/2006 09:06 PM

I got one that said "You love your family too much""IN BED"

Not only was I pissed at this odd omen, my sister and I broke up months before I got the fortune.





AH HUH!!!!!!!111!!!

All Trixxie, and a Crock of Dick Cheese 65,021 15
06/15/2006 09:49 AM

an empty fortune cookie is "Boo Chin" No Luck. Go home, lock your doors, set your alarm, go to bed. Don't go to Vegas, buy any stocks, or accept any blind dates.

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
06/15/2006 03:55 PM

I would just be glad you didn't get a fortune that said, "Meow - That wasn't chicken".