John Hargrave 128,751 73
09/22/2004 05:36 PM

Also, can we change the default font in Word? Arial is so much more pleasing than Times.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/22/2004 05:37 PM

Why does the 'airbrush' tool in MSPaint look like a can of ink tipping over?



Like, what the Frost?

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/22/2004 05:37 PM

I'd like him to answer both of my questions, please.

Crushing Black Oblivion 1,294 8
09/22/2004 05:38 PM

Did you get the name Microsoft from looking at your penis?

SHP 181,718 70
09/22/2004 05:41 PM

Bill,

I know what band groupies are like. What are software mougle bitches and ho's like?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
09/22/2004 05:42 PM

"Also, can we change the default font in Word?"



Why aren't you using "Wordpad"?



It's the shiz-nizzle-it!

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/22/2004 05:42 PM

Does it hurt, when the devil takes your soul?

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 36
09/22/2004 05:42 PM

John, you can change your default font in Word. Go to the "Format" menu and choose "Font...". Select the font you want and then click the button labeled "Default..."

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
09/22/2004 05:44 PM

Why the hell can't you make a "cancle" button the works the second you click it? Why must it always do nothing, then lock up my PC, then maximize all my windows, then open my Start menu, before eventually cancling?

Madgoat 801 10
09/22/2004 05:45 PM

Why aren't you using "Wordpad"?



It's the shiz-nizzle-it!



Why are't you using "vi"?



It's the shiz-nizzle-izzle-it!



Bizzle.

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/22/2004 05:48 PM

Nightmare awakes me

Blinking light...

My disk - gone.

Madgoat 801 10
09/22/2004 06:05 PM

Nightmare awakes me

Blinking light...

My disk - gone.



Hmm... Can we turn this into Haiku?



Nightmare wakens me

Blinking light, blue screen of death...

My disk no more - gone.

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/22/2004 06:07 PM

I was listening to a song with kind of the same words...



The Haiku works.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/22/2004 06:08 PM

Mr. Gates, fdisk?

Declan McManus, Irritated Bear 131,874 36
09/22/2004 06:26 PM

Do you and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop?

Crushing Black Oblivion 1,294 8
09/22/2004 06:33 PM

Do you and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop?



Unless Bill Gates enjoys getting hot wax dripped on his nipples, probably not.

Declan McManus, Irritated Bear 131,874 36
09/22/2004 06:35 PM

CBO- who doesn't?

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/22/2004 06:36 PM

Did you get the name Microsoft from looking at your penis?



seriously, if i was gonna name a computer company, i'd name mine Macrohard or UberPhallus or HorseHung or something....

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/22/2004 06:37 PM

Nutty- cause your computer has no idea what you mean by "cancle".

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/22/2004 06:38 PM

Do you and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop?



Unless Bill Gates enjoys getting hot wax dripped on his nipples, probably not.



I've never seen any of them there.

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/22/2004 06:56 PM

I'd name it HyperHard.

Briham 38,843 10
09/22/2004 07:16 PM

Instead of "Hiding" the MS paperclip when we get tired of him, could there be a "Kill" option? The difference being that when "kill" is used, an animation of the MS paperclip getting acid dumped on his face or wire cutters chopping his body up or some similar, satisfying death is shown. I think that would be much more popular with the majority of users, as very few people want advice from a paperclip when they are trying to type a letter.

El Hammerheado 59,399 14
09/22/2004 07:55 PM

Briham, there's always this.

millie 116,984 28
09/22/2004 08:21 PM

I hate that Frost-ing paperclip.

The Spelunking Snork 45,655 12
09/22/2004 08:24 PM

Really!? I thought everone loved the cute little thing.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/22/2004 08:32 PM

Briham, you know you can uninstall that little pisser, right? Just saying.

Briham 38,843 10
09/22/2004 10:50 PM

I didn't know you could uninstall it, but is that really satisfying when compared to this:



Clip: Looks like your trying to write a letter!

Me: Burn in hell, you son of a bitch!

Clip: OH GOD, NOT THE RAPTORS! PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING I'LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN JUST DAGHHHHHH!!!!

Lamburkey 33,017 9
09/22/2004 11:07 PM

Dear Bill,



Why don't you trade in those boxy glasses for the sleek no-glasses look that lasic eye surgury gives. I hear they do no interest installment plans if you can't scrape together the cash.



Much Love,



Lamburger

Briham 38,843 10
09/22/2004 11:08 PM

http://webflash.com/indexframe.php?id=769

Sorry if the video is small, it was the only one I could find.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/22/2004 11:52 PM

Dear Mr. Gates,



I work in tech support and I've often wondered why you continue to sell your computers to stupid people? I mean, I know it's a big demographic and everything but aren't your products just wasted on them? Maybe you can come up with a scaled down model. You know, one with just an Enter Key.



Thanks for your time,



Trae Uvula

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/23/2004 01:26 AM

What is your credit card number?

TheFoye 55,700 16
09/23/2004 01:37 AM

Why did you steal my invention, Bill?



You know I really invented Windows!

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/23/2004 01:42 AM

Do you ever invite Scrooge McDuck over for a swim?

TheFoye 55,700 16
09/23/2004 01:46 AM

I invented Napster as well!



And yes, that was really me in that movie, you know the one.

77,546 17
09/23/2004 01:50 AM

Do you ever invite Scrooge McDuck over for a swim?



No, that Coleridgesucker would fill his pockets and leave.



The rest of you can Frost off.

Frogpop 173,153 25
09/23/2004 01:58 AM

Could you pay President Bush to drop out of the race?









Ok, I meant the human race, but the presidential race would be a good start.

TheFoye 55,700 16
09/23/2004 02:00 AM

Bill Gates,



If you're so smart why don't you fix GAB!



TheFoye

Feeble, Annoyer of Gabbers 32,400 15
09/23/2004 09:25 AM

Why can't Outlook know that I've used it before on other computers in the work LAN and NOT send me the annoying introductory email?



Why can't it know that I always turn off the damn paperclip?

Feeble, Annoyer of Gabbers 32,400 15
09/23/2004 09:26 AM

Why does MSoft Research publish so few papers for so many PhD's? Is it true that you hire people just to keep them away from Oracle / Sun / et cetera and give them "busy work" jobs?

Feeble, Annoyer of Gabbers 32,400 15
09/23/2004 09:27 AM

What keeps Larry Allen from killing you?

dulberf 4 8
09/23/2004 10:37 AM

On the 'kill the paperclip' note, has anyone noticed that Microsoft do actually have a sense of humour?



In Word 2003 the help box says "Type your question here. For example: How do I get rid of the paperclip?"

John Hargrave 128,751 73
09/23/2004 12:03 PM

Here's another one: how come you can't write my current document to the list of "recently opened documents" immediately after I open it? That way, when your program crashes, I can at least have one-click access to get back to the document I was working on.

Scotty Snuggleduck 5,349 10
09/23/2004 12:15 PM

Bee Gee,



Could you please provide your hard drives with the hentai porn already downloaded to save me the trouble?



Don't play like you don't have it to give.



Scotty

morris 174 8
09/23/2004 12:22 PM

Red Hat, it's free! Kill Bill!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
09/23/2004 12:26 PM

A great man, I think it was Marvin the Robot, once said that Linux is only free if you place no value on your time.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/23/2004 12:32 PM

People don't use Linux because it's free. They use it because they support the idea of open source code. Or they're geeks.

morris 174 8
09/23/2004 12:34 PM

Was he the droid from Hitchikers guide to the galaxy?



Linux is getting better, if you look at the first source by Linus compared to what it has become today, it wont be long until bill is asking me for spare change on the street!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
09/23/2004 12:39 PM

Marvin was an old school Gabber who has long since vanished into Oblivion.

Madgoat 801 10
09/23/2004 12:42 PM

A great man, I think it was Marvin the Robot, once said that Linux is only free if you place no value on your time.



The initial time spent installing/understanding Linux is probably less than the time spent sitting through the barrage of reboots one will experience over the life of a Windows machine.



Plus you get to act all self-righteous and superior in your geekdom compared to the plebian Windows users, which is nice.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
09/23/2004 12:46 PM

Not everyone wants to take the time to sift through thousands of Man Pages in order to learn how to adjust their screen resolution.



The trouble with Linux nerds is they don't realize they are a small minority of people who use computers. Not everyone is a pale skined pimply-faced virgin with nothing better to do than learn how to recompile kernels.



Some of us want to sit down at a PC and be able just know how to use something. Windows, dispite its many flaws, lets most of us do that. Macs more so.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
09/23/2004 12:46 PM

Waitaminute... Sleestack?