piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 05:11 PM

I've never wanted Bush to be elected more.

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/24/2004 05:16 PM

Since you mentioned it, there are actually 2 bills that were introduced last year... I can't remember the numbers or I'd link you to them...



Basically, though... their purpose is to reinstate the draft. All (yes, all) males AND females aged 18 to 26 will be required to serve at least 2 years of government service. Not strictly military only, but also civilian government jobs relating to the military and national defense, etc..



The rules of the last draft... running off to Canada or being enrolled in college... will not apply anymore.

TableTopJane...look closer 173,958 15
09/24/2004 05:18 PM

Do you think we could do an even trade? Dread Pirate for Foye?

SHP 181,718 70
09/24/2004 05:18 PM

I wouldn't call that even, but if we got Foye, we'd come out way ahead, and that's alright by me.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/24/2004 05:19 PM

I less then three you so much right now piXXXie.

Scotty Snuggleduck 5,349 10
09/24/2004 05:19 PM

One sure fire way to stay out of the service is to tell them about all the drugs you've done. If you've never done drugs, say you have. A buddy of mine did really well on the ASVAB test in high school and actually WANTED to join up. The guy who interviewed him asked "Have you ever used any illegal drugs?"

He responded with his list of experiments. "Well, I've done LSD, mushrooms, mescaline tabs, a few lines of coke when I worked in a factory, crack one time when I didn't know it was in the bowl of pot we were smoking. I snorted some powder once. I think it was meth maybe. I've also smoked weed every day for the last four years.I can't even begin to tell you about all the pills I've taken without having a scrip for them."

As he went on, the recruiter's jaw dropped a little more with each drug. Immediately afterwards, the interview was over, and he never heard from Uncle Sam again. Except once a year on April 15th.

piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 05:20 PM

I wanna do it with you, too, Ollie....





I mean, I like you too!

piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 05:21 PM

TTJ, that has got to be one of the best ideas you've ever had. Btw, did you get his email? W-O-W. He needs to get back to the states (namely California) ASAP.

TableTopJane...look closer 173,958 15
09/24/2004 05:24 PM

Yeah, I got the email. He is a dream to most women, I'm sure.

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/24/2004 05:25 PM

They're not as strict as you might think... true, your friend had a bit more experience than most...



I was actually honest with my recruiter also... listed all the drugs I've done, approximate number of uses for each (except weed, cuz let's face it... no pothead could even come close to estimating the number of times they toked).



Told them about the time I was arrested and jailed... and the other time that I was arrested and jailed. The interview I had, while already in jail, with the FBI...



Told them everything I could think of. Not to try and get out of joining... but because I wanted to join, and didn't want anything coming out later that would cancel my contract if I wasn't truthful about it.



So here I am, active duty goin' on 6 years.... lots of waivers in my service record, but I'm here nonetheless.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/24/2004 05:26 PM

piXXXie, darling. I am in the states. I'm just in Seattle, a quick 2 hour plane flight from you. I can only assume that you were referring to me there. BECAUSE I AM THE IMPORTANT ONE!!

piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 05:27 PM

BECAUSE I AM THE IMPORTANT ONE!!



You are the ONLY one.





Now take your pants off...

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 05:29 PM

Why do I keep getting phone calls from these people! It's like the government is stalking me *holds his automatic weapon even closer*



Does this have anything to do with the pencil I took from the Join recruiting that they set up in my cafeteria back in 8th grade!?

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/24/2004 05:32 PM

Silly girl. I don't wear pants anymore. Kilts are much easier to show off the goods with.

piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 05:33 PM

DO NOT get on a motorcycle...





And even more importantly, DO NOT become republican!

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
09/24/2004 05:40 PM

<action> flips up kilt to all the ladies..

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/24/2004 05:42 PM

And I still manage to picture Groundskeeper Willie standing on the soapbox with balloons tied to his kilt.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 05:44 PM

What should I say to these people next time they call!!!!

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 05:44 PM

... and no I'm not telling them I'm gay.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/24/2004 05:46 PM

Make up some bullShakespeare about starting a new job in 2 weeks, Teaching English to eager young students in Thailand. That, And that you're Gay.

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/24/2004 05:47 PM

Get the recruiter's name and tell him you're not interested, and not to call again.



Unless you're under 18, then have one of your parents tell him not to call again.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 05:50 PM

Teaching English to eager young students in Thailand



I'd have to be gay if I said that.

piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 05:51 PM

Navy, I think it's pretty clear he's under 18. He probably shouldn't be answering the phone anyway.



Don't ever tell them that you're mommy and daddy aren't home!

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 05:53 PM

How is it "clear" that I'm under 18?

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 05:57 PM

Maybe I could tell them I'm retarded followed with a loud yet sharp "DUR!" Can they find out otherwise?

NaClDave 3,588 9
09/24/2004 05:57 PM

easy way to get out of serving, wear one shoe with a sole thicker than the other so it looks like you have a limp...

that, or make a pass at the recruiter....

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/24/2004 06:02 PM

that, or make a pass at the recruiter....



RING RING RING

ME: Hello.



Recruiter: Hello is a Mr. Dread Pirate Sunshine there?



me: who wants to know?



Recruiter: This is the Army come shoot people with us



me: hmm...baby I'd rather shoot you with my MAN LOAD right in the face because I am gay.



Recruiter: hmmm I'd like that a lot, but we don't allow gays in the military so can I drop by your house sometime when I'm not "on the job."



Thus a new problem arises. (because in fact I am really not gay...)

piXXXie 5,871 11
09/24/2004 06:06 PM

I hardly think you should be worried that someone will be attracted to you. Honestly.

Dogs Akimbo 211,539 32
09/24/2004 07:05 PM

The rules of the last draft... running off to Canada or being enrolled in college... will not apply anymore.



Does anyone truly believe that the Rich Daddy Exemption won't always be there?

1,428 9
09/25/2004 12:00 PM

Mr. Sunshine your wanted by the military for ignoring your civic duties.



*takes out his penis and rubs it*

Dur I'm professer poopenstien...the fish 1,428 9
09/25/2004 12:10 PM

I know how to stay out of the military!



You gotta say your Dur I'm a fish.



It works for me



Dur I'm a fish pretty much covers everything.



DUR~!~o

1,428 9
09/25/2004 12:23 PM

YOur gaaaaaaaaaay!

Join the Navy!



or just stay on Gab

brody 43,090 12
09/25/2004 12:35 PM

<action> sings </action> Yvan eht Nioj

brody 43,090 12
09/25/2004 02:46 PM

That episode of The Simpsons I plucked the above obscure reference from is on Sky1 now.



Coincidence?



I think NOT.



They're watching me.



*cowers*

What's it all about, Chickens? 286,480 61
09/25/2004 07:15 PM

NavyBoy



9/24/2004 4:16 pm [gZftwqoJRKhIORo9UTIGJg]





Since you mentioned it, there are actually 2 bills that were introduced last year... I can't remember the numbers or I'd link you to them...



Basically, though... their purpose is to reinstate the draft.



*cough*BULLShakespeare*cough*



Anyone pushing that bill would be committing political suicide. What happened was some democrats accused the republicans of WANTING to reinstitute the draft.



They pull that out of their ass whenever things start to look hopeless for the latest massechewShakespeares democrat to look like he's gonna lose big.

Mofo Baggins: Hardcore Squishy 10,950 10
09/25/2004 07:27 PM

I told the Marine recruiters I had signed on with the Army. I told the Army recruiters I signed on with the Marines.



The Navy called and I told them I was an intern at NASA.



Now the government probably thinks I'm a terrorist.

10,950 10
09/26/2004 10:46 PM

It is not yet this thread's time. I send it back to finiShakespeares work.







BUMP!

OldIron 230 8
09/27/2004 02:11 AM

The recruiter told me I was to fat ( 6'2" 235lbs). I told him to go see a dentist because he had 4 teeth. I'll be on the front lines come World War 3.

roomful of monkeys 443 8
09/27/2004 02:21 AM

the recruiter offered us interesting careers as chemical and biological weapon test monkeys.



we accepted.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 01:29 PM

I got a call back!

He caught me off gaurd again!

I thought it was my boss so I told him I'm going to need the next couple of days off. When he told me that he was from the army and asked if I was able to speak with him, I told him I was mute and would not be able to carry on this conversation and with that I hung up.



The end right?

welp nope.

turns out the answering machine on my phone had picked up so the whole time I was talking the speaker phone was on. I picked up the phone and tried to dial my friends number to tell him that I got a phone call from that stupid recruiter and after I got done dialing the numbers I put the reciever to my ear. I usualy say somthing derogatory when I call my friend so when I thought he had picked up (when in all actuality it was still the recruiter) I said w'sup fag!? hmmm... that was embarrassing he then asked me if there would be a better time to call me. I tomarrow would be fine(Shakespeare)... I should have just stuck with the "sayin I'm gay plan"











DAMMIT!

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 03:37 PM

Can I get into trouble for not talking to these people?

Chickens - Office Bike 286,480 61
09/27/2004 03:42 PM

No, you can only get in trouble for signing your name on one of their tricksie pieces of paper.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 03:46 PM

<action> realizes he's been tricked</action>

I thought I was signing an autograph for that guy!









THAT BASTARD!

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/27/2004 03:48 PM

Chickens it makes me all hot when you start talking politics

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
09/27/2004 06:05 PM

Chickens it makes me all hot when you start talking politics



well don't get mad about it lady we're just joking around.