brody 43,090 12
09/28/2004 05:15 PM

My ChriSTAIN friend gave me a questionnaire and one question was: Assuming all that Jesus crap (Im paraphrasing here) is true; where do you think you would spend eternity.



I said Hell. Duh.



Its warmer down there anyways.

Chickens - Office Bike 286,480 61
09/28/2004 05:17 PM

I love option 4 and will shamelessly steal it.

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/28/2004 05:19 PM

Roll down your window and tell him he misspelled "lazy".



As for going to hell... I think you'll be going to that special part of hell that none of us will ever see, Mr. I'd Frost A Dead Girl On A Lonely Road North Of Atlanta.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 05:19 PM

My usual protocol with beggars and bums is to ask them for change while they're hobbling up to me, before they have a chance to do it first.



I guess theres always the option to slip him a 50, Follow him for a little while, and beat him up for it in his home an alley.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/28/2004 05:22 PM

Open your window just a crack, use your index finger to motion him closer to your car. Then, when he's about 5-8ft away, break out the air freshener and spray him.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/28/2004 05:23 PM

Mr. I'd Frost A Dead Girl On A Lonely Road North Of Atlanta.



For the record, I'm not dead.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
09/28/2004 05:23 PM

I went for a walk while visiting someone in Toronto Sunday night. There was this guy with an unkempt beard walking briskly past us. There was a bounce in his step and he was whistling a happy little tune. He stopped at a railing about ten feet in front of us, sat down, opened a sign asking for money and looked up at me with sad and lethargic look on his face.



I think he should have at least got into character a couple of blocks before his begging spot.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 05:24 PM

Follow up:

And when your bloody hobo is on the ground begging to be left alone, spout "Easy come, easy go, mother-Froster!" and set his cardboard on fire.





Sorry if im a little vulgar, Im just trying to get a nice warm spot in hell with Jesus.

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/28/2004 05:28 PM

For the record, I'm not dead.



Shhh, don't tell Chris... breathing is a major turn-off for him.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/28/2004 05:28 PM

Go around the house and collect all the can goods you don't use or have been accumulating for months (years?). The next time you're face with this situation, simply open your window and start peggin' him with the canned goods.



Food for him, sport for you!



It's a 'win-win' situation!

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/28/2004 05:29 PM

<action> plays dead

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/28/2004 05:30 PM

Then he'll be out there the next day with a sign that says "Can Opener"...

TTJane-I'm Jello baby 173,958 15
09/28/2004 05:31 PM

1) Find a nice pile of dog Shakespeare



2) Cover one side of a 5 dollar bill in said dog Shakespeare *



3) Hand the bum the 5 dollar bill.



4) Profit







*you may want to buy some rubber gloves for this

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
09/28/2004 05:33 PM

I like to keep a bottle of "MadDog" or "Night Train" in the truck for just such an occasion.

Trae Uvula 156,785 17
09/28/2004 05:34 PM

Better still...





Buy a puppet.



Buy a cigar for said puppet.



Do the 'doodoo $5 trick'



Have the puppet hand him the money out the window and yell "For you with POOOOOOOP on it!!"

SHP 181,718 70
09/28/2004 05:35 PM

Shakespeare Trae,



I spit water out for you on this...

Superfly 1,145 8
09/28/2004 05:36 PM

Next time you are at the bank exchange 50 cents for Zambia Kwacha's. At todays exchane rate that would be aabout 2,432.50 ZMK's and give it all to the homeless guy.

brody 43,090 12
09/28/2004 05:37 PM

<action> sings </action> Im on the highway to hell

NavyBoy 19,912 12
09/28/2004 05:38 PM

Because it would be absurd if your local bank didn't carry Zambian Kwachas.....

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 05:40 PM

Hang on a sec, My Kwacha's itchy.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
09/28/2004 05:41 PM

I give homeless people money because of Jesus.

TTJane-I'm Jello baby 173,958 15
09/28/2004 05:42 PM

Most of the homeless men here in Texas that I give money to are named Jesus.

TTJane-I'm Jello baby 173,958 15
09/28/2004 05:43 PM

And if their name isn't Jesus, there's a good chance their name is Juan.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
09/28/2004 05:53 PM

Would I be incorrect in my assumption that homeless people who actually became that way due to unfortunate circumstances of whatever nature probably would not opt to sit on a street corner holding a sign begging for money. I would think they would seek shelter somewhere else (mission, homeless shelter, etc.) or other "helping" center where the staff might be able to connect them with odd jobs and help them get on their feet.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
09/28/2004 05:55 PM

Lots of homeless people are crazy. They can't get jobs on account of their craziness.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
09/28/2004 05:56 PM

<action>will work for clickies</action>

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
09/28/2004 05:56 PM

That's why i only give money to the ones with the misshapen heads. I think that increases my chances of giving to the crazies rather than the lazies.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/28/2004 06:27 PM

I see alot of homeless people who are, according to their signs, former vets. This obviously is added for credibility.



I say we sign them all back up and send them to Iraq. They get someplace to live and it saves me from having to deal with it.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 06:31 PM

All the homeless folks around here are Natives. I feel no remorse for them, They already get free money every month. AND a card that entitles them to cheaper cigarettes.





I think its the whole long hair, bad english, bad breath thing that keeps them from employment.

SHP 181,718 70
09/28/2004 06:32 PM

I think its the whole long hair, bad english, bad breath thing that keeps them from employment.



#1 on my list of Canadian customs that we 'mericans should adopt.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 06:38 PM

FYI, They are called native americans.





Poo on you.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/28/2004 06:46 PM

I dated a Native American guy once. He was so hot.



He now smokes crack and pumps gas for a living.

Madgoat 801 10
09/28/2004 06:49 PM

OK, NKB, let's see some work.

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 06:53 PM

I dated a Native American guy once. He was so hot.





Riiiiight. And i drove a tank to work this morning.

SHP 181,718 70
09/28/2004 06:56 PM

I have nothing against Native Americans. Hell, I am one.



I just think people who have bad breath or long, nappy hair should not get employed, especially in places where I go.

SHP 181,718 70
09/28/2004 06:57 PM

And as far as bad English, well...



All your jobs are belong to us!

Flourescent Sombrero 91,274 10
09/28/2004 06:58 PM

And the siiiign said

"Long haired native people-

Need not apply"

Chris Garrett (Wench) 86,932 12
09/28/2004 07:32 PM

I can see when we die, we ALL are going to be standing on the side of the Interstate with "Heaven" signs.



I love it.

Chi-Chi Felipe 161,353 14
09/28/2004 07:33 PM

If there's one person on this board who won't burn in eternal Hell, I haven't seen them.

Fluro 14,139 11
09/28/2004 08:08 PM

Wouldn't it be great if your contry had a welfare system that people who couldn't get jobs could still survive from? Or even better, if you had free education where people could leard stuff that helps them get money? damn that would rule.

Wicked Wedgie Woman 15,741 12
09/28/2004 08:11 PM

I swear Sombrero he was tall with lovely skin and long silky black hair.





Now is is greasy and toothless, so sad

The Real Rockin Donkey 77,546 17
09/28/2004 08:13 PM

I see these guys around here alot. But I never seem to have any cash on me when I see them.



I've always wanted to have a big mac or something in the car to give the guy.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
09/28/2004 08:37 PM

Hungary is a heart-stealer; it will lure you back again and again to sample its rich wines, lounge in its thermal spas, gaze at its birdlife and make one more attempt to master its hermetic language. It has all the luxury of western Europe with a Magyar twist and at half the cost.



Its graceful capital Budapest has a lively arts, cafe and music scene, and is host to a range of cultural and sporting festivals. In the countryside you'll find majestic plains, resort-lined lakes, Baroque towns, horse markets and rustic villages.

Slayer of Shoes 549 9
09/28/2004 09:31 PM

What to do to this bum.



1) Get out of your car.

2) Sit down across from him.

3) Stare.

4) When he runs take his sign, throw it in your trunk, and drive off.



You know hes not a bum if brings back another sign.

DemoMonkey 166,252 10
09/28/2004 09:43 PM

Tell him you'll give him 5 bucks if he can break a 50.



(PS: If he actually can, give him the 5 and admit defeat gracefully.)

Hollis the Butt Munch! 7,284 14
09/28/2004 11:23 PM

1.Go up to the bum with the "Hungry" sign.



2.While unzipping your pants, say "Hungry, are ya...?"

TTJane-I'm Jello baby 173,958 15
09/28/2004 11:24 PM

Offer him a chocolate covered pretzel.

Gabe 9,232 13
09/28/2004 11:27 PM

I can recall at least two stories that I've read, one by A. Conan Doyle and one by Stephen King that both have similar plots. In both there's a rich guy who starts his day off like any normal white collar worker, then changes into a bum outfit and panhandles all day, 'cause he can make way more money doing that than at any normal job.



Then at the end of the day he changes back into his suit and heads on home.



So I refuse to give money to bums, since I'm guessing most of them make six figures, drive BMWs and live in half-million dollar houses.

monkeys that don't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP 443 8
09/29/2004 12:15 AM

once we were homeless for a few days because we ran away.