A cornucopia of... newwave 45,912 10
11/08/2004 12:47 PM

Bring a gun. Pretend to conceal it.



If that doesn't work, wave it around menacingly.



If that doesn't work, quit your job at the post office.

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
11/08/2004 12:52 PM

I think you should post on Gab to ask for ideas!

cranberry sauce me 15,189 12
11/08/2004 12:53 PM

Tell him the boss wants to ass Frost him because his ideas are sooo good.

Joe Dick - Karate Explosion! 389 9
11/08/2004 12:55 PM

What you need to do is go to an auction and pick up as much big, heavy machinery that a person could easily get stuck in as you can.



Ever since we got our Piranah (TM) sheet metal shearer, everyone's been on their best behaviour.

Trae - Gobble Gobble! 156,790 17
11/08/2004 12:58 PM

Pick and choose your projects. Tell him how impressed you are with his skills and that you're sure that he'd be better suited to the big ones.



Sit back, take long lunches. Do the minimum work, leave early. Sooner or later his lack of experience and his ego will Frost him up and you'll be the golden boy once again.

New_turKey_Baster 76,490 10
11/08/2004 01:01 PM

Tell him you have a personalized icon of your own design and he does not.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:04 PM

Take the petty cash, put it in his desk, leave an anon. note on the boss' desk that you think he might be the thief.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:07 PM

Wait! Have you considered that he might actually be much better than you? IT COULD HAPPEN!

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:08 PM

Accidentally find gigs of farm porn on his harddrive.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:08 PM

Tell your boss you got an offensive hand cream ad from him in an email.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:10 PM

Order Shakespeare loads of scat porn mags (snicker) and have them delivered to the office in his name. The ensueing follow up mailings will have him the laughing stock of the office.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:12 PM

Come in on the weekend, gut a black cat on his desk and paint pentagrams all over his cubicle in blood.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:12 PM

Whoa. I have no memory of the past five minutes.

Pants 14,252 17
11/08/2004 01:13 PM

Post his work next to yours on this site and have us rate it. Gab will reveal the true truth... perhaps.

Pants 14,252 17
11/08/2004 01:14 PM

If that doesn't work I'll break his thumbs for $50.

Trae - Gobble Gobble! 156,790 17
11/08/2004 01:15 PM

Cute one about the hand cream one, Chickens.



That is guaranteed to work.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/08/2004 01:18 PM

Always thinking of you, dear.

Ms. Trixxie Queen of the Turducken People 65,026 15
11/08/2004 01:23 PM

quit feeling threatend by him?





If that doesn't work, walk into the men's room after his, take up the urinal next to his, and wip out your much larger Coleridge.

Nobody calls me 214 9
11/08/2004 01:29 PM

Bring in an axe and just sit it right were everyone can see it. Then let him ramble on about how his ideas are so great and then just camly reach for the axe and just hold it for a bit until he asks what the hell you are doing. Then camly stand up and chop his hands off! That will take care of any artistic "talent" that he had. Then you can staple his hands to your area of work and let everyone know what will happen if they talk Shakespeare on your work. And if that Emerson complains about chopping his hands off, slam that Shakespeare in his skull and leave it there!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
11/08/2004 01:41 PM

This is a tough one. The trouble with young, college-age kids is that they have no freaking clue just how clueless they really are about the world. No matter how much you try to tell them they just figure you're an old fart who has long since given up on anything interesting.



Do you have any allies at work? Because everyone in the company might feel the exact same way as you.

Freeze Dried Instant Turkey Breast 10,327 12
11/08/2004 01:46 PM

If your company requires ID badges, do the following:



1. Copy picture.

2. Photoshop. I recommend goatse, but whatever suits your fancy.

3. Get the little bastard fired.

4. PROFIT!

Dead Robot 67,630 16
11/08/2004 01:48 PM

<action> wishes he could comment on this thread but suspects his coworkers read his posts</action>



Hello!



Fidgets



I feel your pain, Phuc

Daisypie 49,378 9
11/08/2004 01:49 PM

Call me old-fashioned, but have you tried intimidation? If that doesn't work,

a good old ass-kicking is in order...

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
11/08/2004 02:09 PM

Ways to Deal with Inflated Egos at the Office (based on true events).



By Kittuns



1. When collaborating with him, let him go on and on about his great idea. Tell him that it's great and that you'll use it. Then, use your own idea and when he confronts you about it look him in the eye and say, "And you are?"



2. Ask him to mock up his ideas. When he gives you a proof, photocopy the proof and collage the proof back to the way you think it should be. Include stick men and glitter.



3. Start hanging out in his work area and eat with your mouth open.



4. When you work over him, always slowly rub your groin against the armrest on his chair.



5. Start drinking heavily at the job. Make crackpot decisions based on your Ouiji board. Sleep with his girlfriend.

Daisypie 49,378 9
11/08/2004 02:15 PM

3. Start hanging out in his work area and eat with your mouth open.



That could work!

DemoMarshmallowSalad 166,252 10
11/08/2004 02:19 PM

My God Kittuns. Did you really do ALL of those things just to get back at someone at work?



I am in awe.

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
11/08/2004 02:23 PM

I do actually have the tendancy to throw hammers, wrenches, or anything handy at people that piss me off at work

Phuc 237,915 21
11/08/2004 03:12 PM

Wait! Have you considered that he might actually be much better than you? IT COULD HAPPEN!



I am one of two of the foremost experts in my field. All others are my bitches. I am Ulaw. I am nobody's bitch.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
11/08/2004 03:29 PM

My God Kittuns. Did you really do ALL of those things just to get back at someone at work?



Actually, those are all the things that have been done to me.



Now do you see why I'm so bitter?

Fat Fat Fatty McFaticus 10,071 9
11/08/2004 03:34 PM

Tell him you loved his role in "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Asskaban".

Phuc 237,915 21
11/08/2004 03:41 PM

have you tried intimidation



Yes. He was being exceptionall rude in a meeting so I got all Harry Callahan on his ass. He got all freaked out and apologized.



The boss told me the next day he did what I did but only in his mind, not in reality.



Why he doesn't just fire this kid, I don't know.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
11/08/2004 03:48 PM

Maybe he's got a place under your boss's desk?

AussieSarah 8,390 9
11/08/2004 04:10 PM

take frequent long liquid lunches

and let them do all the work

Mr. Bri-hamloaf 38,843 10
11/08/2004 04:17 PM

Listen to one of his ideas all the way through. Encourage him if need be. As soon as he's done, point out every single flaw in his plan and make it obvious how utterly stupid it is. Use phrases like "Now, an experienced person would have done this..." or "There's a very good reason why this isn't done" and "If you'd take your head out of your ass every now and then, you may realize that..." Nothing like pointing out another's inadequecies to lower an ego. Truth hurts.

DirtyHermit 858 9
11/08/2004 06:40 PM

Break his glasses and duct-tape him to the flagpole.

Rаt 2,085 9
11/08/2004 07:53 PM

Whenever he happens to be leaning over a desk, walk quietly up to him and pinch one of his ass cheeks with your middle finger and thumb - as hard as possible.



This will hurt like hell, but just pretend like nothing happend with a good old "hey man whatcha doing?"



Several weeks of this will leave him terrified of you, not only will he never talk to you again, every time you enter the room, he'll freak.

Night Ninja - Man of the Night 21 8
11/08/2004 08:20 PM

Well now I have a way of getting rid of him, find some syrup if Ipecac in your pharmacy or some chemical store and when he is drinking soda of some other dark liquid, put one tablespoon in his drink when he is gone. Then you have about 15 mins of waiting, then he will explode in projectile vomiting and this really screws up his work area or anywhere he is. The trick is to hide the taste and the consistency of the syrup in a drink and this really works trust me.

Phuc 237,915 21
11/08/2004 10:12 PM

trust me



I want pictures, man.

Jajoba 1,357 10
11/09/2004 05:11 AM

I too am a sufferer of youthful ignorance. Little girl at our office speaks to people how she likes, is rude and full of Shakespeare.



I told her that we'd taken a poll and 13 out of the fifteen people working here had picture her getting her tongue sawed out of her face.



She hasn't changed much but at least she doesn't speak to me anymore.

Jajoba 1,357 10
11/09/2004 05:11 AM

I too am a sufferer of youthful ignorance. Little girl at our office speaks to people how she likes, is rude and full of Shakespeare.



I told her that we'd taken a poll and 13 out of the fifteen people working here had pictured her getting her tongue sawed out of her face.



She hasn't changed much but at least she doesn't speak to me anymore.

Daisypie 49,378 9
11/09/2004 05:15 AM

<action>does a double-take</action>Wha...

Phuc 237,915 21
11/09/2004 08:09 AM

At least my workplace annoyance doesn't double-post.



On second thought, I had to tell this guy how to use the e-mail, so posting on GAB to him would be like building an interociter from a coconut for us.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
11/09/2004 01:16 PM

<action>methodically builds an interociter from a coconut</action>

Dead Robot 67,630 16
11/09/2004 01:25 PM

I had to teach my webmaster how to set up his email.



Oh god wait...he might be reading this?



Feh Frost it. The dork overwrote a couple files this morning that I had to recreate nearly from scratch.

Just-a-Pubah 56,805 18
11/09/2004 05:46 PM

1 Find Gum on the ground

2 Chew it

3 Put said gum back in a wrapper

4 Offer it to affore mentioned office weinie.



5 Laugh and laugh if they put the ABC gum in their mouth.

Phuc 237,915 21
11/09/2004 07:39 PM

I told the boss today that the kid's ideas are worthless and that he's a productivity vacuum and that he's a liability to the company going ahead. r00lz

Nobody calls me 214 9
11/10/2004 12:05 AM

I lost my first full pee tube virginity! I feel so good, so clean! It's as if I have been reborn!





















Well maybe not today, but tomorrow! I will be born again!