Nerd in his Turret 27,000 12
11/08/2004 10:25 PM

I am 12.

Saucy Filly Breast 39,193 20
11/08/2004 10:26 PM

I don't think anyone doubts you, Nerd.

Nerd in his Turret 27,000 12
11/08/2004 10:27 PM

I still can't read.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
11/08/2004 10:35 PM

I didn't know my own name for the longest time. I had many ear problems and had to have a few operations when I was a small child. As a result, I've had some hearing loss. I thought my name was Jen'r.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
11/08/2004 10:38 PM

As a child, I believed that I would grow up in a world where people treated each other with respect, where those that fell were given a hand up, and where all of us would having fulfilling lifes and relationships.



What a maroon!

Phla Mignon-dairy creamer 131,068 34
11/08/2004 10:39 PM

Oh, the imagination I had...



I could never figure out how the red light would change to green at just the right time. It just *knew* you were sitting there in your car, so there had to be an explanation for the magical traffic lights.



That's when fire hydrants turned into periscopes for me, with it's massive underground system of little light-changing gnomes.



...I spent a lot of time alone as a child.

Dirty Dianada 57,835 108
11/08/2004 10:43 PM

I always wondered how everyone knew exactly what song to sing in the movies. I also wondered what would happen if I was ever in that kind of situation. I was scared that I wouldn't know the words.



I also wondered how the car knew which way we were turning when we were driving, because the blinker always turned on before we even got to the corner!

The Adventures of Napkin: Protector of Something 30,762 12
11/08/2004 10:54 PM

I remember that I thought that everything on a credit card was free.

Llama- packing on the holiday llbs 7,194 10
11/08/2004 11:17 PM

I thought that I would end up living happily ever after with my Prince Charming.



Damn you, Disney, for setting me up for disappointment.

Jokey McSimpsonsMeme 12,005 12
11/08/2004 11:17 PM

I used to think that babies came just by being in love. After a few months, I was a little concerned that She-Ra may have been barren.

Humphrey B Skippin’ Thanksgiving 51,764 12
11/08/2004 11:20 PM

We have a photo of me about 4 years old at the beach. I remember needing to do a wee and my mum telling me to just go in the water and do it. So I walked in up to my ankles, dropped my miniature Speedos and took a wiz. People scrambled to get away. Hilarity ensued.

dinesh 24,862 16
11/08/2004 11:30 PM

I thought my name was Jen'r.



Did you know superman?

erika the dumbass tofurkey 76,152 9
11/08/2004 11:41 PM

I told my younger brother that they made rock candy by soaking rocks in water til the gritty stuff broke off and revealed the shiny, sugary center. I convinced him that continually sucking on a rock would produce the same effect. He sucked on that rock for hours, until my mom came home and threatened to send me to boarding school for making the neighbors think my brother was retarded again.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
11/08/2004 11:58 PM

As a kid I believed that Bill Cosby was my gaurdian angel,and that someday I would grow up to be a ninja turtle.



Well Bill Cosbys not doing a very good job all tell you that much, and the only thing ninja turtleish I've grown into is the looks and I'm pretty damn close to being booted out of my house to live in the sewer.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2004 01:33 AM

I remember that I thought that everything on a credit card was free.



Wait.. are you saying it isn't free!?

Oh Shakespeare.. I gotta go.

ringworm 68,315 13
11/09/2004 01:39 AM

sure it is. according to equifax, i just have to hold out for 9 more months. the statute of limitations has already passed for any lawsuits, so in that sense, i'm already clear.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
11/09/2004 03:20 AM

When I was growing up, TV sets broke down with regularity, and a guy would come to the house and fix it.



I thought he had to remove all the dead cowboys.

The Adventures of Napkin: Protector of Something 30,762 12
11/09/2004 04:06 AM

I remember that I thought people made babies by touching nipples for a second.

I got Chit to be thankful for 178,776 15
11/09/2004 04:45 AM

My mom had us convinced we would go blind if we got any juice from a pomegranate in our eye, just to make us extra carefull eating them, because they stained so bad.



As for my own ideas, I always thought my sister was the spawn of satan, but it turned out she was just possesed for all eternity.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
11/09/2004 10:03 AM

I always thought my parents were wolves wearing people costumes. Every time we took a car ride, i thought they were going to take my sister and i to a quiet place to kill us.



One Saturday morning when i was around four years old, i wanted to find out if you smelled things when the air touched your nostrils or your brain. I made some nostril sleaves out of drinking straws. I still remember the proud look on my fathers face when i came into my parents room crying because i coudn't get the straws out.

turtle10 42,578 26
11/09/2004 10:24 AM

I used to think babies came from swallowing bubble gum.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/09/2004 10:35 AM

When I was a kid, I thought EVERYONE'S mom was passed out on the couch in a wine stupor when the kids got home from school.



Silly me.

Gable Gobble 9,232 13
11/09/2004 10:35 AM

While growing up I was under the impression that my parents were truthful people and that I could rely on them to give me good advice.



One day while demonstrating my ability to make farting noises by putting a hand in an armpit and pumping, my father told me that in doing so I could make a blood clot form which would travel up into my brain and kill me.



He was a doctor and I figured he knew what he was talking about, so I stopped that Shakespeare straight off. Unfortunately, I also spent several years trying to save the rest of humanity yelling at other kids on the playground that they were going to die unless they stopped with the farting noises. Boy, did they think I was stupid.



I think I was about 17 or 18 when it dawned on me that he'd been lying.

Jerk wants Puddin for Christmas 4,016 9
11/09/2004 10:50 AM

I'm funny.

Saucy Humongous Panda Breasts 181,783 70
11/09/2004 11:17 AM

I have both of my children convinced that 1) they were purchased from Wal-Mart or K-Mart

2) If they misbehave, I will sell them to the carnival to be given away as ring-toss prizes

3) Swallowing bubble gum will make bubbles come out your butt.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
11/09/2004 11:21 AM

The other day, my wife was explaining the name of the month to my son.



"November. No - vem - ber."



To which he replied, "Yes-vember!"



Little contrary Froster.

Joe Dick - Karate Explosion! 389 9
11/09/2004 11:26 AM

My mom would have just smacked me in the head and started all over again at January.

DemoMarshmallowSalad 166,252 10
11/09/2004 12:31 PM

I thought George Lucas knew what he was doing.

Lola 190 9
11/09/2004 12:43 PM

My uncle would tell us that if you ate a tomato and it's seeds they would grow inside of our stomachs. To this day I won't eat a tomato.









And to this day I don't have any tomatoes growing inside of me...

Billy the Punk 277 8
11/09/2004 12:51 PM

I could never figure out how the red light would change to green at just the right time. It just *knew* you were sitting there in your car, so there had to be an explanation for the magical traffic lights.



That's when fire hydrants turned into periscopes for me, with it's massive underground system of little light-changing gnomes.



Sweet Jesus... I believed that too. In fact, I figured that manhole covers was how you got down there and that there were rows and rows of computers with lights and cameras.

I told my dad that when I grew up I was going to work there. I still want to work there.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
11/09/2004 12:56 PM

I used to think that the stabalizing cabels on wooden telephone poles were direct phone lines to Satan.



I figured God called him up to nag at him for being so bad.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/09/2004 12:58 PM

Little contrary Froster.



Hah! Nuttbutter is raising a hick kid.











what?

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
11/09/2004 01:02 PM

Naah, chix, he has all his teeth.

Lamburkey (ready for sloppy seconds) 33,017 9
11/09/2004 01:02 PM

I jumped out of a tree with an umbrella trying to be like Mary Poppins.













It was last week.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
11/09/2004 01:06 PM

okay, it's not really a stupid kid thought, but it's an interesting story....



I have an older brother. Like most kids, we used to take baths together. I think it just made it easier on my parents to throw us in there together. This worked fine until I was about 5.

I don't remember all that much about what happened, but I do remember running through the house, chasing my brother yelling at the top of my lungs "catch Jason's string!!!!"

Not sure why, but I thought his penis was a string, and I thought it was funny as hell. I still giggle and blush a little when I hear or say the word string.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
11/09/2004 01:08 PM

I would think that speaking jibberish could make me understood by Russians.

TheFoye 55,700 16
11/09/2004 01:12 PM

When I was a kid I used to think there was a coin toss for basketball and the whole jump ball thing was just for looks!













or maybe I just thought I was going to a football game

Oliver Turkeybreast 203,475 12
11/09/2004 03:17 PM

I used to think the Jews killed Jesus.



*What?!* They did?



BASTARDS!

Calliope 927 10
11/09/2004 03:23 PM

I sucked my thumb until I was in the 3rd grade. My parents took me to the dentist to get some advice on getting me to stop. He told me that if I didn't quit, that he'd cement a little cage to the roof of my mouth that would trap my thumb if I put it in. Only in recent years did I realize I'd been duped.

Oliver Turkeybreast 203,475 12
11/09/2004 03:24 PM

Growing up in Alaska, and camping all the time, and living out in the woods, I thought it was ok to just stop, drop your pants, and pee.



Well, after we moved down to a suburb of Seattle, I quickly learned otherwise.



My mom, brother & I were taking a walk down the main street in the new cookie cutter neighborhood we just moved into.



My brother and I both had to pee at the same time. We were walking by a green belt at the time. My mom told us to walk into the woods and go. She thought we would actually go into the woods a hundred feet or so, where no one could see us.



Instead, we went right to where the trees started, about 20 feet from the main, fairly busy road, and relieved ourselves.



My poor mother had to hold on to the title of "that white trash lady that just moved in" for a while.

rockerchicinnc 60 8
11/09/2004 08:39 PM

when i was little I thought that if you sat on the toilet seat of the public restrooms you would get pregnant...my ass didnt touch the toilet seats for a long time

rockerchicinnc 60 8
11/09/2004 08:44 PM

When i was 4 or 5 I went to the zoo with my parents and I got some of the animal feed to feed to the goats. I didn't really know what it was for, so I asked my dad what it was, and he told me it was candy so I ate it!...I swear it was the worst tasting stuff ever... my breath smelt like the stuff a week later even after multiple times of brushing my teeth

The Sweet Potato Priestess 58,884 29
11/09/2004 08:50 PM

I was a very active reader as a child. By the time I was in 6th grade I had already read The Lord of the Rings, The Three Musketeers and Interview with the Vampire. So when I was little and reading these books, I would create (in my head) an alternate character that would be with the main character through out the story. I would dispose of characters that I didn't like, as long as they weren't vital to the story, and my character would either take their lines or make up something better. And I would do this while reading the book for the first time. I can still remember the character I made up for LOTRs and for Interview with the Vampire.

The Sweet Potato Priestess 58,884 29
11/09/2004 08:51 PM

I didn't have many friends.

White Meat Miracles 22,430 0
11/09/2004 08:51 PM

My dad's stupid kid thought was that he was Hop-Along Cassidy. He dressed up as a cowboy and fought with his brothers. One day he climbed into my grandparent's new Caddy. It had cream colored leather seats. The new leather smelled good - must be the real deal from cows. He used the cigarette lighter to "brand" the seats. My grandma is still mad about that to this day.

The Sweet Potato Priestess 58,884 29
11/09/2004 09:06 PM

I knew I was the wierd one here

ixos 852 9
11/09/2004 09:07 PM

Geez, there were a lot:



-Thought Richard Simmons was just happy.



-I would constantly bring my mom junk-mail that looked like she won something. I'd cry when she'd tell me the truth. I'd then counter with, "But it SAYS you ALREADY WON!"



-Thought JAWS was under the drain in my grandma's pool.



-Though Jean Claude Van Dam was a naughty thing to say, and a terrific actor.

DirtyHermit 858 9
11/09/2004 10:20 PM

I used to think "oral sex" was a 1-900 number.

Phla Mignon-dairy creamer 131,068 34
11/09/2004 10:28 PM

The Show Place was a strip club in the next town. Since I watched The Muppet Show, I thought it was a kickass place and told my parents I couldn't wait to see my first show. They locked me in the basement, and are solely responsible for the hermit I am today.

NaClDave 3,588 9
11/09/2004 10:38 PM

I didn't know my own name for the longest time. I had many ear problems and had to have a few operations when I was a small child. As a result, I've had some hearing loss. I thought my name was Jen'r.



What?

Coco 1,756 8
03/28/2005 06:53 AM

Let's see. I thought that, in the era of black and white films, everybody's vision was in black and white - my mother laughed so much when I revealed this 'fact' to her.



When I was a toddler, I always wanted candy at the checkout, so Mom told me that it was painted on and that you couldn't get any - believed that Shakespeare for years.



The worst one was that my parents told me that the ice cream vans played the songs when they were sold out of ice cream. To this day, I still get confused due to that evil lie.



I went through a period of believing people died when they went to sleep - I thought that Dad had a very painful death whenever he closed his eyes, due to the monster in his throat creating those horrible snoring sounds.

supergrover 4,517 9
03/28/2005 07:17 AM

The way my parents got me to stop sucking my thumb is by telling me that my teeth would eventually wear through the bone and it'd fall off.



Also, I had this really disgusting habit of sticking one of my stuffed toy's fingers up my nose and then sucking on it.

I don't do that anymore....

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
03/28/2005 07:30 AM

I thought I did not have a brother who like to stick his arm up other boys' bums.

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
03/28/2005 07:35 AM

insert a "d" in there, if you please.

Underwhere? 101,393 77
03/28/2005 09:49 AM

My sister & I used to tell our little brother that he was a robot, and that we could shut him on and off whenever we'd like. He'd always call us liars and run off.



One afternoon, we told him we could PROVE it. We pulled up his shirt and poked him in the back with a fork. We then said, "you've been shut off all morning." He shook his head, but my father walked in, home from work 5 hours early. My brother was too little to read a clock, but he knew our dad only came home just before dinner and we hadn't even had lunch yet.



Oh how my brother cried and cried! My sister and I were grounded for a week, but it was definitely worth it.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
03/28/2005 09:51 AM

That is so awesome Underwhere.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/28/2005 10:33 AM

I sapelled my own middle name wrong until I was 17.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/28/2005 11:56 AM

I was convinced that those tool sheds that look like barns were homes for mini cows. And that if I suddenly became a cow, I would have to live in one.

Fratberry 282,931 53
03/28/2005 12:02 PM

I was born in Alabama AND I was taught Phonics at an early age. One of my uncles drove a Pontiac Gran Prix. I was convinced they had left off a "d" and that the name was pronounced "Grand Pricks". My parents were so proud. My uncle later told me that Gran Prix was french for "big piece of Shakespeare car".

Virnomine 79,386 11
03/28/2005 12:03 PM

and are you living in one now, britt?

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
03/28/2005 12:04 PM

I thought that the stabilizing cables on telephone poles, were phone lines to hell. I thought that the telephone company installed them so that people could call their relatives who went there to give them a bit of joy in the afterlife.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/28/2005 12:05 PM

No, after my mom managed to convince me that it would never happen, I stopped picking out which one I would like best.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
03/28/2005 12:05 PM

Oh God..so many..



I thought that "Frost-ing" meant "kissing naked"



I used to cry everytime I had diarrhea, because I thought I was melting.



I use to cry everytime the toilet clogged up, thinking we were all gonna drown.



I used to think bones were a bad thing to have.....this one coming from my mother, who, when I would ask her to get me something...a cookie, a toy...she would reply, "I can't, I have a bbone in my leg"

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
03/28/2005 12:06 PM

I used to believe we lived in a free country.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
03/28/2005 12:06 PM

<action>reads last post</action>





Apparently George Thorogood was my mother.

Fratberry 282,931 53
03/28/2005 12:07 PM

I thought that "Frost-ing" meant "kissing naked"



Oddly enough, my uncle used to tell me the same thing.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/28/2005 12:10 PM

When I was about 5, I had this odd fear of my uncle, I think because he was the only one in my family that had a beard at the time. Everytime he would show up at family parties, I would start screaming and we'd have to go home.

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
03/28/2005 12:12 PM

I had a fear of one of my uncles too. That was because he told me he was going to kidnapp me, keep me in a trailer, and feed me with table scraps.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/28/2005 12:15 PM

I used to think whenever my brother shook violently he was just a bad dancer...turns out he has diabetes and was in insulin shock.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/28/2005 12:17 PM

My best friend in 3rd grade had all the channels. She used to watch one of the porn channels and then come to school and tell me what she saw. We thought that a woman got pregnant when a man peed on her.

Shazza 14,124 11
03/28/2005 12:44 PM

I thought everyone's mom could make gourmet meals out of government cheese and whatever odds and ends were in the fridge.



I also thought that every dad had to suppliment the family's income by catching the latest get rich quick scheme. (amway, waterfilters, vitamins, dehydrated eureka products, willard water... to name a few.)

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
03/28/2005 12:57 PM

At one point in my childhood I'd watched "The Rocketeer" a bit too much, and assumed that by forcing out farts, I'd be able to achieve great amounts of lift and fly around the city.



I Shakespeare my pants trying to get to the top of the Twirly Slide before the other kids.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
03/28/2005 01:28 PM

I just realized by reading this I need to spend more time around my neice.

Almost all the bull Shakespeare I got suckered into believing when I was a kid came from one of my uncles, and a lot of you folks seem to have been spoofed by your own uncles.



I can't let my neice grow up without ever being grossly misled.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
03/28/2005 01:30 PM

Come to think of it, my niece too.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
03/28/2005 01:34 PM

Out of the hundreds of threads I've started, why would someone bump this one?

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/28/2005 01:34 PM

My friend Mary told my brother and I that her dad was the invisible man. So we spent days trying to catch him turning invisible.

Sylvester 4,465 9
03/28/2005 01:48 PM

When I was 12, I thought that Gallagher was funny.

Funky-D 8,691 9
05/18/2005 11:36 PM

I hate to reopen a thread so late... oh wait, scratch that.



Stupidest kid thoughts:

I believed that the red glowing light from a radio tower was an evil abomination.



Tumbling (a.k.a. guy gymanstics) was cool

Rambunctious_Pie 170 9
05/18/2005 11:48 PM

When I was a kid I thought Family Circus was edgy.

I Am Straw 97,981 37
05/19/2005 12:11 AM

When I was a kid I saw an episode of Super Friends where some villains were making the earth inch closer to the sun. It was a two part episode, and the night after the first episode I had a vivid dream about it. When I woke up the next day, I got it confused in my head and was convinced that this was really happening. I spent most of the day depressed that everyone on the earth was going to die. When it finally dawned on me that this was not reality and was a plot on some cartoon, I felt really stupid and was glad I hadn't mentioned anything to my parents or friends.

Smart Choice 1,296 9
06/22/2005 05:49 PM

I told my pre-school teacher I wanted to be a drunker when I grew up. I ment to say drummer but my parents still had to go to a meeting and clear things up.

gwallaia 3,510 12
06/22/2005 07:51 PM

As a 7 ear old, I was thumbing through a Playboy magazine and wondered. How do women pee with that thing?

Balfazz 518 9
06/22/2005 08:13 PM

When I was little, I thought the radio had little people in it, singing the music. I never could figure out why all the best singers were midgets.

onomiyaki 223 9
06/22/2005 08:15 PM

I thought hotdogs were made of horse meat. I knew Hamburgers were made of cow so it seemed logical at the time.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
06/22/2005 08:31 PM

Why would that be logical? Wouldn't the logical conclusion be that hotdogs are made from dogs?

onomiyaki 223 9
06/22/2005 10:11 PM

I knew hamburgers were not made of pigs so why would I make that assumption. I pictured cows and horses as opposites as well as hamburgers and hotdogs. Come to think of it there probably are some horse parts in those unholy meat cylinders.

MiLLie 116,988 28
06/22/2005 10:13 PM

I used to think cows were girls and horses were boys.



I just remembered that.



Wow, this thread is cathartic!

Underwhere? 101,393 77
06/22/2005 10:25 PM

I grew up in Florida, and one thing I remember clearly was that our yard was home to a few big black beetles. And when I say big, I mean that they were just a little smaller than a golf ball.



My sister and I used to tease our brother and tell him that he had a beetle on his back. The first couple times he screamed and ran away, but after tearing his shirt off and finding nothing, he wasn't fooled. Truthfully, we were too scared to pick one up and put it on him.



One day though, we found a dead beetle, and for some reason it seemed to be cut neatly in half. Since it was dead, we weren't as scared, and my sister stuck it on my brother's shoulder.



Since he was used to us grabbing his clothes and telling him he was infested with bugs, he didn't budge. Then we said that he had part of a beetle on his back and it was a zombie and it was going to eat his brain. Still nothing.



After a few moments though - the beetle started moving, and we were all horrified to see that our taunts were true. The hideous thing fluttered up into his hair, and we ALL ran away shrieking.

Pokey Little Puppy 243 9
06/22/2005 10:54 PM

My dad is a doctor, so you'd think I'd have gotten decent medical advice as a kid. But no. Whenever my sister or I would complain to my dad that our head hurt, or our leg, or whatever, his response was always "I guess we'll have to cut if off and get a new one." I would laugh, knowing that he was only kidding. But then one day he said, "You know, you really shouldn't laugh. It's true, sometimes people have to go to the body shop for new body parts." I retorted "There's no such thing as a body shop!" So we got in the car and he drove me down to the local auto body shop, which of course had a big sign that said "Body Shop." I was speechless for a minute and then started asking a million questions about where the replacement body parts came from, how they got attached, etc. etc.

TEDphat 6,408 9
06/22/2005 11:02 PM

My friend and I believed Big Bird from Sesame Street appeared if you pulled the fire alarm. I think it was because we saw an episode on fire safety in which they pulled the fire alarm.



Needless to say, we found out just how wrong we were.

beachchick14 144 8
06/22/2005 11:07 PM

When i was little, i use to think Germs had families just like i did. So for about a month i'd talk to the germs before i moved at all to make sure no families got seperated.

La Mime 994 9
06/23/2005 02:33 AM

<action>wanted to be a talk show host when she was a child.</action>

TEDphat 6,408 9
06/23/2005 02:38 AM

Haha, I get it!















It's funny.





Cause you're a mime.









Talk show host, mime. ha.

Trixxiewan Kenobie 65,026 15
06/23/2005 09:41 AM

My Dad had a very odd sense of humor; when we were very young he would tell us outrages lies that we of course believed. My bother got suspended for being a smart ass when he told his teacher TG&Y, a dollar store chain, don't know if they still exist, stood for Teddy, George and Yo Yos. I like a lot of black pepper on everything. He told me that black pepper didn't get digested, it stayed in your body in a special pepper sack and when it got full you had to go to the hospital and get surgery to have it empted. I lived in fear of black pepper for several years. He told us a bunch of other Shakespeare I believed for a long time, but I can't remember anymore.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
06/23/2005 10:30 AM

He told me that black pepper didn't get digested, it stayed in your body in a special pepper sack and when it got full you had to go to the hospital and get surgery to have it emptied.







Pretty interesting Trixxi, that is what they say about red meat now.





I don't use salt, but I pepper the hell out of most things....especially red meat.

The Purple Snorkpernel. 45,655 12
06/23/2005 10:33 AM

Vegetarians suck. Corn. And various other vegetables.

CHANCE 171,275 14
06/23/2005 11:57 AM

When I was about 6 or 7(i think) I was going to be the flower girl at my aunts wedding. They picked out a beautiful dress for me.

I went to dinner the following night with another aunt and uncle (who were very religious). They asked me what color my dress was. I told them it was a lovely ovary color.

Needless to say they asked me if I knew what ovary meant. Then I got the whole "female" talk with pictures scribbled on napkins!

UnderWhere? 101,393 77
05/11/2006 07:27 AM

This thread has one of my top funniest in it.

Babarius the barbarian Barber 82 10
05/11/2006 08:04 AM

Wow...I can't believe this is my first post here. Anyhoo, I was apparently a pretty weird kid:



When I was a kid, I could never bounce a ball properly. I always through it UP instead of down, and it didn't seem as smooth as how I saw others do it. After a very looong time, I noticed that people actually threw the ball down and let them bounce back up to catch them. I was incredibly happy that I could finally bounce balls properly.



I also used to think blood was a bad thing. I mean, logically, the only time you saw it was when you got hurt. So I thought it was something that just "appeared" when you got hurt. That is why I never got what my mother meant when she said "Eat your spinach! It's good for the blood!"



I also used to have weird hallucinations. I used to think that was "imagination". When someone said "You don't have much of an imagination", I just nodded my head, thinking that "hey, I only have imagination about once a month!".

Piquantrax - Kill the Texicans 8,691 9
05/11/2006 08:33 AM

My aunt convinced me that if I watched too much TV my eyes would turn into triangles.

Lucky for me I watched out, my brother on the other hand wasn't so lucky

Muchacho Del Calamar 19,912 12
05/11/2006 09:21 AM

I was actually a really smart kid and can't remember believing anything stupid. Well.. except for this.



And the lies adults tell kids to scare them didn't work on me either, because I always called their bluff and did it anyway, just to prove them wrong.



For example...



Parental Lie: If you stick things into an electrical outlet, you'll die!



Actual Result: All the lights went out, a large, black scorch mark appeared on the wall and I was knocked on my ass.... but I didn't die. HA!



Just one of many things I did to prove them wrong.



So while I may have done a lot of stupid things, I didn't believe in stupid things.

UnderWhere? 101,393 77
05/11/2006 05:40 PM

So while I may have done a lot of stupid things, I didn't believe in stupid things.



Me either, but then I married a guy I met on teh interweb.

SAVIORA, Deceased 4,599 8
05/11/2006 05:57 PM

When I was 12, I thought the lumps developing on my chest were signs of breast cancer, but then Mom explained it away with birds and bees.



Then I died.

gobadine 2,737 10
05/11/2006 06:58 PM

i thought that if you undid your belly button, your bum would fall off.



mine must becoming loose as my arse has started sagging.

Duke of Ellington 353 8
02/20/2007 09:49 PM

I once accidentally snorted a lego up my nose, never to be found again.

Armynurse420 100 6
02/20/2007 09:55 PM

When I was 7, I was at the mall, and there was a santa-clause. He was giving out comic books and I wanted a coloring book, so I made my mom pay for me to haev a picture taken, and when I got up there, I told "santa" that he was a secular myth and I just wanted my coloring book.

The kid behind me asked me what I ment, and I told him there was no santa. He told me I was stupid, and pushed me because OBVIOUSLY there was a santa, he was right there.

This is a true story, and althought I didn't at the time truely understand the term "Secular myth" it was the term my father had used to describe "santa".

Mrs. McHaggis for one whole year on 3/11 101,393 77
02/20/2007 10:01 PM

I love this thread. My brother was such a dork. He got me a lot of orbs, in 2 different posts here.

I'll be sure to let him know the next time I see him.

Dianada loves her some snow! 57,835 108
02/21/2007 01:37 AM

Hah, one of my funniest posts is in this thread. Those were the good ol' days..

Daves not here. 52,827 16
02/21/2007 01:39 AM

When I was very young and in catholic school I read or saw something that said early humans were short, stooped, had protruding brow ridges and were mostly covered in hair.

I thought that meant Adam and Eve were pretty Frost-ing ugly.

Jepto abismal 58,758 13
02/21/2007 03:55 AM

Yesterday, my daughter asked why she had no school yesterday. I told her it was President's Day. My four-year-old got all excited and yelled, "WE'RE GETTING PRESENTS TODAY?!?!?"

Here's Humphrey 51,764 12
02/21/2007 06:04 AM

My funniest is in this thread!

Prammer 80,722 42
02/21/2007 06:13 AM

Ouch! I bent my wookie.

The foam cup! 0 6
02/21/2007 06:17 AM

For some reason, as a kid I pronounced pulp as 'ploop'.

Egeus the Rare 2 6
02/21/2007 06:21 AM

When I was little, I thought that people who didn't speak English had to translate everything to English in their heads so they could understand it. Then they would translate it back to whatever language to speak it so the people around them could understand it too.

My three year old told me today that she needs more fingers and toes. She said one of the extra fingers would go between her thumb and index finger. Why? For doing puzzles better.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy Jr. 203,956 21
02/21/2007 06:22 AM

GAB was real.

Prammer 80,722 42
02/21/2007 06:26 AM

My doctor said I would have less nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there!

The foam cup! 0 6
02/21/2007 06:33 AM

When I was really young I refused to look at a wall in my room because it had one of those terrible teddy bear things on it. I think I thought it was haunted. Man I was weird...

A-No-Knee-Mousse 769 7
02/22/2007 09:47 PM

That the plural of Moose was Meese. And that the teachers lived at the school.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
02/22/2007 09:49 PM

What are you doing?
Huh?

A-No-Knee-Mousse 769 7
02/22/2007 09:59 PM

Oh yes, and some idiot put in my head the "tick" and "credit-card" were bad words. Credit card was known as "the c word"...

Demonfire You 1,039 8
02/23/2007 01:50 AM

I used to think that if you smelled the stink from someone's poop, your body would learn to make poop stink that same way.

chauvinistic fool 33 7
02/23/2007 02:07 AM

in kinder I remember thinking retardation was contagious so I always got scared whenever I saw one

Conquistador Ravos 63,467 21
02/23/2007 02:38 AM

When I was 5 my dad set the TV to turn off at a specific time every day, which happened to be the time my favorite show was on.

I thought God hated me.

Conquistador Ravos 63,467 21
02/23/2007 02:38 AM

not much has changed.

Alfred, the Eater of Cats 51 6
04/20/2009 01:23 PM

I used to think that I would be sucked down the drain whenever I took a bath. I was a very stinky child. I also thought that there were two kinds of sex, kissing naked, and kissing with clothes on, and that babies randomly appeared in a woman's tummy if she loved a man.

Chicken McNipples 2,207 7
04/20/2009 01:38 PM

I always thought girls peed out of their butts. I Shakespeare you not.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
04/20/2009 01:46 PM

I use to think that bumping 5 year old threads was cool. Also that tampons were what women used to wipe there ass instead of toilet paper.

Cream Cheese Lobster Dumplings 18,568 33
04/20/2009 03:36 PM

I used to be afraid of going outside at night because a man in a clownsuit would try to kidnap me.

I used to think that the drain monster could see up my vejayjay when I took a shower so I took baths til I was 11 or 12.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
04/21/2009 02:41 AM

When I was really young 3 or 4; I thought someone had played a mean and cruel joke on our dogs. We had 2 dogs; a girl and boy from the same litter. One day when we came home they were running around the yard screaming because they were hurting. I had thought someone had stuck their butts together with glue. They couldn't pull themselves apart of course; they were having doggy sex and the male got turned around. I was crying and screamming I wanted someone to help them.

My oldest brother tried to pry them apart; while trying to hide his tears of laughter. This just made the dogs scream more and me to. I looked around for more help; but everyone else was howling with laughter also. Finally my Dad stopped laughing long enough to tell me what was going on. She never did have any puppies.