Oliver Chest 203,475 12
11/15/2004 01:47 PM

I used to stand. When I was 6. Now I sit.



I would ask what you do Lammie, but you are a girl. And we all know that girls don't poop.

Trae - Gobble Gobble! 156,790 17
11/15/2004 01:49 PM

<action> retracts post

A cornucopia of... newwave 45,912 10
11/15/2004 01:50 PM

Sitting, facing the toilet.

Saucy Humongous Panda Breasts 181,783 70
11/15/2004 01:52 PM

I can tell you that my ex-husband used to stand, facing the toilet.



This knowlege is why I don't believe in an "open-door" policy with the bathroom when going #2.



No amount of Clorox in the world can cleanse the visual of walking by the john and seeing my hubby with his foot on the commode and his pants around his ankles.



*silently thanks God for alcohol*

Lamburkey (ready for sloppy seconds) 33,017 9
11/15/2004 02:00 PM

I sit by the way. But I am dying to try out the hip new upside down in the bath tub technique.

ringworm 68,315 13
11/15/2004 02:00 PM

a friend of mine brought up this very issue in the bar the other night. apparently, it was discussed on some radio show, and he was surprised to learn that some people stand (i'd never really considered the possibility either). i'm a sitter. he's a sitter. the two random people he polled were also sitters.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
11/15/2004 02:04 PM

I do not see how there would be any possible advantage in standing.



If i am wrong, please do not inform me.

Flour Scented Sombrero 91,274 10
11/15/2004 02:07 PM

Yeah, I stand. What, You wanna fight about it?



I've always stood, Facing the TP, Wipe 'N' Drop.



I never liked the idea of reaching beneath myself, Into the toilet.

Yknow..

I've had those poops that sorta pile up, And just grazing a knuckle through that Shakespeare (No pun int-- Frost it, Yeah it was) would be a traumatic experience. Not for me, but for the bottle of hand soap.

Lamburkey (ready for sloppy seconds) 33,017 9
11/15/2004 02:16 PM

A stander!! GET HIM!

Daisypie 49,378 9
11/15/2004 02:17 PM

Squat.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/15/2004 02:21 PM

I'm with Sombrero. Sticking your hand down into the most viral infected spot in your house (assuming you're smart enough not to own a cat) is for the birds.



And I'm against wiping too. I prefer to let it cake up and flake off like in nature.

Flour Scented Sombrero 91,274 10
11/15/2004 02:35 PM

It may sound like a stupid excuse, But think of me and Chix when it finally happens, You filthy Sitters.



Frankly, Im tired of pooping. Sure, its great for the jokes, but so many things are to my disliking.

Like the depth charge. Nobody.. I repeat, Nobody needs that cold shot to the colon after forging such a beast to cause it. Its just a shock that my heart and my sphincter both do not need.



Hell, Its damn near 2005, Someone needs to conjure up a wireless colostomy bag!

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
11/15/2004 02:43 PM

A bear and a rabbit find themselves next to each other answering nature's call and making small talk (apparently bears do Shakespeare in the woods...). The bear comments on the rabbit's lovely white fur and asks if he has a problem with Shakespeare sticking to it. The rabbit replies that he does not. The bear proceeds to pick up the rabbit and wipe his ass with it.

Now I believe the bear stood up and wiped from front to back, but as this is completely made-up, we just can't be sure.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
11/15/2004 02:57 PM

This bear Shakespeares only where there are flush toilets.





And I sit till the paperwork is complete.

Tina Phley 131,068 34
11/15/2004 02:59 PM

This is all just a big joke right? You're trying to tell me that lying down isn't normal?!

New_turKey_Baster 76,490 10
11/15/2004 03:00 PM

"..But I am dying to try out the hip new upside down in the bath tub technique."



I don't understand what you're getting at. Could someone explain it? Maybe post a photo or something?

TheFoye 55,700 16
11/15/2004 03:02 PM

I stand facing away from the toilet, using my right hand and a wad of paper in the left!













Hmmm, that's why I keep getting Shakespeare on my hand!

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/15/2004 03:07 PM

This was the highlight of my trip to the middle east. Squattie Potties.



>*<

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/15/2004 03:08 PM

Interesting site in general.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/15/2004 03:11 PM

Oh, some parts of the world expect you to squat even on a raised toilet.

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/15/2004 03:13 PM

This was a little freaky. In Syria, there was a boy standing in the bathroom with a box of kleenix for you to clean up with. A large bathroom with no stalls. So this kid stood there all day watching other people Shakespeare for tips.



Stay in school, kids!

Yummy Chickens in Giblet Gravy 286,527 61
11/15/2004 03:15 PM

Welcome to Amerika.

Flour Scented Sombrero 91,274 10
11/15/2004 03:55 PM

Chickens, You're under arrest for killing the funny.

DemoMarshmallowSalad 166,252 10
11/15/2004 04:51 PM

Ah wipe mahself with a rag on a stick.

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
11/15/2004 05:27 PM

I was in total awe (in a bad way) when I found out there were people who stood when they wiped.



My boyfriend was naked about to get in the shower (we left the door open for showers so nookie could be had if one wanted it). Apparently he had to do a number two before hand and I walked by the bathroom while he was finishing up. He proceeded to stand up, grab a fistful of toilet paper, squat a little while wiping his soiled starfish.



Now, mind you, I'm sitting in the doorway watching this apauling act, stunned unable to move. With each wipe he does these little knee bends - bend, wipe, bend, wipe.



And to top it all off, he doesn't just drop it into the toilet, but looks at the TP, sniffs, and then carefully places it into the bowl.



*calls therapist*

Saucy Humongous Panda Breasts 181,783 70
11/15/2004 05:34 PM

"boyfriend"



heh

Kittuns is a schizophrenic and so am I 44,835 9
11/15/2004 05:36 PM

Yes, that's "boyfriend" meaning "kittuns pet project of saving mankind one man at a time"

Saucy Humongous Panda Breasts 181,783 70
11/15/2004 05:38 PM

Saving them from what? Procreation?

Jerk wants Puddin for Christmas 4,016 9
11/15/2004 05:40 PM

I wonder if goatse sits or stands.

Flour Scented Sombrero 91,274 10
11/15/2004 05:40 PM

WOAH WOAH WOAH....



We Standers would like to seperate ourselves from any other Standers who sniff the TP. Eeeewwww..

Pubah is INTO Turkey covered in cranberry sauce 56,805 18
11/15/2004 07:02 PM

Facinating question...



...the Pubah stands while wiping



That way he gets all the Klingons



shock-Puck!...Maltz Chooooo eePoot

HighSoci 30,093 18
11/15/2004 07:05 PM

I just let the dog do all the work and I assure you he is standing.

HighSoci 30,093 18
11/15/2004 07:07 PM

On a more serious note (well as serious as one can get talking about wiping your ass) I don't believe I have ever stood when wiping my ass. How could one actually wipe succesfully while standing unless they somewhat squat with their legs apart. Otherwise, they couldn't completely wipe and would smell like ass all day. I guess you don't really have to ask, just sniff. You will be able to tell the standers from the sitters.

Aimless 54,807 10
11/15/2004 07:15 PM

My ass is too tight to wipe standing up. The toilet paper would just get stuck up there right along side my stick.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
11/15/2004 07:25 PM

Ok, next question. Anyone pee in the sink?

Humphrey B Skippin' Thanksgiving 51,764 12
11/15/2004 11:32 PM

I went to a bathroom in a restaurant in the Mekong Delta that had a hole in the floor, and next to that, a large bucket of murky brown water with a smaller bucket floating in it. Now I knew from experience that you used the smaller bucket to splash water from the bigger bucket onto your dirty areas. When I enquired with the waiter why there were fish swimming in the large bucket, he advised my in very poor enrish that "they were the Catch of the Day."



Needless to say I had the chicken.

Dweezil Meniketti 77,546 17
11/16/2004 12:07 AM

Ok, next question. Anyone pee in the sink?





I've been known to.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
11/16/2004 12:30 AM

anyone pee in the sink?



What male at a football game or concert hasn't?

HighSoci 30,093 18
11/16/2004 12:33 AM

Let's see....





Middle of a bar = yes



In some unexpecting person's beer at the club = yes



Off an overpass onto traffic = yes



In a sink =...... hell no... what kind of sicko are you? People have to wash their hands in those things.

Dweezil Meniketti 77,546 17
11/16/2004 12:36 AM

Do you usually touch the basin when you wash your hands?

Fratberry 282,931 53
11/16/2004 12:51 AM

All I know is that I just performed a perfect "Louganis".



Broke the surface with an awkward splash and when I wiped there was a bit of blood.

Livewire 78,229 13
11/16/2004 03:30 AM

Pubah... are you going to start this Feeble routine of (a) disappear for a few months, (b) post something funny, (c) repeat.

Neep, cooler than thou! 35,066 15
11/16/2004 03:49 AM

Oh yeah!



I would just like to say that I share an island with these toilets.

Neep, cooler than thou! 35,066 15
11/16/2004 03:55 AM

These are just down the street from the embassy theatre, where the RotK premiered.

Neep, cooler than thou! 35,066 15
11/16/2004 03:58 AM

My town is in the list of tongue trippers. I have never been so proud.

Jajoba 1,357 10
11/16/2004 06:51 AM

Standing Swipers = skids on your rods.



Not nice for the pathetic woman doing the washing. Believe me...

White Meat Miracles 22,430 0
11/16/2004 06:56 AM

I guess I am sick - but my ex and I used to leave the bathroom door open when we had to poo.



There are times when we each would sit on the bathroom floor chatting while the other one dropped bass in the toidy!



It is nice to chat while you take a crap.

A cornucopia of... newwave 45,912 10
11/18/2004 01:25 PM

I agree, Miracles, it is very nice. I can't count the number of times I've talked to someone on the phone while dropping a deuce. I used to have a wall-mounted phone jack and a special phone in the bathroom for the express purpose of talking to people while taking a dump. As long as you don't flush with them on the phone, they don't know. (Unless of course you're squeezing out a particularly painful log, in which case you either mute the phone or call them back.)



And to answer the earlier question, yes I have whizzed in the sink many times, but never while at a game or a concert. Also in a drinking fountain, in numerous bottles (usually while on a long road trip), a few pop cans, in the trash once, in an oil filter, off the front porch, off the back porch, on a campfire, and in a girl's butt.



I might be kidding about that last one.

Roasted Raccoon 56,688 10
11/18/2004 09:48 PM

Newwave, you are so gross.



Be my valentine! (But only if you promise to never pee in my butt.)

newwave 45,912 10
11/18/2004 10:18 PM

I'm sorry, that promise implies a level of commitment which I am not yet ready to make.

Roasted Raccoon 56,688 10
11/18/2004 10:32 PM

I'm going to have to stop lusting after you if you won't promise something that basic. I'll only give you 7-10 months of my affection before I give up on you, sicko.

Hollis with holiday cheer! 7,284 14
11/19/2004 12:23 AM

Ok, any other females out there ever pissed off of a bridge? Let me tell you, it's a totally liberating experience.



Until the cops come.

Jokey McSimpsonsMeme 12,005 12
11/19/2004 01:52 AM

You mean you can't reverse your holearity and suck all the poop back into your chocolate sausage casing?

Hammerhead-O-Lantern 59,399 14
11/19/2004 02:31 AM

Until the cops come.



I hope they cleaned themselves up before arresting you.

monster rain 674 8
11/19/2004 03:00 AM

I sort of bend at the waste and take a bow. Do a half goatse impression on the left cheek with my left hand, and wipe with a wad of paper in my right hand.



Let the gay jokes begin.



Has anybody brought up the front to back/back to front controversy?

ringworm 68,315 13
11/19/2004 03:02 AM

there is no controversy. if you wipe back to front, you have smelly genitals. the end.

monster rain 674 8
11/19/2004 03:05 AM

<action>sniffs his genitals</action>