Daggy 86,705 14
11/30/2004 09:40 AM

Hi!



I have an extremely cute kitten! At what age should I have her desexed, and will that detract from her cuteness..... (I have this ongoing thing with an american with a loser cat.)



Yours truly, Owner of the worlds cutest cat.

Chance roasts nuts on an open fire. 171,275 14
11/30/2004 09:40 AM

<action> puts pet rock on the exam table</action> I dunno doc, he just doesn't seem as active as he use to be.

Polo Chukker protesting Christmas names 4,634 11
11/30/2004 09:48 AM

Daggy- I believe that if you had read the terms and conditions, you'd see that you are not qualifyed to recieve FVA. However, if someone else had asked that question, I'd have to say that a kitten should be spayed any time after 8 weeks of age.



I think they call it "suffocated" in Australia. Don't worry about the weird looks your vet might give you, not many people de-sex their cat "down-under"

Polo Chukker protesting Christmas names 4,634 11
11/30/2004 09:49 AM

Chance- Try placing in a hot fire for about ten mintutes, it will be sure to jump around in your hands after that.

Sodomizing Santa Snork 45,655 12
11/30/2004 09:49 AM

Dear FVA,



What should I do apropos my outrageous animal magnitism?

Polo Chukker protesting Christmas names 4,634 11
11/30/2004 09:51 AM

SSS- maybe embarking on a sexual lifestyle of beastiality would help.

Sodomizing Santa Snork 45,655 12
11/30/2004 09:56 AM

With a raindeer?

Christmas Chickens in Every Stocking 286,527 61
11/30/2004 10:25 AM

There's a dolphin that wants to have sex with me. Should I let her?

Chance roasts nuts on an open fire. 171,275 14
11/30/2004 10:33 AM

<action> Puts sea monkeys on the exam table </action> Why are they floating on the top?

Oh ChristmasTrae 156,790 17
11/30/2004 10:35 AM

My daughter has a really obnoxious little friend that keeps coming over. If I take her chapstick, rub it on my cats ass when she's not looking, then give it back to her will she get sick?

Chance roasts nuts on an open fire. 171,275 14
11/30/2004 10:36 AM

Do you groom also? My Chia Pet is looking kinda shaggy.

Christmas Chickens in Every Stocking 286,527 61
11/30/2004 10:36 AM

What's correct for cats? Top oven on 450 for two hours, right?

Chance roasts nuts on an open fire. 171,275 14
11/30/2004 10:38 AM

You will ruin the kitty if you cook it like that! Try 350 for 2.5 hours.

We all want some Daggy pudding 86,705 14
11/30/2004 10:47 AM

Hi! I'm prettuy drunk!

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,884 29
11/30/2004 10:51 AM

I would suggest basting the kitten. Now if you are going for mulitpul kittens, like you would serve cornish hens, extend the time 20 mins, per cat. I would go with a light mix of spices, kittens tend to have a flavor all their own.

Christmas Chickens in Every Stocking 286,527 61
11/30/2004 10:54 AM

What flavor are they?



It's BLOODY HOUSEPET FLAVOR!

Oh ChristmasTrae 156,790 17
11/30/2004 10:58 AM

Chickens I am taking away your man card. You can't make fun of cats anymore now that you have a mini dust mop foo foo dog. Sorry, no matter how many deer you kill it doesn't change the fact that you gave in to the power of the puss and actually PAID for that rat.

Christmas Chickens in Every Stocking 286,527 61
11/30/2004 11:05 AM

Oh, but look how cute she is sitting there under my desk and...





ahem....





of course I mean what a piece of Shakespeare.

I saw Chancer kissing Santa Claus 171,275 14
11/30/2004 11:38 AM

Has anyone mentioned foster kids and hammers yet?

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,884 29
11/30/2004 11:40 AM

Why else was Chickens asking about cooking times and temps for kittens?

Polo Chukker protesting Christmas names 4,634 11
11/30/2004 11:54 AM

Chickens-- NO, I doubt your penis is big enough to satisfy her.



Chance-- They're called shrimp! Eat 'em up! and no, I only groom my own chia pet.



Trae-- Only if your cat has intestinal worms. But it's worth a shot.



I wouldn't know about cooking them, but we produce lots of dead cats everyday, Chickens.... eat a bunch of them, and maybe you'll ingest enough blue juice to kill yourself.

Polo Chukker protesting Christmas names 4,634 11
11/30/2004 12:20 PM

How's the puppy doing Oliver?

Nes gadol hayah: Daisypie! 49,378 9
11/30/2004 12:23 PM

Should we really be taking veterinary advice from someone who "specializes in euthanising cats and dogs"???

ringworm 68,315 13
11/30/2004 02:49 PM

my cat has big tits. should i examine him regularly for lumps?

Oliver Chestnuts roasting over an open fire 203,475 12
11/30/2004 02:52 PM

Medicated.



Nothing major with her eye. They think it's allergies to something, and it's her skin mostly. She has develped some extra gunk in her eye from it.

I saw Chancer kissing Santa Claus 171,275 14
11/30/2004 03:04 PM

Do you have a recipe for an Eggplant casserole?

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
11/30/2004 03:06 PM

ringworm



You spelled "mailman" wrong.

Ms. Trixxie (I gots you Secret Santa Hanging)LeMay 65,026 15
11/30/2004 03:12 PM

My parrot hasn't spoken or moved in three days, and on close examination I find that his little feet are nailed to his pearch. What should I do?

ringworm 68,315 13
11/30/2004 05:50 PM

why would starsky have a mailman in his bosoms?

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/30/2004 05:54 PM

Trizzie.. you should start watching some tv shows made less than 20 years ago.

Oh ChristmasTrae 156,790 17
11/30/2004 05:55 PM

why would starsky have a mailman in his bosoms?



Ahhhh but I think the question really is, why not??

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/30/2004 05:55 PM

ok.. who switchef my keyboarf buttons?

AussieSarah 8,390 9
11/30/2004 10:13 PM

I have an extremely cute kitten! At what age should I have her desexed, and will that detract from her cuteness..... (I have this ongoing thing with an american with a loser cat.)



So your asking if you rip out body parts that have nothing wrong with them and thus preventing kitty from ever enjoying sex , will kitty still love you.........

I'd claw your eyes out - slowly .

Roofie the Red-Nosed Raccoon 56,688 10
11/30/2004 10:16 PM

So, you're saying that reproducing is the only way there is enjoyment in sex? Poor Declan.

AussieSarah 8,390 9
11/30/2004 10:23 PM

no - but after the horridly painful op , cute little kitty will not want to have sex. Kitty will become spiteful and surly

Hammerhead-O-Lantern 59,399 14
12/01/2004 02:24 AM

Sarah, I hope you're not one of those wussy PETA animal freaks that thinks it's better not to fix animals. It's been proven, not just for population control, that fixing cats makes them better pets. And the whole enjoying sex thing isn't an issue with my cat, who is fixed and declawed. Because of the fact that she'll never get around a tom to have sex.



It makes her a better cat because she's calmer and more attentive to us. And she's not attacking my feet because she's in heat and can smell my testosterone. Which helps her overall health, because I won't kick her across the room so she won't try to Frost my toes.

AussieSarah 8,390 9
12/01/2004 02:36 AM

No , I,m actualy all for desexing cat/dogs/stupid people .

My main aim was to make Daggy feel guilt ridden for wanting to maim her poor little kitty . I can be mean and nasty - no need to point it out.

millie christmas and and happy new year 116,988 28
12/01/2004 02:36 AM

Cutest. Kitten. Ever.



And she was de-sexed as early as possible. She's not surly or mean at all.



Me? I'm not de-sexed and I am surly and mean. So don't believe everything you hear.

ringworm 68,315 13
12/01/2004 03:24 AM

eh, i've seen cuter.

Mr. Bri-hamloaf 38,843 10
12/01/2004 03:40 AM

My family recently found a new kitten and adopted it. Our older cat, however, has begun to lose fur ever since the kitten came. Any advice?



Also, the cat and kitten sometimes seem to fight. How can I know if they are playing or trying to hurt eachother?



Finally, what species of animal is best for bestial sex?

AussieSarah 8,390 9
12/01/2004 03:45 AM

Old Poe feels his/her territory is being invaded and stressed by the new kitty.

Are they the same sex ?

Humphrey B Making a List and Checking it Twice 51,764 12
12/01/2004 04:23 AM

When Aunty Flo visits my wife I refer to her as 'Captain Rat's'. What is the common factor between my wife's menstrual cycle and Rattus norvegicus.



Show your work.

Jajoba 1,357 10
12/01/2004 06:26 AM

Absolutely the most beautiful cat in the world!

Mr. Bri-hamloaf 38,843 10
12/01/2004 01:17 PM

No, the old one is a spayed female and the new one is an un-neutered male.

Fratberry 282,931 53
12/01/2004 05:24 PM

Hi. Yes, I have a question regarding my cats.



Instead of treating each individual cat with Revolution or Advantage, wouldn't it be simpler and just as effective if I shoved them all into one small room and set off a bug bomb?



Thanks,



Fratberry

AussieSarah 8,390 9
12/01/2004 10:43 PM

Hi. Yes, I have a question regarding my cats.



Instead of treating each individual cat with Revolution or Advantage, wouldn't it be simpler and just as effective if I shoved them all into one small room and set off a bug bomb?

Thanks,

Fratberry



That will work very well.

So well in fact , it will also eliminate the need for you to feed them or change their cat litter ever again !

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
01/13/2005 12:01 PM

Round 2



Okay! Who's got some more questions?



Same rules apply.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
01/13/2005 12:07 PM

I have a hedgehog and a cat. Can I breed them?

Bankey 70,843 10
01/13/2005 12:08 PM

Yesterday, while one of my dogs was taking a Shakespeare in the back yard, my other dog approached him and executed what can only be refered to as a 'blumpkin.' Both are males.



Should I just by them both pink leather collars and be done with it?



Thanks,

Bankey.

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
01/13/2005 12:09 PM

SpecialKake- Yes, yes you should. Post the video on Gab

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
01/13/2005 12:11 PM

Bankey- Get them CASTRATED! Do you never watch The Price is Right?

turtle10 42,578 26
01/13/2005 12:19 PM

My dogs farts A LOT. What can I do?

Bankey 70,843 10
01/13/2005 12:38 PM

stop feeding your dog mexican food, for starters.

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
01/13/2005 12:41 PM

My dogs farts A LOT. What can I do?



You should smell it. I can only diagnose this problem if the owner tells me what it smells like.

20 Chickens 286,527 61
01/13/2005 12:43 PM

I just took Hen's 5# laprat to the vet for rabies shots, etc (yorkie). Vet says every time we let her go into heat, it will increase her chance of cervical cancer by like 30%, and if we breed her, something like 40%. She says this is just typical of purebreds and is pushing for a quick fixing.



I'm thinking I just payed a crap load of money for this little yapper and the market is too damn high for them, was thinking about breeding the Frost out of her and flooding the market with puppies.



Is that wrong?

20 Chickens 286,527 61
01/13/2005 12:44 PM

<action> waits for "chickens can't breed with puppies" posts

Polo Chukker 4,634 11
01/13/2005 12:48 PM

Breed her all you want.

Just expect some vet bills.

LOTS of vet bills.

Just Chit till Presidents Day 178,776 15
01/13/2005 12:50 PM

What she means is you have a great argument for buying a boat there.

20 Chickens 286,527 61
01/13/2005 12:52 PM

Is she BSing me on the cervical cancer thing?

silly drunken monkey 615 9
01/13/2005 12:58 PM

chickens can't breed with puppies?



Of course they can

turtle10 42,578 26
01/13/2005 01:06 PM

You should smell it. I can only diagnose this problem if the owner tells me what it smells like.



Dogfood. Natural Choice Weight Control.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/13/2005 01:08 PM

"Do you know what dog food smells like?



Exactly what it tastes like.



Delicious!"



-Chappelle-

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
11/02/2005 10:28 AM

Drown one or both in a bucket.

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 10:30 AM

Get another litter box. Also neutering your male cat would teach him a valuable lesson.

Did you hear that men?

Kretchfoop! Now with even more Foopier Fap! 160 7
11/02/2005 10:53 AM

I have a male cat. He is usually very affectionate. Sometimes though, He will up and decide to bite for no reason whatsoever. This can happen at any time including when He is purring very loudly while getting attention.My question is this...

























When I punt him across the house which is better... Steel-toed boots or cleats?

Chance 171,275 14
11/25/2005 01:58 PM

rawr.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
11/25/2005 02:21 PM

<action> Grabs Chance to include in the Bump Conga Line...</action>

lupience, Wearing jammies all day 26,981 11
11/25/2005 05:21 PM

bumppppppppppppth

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
11/25/2005 09:08 PM

Dear Polo Chukker,

What do you call that thing when you squeeze the pus out of the gland in a dog's ass.



And how come it's only little dogs that need it.

Fratberry 282,931 53
11/25/2005 09:28 PM

<action>throws out half-eaten creme filled doughnut</action>

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
11/25/2005 10:17 PM

Dear Polo Chukker,

What do you call that thing when a dog poops a perfect brown oval, and Canadians debate whether it should be topped with chocolate or multi-colored sprinkles?

Fratberry 282,931 53
11/25/2005 10:36 PM

<action>throws out half-eaten pus filled dogs ass</action>

Chi Chi Felipe: Smells Like Teen Spirit 161,353 14
11/25/2005 10:40 PM

My cat has been asleep for several weeks now. I know cats sleep a lot, so I'm not too concerned, but he's starting to smell. Should I bathe him?

lupience, Wearing jammies all day 26,981 11
11/25/2005 11:01 PM

Yes. I'm thinking a peach scented shampoo would be nice.

If you use a blow dryer, put it on the low setting, otherwise the hair will get too puffy.

Stand the cat up in a corner. If he won't stand upright, you may have to 'stretch out the bones' Some snapping and cracking sounds are normal.

Brush the teeth with steel wool, using a gentle circular motion. If the cat does not 'come around' in a few weeks, staple its feet to a piece of driftwood, and change it's name to "Art".

lupience, Just might wear jammies all weekend. 26,981 11
11/26/2005 01:50 AM

bump

Major Inconvenience 115 7
07/21/2009 11:31 AM

blah blah blah

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
07/21/2009 11:43 AM

Bumping five year old threads when you have nothing to add and nothing funny to say is the mark of a retard who's in for a good Hammerhead ass reaming is something we here at the new ZuG Live appreciate! Keep posting, and include some pictures next time!