Nerd is Tannenbauming Iraq 27,000 12
12/18/2004 01:45 AM

ROOFLESLOLOMGH4X!

Mr Fook 4,016 9
12/18/2004 02:00 AM

Looks like the jews have it easy this year...The gays are ruining christmas!!!!

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
12/18/2004 02:10 AM

Your littlest nephew cried when I read him this article.

And a Briham in a pear tree 38,843 10
12/18/2004 02:11 AM

If Santa is gay, I'll bet he's a pitcher and not a catcher. After all, he always says "tis better to give than to recieve!"

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
12/18/2004 02:12 AM

Yeah. Tears of joy that someone finally told the rest of the story.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
12/18/2004 02:41 AM

Now Santa had been caught by a little Gab daughter

Who'd stayed up too late drinking whiskey and water

She stared at St Nick and said "Santy Claus, why?

Why is that man rubbing your pee-pee?

WHY?"



But you know, that Declan was so smart and so quick

That he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.

"Why my sweet little tot" the old bear hunter lied

"Poor Santy Claus here had a long tiring ride.

So I'm rubbing him here to restore the blood flow.

See, he's feeling all better. Just look at him grow!"



And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head.

And he mickeyed her drink...



And took Santa to bed!

Jane-constant over stimulation numbs me 173,958 15
12/18/2004 02:45 AM

<action>wipes a single tear away from her eye</action>That was Beautiful, Demo.

AussieSarah 8,390 9
12/18/2004 08:53 AM

Here is THE best Christmas lymric



Hey Santa



Quite often I get a thinking

How as kids we got by

Like christmas time in our house

We couldn't even afford a fire



But we made do in our house

Back then when I was young

Dad used to suck a peppermint

And we'd all sit round his tongue



We couldn't afford no tinsel

On our christmas tree

So we'd just wheel old grandad in

And make the old Carroll sneeze...atchoo



Wheel him round the other side granny...atchoo



Well things change so bloody fast

I got children now of me own

Now I heard 'em unwrap their presents

Last night when I got home ........

AussieSarah 8,390 9
12/18/2004 08:53 AM

Santa claus you Carroll

Where's my Frost-ing bike

I've unwrapped all this other junk

There's nothing what i like



I've wrote you a letter

And i've come to see you twice

You geriatric wanker

Where's my Frost-ing bike



If i wanted a pair of Frost-ing shoes

I would've Frost-ing asked

This cowboy suit and ping-pong set

You can stick right up your arse



You went and mucked my order up

It's enough to make you spew

It's not just me that's pissed off

My sister's cheesed off too



Santa claUs you Carroll

Where's my Frost-ing pram

You promised me you Frost-ing Carroll

You know who I am



'Cos I'm the little girl

You made sit right on your hand

Never mind your ho ho ho

Where's my Frost-ing pram



Next time i go to see him

I'm gonna punch him in the guts

Set his Frost-ing reindeer loose

Kick rudolf in the nuts



Just you wait til next year

'Til we get to that store

A mate of my little sister

'll come stomping through that door



Hey mums and dads just check his breath

And watch his bloodshot eyes

Don't listen to him boys and girls

'Cos he tells Frost-ing lies



He's a pisstake and a pervert

He's not even Frost-ing bright

'Cos that Frost-ing wanker

Forgot my Frost-ing bike



Hey santa claus you Carroll

Where's my Frost-ing bike

I've unwrapped all this other junk

There's nothing what I like



I wrote you a Frost-ing letter

And I came to see you twice

You geriatric wanker

Forgot my Frost-ing bike



Yeah I'm gonna tell my dad on you

Frost-ing punch your head in....Carroll

I saw mummy sucking santa

AussieSarah 8,390 9
12/18/2004 08:58 AM

By Rodney Rude

Therlin 12,200 13
12/18/2004 02:29 PM

He also says HO HO HO if you say the right words to him. And we all know where THAT leads.

Feeble, Terrifying All Who See Him 32,400 15
12/20/2004 12:18 AM

Truth be told, Santa has an ongoing special relationship with Donner. You're not quite hairy enough for him, Declan.

Roofie the Red-Nosed Raccoon 56,688 10
12/20/2004 12:20 AM

A BEAR not hairy enough? What is this world comming to?

Feckoff 2,552 9
12/20/2004 06:59 AM

Sarah, I though that was Kevin Bloody Wilson. Or did he steal it?



Goddam Aussies. Steal anything, won't they.

Chris 'tmas tree' Garrett 86,932 12
12/20/2004 11:32 AM

I think I read somewhere that Santa was, "Happy and Gay."



Now, we know the truth.

Ghost of Chickens Past 286,527 61
12/20/2004 12:36 PM

I was Santa yesterday in a skit at church. WITH A BROOKLIN ACCENT!





And I whipped out a flask and took a swig on stage in front of everyone.



I actually had a deacon ask me if there was anything in the flask. I told him I got it from the pastor's office.

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
11/25/2005 09:51 PM

Declan's Christmas article is a classic.



Demo's addition is brilliant.



And 'tis the season.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, 2005 131,874 36
12/20/2005 11:10 AM

I have my other Christmas desecrations decorations out today, so why not this one?

Sharribarri 14,124 11
12/20/2005 11:29 AM

Well Chix, this is a year or so late, but Was there anything in the flask?

Whistler P. McManus 186,016 44
12/20/2005 11:33 AM

This thread also is also proof that a n00b can indeed improve. Look at what a 'tard Aussie Sarah used to be. She's almost normal now.

Auntie Sloopy Gizzardsprinkle Trixxie 65,026 15
12/20/2005 11:45 AM

The Homo Night before Christmas





Twas the night before Christmas and all through my crib

the nut drool was so thick I need a bib.

Steve was on Tony, and Tony on Bob

Chris had just got done, shining my Knob.



Then out by the Gazebo I heard such a clatter,

pulled out of Tim's ass to see what's the matter.

There on the Patio I see a huge Dick.

It looked vaguely familiar, it belonged to St. Nick



He came on the door-sill, and then in my face

He sprayed all the front porch with hot, gooey lace.

He filled all our stocking with rubbers and lube,

Trojans and Coleridge rings, K-Y in a tube.



Then he made us all queasy with a loud greasy fart,

but not before spreading my ass cheeks apart.

He groaned when he came and as he rode out of sight.

"See you next Christmas, keep that Emerson nice and tight."

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/18/2006 10:39 PM

Tis the season to be BUMPing, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.

Declan McManus, Jolly Old St. Nick 131,874 36
12/23/2008 10:19 AM

I still think this is one of my best efforts here.

Oh, and keeping with The Holiday Spirit of 2008,  snot your fountain pen,  'tis mine.

Declan McManus, as Gabriel Conroy 131,874 36
12/17/2010 02:33 AM

Love and joy come to you, and to you, a wassail, too.

Declan McManus, as Gabriel Conroy 131,874 36
12/17/2010 02:34 AM

(Or, better yet, some Harry & David Royal Riviera pears!)