Briham resolves to be more decisive, or not 38,843 10
12/26/2004 02:38 AM

I resolve to develop a schtick. Other people have schticks. Trae has her sluttiness, Chi-chi has his ninja-ness, Chickens has his republican-ness, and Bobjohnson is best known for being









...canadian. So I think I need to develop some sort of trademark thingie. People should be able to identify one of my posts without reading my name. But what's a good schtick that hasn't already been taken?

The Mailman: delivering Hallmark cards all over 176,450 56
12/26/2004 03:10 AM

But what's a good schtick that hasn't already been taken?



You could starting posting in alexandrines. Exclusively.

Lizzie like it's 1999 4,212 10
12/26/2004 11:18 PM

Yesss

millie 116,988 28
12/26/2004 11:27 PM

Damn, I can't think of anything.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
12/26/2004 11:29 PM

"millie-nium plus five"

Errol, somewhere in middle america 10,584 9
12/26/2004 11:31 PM

But what's a good schtick that hasn't already been taken?



My schtick is 7 inches.

millie-nium plus five 116,988 28
12/26/2004 11:33 PM

Thanks, Monkey-man!

AussieSarah-feeding babys to dingos for a low$1.99 8,390 9
12/26/2004 11:41 PM

My New Year Resolution is not to make any New Year's Resolutions.





Damn , broke it already.

DirtyHermit 858 9
12/27/2004 12:08 AM

While I can't think of a name for 2005, I do have a resolution for the new year.





It starts with "S" and ends with "M".

Phla Mignog 131,068 34
12/27/2004 12:11 AM

Silly Hermit. Square dancing ends in a G.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 12:12 AM

Sex with your palm?

Dweezil Meniketti 77,546 17
12/27/2004 12:17 AM

I plan to masturbate at least as much as last year.



I like resolutions that are plausible.

Miracles 22,430 0
12/27/2004 12:20 AM

I plan to masturbate more than last year - that is plausible.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 12:21 AM

Aim low, guys.

Nerd, Comma, 27,000 12
12/27/2004 12:21 AM

For the balls!

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 12:22 AM

Because it's important to have goals you can reach, that's why.



Otherwise, you'll get it all over the floor. And who'll clean up that mess? Probably your poor mother, that's who.

Two-thousand and Phlive 131,068 34
12/27/2004 12:36 AM

My new year's resolution is going to be 1024 x 768.

DirtyHermit 858 9
12/27/2004 12:38 AM

Sex with your palm?



That's a better line than the S & M joke I was "aiming" for.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
12/27/2004 12:43 AM

Sex with your palm?





Sex with electronic devices is the next new thing!

2005 Another Fucked Up Year 30,093 18
12/27/2004 12:45 AM

Ok done.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 12:47 AM

Declan like a little "spark" in his sex life.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
12/27/2004 12:59 AM

Hello, darling.



Are you new?

TableTopJane and the Half-Blood Prince 173,958 15
12/27/2004 01:02 AM

What's my schtick? Surely it's not that whole "I have a one-armed kid" think. And I can't think of a new name.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 01:11 AM

Top of the mornin' to you.



New is relative, I guess. For instance, I am as new as my gums and a little newer than my teeths. If that "7 year rule" edict is to be believed, I am new, or close enough.



I am familiar with Gab, but yes, this is the first evening that Miz Gwendolyn has posted.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 01:18 AM

They're making three-minute pornos now so the ADD crowd can get their spank on?

Jane Reubens by the end of '05 173,958 15
12/27/2004 01:18 AM

Maybe I could become that chick that links to pictures of her breasts at every turn. Of course, I post them mainly because I love reading the comments that people leave.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
12/27/2004 01:19 AM

but yes, this is the first evening Miz Gwendolyn has posted.





Such a pity!

TTJane-if I'm a bitch then you're a dog 173,958 15
12/27/2004 01:38 AM

No, really guys. What's my <a href="http://public.fotki.com/tabletopjane/gab/gabboobies.html">schtick?<a> I can't post those forever. I've been told by a few GABbers that they're not worth looking at.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/27/2004 01:46 AM

I'm new and all, but I'm fairly certain that there's a button for that.

Nerd, Comma, 27,000 12
12/27/2004 01:46 AM

FDISK

Snork is Searching for a Ticket to Avantasia 45,655 12
12/27/2004 08:57 AM

I need a Schtick. A big one. With a nail in it. A rusty one.



Oh yes, I do.

Trae - MMV 156,790 17
12/27/2004 10:31 AM

''

Snork is Searching for a Ticket to Avantasia 45,655 12
12/27/2004 10:37 AM

I'm no good at this game.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
12/27/2004 10:48 AM

I am using the same psychology towards my schitick as I used in teaching my boys about theirs...



"Leave it alone, it will grow"

76,490 10
12/27/2004 11:20 AM

Ditto what Trae said.

Dick Clark's New Wave's Rockin' Eve 2005 45,912 10
12/27/2004 01:21 PM

I can't wait to see what this crowd comes up with for Martin Luther King, Jr. day themed names.

Get to the back of the Phlacking Bus. 131,068 34
12/27/2004 05:05 PM

I love MLK Jr. Day.



You think this will work?

evreet, formerly Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
12/27/2004 06:29 PM

Dear Gwen,



My daughter uses mozilla, and there is no button to link. Also, you should check who you're smartmouthing before you open your mouth.

thejman 69 8
12/27/2004 07:27 PM

<action>looks at Jane's breasts, yet again

mmm, tubular

The Rockin' Reverend RobertJohnson 178,045 22
12/27/2004 10:39 PM

The end is near! Repent! Repent!

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
12/28/2004 10:22 AM

I'm new and all, but I'm fairly certain that there's a button for that.



If you've got a button for that, it means you are using IE. Which means you are a spawn of the debbil dat is Bill Gates.



Which means the terrorists have already won.

Drunken Chickens Stumble Across the Road 286,527 61
12/28/2004 05:46 PM

Why?



To get to the other *vomits copiously*

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/28/2004 05:47 PM

Dear Evreet (which seems not wholly unlike Amanpreet)



I was unaware that Mozilla erases the "add link" button found on the bottom right hand corner of the reply screen (next to the "B," "I," and "U" buttons.) Also, you should check your message board theme before you open your mouth.

SHP resolves not to change her name 181,783 70
12/28/2004 05:49 PM

<action>doesn't check anything, opens mouth, catches flies.</action>

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
12/28/2004 05:50 PM

Gwen, darling.



STFU bitch sweetheart.



Kisses from



Declan!

Two-thousand and Phlive 131,068 34
12/28/2004 05:52 PM

I think Gwen is Underwhere is Anita.

</rumormonger>

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/28/2004 05:53 PM

Why Declan, darling, BYH!



Now where'd you hide that Nutella?

New Years '05 Headliner: Streetheart. Really. Wow. 91,274 10
12/28/2004 07:01 PM

Hows this one?



Its not that I think the party is going to suck balls.. Its just. Well... Yeah, actually I hit the nail on the head right there..

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Columnist, '04 131,874 36
12/28/2004 10:12 PM

It suddenly smells of onion in here.

Underwhere? Searching for something in 2005 101,393 77
12/28/2004 10:34 PM

Oh jeez, I'm not this Gwen person!



I'm me, Holly, trying to be a good little n00b. Usually Phla, you won't let me out of the cage, but I escaped a few days ago, and I SMT to Foye for Christmas. Doesn't that help make me legit?



Anita break from the bullShakespeare, please.

Two-thousand and Phlive 131,068 34
12/28/2004 10:37 PM

Okay. You're not Anita anymore. Gwen is the new Anita.

newwave (under the mistletoe) 45,912 10
12/28/2004 10:44 PM

I love MLK Jr. Day.



You think this will work?



Actually, for you, I was thinking James Earl Phla, but either works.

millie-nium plus five 116,988 28
12/28/2004 10:48 PM

I don't know who Anita is, but someone once said I was like a "watered-down" Anita, which I thought was a Shakespearety thing to say--obviously a double-insult.



I wonder if this Anita knows her memory lives on even though she is long gone?

Two-thousand and Phlive 131,068 34
12/28/2004 10:49 PM

Silly newwave, Phla doesn't look like Jones at all.

Two-thousand and Phlive 131,068 34
12/28/2004 10:50 PM

I wonder if this Anita knows her memory lives on even though she is long gone?



Just ask her. She's standing right there. And there. And there! AND THERE!!!AAAAHHH

Underwhere? Searching for something in 2005 101,393 77
12/28/2004 11:01 PM

I have a really bad feeling about this.

Happy new BEER! 86,705 14
12/28/2004 11:03 PM

Will this do?

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/28/2004 11:05 PM

I like it Daggy!

I go down more than the Times Square ball 10,022 10
12/28/2004 11:06 PM

This is the best I could do.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/28/2004 11:08 PM

Everyone's really good at this. Except me. But don't let me take away from your accomplishments with my sadness.

millie-nium plus five 116,988 28
12/28/2004 11:49 PM

The Times Square ball only goes down once a year...



aw, never mind.

I go down more than the Times Square ball 10,022 10
12/29/2004 12:46 AM

If you aim low, you're less likely to be disappointed.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/29/2004 05:47 PM

No onions in here, Mister. Note the very noticable use of appropriate capital letters.



I know that the two of you didn't always see, um, eye to eye. And while I can't say that I always agreed with the hows and the whys of the onion, I always admired the artistry with which she conducted her business. To compare me with her would be doing her a grave disservice indeed, though I'd let her drive my Jetta any ole day.

TableTopJane and the Half-Blood Prince 173,958 15
12/30/2004 01:18 AM

I am familiar with Gab, but yes, this is the first evening that Miz Gwendolyn has posted.





No onions in here, Mister. Note the very noticable use of appropriate capital letters.



I know that the two of you didn't always see, um, eye to eye. And while I can't say that I always agreed with the hows and the whys of the onion, I always admired the artistry with which she conducted her business. To compare me with her would be doing her a grave disservice indeed, though I'd let her drive my Jetta any ole day.



Did I miss something? Forgive me if this has been covered, I've been away. That was her first day posting, but she's been reading long enough to know details about onion?

One more thing, sweetie. Talk all the Shakespeare you want. But please don't talk Shakespeare to my father. It just really pisses me off. And Mozilla does indeed remove all buttons. All I have are "submit" and "preview". Anything else, I have to do myself.

Gwen Novak 223 8
12/30/2004 06:11 PM

<action>sighs</action>



I come, I go. I used to frequent this place (on a lurk basis) much more a few years ago. I stopped a while ago and picked up only recently, so I don't know the recent stuff.



One more thing, sweetie. Talk all the Shakespeare you want. But please don't talk Shakespeare to my father. It just really pisses me off.



I honestly was not trying to talk Shakespeare, though I was calling him out on his bullShakespeare.



I made a post. Whether it was actually funny or not is moot, though that was my intent. I did not disparage you, I did not say, "TTJane, you ignorant slut, I heard you like to suck the chrome offa trailer hitches!"



It is certainly his choice to think me unfunny. He may also certainly comment on my lack of humor. As long as it is structured and qualitative criticism, I will listen and be respectful. However, he did not do this. It is apparent by his statement that his reservation is not so much what I said, but to whom I said it. Sorry Charlie, but that don't work on me. You make a statement like that and you bet your sweet ass I'm going to turn around and mention that this is (supposedly) a comedy board, not the "We Are Family" board. Furthermore, if me doing so constitutes "talking Shakespeare" to your father and this is not liked, perhaps he ought to be a little less eager to dish Shakespeare out, since all I did was take his words and type "subject board theme" instead of "who you're smartmouthing."

Phla Da Dee, Phla Da Da 131,068 34
12/30/2004 06:16 PM

Is your brother in the room, or are you talking to yourself?

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
12/30/2004 06:17 PM

Woa, when did people start taking offense to stuff said on GAB?



If I knew it was gonna be like this, I never would have made those dead baby jokes!























Wait...yeah I would've.

WickedWhoresiesWoman 15,741 12
12/30/2004 06:19 PM

All I know is your posts are too long.



They make my eyes bleed.

WickedWhoresiesWoman 15,741 12
12/30/2004 06:20 PM

YAY!



Oliver is back.



Not that it matters but thats my favorite of all of your monikers.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
12/30/2004 06:26 PM

I find that I am either more funny with "Oliver Chest," or more people clickie it because they recognize it.