The Captain Dan Report
A comedy conversation
by Captain Dan's Sea Legs  44,452  11
01/24/2005 08:17 PM 276 views
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First Day of Classes, Timeline:
8:30 - Nothing too unusual happens
8:31 - I realize that I have a teacher named "Jambrosio" and she is white
9:45 - I come to terms with caucasian parents naming their legitimate child "Jambrosio"
10:00 - There is a midget in my Literature class. Not just a midget... a bona fide Irish midget.
10:02 - Is it polite to stare at them? And what term do they go by? Surely it's not "Hey midget"
10:03 - "Hey midget what do you like to be called?" I learn that they prefer to be called "little people." Tee hee.
10:03 - 11:15 - Staring at midget, wondering if he does leprechaun impressions
11:30 - I head to the computer lab to finalize my schedule. Sitting next to me is a girl who is like, abusing English over her cell phone. I tell her that using a cell phone near computers will give her cancer, so she leaves in a hurry.
1:00 - How much would it cost to get that midget to say "they're always after me Lucky Charms"? I bet he would do it for $10.
1:00 - 3:45 - Not much to report, except for having a partial amputee as a teacher (half of his left leg.. I was tempted to mention how big a fan I am of Lieutenant Dan)
4:04 - A classmate askes what time it is, and I answer "Four oh four, error"
4:05 - They finish staring at me.
5:15 - I walk out of the class and run into the midget!!! He is carrying a backpack that has to weigh more than him. Holy Shakespeare.
The future: Hammerhead and most elders to regale me with their chorus of "Seriously nub, stfu, or I will kill you and rape your mother with your detached penis"
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
51 votes
5.0
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.4
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DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252  10
01/24/2005 08:21 PM
I'll take that Lucky Charms bet.
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Hilarious
14 votes
4.8
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Phla Mignon 131,068 34
01/24/2005 08:21 PM
You said nub. I forgive you.
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.4
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Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/24/2005 08:21 PM
I want to kiss you.
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Hilarious
14 votes
4.9
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Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/24/2005 08:22 PM
NO NO!! I mean kill! I swear!!!
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Side-splitting
27 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120576
Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/24/2005 08:22 PM
No, I meant kiss.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.4
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/24/2005 08:24 PM
Eat Shakespeare and bark at the moon, twat-waffle. When you do my job for me...wait. You weren't doing my job. I wouldn't touch your mother with Virnomine's dick.
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Side-splitting
28 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120584
DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/24/2005 08:28 PM
Only because you don't want to take it out of your own mother.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120587
Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/24/2005 08:31 PM
So that's where Virn's been hiding. And ewww.
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Hilarious
13 votes
4.9
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120589
DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/24/2005 08:35 PM
Well played Hammer. Well played.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120596
millie 116,988 28
01/24/2005 08:43 PM
Is Jambrosio her first name or last name?
I'm sure the Irish midget has already heard any leprechan joke you could think of.
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Side-splitting
24 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120597
Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
01/24/2005 08:46 PM
Her first name was Jambrosio.
Next time, I'm going to bring in a mini-sized box of Lucky Charms and see if the midget gets upset (because there is nothing more adorable than a little person getting angry)
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120598
Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
01/24/2005 08:49 PM
You'll be sorry when he shanks you with a paring knife!
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/24/2005 08:49 PM
Now you're just a Frost-ing idiot.
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Hilarious
17 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120600
Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
01/24/2005 08:51 PM
Yes, but if I get pics and write about it, I am a Frost-ing idiot for your benefit. Plus I might die so you win either way.
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1 votes
0.0
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/24/2005 08:55 PM
Yes, please, piss a midget off, allow him to kill you, and then come post about it.
Choad.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Humphrey B 51,764 12
01/24/2005 08:56 PM
You should toss that midget.
<*>
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Phla Mignon 131,068 34
01/24/2005 09:09 PM
I like that short people song. It should be my theme song.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120673
Mr. Briham 38,843 10
01/24/2005 10:43 PM
Oh yeah, it's all fun and games to laugh at the midget, up until he sneaks up behind you and slices your achilles tendon, causing you calf muscle to shoot up into your leg like a goddamn window shade.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120711
Fillyicious 39,193 20
01/24/2005 11:33 PM
By far the best part of that game is how it just says "For Carol." I'm not sure I want to know why it's for her.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120784
Frogpop 173,153 25
01/25/2005 02:33 AM
Best. First day of classes. Ever.
Mine is on wednesday, and it will be the suck. Also, with all the kiddies back tonight, work has been a real stinker as well.
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Side-splitting
12 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120832
Trixxie 65,026 15
01/25/2005 10:46 AM
Well High there Captain Dan's Sea Legs, Welcome to GAB, My name is Trixxie and I am a beautiful lady. Wanna Cyber?
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Lila the Racist 78,555 13
01/25/2005 10:55 AM
Heh - Phla imped me. And well, at that.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1120839
turtle10 42,578 26
01/25/2005 11:01 AM
I think I have said this before but...........
no matter what, midgets = funny
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1121249
Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2005 05:56 PM
I heard the new Surreal life has Vern Troyer on it. I would love to see that.
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