Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
01/31/2005 08:28 AM

Dude, I think you haven't completly decompressed yet.

Megatron teh n00b 3,360 9
01/31/2005 08:35 AM

As a n00b I look forward to getting hazed. Yes it is cruel sometimes, but I take it so that when I finnaly lose the status (if ever) I can start dishing it out. it is an accepted fact of our community

Fartpuppy 5,142 13
01/31/2005 08:42 AM

Megatron some n00bs don't get hazed, they just happen to bring the funny. Or if you're like me, you don't make any comments about the regulars so you stay under the radar.

Daggy 86,705 14
01/31/2005 09:33 AM

Or you could just turn up and be fantastic, like what I did.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/31/2005 09:43 AM

Chickens



Yea, Yea, A THOUSAND TIMES YEA!



Thank you, revered elder. When LEN inevitably overthrows the tyrannical rule of the veterans, your name will be put on the protected list and you will come to no harm.



Demo

Frogpop 173,153 25
01/31/2005 10:53 AM

shut up n00b.

Chickens Come Home Mon 286,527 61
01/31/2005 10:57 AM

I'm just thinking we expect a bit much of the new kids. The whole "eat them while they're still fresh" thing was funny for a while, but I'm sure we've run off some potentially really funny people by the ceremonial crucifixions.

The Omniscient BobJohnson 178,045 22
01/31/2005 10:59 AM

Stop being reasonable and sane, YOU POOP-SMELLING NEWPHEW-FrostER!

Çhî-Çhî K. Fêliþë™ 161,353 14
01/31/2005 11:01 AM

I agree with Chickens. Why bash someone just because they're new? Wait until they prove they're also stupid before you open the can of FIERCELY TYPED WORDS on them. Bashing for bashing's sake is dumb.

Frogpop 173,153 25
01/31/2005 11:03 AM

We've picked up Captain Dan and Larkknot and some others. What more do you want? How many people do you want posting on here!? Also, I've never opened the whoop-ass can until a n00b (or anyone else) really got under my skin for a series of offenses. So nyah.

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 11:06 AM

I'm cool with the fresh ones . . for the most part. I was not cool with the one who kept speaking in spanish about doing me up the ass. My ass is for private parties only thankyouverymuch.

Çhî-Çhî K. Fêliþë™ 161,353 14
01/31/2005 11:09 AM

Ideally I would like one million people posting here. This isn't the Freemasons, you don't need to be invited by a GABber or be the son of a GABber to join.

Frogpop 173,153 25
01/31/2005 11:12 AM

The board would be literally unreadable unless each account had a 10 post per day limit. Don't be silly.

Çhî-Çhî K. Fêliþë™ 161,353 14
01/31/2005 11:13 AM

I will not concede. We are not an elitist organization. n00bs are the spice of life.

Frogpop 173,153 25
01/31/2005 11:14 AM

We are too elitist! ..we just aren't exclusive.

Captain Dan's Sea Legs® 44,452 11
01/31/2005 11:15 AM

Yea! Having more posters is always better because it increases the odds that at least one of them doesn't suck plus there are more victims for my subliminal messages that are being sent out with every post muwahahaha

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/31/2005 11:16 AM

Not that I'm objecting to the unexpected support, but...



WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!



AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL CHICKENS AND CHI CHI?!

Çhî-Çhî K. Fêliþë™ 161,353 14
01/31/2005 11:17 AM

Chasing people away for no other reason than they're new is like chasing people away for no other reason than they're black. YOU ARE ALL RACISTS.

Frogpop 173,153 25
01/31/2005 11:22 AM

Megatron is black and he's still here. And he's even got "n00b" is his name.. it's like he's asking for it.



Chickens, you've been away for a few days, anyway.. might I ask what n00bs Gabveterans have chased away with out due cause?

Çhî-Çhî K. Fêliþë™ 161,353 14
01/31/2005 11:23 AM

Megatron isn't black, he's a robot who turns into a tiny gun.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
01/31/2005 11:29 AM

I've actually been noticing this for a while. We are constantly getting people who say stuff like "I thought this was supposed to be a Funny place, guess I was wrong." It makes me wonder if maybe we are being to hard on them and that reputation might soon change from comedy board, to board of Emersons.

Çhî-Çhî K. Fêliþë™ 161,353 14
01/31/2005 11:30 AM

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: we already are a board of Emersons.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
01/31/2005 11:34 AM

Yeah, I think anyone should be able to come on and say whatever they want before we tear them apart. This doesn't include the AOL types. There's nop a/s/ling in here.

Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
01/31/2005 11:36 AM

Hey Special!



A/S/L??



Wanna cyber? LOL!

Ôlîvêr Çhës†© 203,475 12
01/31/2005 11:49 AM

Jesus, it smells like vagina in here.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
01/31/2005 11:53 AM

yeah, MANgina.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
01/31/2005 11:55 AM

CG-



I rub your thighs down sensually with italian dressing and garlic.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
01/31/2005 11:57 AM

I bake your thighs at 350 degrees for 45 minutes, and serve with rice and corn.

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 37
01/31/2005 12:08 PM

I still maintain that the bashing that occurs has nothing to do with how new a GABber is. It has to do with how stupid the GABber is acting.



It just so happens that a higher percentage of newer folks act stupid. And they get beat down accordingly.



Those who survive and learn from their mistakes become welcome members.



I hold this truth to be self-evident: don't start nothin', won't be nothin'.

Livewire 78,229 13
01/31/2005 12:16 PM

Chickens, I couldn't agree more. After about the third offense, I do think it's time to unleash the hounds though. It's good to have your ass handed to you if you can't play nice.

Chickens Come Home Mon 286,527 61
01/31/2005 12:20 PM

I still maintain that the bashing that occurs has nothing to do with how new a GABber is. It has to do with how stupid the GABber is acting.



Yeah, but there is still a bunch of "Shaddup n00b" stuff where someone just tossed in a first comment here or there. And Jebus-forbid someone make the the un-forgivable "Hi, my name is Sparky and I'm NEW!" thread. Currently that is an invite to castrate and it really shouldn't be.

Declan McManus 131,874 36
01/31/2005 12:22 PM

Chickens has been secretly replaced with this instant Chickens.

daisypie 49,378 9
01/31/2005 12:37 PM

Maybe we should also ofer thicker-skin at the door...

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/31/2005 01:12 PM

Maybe we should also ofer thicker-skin at the door...



There's a flaw in that theory. The assumption that people should NEED thick skins. Why should they? And who are we to decide that they should? Is this a "How much abuse can you take" board, or a comedy one?



In my experience the people with the thickest skins are the ones most likely to be obnoxious jerks. It seems counter-productive to selectively breed for that trait.



If someone is funny, reward them. If they aren't, ignore them, they'll go away eventually.



Or just admit that the reason for bashing newbs is to feed the bashers intellectual vanity. The hypocrisy of claiming it's for a noble purpose like "protecting the forum" is, frankly, repellant.



Now if you all don't mind, I will curl up into an armadillo-like ball and await the storm of incendiary excrement I've just earned myself.

turtle10 42,578 26
01/31/2005 01:13 PM

but I'm sure we've run off some potentially really funny people by the ceremonial crucifixions.





Don't worry, I'm still here

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/31/2005 02:51 PM

Why do I have a feeling that I'm going to be mentioned sooner or later?





I agree that not all no0bs are bash-worthy. But I still say that there are those that deserve immediate and relentless hazing. The odd "STFU no0b" (at least from me) is usually a joke, much as is Daggy's "Hello dear, are you new?" And I normally don't really lay into someone unless, and until they show their dumbassitude.



But I will say that there are plenty of people that have begged me to bash no0bs.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
01/31/2005 02:57 PM

Megatron some n00bs don't get hazed, they just happen to bring the funny. Or if you're like me, you don't make any comments about the regulars so you stay under the radar.



AKA



Thank you sir, may I have another, please Frost me in the ass.

Crackalacka 68,758 11
01/31/2005 02:58 PM

When I first started posting, I was hazed. The fact that I was made me want to post even more. I think part of the sense of humour that goes on here is the mean kind. I mean let's face it, burning people is funny. If you do away with the hazing, we might get flooded with the sitcomfuzzypuppy type funny like the moxnix guy brought. If people want to play they are gonna have to be thick skinned or we'll be full of cry babies. I'm just sayin.

Crazy but Smart Scottish Boy 263 8
01/31/2005 04:41 PM

I agree with both Chickens and DemoMonkey. Also, this has really sparked off some intelligent and funny debate.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/31/2005 04:57 PM

Shut your Frost-ing piehole, knobgobbler.

Crackalacka 68,758 11
01/31/2005 05:04 PM

See. I told you burning people was funny.

Daggy 86,705 14
01/31/2005 05:45 PM

I'm always pleasant and welcoming to nubes.





'Hello dear, are you new?'

Pubah teh Incurable Rheumanitc 56,805 18
01/31/2005 05:47 PM

<action>looks at the scars on his forehead and buttocks</action>



Yea, Daggy is VERY kind to n00bs...



If I'm ever in Austrailia with a taste for caviar, I'll look you up.

Daggy 86,705 14
01/31/2005 05:50 PM

Awww, silly Pubah. You didn't get those scars because you were a nube, you got them because you sucked beyond belief!







See? There's a difference.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
01/31/2005 07:09 PM

I'm so new here that I'm still in the larval stages of n00bishness, but since I started participating in ZUG (crusty veteran of one whole month), I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I have only suffered a minor ravaging so far and my guess is that I got a little too overconfident on the heels of a successful thread and tried to make something work that just wasn't going to, irritating a couple of the natives. Still, the n00bs I have seen really get raged upon appeared to be either trolling or completely unwilling to take offered advice from a veteran. N00bs have responsibilities too. They need to read the instructions. They need to get the feel of the place before posting. They need to realize that they're not going to gain instant acceptance. If they can't do that, they need to develop some thick skin. If people were really n00b-bashing for n00b-bashing's sake, we'd all have been driven out by now. The n00bs that wait until they have something mildly amusing to say before posting get away relatively unscathed.



<action>Suddenly realizes that he's been a dumb n00b and posted long-winded advice that was not even remotely funny into the middle of a veteran-dominated thread. Realizing he is going to be punished severely punished for this, he bends over and assumes the goatse position.</action>



All right. Let me have it.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
01/31/2005 07:10 PM

I'm so new here that I'm still in the larval stages of n00bishness, but since I started participating in ZUG (crusty veteran of one whole month), I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I have only suffered a minor ravaging so far and my guess is that I got a little too overconfident on the heels of a successful thread and tried to make something work that just wasn't going to, irritating a couple of the natives. Still, the n00bs I have seen really get raged upon appeared to be either trolling or completely unwilling to take offered advice from a veteran. N00bs have responsibilities too. They need to read the instructions. They need to get the feel of the place before posting. They need to realize that they're not going to gain instant acceptance. If they can't do that, they need to develop some thick skin. If people were really n00b-bashing for n00b-bashing's sake, we'd all have been driven out by now. The n00bs that wait until they have something mildly amusing to say before posting get away relatively unscathed.



***Suddenly realizes that he's been a dumb n00b and posted long-winded advice that was not even remotely funny into the middle of a veteran-dominated thread. Realizing he is going to be punished severely punished for this, he bends over and assumes the goatse position.***



All right. Let me have it.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
01/31/2005 07:12 PM

<action>Also realizes that he's such a n00b he can't even work the action tag right and posts the same lame post twice. Opens up goatse pose wider and cries hysterically</action>



I'm sorry.

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 07:15 PM

Ah, don't worry. Most of us didn't even bother to read it.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
01/31/2005 07:17 PM

I don't know about newbs, but this double-posting Shakespeare has GOTTA STOP!

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
01/31/2005 07:21 PM

Viva la Pistola!

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
01/31/2005 07:22 PM

<action> taps his nose </action>

Cha-Ching, Pistol.



I think all n00bs should read this. I checked it out the other day and its pretty much bang on.

Yes.. Yes i know. It is a collegehumor link, but look past that for now..

Mr Fook 4,016 9
01/31/2005 07:23 PM

Wow, a thread about noob bashing. Never, ever ever ever been done before!



Turn down the bashing, turn up the funny!

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
01/31/2005 07:26 PM

Jep, don't make me shove you in the dungeon again.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
01/31/2005 07:31 PM

I joined in about Aug lasts year and have noticed numerous people posting who receive little or no hazing at all. In fact a vast majority will never receive anything more ferocious than 'STFU noob'. Noob's who become the focus of Hammerhead's wrath are usually ignorant or belligerent and obviously easy targets.



Oh, and people who use emoticons should be Frosted and burned ;-)

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle® 156,790 17
01/31/2005 07:35 PM

Or burned and then Frosted, depending on preference. I like my n00b well done personally.

mickicas 0 8
01/31/2005 08:13 PM

Personally, I enjoy the witty remarks some of the veterans use.

Useless 92 8
01/31/2005 08:20 PM

Any community naturally develops a social hierarchy and it just so happens noobs are at the bottom of this one. As a noob, I know I can live with it or I wouldn't be here. I don't need people crusading for me.



Noob bashing is good for the community for three reasons:



1. In most cases it catalyzes the process that ignoring noobs does, because who wants to wait for idiots to leave? In some cases the harassment will help bring out the noob's funny.



2. It produces members that are more attached to the community because they survived the trial by fire.



3. It stops things like "t3h m4j0r r0x0rs" from being said. This should never be underestimated.



In conclusion, stop whoring for noob clickies with your hippy bullShakespeare threads.

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle® 156,790 17
01/31/2005 08:41 PM

<action> reads above post



Grammar? Check!

Good sentence structure? Check!

Humor balanced with a bit of wit? Check!



Welcome to GAB.

Adrian von Buttcrack 13,341 13
01/31/2005 08:53 PM

n00bs....thems good eating.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
01/31/2005 08:55 PM

Jep, don't make me shove you in the dungeon again.



Should be hanging head in shame but strangely, I am INCREDIBLY TURNED ON!

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 09:00 PM

I think a lot of people are just scared off by certain remarks. Example, my earlier remark to Jepre could be seen at bitchy. Admittedly, it was catty, but the truth is I treat some of Demo's posts the same way. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood.



That, and I hate Demo.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/31/2005 09:09 PM

Noob bashing is bad for the community for three reasons:



1. In most cases it retards the process that ignoring noobs does. No-one wants to wait for idiots to leave, but bashing the more reprehensible ones makes them dig in their heels and be stubborn. In most cases the harassment does nothing to help bring out the noob's funny.



2. It produces members that are cliquish and hostile. They survived the trial by fire, and god damn it everyone else has to.



3. It stops things like "t3h m4j0r r0x0rs" from being said; this is true, and indeed should not be underestimated. But the vast majority of people who would actually use leet speak (non-ironically) would be bored to tears by this place and it's distinct lack of plasma weaponry.



Oh, and in conclusion, stop accusing other people of "whoring". It's impolite.



And it makes the earth mother cry.



Peace, baby. Peace.

Daggy 86,705 14
01/31/2005 09:13 PM

I really don't think the nubes have it so bad lately. The only time the board becomes aflame is when idiots like the superturkeys and anitas of this world barge in shouting the odds.



It would have been a different story 18 months ago when Virnomine was hall monitor, go back and read some of his Shakespeare and compare it to the obligatory STFU that the nubes of today are greeted with.



Now, where did I leave my porkchop?

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 09:16 PM

Sing it, sister Daggy.

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle® 156,790 17
01/31/2005 09:18 PM

Today, I love you Pistol.

Rob Borer 958 8
01/31/2005 09:19 PM

In most cases it retards the process



He said "retard."

ROFLMAO :P

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 09:20 PM

Prrrow. There's still three and a half hours left in the day. Think you can meet me some where in Georgia, sweet thing?

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle® 156,790 17
01/31/2005 09:25 PM

Define somewhere.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/31/2005 09:26 PM

Pistol only hates me because my ass is better than hers.



Well. By volume anyways.

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 09:26 PM

But probably not by ratio.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
01/31/2005 09:32 PM

true. But I TOTALLY have you beat on mass.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
01/31/2005 10:10 PM

en masse?

La Pistola 10,071 9
01/31/2005 10:19 PM

Where's Aimless when I need her? With out ass powers combined, we could take over the world!

Frogpop 173,153 25
01/31/2005 10:19 PM

I'm with Trae, Daggy, Pistol and that "useless" n00b up there.









..which, taken all together, is a rather attractive prospect, eh ladies?

Daggy 86,705 14
01/31/2005 10:40 PM

Good thing your girlfriend isn't the jealous type huh?

millie 116,988 28
02/01/2005 01:43 AM

In my experience the people with the thickest skins are the ones most likely to be obnoxious jerks. It seems counter-productive to selectively breed for that trait.



Totally disagree. In my experience, some of the people who diShakespeare out the hardest are the ones who can't take it. Not necessarily on this site, but in real life as well.



I have always hated hazing and cliques and elitism. I hate the attitude, "Well, I was treated like Shakespeare, so now I can do it to someone else." For no reason; just because that person is an outsider. As if being here before someone else somehow makes a person better.



I realize there is some irony in me telling people not to be mean. I'm just saying, there has to be a point the the meanness!

marmaboy 505 9
02/01/2005 02:06 AM

Funniest. thread. ever. (Realise I need a couple of tens of thousands of more clickies to say it but... I'm bored and what the hey, I read it anyway!)



GAB refined down to a page. It's almost like The Waltons



Demo: (sipping wine) "but I really think the noobs ought to be treated fairly in the free world"



Spicey: "Quite, quite, but I maintain, I maintain... well, it's funny, and self-evident one has to be funny whilst gabbing..."



Hammerhead: (Banging fists on carpet) "1,2,3 Me bash noOb!!1 1,2,4 Bash noOb moRE!"



Trae: "Oh hush up HH, I'm trying to talk to La Pistola!"



Grandpa Jep: "Well in my day... yadda, yadda, yadda"



Noobs: (playing outside) "I bashed you!" "no you didn't! I bashed you first!"

daisypie 49,378 9
02/01/2005 02:19 AM

<action>starts to post, but waits for marmaboy's applause to die down...</action>

marmaboy 505 9
02/01/2005 03:23 AM

<action>quickly posts application for LEN



...just in case!

daisypie 49,378 9
02/01/2005 04:38 AM

The assumption that people should NEED thick skins. Why should they?...Is this a "How much abuse can you take" board, or a comedy one?



Pardon me Demo, but I think your Canadian-ness is showing. Perhaps in the true north Shangi-la, when a fledgeling young comedian takes the stage, mic in hand, and bombs, the audience still politely cheers and applauds. In the rest of the less enlightened world, however, he or she would be heckled, hassled, harangued, and booed of booted off the stage.



But you know what? If that same wannabe comic has a little bit of confidence, and a thick skin, he's going to polish up his act and climb back up on that stage again. ...And hopefully do better the next time around.



Don't get me wrong, Demo, I enthusiastically support your 'reward the funny, ignore the not' policy, and would subscribe to your newsletter, and I don't generally don't bash the noobs, (still being one, et al) but the world (outside of Canada's borders) can be a mean and scary place. And this is a site for grown-ups. Sure, sometimes grown up monkeys, and chickens, and frogs, and dogs, and raccoons, and llamas, and sharks...

marmaboy 505 9
02/01/2005 04:46 AM

<action> rolls on floor screaming



But John wouldn't like it!!!

joburger 367 8
02/01/2005 05:31 AM

It's all part of the process... you not supposed to take it personally. Rather learn from it.



The Bashing has taught me a couple of things.



1. How too spel



2. How to trace people through the internet and get their physical address......



Anyway I'm off to the gun shop..... see YOU lada

Frogpop 173,153 25
02/01/2005 05:32 AM

and frogs



If Froglord comes back again I's gonna stick him with this shiv.

I have grown fat and strong on clickies and THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!



I probably would have adopted you, Daisypie, except I just never got over the disappointment of your not being a female. No point though, really, as you're very funny and can hold your own quite nicely.



Just don't hold your own more than twice a day.. we're running out of kittens.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
02/01/2005 07:58 AM

This has been one of the more interesting threads of late, and as always, kudos to Chickens for his "controversy for clickies" technique. But I think we've all wandered off the point.



No-one thinks that new people deserve a free pass to be idiots here.



Well no-one except me, and only because being nice to people is part of my community service. (Damn tinted glass. What a man and his heated gel pack do together should be private, even if it is at the stop light in front of a Baby Gap.)



But Chickens original point is "What say we stop bashing them until they actually say something stupid".



I have seen that happen time and time again. People whose very first posts - spelled and constructed no worse than many of ours - are treated with blind knee jerk hostility. And I agree with him. That should stop. Gab would be a funnier place if it did.



All Chickens' say-ing,

Is give newbs a chance...

Chickens Come Home Mon 286,527 61
02/01/2005 09:53 AM

In conclusion, stop whoring for noob clickies with your hippy bullShakespeare threads.







*blinks*





*stares wide eyed*





*blinks again*