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Yesterday at work, as I was putting returned items into baskets for restocking. A HUGE, FAT, LOUD lady (everybody loves her at there) waddles up to the table. Now picture this she is not just a little over weight... No her FUBU shirt can barely hold onto her upper belly role. I mean to the point where I'm afraid to stand by her for fear that her shirt will snap up and put out my eye.
as she wobbles on up to the table, she smacks down a magazine and starts screaming. YO EVERYONE! Look at this FINE dress! (I'm really trying to filter most of the slang out here)
I looked and realized she was looking at the article about Donald Trumps wedding. She proceeds "Yo yo look at the fat RING! Bitches that's FINE! Mah Boyfriend aint ever got a ring that good for me! When I have a wedding I'm going to have one like Donald Trump's FO REAL I'm going to invite EVERYONE to the reception too." Then she flipped the page and pointed to a freaking huge cake and said "Dog look at THAT CAKE! that's a 200 POUND cake! When I have a reception I'm DIFFIDENTLY gonna have THAT!" then she started giggling like a little school girl.
Now I knew that I was going to say it... but I kept trying to stop myself... but I failed... I looked at her with a smirk and replied.
You're going to have a 200 pound cake? that's awesome... but... what will everybody else eat?
That's when she looked up with eyes that signaled to run... but I did'nt. Her head swiveled and she shrieked "bitch I'm gonna slap you!"
...and she did...
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
40 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126476
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Side-splitting
26 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126480
SpecialKake, Esquire 55,555  14
02/02/2005 01:07 PM
What, do you work at a Walmart? Hahaha.
Oh, you DO.
I'm sorry.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126481
Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
02/02/2005 01:07 PM
I am in love with her now.
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126484
Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
02/02/2005 01:08 PM
"Dread Pirate? Dread Pirate? Could you please rotate security cameras and record section 8?"
Thank you.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126487
Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/02/2005 01:09 PM
I didn't want to come right out and say that she was a black person, I mean not that it's important or anything, but I think that you can tell given the clues...
she where's FUBU
she talks stupid
and she wasn't working...</racism
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Hilarious
13 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126489
Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
02/02/2005 01:10 PM
<action>Cue Al in 5..4..3..2..</action>
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Side-splitting
20 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126490
SpecialKake, Esquire 55,555 14
02/02/2005 01:11 PM
"she where's FUBU"
AND the blacks killed Jesus.
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Side-splitting
22 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126493
Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
02/02/2005 01:11 PM
she where's FUBU
she talks stupid
I'll say it again...sometimes these dang jokes write themselves!
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126494
TableTopJane® 173,958 15
02/02/2005 01:12 PM
I understand that Dread Pirate is a fart smith. The majority of his posts make my eyes bleed. But I actually found this one funny, and I clicked him.
I feel so dirty.
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Side-splitting
12 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126496
SpecialKake, Esquire 55,555 14
02/02/2005 01:14 PM
you know, an anagram of "Fart smith" is "Math First". An important lesson to you all. You could end up working at some god forsaken place like Walmart.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126498
Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/02/2005 01:16 PM
<action> walks up and gives a random black person a hug</action>
Yo... ahm sorry... we still brothas?
I'm not reeeeeaaally racist please don't do a drive by on my house...
*paranoid the rest of the day*
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Side-splitting
29 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126504
The Byrd 378 8
02/02/2005 01:27 PM
*paranoid the rest of the day*
Retarded for the rest of your life.
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Amusing
3 votes
1.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126515
piXXXie 5,871 11
02/02/2005 01:36 PM
she talks stupid
So, you're black?
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126525
SheCabbage 5,200 13
02/02/2005 01:53 PM
and she wasn't working...
Maybe she was on break?
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Hilarious
36 votes
4.9
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126529
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2005 01:57 PM
don't do a driveby on my house...
kind of tough to hit you in your mom's basement
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126531
Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
02/02/2005 02:01 PM
Big Irish Guy,
you are now my favorite n00b.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126586
SpecialKake, Esquire 55,555 14
02/02/2005 02:31 PM
B.I.G.: If he tells you to some over, and bring a banana- DON'T DO IT!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126590
SpecialKake, Esquire 55,555 14
02/02/2005 02:33 PM
Whore! I meant "Come". Which also may be involved.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126591
Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/02/2005 02:33 PM
B.I.G.: If he tells you to some over, and bring a banana- DON'T DO IT!
Nonsense well make bananna splits...
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Side-splitting
23 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126600
Phuc 237,919 21
02/02/2005 02:37 PM
Cue Al in 5..4..3..2..
Her extreme fatness excludes her from my services.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126704
Kittuns - Plus-Sized Butt Model™ 44,835 9
02/02/2005 04:02 PM
Judging from the terrible spelling and grammer mistakes that you made, you will be working at Walmart for a very long time.
*gets a little bit dumber after reading first post*
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126853
Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 06:18 PM
That's a big bitch!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126879
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:02 PM
dude, you gotta learn to keep your mouth shut when talking to fat people, black people, women, old people, and people at work.
On second thought, just learn to keep your mout shut period.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126881
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 07:04 PM
Why are all the "Matt's" around here mad?
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126888
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:15 PM
I'm slighty peeved, But I wouldn't say Mad.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126894
MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 07:23 PM
I'm more of a "resigned to an altered mental state", but that was too wordy for a username.
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Amusing
3 votes
1.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126895
La Pistola 10,071 9
02/02/2005 07:23 PM
she where's FUBU
she talks stupid
and she wasn't working...
Your post was funny, Dread Pirate, but most of the time, you fit two out of three.
You might not be black but you're dame sure mulatto.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126898
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:25 PM
Oh I'm not Matt. Im Matthew. There's a HUUUUUGE difference.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126901
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:26 PM
most of the time you fit two out of three...
You are more right than your know.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126902
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:27 PM
<action> checks his birth certificate</action>
No. No there is not.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126904
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:29 PM
It is really hard to display sarcasm with text, isn't it.
and no, I'm not nervous why would I be nervous get out of my head, man!
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126906
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:32 PM
Yes, Its soooo hard to make yourself sound sarcastic with text, I dont know how any of us have managed in the past.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126907
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:36 PM
I mean sarcastic and somewhat witty at the same time, which still seems to escape you, buddy.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126908
MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 07:36 PM
Hat man, I checked my birth certificate, and I have to agree.
There is no difference.
And how much do you want to bet that we all live in the desert somewhere.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126909
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:38 PM
Alright, Matt.
Get out.
leave Demo's Icon in the closet, And please make sure you Wash my name before you return it.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.1
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126910
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:39 PM
Toss out as many Maha's as you'd like, But remember, Your mother is obligated to say she loves you.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126911
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:40 PM
Flamboyant sombrerro>>>
your a dumbass.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126912
Just Chit till Presidents Day 178,776 15
02/02/2005 07:42 PM
All I know is since watching Briham's video post, I don't feel nearly as angry about the camcorder I had stolen from my car a year ago.
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Amusing
3 votes
1.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126914
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:43 PM
Im sure many a folk here would agree with you, And I revel in it.
However, You need to read a little more of the threads here and figure out how things work.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126916
MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 07:45 PM
Matthew, you should be ashamed of yourself.
To throw out an equivalent of "Oh yeah! Well you too!", is beneath any Matt's code.
And you don't need to be nervous about me, It's Sombrero you have to watch out for.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126918
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:49 PM
Flamboyant sombrerro>>>
your a dumbass.
You know, If you removed a couple of Line breaks from that, It would look like this..
Flamboyant Sombrero>>> your a dumbass
Which makes it look like an AOL chat window! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!three
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126919
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:49 PM
look. im a man of few words. "dumbass" works as a pretty good adjective for "HappyHatt" over here. I just call 'em like I see 'em.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126920
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 07:49 PM
Well, look what I've gone and started...
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126921
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 07:52 PM
"A man of few words" Can also be interpreted as a Man who knows not the value of a profuse vocabulary.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126931
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:57 PM
you know, your right. I don't know what "ROTFLMAO!!!!!!three" means.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126932
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 07:59 PM
"your" does not equal "you are."
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126933
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 07:59 PM
i really don't care.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126935
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 08:00 PM
you know, your right. I don't know what "ROTFLMAO!!!!!!three" means.
<action> Got Got'en</action>
Alright, Work's done. I'm out.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126936
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 08:00 PM
Oh. Im sorry. really.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126937
MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 08:02 PM
Well, look what I've gone and started...
MATT FIGHT!......
All Matt's to the mat?
What's the MATTer? Snot funny?
Poop.....
Oh yeah, I forgot. That's been done to death too.
Sorry.
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Side-splitting
14 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126938
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 08:02 PM
Well, you know who does care?? The baby Jesus! That's who! Now you've made him go and cry! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THE SON OF GOD TO GO BACK TO SLEEP!
Sheesh, I'm mad, and my name isn't even Matt!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126940
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 08:05 PM
question mark.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126942
Madmatthew 366 9
02/02/2005 08:09 PM
now that was funny.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126943
MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 08:10 PM
question mark.
Why? Does Mark know how to calm the baby Jesus?
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126947
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 08:18 PM
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THE SON OF GOD TO GO BACK TO SLEEP!
I forgot to put a question mark.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126950
ToOqUiK 130 8
02/02/2005 08:31 PM
Actually its rather easy to get the son of God to go back to sleep... A lil Nyquil and some jews cradling him works pretty well.. unless its sunday and then he just shuts right up anyway
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.6
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126957
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 08:33 PM
i DoN't LiKe YoUr NaMe.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126963
ToOqUiK 130 8
02/02/2005 08:38 PM
I dont like the picture of your dick but we all have to deal dont we?
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Side-splitting
9 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1126965
The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 08:40 PM
bEeN GoInG tHrOuGh YoUr MoM's PhOtO aLbUm AgAiN?
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1394547
Trae 156,790 17
01/20/2006 11:07 PM
BAAHAHAHAHAH!
OMG!!!11oneeleventy!
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1394562
newwave 45,912 10
01/20/2006 11:57 PM
There's a Party in my pants.
Everyone's Cumming
No, that's the party in your mouth. Get it right.
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1394563
S. Kake 55,555 14
01/21/2006 12:06 AM
People that eat Hershey's bars like normal candy bars are Frost-ing weirdos. You don't just peel back the wrapper, and start biting all willy nilly. They're scored into pieces for a reason. I don't even LIKE them, but that's just wrong.
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Store
8,426 
10 