SpecialKake, Esquire 55,555 14
02/02/2005 02:42 PM

One time, I asked someone for an Assignment of Leases and Rents, and they gave me an assignment of Permits!!!



What a hoot!!!!!1



God, my job is boring.

Dangeo 2,691 13
02/02/2005 02:44 PM

Stupidity at work ...



the fact that I even GO to work is stupid.

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/02/2005 02:44 PM

When I was out last week, one of the big-wigs came down to ask for a longer phone cord for his new office.



Because I was gone, he asked the Help Desk who told him "I can't find them in SHP's desk. If you want, you can order yourself one from the Office Supply catalog. Otherwise, let me know, and I'll get it for you." Easy enough, right?



I find out today that he called the Purchasing Manager and told her: "IT doesn't have a longer phone cord for me. Can you tell me what I want so that I can buy it from Best Buy?"

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/02/2005 02:46 PM

A doctor once sent me an email that went like this:



"DEAR JIM FOR SOME REASON MY COMPUTER WILL ONLY TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS PLEASE HELP!!!"



To which I replied:



"Is your 'caps lock' key on?"



I never heard back from him.

Chris Garrett® 86,932 12
02/02/2005 02:47 PM

I just got an e-mail, telling me that I am now an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church, Modesto, California.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/02/2005 02:49 PM

I wish I had a REEEAAAL Job...

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 02:49 PM

I had this one file, and the comission check came in $2 short. Since it was new construction, I just figured that the comission was based on the sales price of the home before the upgrades. Turns out I was wrong, and one of the guys over in comissions asks me what we should do with the extra $2. I tell him that we should cut the check for $2, and send it in, even though it has cost at least $50 in labor to get it done at this point.



Oh how we laughed.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 02:50 PM

Jesus, that even put me to sleep.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/02/2005 02:51 PM

"Stupidity at Work"



I AM Stupidity at Work...

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/02/2005 02:51 PM

Chris Garret! I fellow brother of the cloth! We can have two chapters, one over there, and one here. Let's not pay taxes!

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/02/2005 02:53 PM

Part two:



So I'm flipping through the damn office supply catalog so that I can order some phone cords, and believe it or not, PHONES is not a category. So I flip back to the index, and "phones" are not in the index, either. Because they are "telephones!"



Ha! Hahahahaha!

*kill me now*

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 02:55 PM

At least twice a week there is this scenario:



Customer: For an (in this case, 86 Toyota Cressida) I need a Drivers side Headlight, Can you supply it?



Me: "No, unfortunately I don't supply any lights or housings for this model/year"



Customer: Oh realy? Hmm.. How about the marker?

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
02/03/2005 01:14 PM

My company has monthly "Compliance Test"s that all employees have to do, and we had one today. It was a questionaire that was e-mailed to all of us by our bosses that tested our knowledge of one area of our corporate policies. Completion of the questionaire with 100% correct responses is mandatory for every employee.



Wait, it gets worse.



We can submit the questionaire as many times as we like. It's multiple choice. Do the math.



Wait, it get's worse.



In order to avoid having to check multiple submissions, when my boss sent out the questionaire she also sent us all a complete cheat sheet. With all the correct answers.



The topic of this months Compliance Test?



"Honesty and Corporate Ethics".









(Incidentally, a search on "aardvark" throws up 48 responses. We are an odd bunch.)

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/03/2005 01:17 PM

Then change the key words for this thread to "values and morality on GAB."

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/03/2005 01:21 PM

Try live babies instead. Shouldn't be too many with that.

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 37
02/03/2005 01:23 PM

I work in IT support. All the stupidity just washes over me know. It phases me not. I don't even notice the stench of the body pile anymore.

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/03/2005 01:24 PM

Try live babies instead. Shouldn't be too many with that



You totally missed out on the Recipe of the Day threads, Virn.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/03/2005 01:26 PM

Do you work here.









While wearing a Sambos apron and brown knit pants w/white shirt and paper hat, (1974)

turtle10 42,578 26
02/03/2005 01:31 PM

When I started at my company I worked with this real ass kisser. Let's call him Adam. Shortly after i got here he was given a supervisor position by default. Once he got the spot, he bcame a real Emerson. He now walks around with his scrawny chest puffed out and his arms hung slightly out as if they were too huge to hang straight down.



He just looks stoo stooo stupid

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/03/2005 01:31 PM

Turtle, is your name Adam?

dropkick brody 43,090 12
02/03/2005 01:33 PM

stoo stooo stupid



Hello turtle, call for you from kettle.



Yeah, he says you're black.



What a racist.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/03/2005 02:11 PM

I never claimed I didn't contribute to the stupidity level here.





Oh, and the A.C. is on right now. I am freezing

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
02/03/2005 02:21 PM

I used to keep a large bottle of frozen water on my desk, so that as it melted I'd have ice-cold water all day.



The bosses wife came by one day, and snatched the bottle off my desk, exclaiming, "Oh my GOD! How did you get the ice in there?"

Gabe 9,232 13
02/03/2005 02:27 PM

"The same way they make ships in a bottle, you dumb bitch."

millie 116,988 28
02/03/2005 03:47 PM

I work at Home Depot and the stupidity never ends.



Customers generally think I'm an idiot because I'm a lowly retail worker. Yet, most of them don't understand that a QUART is one QUARTer of a gallon, or even what a quart is, or what a gallon is. They order paint and say, "I need one of those big cans."



If I'm working in a department where they are required to have precise measurements (for instance, windowblinds or doors and windows) they hold their arms apart, "It's about this big." Or they say something like, "Well, I measured, and it was two lines past the 30."



Or they ask me where the paint department is, when I'm standing behind the Frost-ing paint desk. They also can't understand why we don't have every color already mixed up--even when they see the wall of color choices that has tens of thousands of colors.



The people who run the company are Frost-ing idiots as well. They think they can staff the store with two people to cover ten departments, then they wonder why sales are suffering.

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/03/2005 03:54 PM

hen they wonder why sales are suffering



Certainly not because of your sunny outlook!

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
02/03/2005 05:15 PM

Hey, Demo! I didn't know you worked for a division of Textron!

Aimless the Worm Goddess 54,807 10
02/03/2005 05:25 PM

My boss borrowed my car since his in in the shop. He called me on the phone about 5 minutes ago. Here was our conversation:



Boss: Hey Melissa?



Me: Yeah?



Boss: <completly serious/>How do you remove the key from the ignition?



Me: Is the car in park?



Boss: Well it's in neutral..er...where the hell is park?



Me: Up at the top.



Boss: Oh, thanks. K, bye.



Me: Gets off the phone and shares the story with everone I can find.

Underwhere? 101,393 77
02/03/2005 06:15 PM

I used to work in an office where one of the secretaries had the alphabet printed out and taped to the side of her cubicle. She was in charge of filing, and she'd sit in her chair and look at the sign, so she'd know what order to put the papers in without having to think.



The guy two cubbies over put up a new sign while she was out, with the letters mixed up slightly. She didn't notice until almost 2 months later.

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/03/2005 06:22 PM

I work for a company that just spent over 6 million dollars on an implemenation project, and is about to spend another few million on RFID Compliance, all of which is being run by the IT department.



And while we're doing these technological upgrades, it's still common practice, and still policy, to "tape receipts to a piece of white paper" to submit for an expense report.

UGH.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/03/2005 06:23 PM

SHP, where's your spoon?

Pants 14,252 17
02/03/2005 06:36 PM

When a newly elected board member for the school system I worked for demanded to meet with the IT staff she graciously presented us with a a number of grand ideas to cut costs. The best one she had was to replace the, highly saturated, T1 lines that went out to every school with DSL because it was only $39.99 a month.



God I love politics.

La Pistola 10,071 9
02/03/2005 07:08 PM

My boss once asked me what a Coleridge ring was.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
02/03/2005 07:10 PM

Unless you were running a stable of Mexican fighting roosters, that seems terribly innapropriate.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
02/10/2005 08:30 PM

On Tuesday, I mentioned to a few managers that I didn't have much work to do.



That was unbelievably stupid.



My 'planning document' now contains 32497832473289743297 items including "end poverty" and "develop time machine."



Alright. . . I'm exagerating. But not by much.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/10/2005 08:35 PM

Maybe you should invent that time machine, go back and slap yourself on the head for that. You have to do that after you've already been given the tasks, because if you do it before you speak up, you'll never create a time machine.

Captain Dan's Sea Legs® 44,452 11
02/10/2005 08:36 PM

Last Tuesday, one of my employees mentioned he didn't have enough work.



Bwahahaha

Captain Dan's Sea Legs® 44,452 11
02/10/2005 08:55 PM

Back when I worked at a hospital lab, there was a coworker who somehow slipped through the retard screening process. Now that I think about it, it's pretty obvious that her knees got scuffed to get this job.



Naturally, we filled her head with outrageous lies for our own amusement. Nobody thought that any harm would come of it, since it's not like this girl would be having an intellectual discussion about the Hugenots ("named after the huge knots they tied their shoes with") anytime soon.



One day over break, our boss comes by and mentions an article he is reading about Australia. The girl perks up, and beams that she has something to add to conversation:



"Did you know that the Earth started out upside down? Slowly, over the course of several years, a series of earthquakes turned it right-side up."

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
02/10/2005 09:56 PM

Well aside from having to pick up slack for everybody at work, so I guess that makes me now the Secritary, IT guy (scary huh), Welder, Lightning protection engineer, electrician, machinist, mechanic, and scapegoat for whatever gets broken or not done at the shop.



My Frost-ing co-worker works for a half an hour, then goes on a half an hour break, all Frost-ing day long.



He blames the fact that he is diabetic, but it wouldn't make Shakespeare from shinola for difference if the dumb worthless bastard would take care of himself.

Sylvester 4,465 9
02/11/2005 05:09 AM

I'm currently dating two beautiful redheads that happen to be my supervisors. If one of these women finds out about the other, I'm cat food.