BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
02/02/2005 07:30 PM

Earlier today I was walking down the street when I saw a crowd of people. They were all freaking out 'cause this old man had collapsed on the ground.



I told them "Stand back! I know VCR! . . . although his chance of survival is remote."

Derpa Derp - a man on a mission 375 8
02/02/2005 08:00 PM

Me: Knock knock.

Door: Who's there?

Me: BobJohnson.

Door: BobJohnson who?



Me: BobJohnson who?

BOBJOHNSON WHO?

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHO BOBJOHNSON IS?

BOBJOHNSON IS ALL THAT IS GREAT AND AWESOME!











Oh, and "Sentence fragment is a sentence fragment."

bignorm96 874 9
02/02/2005 08:24 PM

why do alzheimer's patients enjoy easter more than the rest of us?







































They get to hide their own easter eggs.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:31 PM

Just saw it on TV but can't find it anywhere on the net yet. She was stabbed in a restaurant! Her name is Reese something; I think she was in legally blonde.



Anybody?

51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:32 PM

Reese Witherspoon?

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:32 PM

No. With a KNIFE!





















HA!

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:33 PM

best.joke.eva.



lol!!11!onE

30,762 12
02/02/2005 08:33 PM

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I've got a problem, Doc. Sometimes I dream that I'm a teepee and sometimes I dream that I'm a wigwam. Teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam, teepee...

I need help!"



"I know what your problem is," said the doctor. "You need to relax...you're two tents!"

Napkin's Ütérus 30,762 12
02/02/2005 08:34 PM

>>>>All clickies from that joke >>>>may be sent HERE

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/02/2005 08:37 PM

Humphrey, too bad you had to steal Chance's name to set up your joke.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:40 PM

I simply copied the original delivery from Daggy's funniest posts.



All clickies will be forward to Daggy.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:42 PM

Oh, and Hammerhead... Frost you, you dry humping, anus stretching wrinkledick*.











*Enjoyed it so much I stole it.

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 08:47 PM

<action>sets up lawnchair to sit and watch the fun..</action>

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/02/2005 08:47 PM

Too bad you stole it wrong, you skunk felching, needle dicked penis wrinkle.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:48 PM

bugger.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:51 PM

<action>Kicks MaddMatt off lawn chair and smacks him over the head with it WWE style</action>



Nothin' to see here.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 08:52 PM

Thanks for the maha Coleridge-Carroll.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/02/2005 08:56 PM

<action>throws a copy of the Insult book he got as a kickass SS gift at Humphrey's head</action> Coleridge-Carroll?

Ana ismee Piemaster - Filly stalking since 2004 12,538 15
02/02/2005 09:03 PM

Because I don't think it's worth starting a new thread, I'm utilizing this useless thread to announce my descision to go back to the spoon icon. The cat was just not cutting it. The spoon however, never spills. It is a rather large spoon, somewhat shiny, yet very blue. And what is that behind it? Maybe a countertop, or a cutting board... Who knows? You know, you'll never get these thirty seconds back (two minutes for some of the slower GABbers), but no-one really cares, because I just wasted five minutes scanning through the posts in this thread. So If you click on this thread and it scrolled to the bottom immediatly, dont waste your time scrolling up. Just hit Backspace.... This has been an announcement.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 09:05 PM

1 entries found for Coleridge-Carroll.



n. Vulgar Slang



1. A person who is such a Coleridge that thay are also a Carroll.

2. Sexual intercourse with a woman who owns a penis.



a. Offensive. Used as a disparaging term..

b. Used as a disparaging term for a person one dislikes or finds extremely disagreeable.





[Middle English cCarrolle.]

Ana ismee Piemaster - Filly stalking since 2004 12,538 15
02/02/2005 09:06 PM

I'm still waiting on approval from BobJohnson for a change in the spelling of immediately. All dictionarys will be updated accordingly...

Ana ismee Piemaster - Filly stalking since 2004 12,538 15
02/02/2005 09:07 PM

dictionarys

Goddamnit! I give up!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/02/2005 09:13 PM

Oh, that's right, Hump, you're Brit. You've got a reason for stupid insults.

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 09:15 PM

<action>Grabs Humpie's dicktionary and rams it down his throat...</action>



Sorry, had to pick up my kid from school. Did I miss anything?

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 09:17 PM

Oh, Forgot to do this....





*Kicks Humpy in the Coleridge/Carroll.*

dekk 26 8
02/02/2005 09:17 PM

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

thejman- lurckaholic 69 8
02/02/2005 09:20 PM

that was retarded......

yessssss madmat?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/02/2005 09:24 PM

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

















LET'S RIDE BIKES

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/02/2005 09:38 PM

I walked into the corner store the other day to buy myself a jar of pickles. Upon looking at the price tag, I brought the jar up to the counter.



"Excuse me, Sir," I said, "But I think you might have the wrong price on these."



"No no," He exclaimed, "That is accurate."



"Why so much?" I inquired, "Are these special pickles?"



"No. The pickles aren't expensive, However the juice they float in is. You see, Dill waters run steep"

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
02/02/2005 09:39 PM

Lurking. Lurking. Lurking. Lurking. Lurking. Lurking. Lurking. MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM! Lurking. Lurking. Lurking. SNAKE! OHH NOOO SNAAAKE!.........

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/02/2005 10:42 PM

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.



She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.



Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.



Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."



Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Crackalacka 68,758 11
02/02/2005 11:33 PM

The other day I was riding up an escalator when I tripped. I fell for like two hours.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/02/2005 11:42 PM

Oh, that's right, Hump, you're Brit.



Hammerhead this could possibly be the most atrocious, god-awful, vicious, merciless insult of your GAB career.













Nice one.

Mr Fook 4,016 9
02/03/2005 12:16 AM

why do alzheimer's patients enjoy easter more than the rest of us?





They get to hide their own easter eggs.



My grandma had alzheimers and now shes dead. Your a jerk.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
02/03/2005 12:26 AM

My grandma had alzheimers and now shes dead.





HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!One!!1

Loociam Yofada 97,986 37
02/03/2005 12:52 AM

A group of midgets called the Trids lived in a valley. The realized they would soon outgrow the valley, so they decided to send an expedition to explore the mountain. The expedition made it all the way up to the top of the mountain, when they saw this giant come running towards them. Before they could say anything, the giant kicked each one of them down the side of the mountain.



Being kind and gentle people, the Trids decided to send a religious person up the mountain to reason with the giant. The village rabbi agreed to go. When he got to the top of the mountain, he called to the giant. "Why did you kick our expedition off the mountain?" The giant shook his head in exasperation and said....







































Silly rabbi, don't you know? Kicks are for Trids!

BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
02/03/2005 01:05 AM

Remember that Farenheit 911 movie? I can't believe some people waited two hours in line for that.



Serves them right for getting in the concession-stand line behind Michael Moore, though.

Sylvester 4,465 9
02/03/2005 03:12 AM

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves would strike the right note: Romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to the store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the Clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.



Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year! I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night."



All my love.



PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

Killer Beryl 145 8
02/03/2005 07:18 AM

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?





A stick.

Killer Beryl 145 8
02/03/2005 07:20 AM

Did you hear about that new pirate movie?





It's rated "ARRRRRR"

Megatron teh n00b 3,360 9
02/03/2005 07:23 AM

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right

in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He

finally gets himself to the doctor.



He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next

week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."





The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to

let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next

week."





So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little

4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an

impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his

girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the

motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set

of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them.





She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these

breasts."





He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "And look at

this, it's still in the CRATE!"

legga001 0 8
02/03/2005 07:37 AM

how manylinkin park fans does it take to change a light bulb?



They have to ask their parents to do it

larkknot 3,359 10
02/03/2005 07:57 AM

You know, about that joke with the gloves and panties mix-up... when I first heard/read that joke, not yet having pubic hair nor been introduced to the wonders of online porn, I didn't understand why the PS made sense. In fact, I didn't understand it until I was around 17 and heard it again. I think that has to be the strangest feeling - seeing or hearing something you heard in your childhood, that some part of had once flown over your head, and suddenly getting it.



//random ramble

turtle10 42,578 26
02/03/2005 09:50 AM

Did you hear about the 2 antennas that got married?







The ceremony was terrible, but the reception was great!

Megatron teh n00b 3,360 9
02/03/2005 10:07 AM

Q. Why do women have orgasms?





























A. So they can moan wen there happy.

Intoxicated Ape 615 9
02/03/2005 10:08 AM

Whats the difference between a school bus and a cactus?





Whith a school bus, all the little pricks are on the inside.

xKamasutrax 171,275 14
02/03/2005 10:30 AM

There was this guy named Humphrey and I disliked him very much.



Oh how I laugh and laugh everytime I read that.



The end.