SpecialKake - American. Idle. 55,555 14
02/14/2005 01:13 PM

I can't really think of any nice way of telling my story. I pulled out with a girl, and it shot all the way up to her nose.

Ana ismee default_user al-Amerika 12,538 15
02/14/2005 01:14 PM

I've broken a towel rack... oh the good times...

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/14/2005 01:16 PM

Sprained wrist.



But I finished anyway dammit.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/14/2005 01:17 PM

Never had any accidents. Thank God for the morning after pill.

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/14/2005 01:17 PM

specialkake is Peter North isn't he?

Aimless the Worm Goddess 54,807 10
02/14/2005 01:17 PM

A year ago today actually the (now) ex and I broke out the ole video camera. I was on top filming when I lost my balance and feel off and smacked my nose. The video was somehting like ex's face, then ceiling, then floor then my face covered im blood. It was like a bad horror movie.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/14/2005 01:17 PM

You broke the bedframe because you were fat.

Aimless the Worm Goddess 54,807 10
02/14/2005 01:18 PM

Hmm. Proof reading. It's a "good thing".

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/14/2005 01:19 PM

You still finished, didn't you Aimless?

Ana ismee default_user al-Amerika 12,538 15
02/14/2005 01:19 PM

Then there was the time I got up to get the protection and turned around a little too fast... She never forgave me for smacking her in the face with my peener. If I had a time machine, I would have put a little more force and a little hop into my turn...

Aimless the Worm Goddess 54,807 10
02/14/2005 01:19 PM

Hell yes I did.

















Cause I'm a trooper!

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/14/2005 01:23 PM

I was once giving my boyfriend some "feel better" sex because we all know that any pitifully sick man can still get it up. All was fine and good until his runny nose dripped in my eye.

Fratberry 282,931 53
02/14/2005 01:23 PM

Ok, here goes.



My first wife and I had moved into an apartment in a middle Georgia town next door to my cousin. We didn't have a lot of money so we postponed any trip type honeymoon until later in the year. About a week or so before the wedding my cousin and a friend of mine helped move my furniture into the apartment. It was a loft apartment with just the bedroom upstairs. The stairs were steep. The bed was a queen size oak monster. It was central Georgia in the summer heat. My friend and my cousin, exhausted, put the bed together.



So our wedding night was spent at this apartment. We were in the middle of the throes of passion when WHAM, the bed falls completely apart and the mattress and box spring kind of tilted to one side and then hit the floor.



My cousin, who was next door at the time just started laughing. We could hear him through the common wall (these were Shakespearety apartments). Needless to say, we didn't finish things that night. But we did have a good laugh.



After I cussed and stomped, damned my cousin and my friend to an eternal fiery hell, and fixed the bed, that is.



</rerun>

tiger lurker 19 8
02/14/2005 01:26 PM

http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=40138

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/14/2005 01:28 PM

I vaguely remember this topic being covered, but I figured if you didn't admit it before, now would be a good time. Plus, I suck at search.

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/14/2005 01:30 PM

Also, I didn't post in that thread and this one won't be tainted by godot.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2005 01:33 PM

Plus, I suck at search



That's not the only thing...

Pants 14,252 17
02/14/2005 01:35 PM

A few years ago during foreplay my girl starts sucking on my tongue like a freaking hoover tearing off a quarter of my lingual frenulum on my bottom front teeth.

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/14/2005 01:36 PM

Were you afraid to let her near your dick?

Search 78,229 13
02/14/2005 01:37 PM

Plus, I suck at search.



Yay! *dances with joy*

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/14/2005 01:38 PM

Back in highschool, I had one of those "girlfriends." We were eachothers firsts for a lot of things. We were pretty awkward about things. Doggy style was known as "the other way."



When she went down on me, I would never say "I'm gonna cum," or anything like that. I would kind of pull her up, and start kissing her and let her finish with her hand.



Well, I got sick of that. So one time I didn't do it, and I came in her mouth, and she took it all in. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I later apologized for not warning her. She told me not to worry about it, she can tell when it is about to happen.



I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but ladies, swallow. Please. For the love of christ. Swallow.

Ana ismee default_user al-Amerika 12,538 15
02/14/2005 01:41 PM

Plus, I suck at search.



I think you mispelled church...

Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/14/2005 01:44 PM

I want to stab you with my car.

newwave 45,912 10
02/14/2005 01:45 PM

Let's see.. I don't consider it an accident so much as a funny way to end a bad relationship, but let's go with it anyway. Because, let's face it, I love clickies so much I don't hold back anything from my personal life so that you, the "random online stranger" can laugh and hopefully click. SO HERE GOES!



I had broken up with my girlfriend. We'll call her "#4" since she doesn't have a name. Well, yeah, we were broken up, but she still called me trying to get me to have sex with her. Sometimes I wasn't in the mood, because I was busy trying to put the moves on her friends, but sometimes the little head thinks for the big head. So she wanted me to drive over there and have sex with her, and I agreed, but under one condition: she would have to be waiting at the door in nothing but a towel. She agreed and I set off to her house.



On the way there, I stroked the salami almost to the point of no return. As I pulled up in front of her house, I half-heartedly stuck my raging boner back in my pants and ran for the door. She opened the door in the towel, as I had specified. She dropped the towel, and I dropped the meat in her. Right there on her living room floor. Where any of the dozens of cars on Federal Blvd. at the time could have seen. (And they did; I got a couple yells and several honking horns.) A little less than a minute into it, I finished up, because, well, I already did the one handed drum solo in the car. She gave me the most horrified look as I pulled out and went back to my car.



She quit talking to me for almost an entire week.

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/14/2005 01:45 PM

I can't believe no one asked this:



Aimless, is that video available on your pay website?

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/14/2005 01:51 PM

I've got lots of stories just like newwave's only minus the girl.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/14/2005 01:57 PM

Newwave, you were such a dick as a kid. I'm glad I only know you now!

Pants 14,252 17
02/14/2005 01:57 PM

She dropped the towel, and I dropped the meat in her.



I've done a number of things with my "meat" before but dropping it is not one of them.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/14/2005 02:07 PM

I later apologized for not warning her. She told me not to worry about it, she can tell when it is about to happen.



When you start screaming like a little girl?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2005 02:10 PM

**I'd like to give credit to Big Irish Guy for this thread idea. If he hadn't admitted to the time he mistook her you know what for a you know where, and put his uh huh in her oopsie... well... way to go, stud.**



How nice, and I didn't think I was going to get anything from a girl today

newwave 45,912 10
02/14/2005 02:10 PM

Is that how you can tell he's about to blow a load in your mouth?

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
02/14/2005 02:16 PM

A couple made love with mad glee,

Till the condom had worked itself free,

She cried, "Where did it go?!?!"

He said he didn't know,

"But its certainly not inside me!"*



*Inspired by a true story.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/14/2005 03:08 PM

This one time I was with my then girfriend in my Freshcort and she was straddling me and in the middle of things, she lifted up too high and came down quick. Lucky for me it slipped right back in, unlucky for her it was about 2 inches away from where she intended. Like the whore trooper she was, she keep on going.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/14/2005 03:12 PM

What's a Freshcort?

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/14/2005 03:14 PM

Lucky for me it slipped right back in, unlucky for her it was about 2 inches away from where she intended



I can deduce fom this statement, that you are hung like a pimple, or your ex has a huge gaping Emerson.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/14/2005 03:19 PM

no comment.

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/14/2005 04:02 PM

Maybe he was already pumping the balloon knot, but she accidently put it in the flappycooch.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/14/2005 04:08 PM

you see, the condom was slippery and wet and she anxious to put it back in and came down hard and it slipped right up. I actually popped a blood vessel on Mr. Happy too.

Pants 14,252 17
02/14/2005 04:09 PM

balloon knot



Heh. I can't say I've ever heard that discription so I had to make with the clickie.

152 8
02/14/2005 04:35 PM

Maybe the time I was housesitting and enjoying some good shower head. It's hard to climax when you accidentally pull the shower curtain (rod and all) down, knocking the girl on the dome nonetheless. Don't worry she finished after I tossed the curtain aside and turned the water off.

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/14/2005 04:40 PM

I don't have any stories like that, so here.

Meaty 152 8
02/14/2005 04:46 PM

This almost counts; though it's not my story and I can't claim it.



Anywho, my friend was laying the log to his lady on her parents couch when they were away.



Things got hot and heavy and naturally anal ensued. He says it was enjoyable and she seemed to like it too.



Well when it was all said and done, he had a case of poopy member and she left a log on the couch.



The butt ejaculate (aka turd) wasn't cleaned off the couch when her parents arrived home, and noticed the steaming gift that had taken residence on their couch.



Struggling to come up with a story or tell the truth. OK, so it wasn't really a struggle, who would tell their parents about a round of butt sex that ended in a desecrated couch. She blamed it on the dog.



Her father grabbed the dog and his shotgun. No more dog.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/14/2005 05:01 PM

I don't believe you.

Meaty 152 8
02/14/2005 05:04 PM

Understanadble, trust is only gained with multiple sexual situations, and that was me losing my zug virginity.

Meaty 152 8
02/14/2005 05:05 PM

Would it be more believable if I told you this happened in Kentucky?

Virnomine 79,386 11
02/14/2005 05:08 PM

No, in Kentucky they don't have couches and they would have been brother and sister.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/14/2005 05:11 PM

Meaty- I like how your name is meaty, and you used the meat Icon. LOL!!!@ROFL!! :oP

Filly Steak 39,193 20
02/14/2005 05:13 PM

No kidding. What's with everyone and the steak lately?

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/14/2005 05:36 PM

Here is a picture of my Beta trying to have doggystyle sex with a glass scuba diver.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/14/2005 05:39 PM

who is the naked fat guy in the reflection?

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/14/2005 05:48 PM

The shirtless shoulder is mine. The naked fat guy behind me is a homosexual, Gracefully servicing my Emerson with his penis.





C'mon, Don't be so predictable.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2005 10:53 PM

just a quick, FYI, the "safe word" should never be harder...if it is, shovels are 15.99 at Home Depot

La Pistola 10,071 9
02/14/2005 11:06 PM

Hat's not fat! Hat's just nekkid! All the time! There's nothing wrong with that! Jeez, I'm excited! Where's that towel!

Whistler P. McManus 186,021 44
02/14/2005 11:10 PM

My post in that other thread is one of my finest moments, both in posting on GAB and in sexual experiences.

Sylvester 4,465 9
02/15/2005 02:00 AM

It has to be the time I made love to one of my ex-girlfriends, fell off the kitchen counter and sprained my shoulder.

erika the dumbass 76,152 9
02/15/2005 02:04 AM

When I was a junior in highschool, my English teacher was a real bitch. One day, she brought in a documentary on Shakespeare (the writer not the poop) that she had taped off of the TV. She's sitting at her desk, completely engrossed in reading a magazine while the class is pretty much sleeping with our eyes open. The thing is coming to a close, the credits roll, a few seconds of a commercial, and then it happened. Grainy picture, bad lighting, but what we were seeing was unmistakable. The teacher had taped the documentary over a sex tape she and her husband had made. I'd say a good 30 seconds went by before she noticed that the entire class was gawking at the screen, then she looked at the TV, burst into tears and ran out of the room.



We all got A's that year and she kept her job.

Rаt in a hat 2,085 9
02/15/2005 06:13 AM

We'll call her "#4" since she doesn't have a name.





Because she doesn't exist?

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/15/2005 06:42 AM

Not so much a accident but, woke up after having a very good night of sex. Walked in the bathroom looked in the mirror and had dried blood on my cheeks(face),nose and chin.

Just Chit till Presidents Day 178,776 15
02/15/2005 07:16 AM

Same thing happened to a buddy of mine, only he was so Frost-ing hung over he went back in the bedroom and started apologizing for having a nosebleed while he was Frost-ing.



Wasn't till she jumped up and left in a big hurry that he realized that it was her that colored the event.