tiger lurker 19 8
02/16/2005 01:30 PM

learn to lurk you Frost-ing noob

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 01:32 PM

We've secretly switched this n00b's morning coffee with Hydrochloric Acid! Lets see if she notices?

victorias_secretion 254 8
02/16/2005 01:33 PM

How big are your boobs? John told me to ask.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:34 PM

Who the hell is Hargrave?

Kittuns Bacon Taco™ 44,835 9
02/16/2005 01:35 PM

We're all here to "Meet Hargrave."



Occasionally he will post a thread and then act aloof while we all pine over him.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 01:36 PM

The best way to get an icon is to stop putting your email signature at the bottom of every post.



Sincerely,

Chi-Chi Felipe www.teenagerhighschool.com

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:36 PM

Ah, ha! Ha! Ha! You guys are SO Frost-ing FUNNY!



For tiger lurker: First of all, I'm assuming that "noob" stands for "newbie"? Secondly, how did you know that I have bred?



For Fluorescent Sombrero: Good thing I don't drink coffee.



For victoria's_secretion: First of all - DISGUSTING name. Secondly, they are gynormous. Thanks for asking.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:36 PM

Oh, if you ever post an emoticon, so help me God I will rip your ovaries out throough your Emerson and piss in your ear.

Felix 2,568 10
02/16/2005 01:36 PM

I read "you've fallen in love with John Hargraves testicles??"

Kittuns Bacon Taco™ 44,835 9
02/16/2005 01:39 PM

God I will rip your ovaries out throough your Emerson and piss in your ear.



Now look what you've done! Got Ollie all worked up.



*pets Ollie, gives him Bacon Treats

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/16/2005 01:39 PM

1) I signed up for the Barnyard SwearBot - what the hell is that? You think the barnyard is good, you should try the poet names. I mean, I read the description, but how do I know what words to use?

2) How do you post things (emotions/actions?) next to your name? I'm sure that this is something that is reserved for the computer geeks (with which GAB is bursting at the seams). Otherwise, if you survive the hazing about to be inflicted upon you by various members of the GAB population, someone might just tell you.

3) Aren't there anymore icons available? I'm not satisfied with the choices. I chose a Poe, but I'm not sure if I like it. You don't get to pick your own icon. Those who have special icons on GAB are to be worshipped and idolized, for they are the chosen few...chosen for what still remains a mystery.

4) When do I get to meet John Hargrave?

Many of the GABbers here have never met Mr. Hargrave. And after reading about some of the things he eats, some of the bowel movements he has and the gas he can pass, we understand why his wife keeps him locked in a cubicle with a jar of vegemite.



**This Noob Service Announcement was brought to you by FDIC.



I declare this Noob open for hazing!!

victorias_secretion 254 8
02/16/2005 01:40 PM

You think this name is disgusting? I saw someone in here with the name "Phoebe"!

Fratberry 282,931 53
02/16/2005 01:40 PM

:^)

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:41 PM

Chi Chi, you stilly dork. That isn't your website.



Here it is. www.vonkaiser.com

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/16/2005 01:42 PM

<tattling>



Oh Oliver!!



Fratberry posted an emoticon!!

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:42 PM

<action> pisses in fartburpy's ear

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:43 PM

Sorry to say that I have never seen John Hargrave's testicles...



"Oh, if you ever post an emoticon, so help me God I will rip your ovaries out throough your tail end of a cow and piss in your ear." You people are so nice in here!



"The best way to get an icon is to stop putting your email signature at the bottom of every post." Thank you Chi-Chi Taco Bell; that is very valuable advice.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 01:43 PM

4) When do I get to meet John Hargrave?



When I decide you're trustworthy enough I will open my basement door and let you take a peek. Get a good look he's in the 55 gallon drum to the far left next to the incinerator.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 01:43 PM

I'm trying to branch out by having more than one domain name I do absolutely nothing with. Therefore I own both vonkaiser and teenagerhighschool.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 01:46 PM

Alluding to Taco Bell is an affront to my Mexican heritage! Vaya con Dios, no me gusta.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:46 PM

See, how do you do that Reverand? The pissing in the ear thing?

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:48 PM

Hmm, maybe I should get a website to do nothing with. What do you think about www.poopinmymouth.com ?

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:49 PM

What does "no me gusta" mean?



I thought this was a comedy/humor site, not an insult/flame site?

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/16/2005 01:50 PM

SUYT!



Might as well get it out of the way.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:50 PM

Well, I unzip my pants. Pull out my penis, ok I mean look for the tiny little fella hidden in all that hair. Then I take aim, and let the pee fly.



It's easier when the person likes it, like Fratberry.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/16/2005 01:51 PM

n00b introductory threads are this place's bread and butter.

I love em. GOD, I love em.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:51 PM

You know what I mean, Reverand.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 01:51 PM

See, how do you do that Reverand? The pissing in the ear thing? You need a really long urethra.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 01:52 PM

Dambit.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:52 PM

With a blue pen.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:53 PM

Oh, I see, Reverand. Thanks for being so helpful. You truly are a man of God.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:53 PM

Read the ZUG FAQs page. It tells you what HTML is used on this site.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/16/2005 01:54 PM

name. Secondly, they are gynormous.



That means she is fat.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:54 PM

GRANDPA??!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 01:54 PM

<action>Points and laughs</action>



At least I can read directions

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:54 PM

OH MY GOD!!! THAT'S MY GRANDPA!!! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE???

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:55 PM

Oh, no wait. Wait a second. I was wrong; that isn't him. Nevermind.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 01:55 PM

"No me gusta" means "I do not like." But I do like. LIKE TO POOP.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 01:55 PM

I actually like the n00b.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:56 PM

Yep, Turtle; you hit the nail on the head. I weigh 892lbs. God, you're smart!

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 01:56 PM

Nerd, she told me she was black and Jewish. And a woman!

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 01:57 PM

I doubt she's black or Jewish, and you know I like girls... right? RIGHT GUYS? RIGHT??!?!??!?

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 01:58 PM

So, Baby Snakes, you said "Go with God, I do not like." That makes no sense whatsoever. Do you not like me or God???

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 01:58 PM

892lbs.

A piece?

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 01:58 PM

Phoebe is now my adopted n00b.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 02:00 PM

Yep, Turtle; you hit the nail on the head. I weigh 892lbs. God, you're smart!



I clicked you for this one cause when I heard you call Turtle smart I KNEW THAT YOU WERE JOKING HA HA HA!

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:00 PM

"Nerd, she told me she was black and Jewish. And a woman!"

"I doubt she's black or Jewish, and you know I like girls... right? RIGHT GUYS? RIGHT??!?!??!?"



...Are those in reference to me? I'm not black or Jewish; sorry.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:01 PM

BOOYAH WHAT NOW BITCHES!!!?!!??!

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 02:01 PM

The easier, n00b-bashing answer would be "I do not like God, for He created you." But I'm much nicer than that. You seem ok, I guess. Good thing Hammerhead is out getting his vagina de-sanded, or he'd say mean things about you JUST FOR BEING NEW!

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:01 PM

Thank you, Nerd. I will love you forever.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:02 PM

Damn right you will, now jump in my plane. You better not be fat.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 02:03 PM

LOOK HOW HELPFUL I'M BEING!



Here is the real ZUG FAQs page.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:03 PM

Sand in the vagina... That is a harrowing experience. I will pray for him.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:03 PM

Too late now Ollie, I brought her over to the dark side.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:04 PM

Thank you, Father. I found that already, though; I must not've read it, though. Or at least not thoroughly... God, I hate reading.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:05 PM

It's cool, I can't read.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:06 PM

But I CAN commit hate crimes like a pro.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 02:06 PM

So Anita, how's things?

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:07 PM

Yeah really. Need a sammich?

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:08 PM

Okay, I have to go to lunch now. It's been very nice talking to you people. You've been very, uh, nice...

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:08 PM

Mmmmm... Sammich...

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 02:08 PM

Lunch... or take a poop? Girls are so shy.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 02:09 PM

Poop sammich. With a bacon taco on the side.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 02:09 PM

Good thing Hammerhead is out getting his vagina de-sanded,



Wow... that might take awhile...



Awhile and a freaking excavator!

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:10 PM

Actually, I've only taken a poop nine times at work the whole entire time that I've worked here.



Really, I am going to lunch. I probably won't poop till I get home tonight - or maybe even not till tomorrow morning.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:11 PM

Nine times in four days.

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 02:12 PM

Pooping at work sucks. Unless you have a private bathroom. Then I bet it's awesome.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 02:12 PM

Ha! God, that'd be a lot of Shakespeare!



Okay, I am really going now...

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 02:13 PM

Okay, I have to go to lunch now. It's been very nice talking to you people. You've been very, uh, nice...= the lunch bell rang and us seventh graders better get to the front of the line before those big ole mean head eighth graders get there.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:13 PM

Just use the bosses desk.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/16/2005 02:14 PM

You don't like your Poe icon? I can hook you up.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 02:15 PM

If she doesn't stick around we're all going to know that Nerd sucks at mentoring.



Don't Frost this one up, Nerd! (At least not in public.)

turtle10 42,578 26
02/16/2005 02:16 PM

I clicked you for this one cause when I heard you call Turtle smart I KNEW THAT YOU WERE JOKING HA HA HA!





I don't get it? It was pretty obviuous she was being sarcastic. Were you trying to be funny again and it failed? Tell you what, I'll pity clickie you. Good pirate, now go lay down dear.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 02:19 PM

I like this one too. She is very resilient...resiliant...ummm, she can deal with the dumb crap we through at her.



Nerd, you can have her, but I'll be your back up. I'll be like the Godfather. Or the trustworthy priest that gets her drunk on sacremental wine then wears her huge panites on my head.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 02:19 PM

Through = throw.



God, I need a drink.

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:20 PM

Or 4.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 02:20 PM

psst... Turtle I'm waiting for YOUR pitty clickie...

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 02:24 PM

Since poop is a subject, the biggest dump I ever saw was the 6 foot 4 black kid down the street.

victorias_secretion 254 8
02/16/2005 02:40 PM

Since poop is a subject, the biggest dump I ever saw was the 6 foot 4 black kid down the street.



This isn't the Klan Rally thread you must be looking for. Try www.youareaFrost-ingracistmoron.com

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle 156,790 17
02/16/2005 02:40 PM

Wanna bet that HH searches "noob" when he gets back and then hazes her just so he can?



Yeah, that would be funny. Looks like she's hanging in there though. However stating that she has ginormous tatas must be proven.



That is the law.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 02:45 PM

That is the law.



True. If you say you have big ones you have to show them. See the Tits page in the album for the current list of who may claim to have tits of any kind whatsoever.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 02:52 PM

I have small boobies... (o)(o)

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 02:55 PM

DPS, mocking you has proven to be my second funniest post ever. People don't like you.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 02:56 PM

Hmm. Fifth now. Maybe some people like you.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/16/2005 02:57 PM

Looks like she's hanging in there though. However stating that she has ginormous tatas must be proven.



Well Trae, I already posted the standard SUYT command.



Of course, I haven't posted mine, but I never claimed they were ginormous either.

Maybe she has no boobies?? Maybe she has squirrel boobies?

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 03:01 PM

<action> puts his bra back on</action>

=( )-( )=

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/16/2005 03:04 PM

Maybe she has squirrel boobies?



like six hairy nipples running down her underside?





...hot.

Chance in a plaid skirt and thigh high stockings 171,275 14
02/16/2005 03:08 PM

<action> Lifts up skirt just a tiny bit so you can see nipples </action>



Woowza!

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 03:19 PM

Shudder.

Delicious Lesbian Sea Turtle 156,790 17
02/16/2005 03:21 PM

So.....aroused

The FCC 44,452 11
02/16/2005 03:23 PM

That'll be $500,000 please. Or just stop singing. Either one.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/16/2005 03:25 PM

Phoebe:

Please use the bright yellow hare-lipped smiley insteat of the poe. I skip over most of the smiley faced posts, I find it makes it easier.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 03:55 PM

Phuc: You can hook me up with an icon?



Reverand: Thank you, Father. Now I have two mentors. Yippee! (Huge panties on your head - Ha!)



Delicious & Roofie: There is an album?



What is SUYT?



"Six hairy nipples..." Ha! That made me laugh. Oh, little do you know... (Wouldn't it be eight, though?)



Kate: Huh?



(Pardon my ignorance...)

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/16/2005 03:58 PM

I've met John Hargrave. He's overrated.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:00 PM

You've met him in person? You are my GOD!

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:01 PM

(Nevermind; I found the album...)

dropkick brody 43,090 12
02/16/2005 04:03 PM

For the love (that might be <3 to you)of all that is good and holy LURK!*



Please? Then you can stop the annoying 'huh?' posts.



And you dont need to reply to every godamn thing that people say in this thread.



*Lurk: (noun) not posting (at all)until you have read many more threads. Laymen's terms: STFU

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 04:03 PM

Kate: Huh?



Um, who's Kate?

turtle10 42,578 26
02/16/2005 04:03 PM

Pheobe, way to be tough skinned. This thread is pushing 100 posts, most of which are trashing you, and you haven't run away crying. Stick around and see that MOST of the cruel things said are funny. Oh, and if you need protection, seek out the LEN.







oh and poop

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:03 PM

I suggest next finding the FAQ page.



You seem like the kind of person who will want to use our board for chatting purposes, And that Shakespeare just dont fly.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:03 PM

I'm glad I can help. Now get on your knees and take the flesh of Christ inside you.

Chance in a plaid skirt and thigh high stockings 171,275 14
02/16/2005 04:03 PM

SUYT



Sit under yodas toilet.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:06 PM

SUYT



Shut Up You Twat

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:07 PM

SUYT



Send Us Yummy Treats

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/16/2005 04:07 PM

No. It's "Shut up your twat."



Linguo... dead?

Chance in a plaid skirt and thigh high stockings 171,275 14
02/16/2005 04:08 PM

SUYT



Sing us your tune

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
02/16/2005 04:09 PM

"We're all here to "Meet" Hargrave."



John is a good-looking guy and all, but I just don't swing that way.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:10 PM

Santa's Unappreciative of Yuletide Treats.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 04:11 PM

Spoons

Ultimately

Yearn

Tapioca

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:12 PM

DropDick Brody: For your information, I haven't replied to every goddamned thing that has been said here. Why don't you LURK and then go Frost yourself?

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:13 PM

Also, if my "Huh?" posts are so annoying, then don't read anything under my name. I'm just trying to learn something new here.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:14 PM

Oh, and thanks to you, I have learned something new: the definition of "lurk". Thank you, my new mean friend.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 04:15 PM

Salty Uterus? Yucky Taste!

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:15 PM

Phoebe, if you can, get on YIM.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/16/2005 04:16 PM

Pheobe, ignore these idiots. All God's children are welcome here on Gab.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:18 PM

Nutbutter, stop trying to interfere. I'm trying to get into a huge pair of panties here.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:18 PM

Ahh... This feels like home...



...I don't have YIM here at work. Maybe I will install it. -Nah, better not; that's probably not a good idea...

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
02/16/2005 04:19 PM

What about Virnomine?

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/16/2005 04:24 PM

A huge pair of panties won't fill that Jesus-shaped hole in your heart, Oliver.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:26 PM

No, but I am looking for a new set of sheets for my king size bed.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:27 PM

DropDick Brody: For your information, I haven't replied to every goddamned thing that has been said here. Why don't you LURK and then go Frost yourself?



Either way, Miss Contradiction, Dont reply to ANY posts. Nobody gives 2 Frosts left of dogShakespeare what you think in response to what we post.





You obviously have NO idea what it takes to be a part of this community. We're not a Frost-ing chat board. We dont discuss whats new and cool in the mainstream world.





We talk Dead Babies. Retards. Cancer and Gays.

Whatever is funny, We'd go on for days.

Polio. Your mother. My dick in her ass.

Be Somewhat offensive, but still keep some class.



Lurk for a few months, See how we do.

When you want to add something, STFU.

You might learn teh funny, And dole out the sass.

Or else you'll "Dread Pirate" and just be an ass.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:28 PM

Disclaimer: I dont care if its 20 posts too late, It took me long enough to write it, ill be damned if im gonna let it go to waste.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 04:28 PM

<action>Feels sorry for Phoebe</action>

Ahh... This feels like home...



If being made fun of makes you feel like you are at home...

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:30 PM

For the record, I never lurked.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:30 PM

Fluorescent Sombrero, that link was hilarious! You sure are computer-literate! Good thing I'm at work and not at home, huh?



Phoebe's Lesson #1: Do not click on any links.



By the way, if the boards are not for "chatting purposes", what are they for?

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:33 PM

Making fun of people.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:33 PM

For the record, I never lurked.



Me neither. I Pierced my Coleridge and posted about it instead.

victorias_secretion 254 8
02/16/2005 04:33 PM

By the way, if the boards are not for "chatting purposes", what are they for?



For over-educated computer nerds to mutually masturbate each other's ego's.



Welcome to the internet.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:35 PM

I credit that link to Ollie.



Who probably has to credit it to someone else.



I'm glad you liked it. And diddnt even have to reboot? I'm impressed.





Lesson #1. Mouse over links, Click on them all you want, Just make sure you know what you're going to.

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/16/2005 04:37 PM

Just shut the Frost up. Honestly. The same goes to anyone offering helpful pointers. This poster is either a troll (likely) or so Frost-ing far beyond salvaging that they will serve no purpose whatsoever, until they die and their body releases precious nitrogen into the soil.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:38 PM

I just realized my stupid poemy song thing uses the word ass twice.



Thats terrible.



As an excuse, I'm going to say that I had Mr Burns' Clothes tune in my head and just went with it.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 04:38 PM

<action> removes huge stick from Capt. Dans rectum



There, that should help.

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/16/2005 04:39 PM

Get your own.

victorias_secretion 254 8
02/16/2005 04:41 PM

The Reverend Oliver Chest removes huge stick from Capt. Dans rectum



Put that back quick or this place will be overrun with gerbils!

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
02/16/2005 04:45 PM

<action>ducks</action>



RECTUM!?!?!



It nearly KILLED HIM!

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 04:46 PM

For over-educated computer nerds to mutually masturbate each other



And we like it this way!

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 04:46 PM

Dont reply to ANY posts. Nobody gives 2 breeds left of dogmanure what you think in response to what we post. In case you haven't looked, I started this thread. If you don't want to post here or read anything here, you don't have to. Hey - I'm cool with not posting in any threads that you start.



We dont discuss whats new and cool in the mainstream world. If you've noticed, I haven't done that, either.



Whatever... I'm not going to argue with you. I may or may not take your advice; I haven't decided yet. If I feel like talking, I will, and if anyone else feels like talking to me, then they can.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 04:49 PM

I'm not going to argue with you.



You're arguing with him now



<action>Feels Like CAPTAIN OBVIOUS</action>

0 8
02/16/2005 04:50 PM

.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:50 PM

Fair enough..



To answer the questions in your first post.



1) Why dont you read other posts, Maybe search a certain keyword and find out. In other words: LURK

2) Once again, Search keywords and LURK

3) You dont like it? You diddn't have to come here. (see how that works?)

4) Pardon me, There is a little bit of Fecal matter on the tip of your nose. Heres a tissue.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/16/2005 04:50 PM

Time spent here:



35% making fun of n00bs.

30% making crappy threads

30% complaining about crappy threads

10% good threads



That's right. 105%. You're going to have to cut down the n00b bashing.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 04:51 PM

"Lesson #1. Mouse over links, Click on them all you want, Just make sure you know what you're going to."



Damnit!

Why did no one warn me of this 1st off?



Live an learn I guess.

newwave 45,912 10
02/16/2005 04:52 PM

Phoebe, if you're hot, you can post in my threads anytime.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 04:53 PM

Theres my point right there.



"and if anyone else feels like talking to me, then they can."



Do not use this board to chat.

Use it to make fun, To post stupid Shakespeare. To be funny.



You wanna chat, Do like Oliver said and get on YIM.





Aww.. Stuck at work and cant use msn or yahoo to chat? Tough Frost-ing titties. Dont bring your online chatroom AOL bullShakespeare here.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/16/2005 04:54 PM

Here is a little motto I have found to be true here:





"Show some skin and you are in"



Learn it, love it, live it.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 05:00 PM

Yahoo has a Web Messenger client so you don't even need to download software.



I haven't decided yet if I'm going to be helpful or just watch this trainwreck. She's Nerd's noob so he should be teaching her these things.



In other news, No_Key_Bandit, read your e-mail!

newwave 45,912 10
02/16/2005 05:02 PM

<action>reads No_Key_Bandit's e-mail</action>



Wow! I didn't think donkeys were that flexible!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 05:04 PM

She's Nerd's noob so he should be teaching her these things.



My mentor is so much cooler than her's.





<Goes back to building Roofie Temple>

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 05:08 PM

I'm Jepreport's mentor, but feel free to build a temple for me if you're going to make sure it's staffed with naked ladies.

newwave 45,912 10
02/16/2005 05:12 PM

Roofie Temple? Sounds like a cocktail composed of rohypnol and a Shirley Temple.

ToOqUiK 130 8
02/16/2005 05:16 PM

Oh sure.. Phoebe gets her own thread and you guys dont complain that she started one. If I started one you guys would be all over me like stink on Shakespeare. God damn women and their boobs.

victorias_secretion 254 8
02/16/2005 05:17 PM

a cocktail composed of rohypnol and a Shirley Temple.



Sounds like last weekend when I was chaperoning that high school field trip to the Motel 6.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 05:19 PM

Are you serious? People are pratically stoning her. You would get reamed the same way she is. She just seems to be handling it better than most.



Quit blaming women's boobs for your problems, Poe.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 05:19 PM

i HaTe YoUr NaMe. If YoU cHaNgE iT, mAyBe YoU wOuLd GeT mOrE rEsPeCt.



EaT a DiCk. I hAtE dOiNg ThIs.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 05:20 PM

"women and their boobs"



Hello world?



I'd like to report the obvious.





bytheby. I have the bestest over see'er.

















So there.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 05:23 PM

and whomever is mega clickin my maha's must be a real bone smokin dipwad.



Must be psnis envy.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 05:24 PM

penis as well.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/16/2005 05:25 PM

<action>has nothing to add.</action>

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/16/2005 05:26 PM

<action>wonders why he posted then</action>

Too Quick 130 8
02/16/2005 05:26 PM

But God damnit Oliver I was having fun making you type like that! and I meant to add a <sarcasm> at the end but oh well.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/16/2005 05:26 PM

and whomever is mega clickin my maha's must be a real bone smokin dipwad.







Silly n00b, the fastest way to get mahas is to complain about getting mahas.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 05:26 PM

Hammerhead has nothing to add.



My work here is done.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 05:29 PM

Silly n00b, the fastest way to get mahas is to complain about getting mahas.



I don't give 2 Shakespeares about one or 2. But this cornhole is taking it to new levels.





Not even the pimples to use their posting name either.

millie 116,988 28
02/16/2005 05:35 PM

You can't give mahas unless you're logged in, so I don't understand what you're saying.



I guess a sure way to get everyone interested is to say, "Hey, I'm new, etc. etc." People can't resist posting.



Hi Phoebe.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/16/2005 05:36 PM

Captain Dan, it's called sarcasm. I'm expected to post. People have mentioned me coming here and bashing. What better ironic device is there than me not bashing in a bashing thread?





And how Frost-ing stupid are you that I have to explain that? Me bashing is like Trixxie being a beautiful lady. It's a GAB given.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/16/2005 05:36 PM

Not even the pimples to use their posting name either.



How the hell would you even know that?

Too Quick 130 8
02/16/2005 05:36 PM

It's okay Reaper... I give You a Clickie

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
02/16/2005 05:39 PM

Reapper (and anybody else who feels that they must "Nega-click"),



If I may offer a suggestion- you may want to consider how many Maha's you've given... if you look at the history of those who are given any kind of respect here, they have a very low ratio of Maha to Smiley.



I'm not wanting to stir the pot, I'm just sayin'

SpecialKake 55,555 14
02/16/2005 05:40 PM

Does it take frigging forever for anyone else's clickie confirmation thingie to load? I gotta wait like 25 seconds just to give someone a damn clickie.

Fluro 14,139 11
02/16/2005 05:41 PM

Lay off her, we have a chance for some quality n00b and all you can do is bash. At least wait untill she dose somthing stupid, then let fly.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 05:41 PM

Is easy to finger out.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 05:43 PM

Well, I guess I've had about enough of this Shakespeare. Excuse the hell out of me if I didn't LURK and read the part where it said that NOOBs weren't allowed or supposed to ask any questions or try to get to know people around here. So, people are only supposed to post stuff that is "funny"? 90% of the Shakespeare that's on GAB isn't even half funny.



Thanks for the short mentorship, Nerd. And for the short godfathership, Reverand.

Daggy 86,705 14
02/16/2005 05:43 PM

Oh look! GAB has got it's period!

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/16/2005 05:44 PM

sign our guestbook before you leave!

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 05:45 PM

Thanks a lot guys. I could almost taste that huge pair of panties.



THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

Fluro 14,139 11
02/16/2005 05:45 PM

Pheobe stick arround. The bashing stops soon.

Too Quick 130 8
02/16/2005 05:46 PM

God damn... Phoebe has got more clickies in one day as a noob than I have got in a week

Baby Snakes Felipe 161,353 14
02/16/2005 05:48 PM

There is no law that says n00bs must lurk. It's a good idea, but no one says you have to do it. The best thing someone who came here for the first time could ever say is "I've been lurking for months, and I'd finally like to say..." In fact, I'm going to see if John will implement that automatically for people's first posts.

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/16/2005 05:48 PM

Hey Too Quick, I'll give you 10 clickies if you shut up for a week.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/16/2005 05:48 PM

Wow. I mean wow. I was going to give this person one piece of advice, that being stop plugging their site while signing every post they made, but that was handled by Chi-Chi.



However, I would like to commment on the fact that 90% of what's said here isn't funny, because humor is subjective, and you may not like it, but we find it hilarious.



I almost gave Phoebe a fighting chance, after I got the urge to stab them in the head with a brick. But they seemed to have pussed out. Shame.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/16/2005 05:49 PM

That should have said: got over the urge to stab them in the head with a brick.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/16/2005 05:51 PM

HH: Freudian slip perhaps?

Daggy 86,705 14
02/16/2005 05:51 PM

Subliminal much?

Phuc 237,919 21
02/16/2005 05:52 PM

<action>has cigarette, takes whizz</action>

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
02/16/2005 05:53 PM

Id showing?

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/16/2005 05:54 PM

Well, both statements are true.



I did give them a fighting chance after I wanted to stab them with a brick.



I did give them a fighting chance after I got over wanting to stab them with a brick.



Now I'm confused. I don't know if I really want to stab them with a brick or not.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 05:56 PM

Use your car instead.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 06:12 PM

You all are a bunch of Frost-ing fruitcakes. I guess that's what makes you "special". Did you think you could get rid of me that easy? No. I have decided to stick around, instead, to be a constant pain in the ass to Captain Dan's Smegma Legs, DropDick Brody and Fag-escent Sombrero. But first - I think I'll LURK for a few months.

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:15 PM

Don't get an attitude, that just makes it worse. you don't have to take it so personally either.











Or, you could keep throwing a fit. insults are always teh funny.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 06:17 PM

I don't have an attitude, and "fits" are always fun...



Ooops - I said I'd LURK first, didn't I?



Gotta go LURK now!

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 06:18 PM

Hey, I was nice. wasn't I?

Cannon Fodder 125 8
02/16/2005 06:21 PM

as someone whos been lurking for about 3 months now and only posted once in that time, id have to say that phoebe seems to be having a lot more fun with it. so noob it up, its entertaining the hell out of me

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:21 PM

It's too late for lurking....you're one of us now.









YOU CAN'T ESCAPE!!







who said that?

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/16/2005 06:21 PM

Relax, honey. Don't take the bait. Leave this thread and go post a comment or two in other threads. When someone new starts a "hey, I'm new!" thread it's like holding up a giant sign that says "give me Shakespeare!" These idiots are sharks and you're chumming the waters. Just be a fish and swim with them.



Don't try to stand out at first. Blend in, be funny, and nobody will notice you until one day they realize you're another valuable member of this crazy little community we like to call Gab.



Also, rip out a goat's heart with your bare hands and offer it to Mr. Phuc as a gift.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 06:21 PM

(Yes, you and Nerd were very nice... So were a few other people - but sssh! I'm not supposed to be "talking" now; I'm supposed to be LURKING.)

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 06:21 PM

Excrement!



I'll see ya in a few months, Bring your helmet.

Phoebe 259 8
02/16/2005 06:23 PM

Now I have to poop.

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:25 PM

Here, watch this.

Cannon Fodder 125 8
02/16/2005 06:27 PM

Phoebe I'd say you should probably lurk until youve had youre first tubgirl-ing. it wont get much worse after that, especially you're eyes are likely to have been clawed out of your face and burned

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:30 PM

She already got a lemonparty and a goatse...i'm jealous.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 06:30 PM

Hardcore Lesbians.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 06:30 PM

<O> ^

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:31 PM

Hey, that's my mom!

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
02/16/2005 06:32 PM

<O>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

^

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
02/16/2005 06:36 PM

Floso, I hate you.



Damn me for always wanting to look at the lesbos.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
02/16/2005 06:44 PM

I like to wait until n00b threads go over 200 before posting in them.



I carried a watermelon.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 06:47 PM

But don't you feel liberated now, roof?

Cannon Fodder 125 8
02/16/2005 06:47 PM

How's this for my first tribute to all you wonderful GABbers?

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 06:50 PM

How stupid do we seem?

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:52 PM

John needs to put a warning on the register page about how if you join GAB you will come away scarred for life. I have to go stab myself in the eye with a car now.

Cannon Fodder 125 8
02/16/2005 06:53 PM

that might not have been quite so lame if it hadnt been for the other attempt i didnt see a few posts before. damn my short attention span

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 06:58 PM

I have ADD....it took me like 20 minutes to realize what <O> ^ means...I am extremely irritated by that. GOD DAMN PEOPLE! don't you know it's wrong to take advantage of spehal people? for shame!

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
02/16/2005 07:04 PM

>*< = tight puckered butthole.



<0> = goatse type butthole.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/16/2005 07:05 PM

>*< = Puggy

<O> = Declan

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/16/2005 07:06 PM

Oh, and incase Phoebe doesn't find us funny, she can find the funny here.

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/16/2005 07:14 PM

Must....not....click...

Nerd in a Stuka 27,000 12
02/16/2005 09:01 PM

<action>starts up his tank</action>



Oh that's right, you bitches have done it. It's on.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/16/2005 09:36 PM

Have you learned to read directions, yet?



<action>Hey Pheobe, Just wanted to know....</action>

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
02/16/2005 10:38 PM

Hi ya'll I'm here! Did I miss anything?

The Rabbi Napkinstein 30,762 12
02/16/2005 10:50 PM

<action>flies into the thread on his magic carpet</action>It's OK everyone! Stop your fussing and mussing!



I'm here!

Too Quick 130 8
02/17/2005 12:06 AM

You know If She really finds us offending she could also go here to find the funny.</div><br clear="all">

Too Quick 130 8
02/17/2005 12:08 AM

I just screwed up HTML... Somone kill me now please for the love of God. I REQUEST a brick or a car stabbed in my eye please. I know you have some spare bricks layin around oliver

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/17/2005 12:17 AM

ooor...someone could rape you in the ass with a french fry. thats always fun.

Too Quick 130 8
02/17/2005 12:27 AM

<Bends Over>



Okay I'm Ready. But before we start my punishment can I request an expert?

Hrududu 3,003 0
02/17/2005 12:29 AM

My best friend is good at it.





not that i would know...about that.