Wendy's Burgers
A comedy article
by MegaZega93  129  8
02/22/2005 09:57 PM 947 views
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 One day I was sitting at home, completly bored, when a question hit me. Why are Wendy's burgers square?
I thought that maybe the Wendy people were shaping the burgers, but there was a guy who thought he was funny, so he made square burgers and no one caught on until some customer mentioned it.
Or maybe they had a very long back order with square-shaped buns.
Finally I figured that they are square because they WANT to make us think there is a reason.
Not completly willing to give up, I got the phone book and called the local Wendy's at the mall. This is the conversation as I remember it.
Wendy's man: Hello, Wendy's.
Me: Hi. Yes I have a question.
WM: Hold on a moment.
(Hold time of about 30 seconds, muffled voices heard)
WM: Yes, sorry about that.
M: Yes I have a question.
WM: Go ahead.
M: I was wondering why your burgers are square.
WM: (more muffled voices) Um, because we don't cut corners.
M: Okay, Thank you.
(Hang up)
I was still uncertain. Because of the muffled voices, I thought they quickly made it up. So I called another Wendy's near me.
Wendy's girl: Hello? This is Wendy's.
Me: Hello I have a question.
WG: Hold on...
(Hold time of about 15 seconds)
(New person comes on phone)
Wendy's lady: Yes?
M: I have a question.
WL: Ask away.
M: Why are your burger's square?
WL: (Sighs like she has been asked this a lot) Because we don't cut corners.
M: Thanks.
(Hang up)
So there you go. Wendy's burgers are square because they don't cut corners.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
23 votes
4.8
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23 Comments on "Wendy's Burgers"
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Favicon Felipe 161,353  14
02/24/2005 04:42 PM
I'll be damned.
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Sexual Harassment Panda 181,783 70
02/24/2005 04:45 PM
Do you hate us, Chi Chi?
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Bankey 70,843 10
02/24/2005 04:45 PM
BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
wait.
I don't get it.
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Fratberry 282,931 53
02/24/2005 04:46 PM
Some of us have only known about this secret for thirty years.
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Favicon Felipe 161,353 14
02/24/2005 04:47 PM
Some of us are only 27.
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Filly 39,193 20
02/24/2005 04:47 PM
Some of us never knew and never cared to.
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No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
02/24/2005 04:48 PM
...Chi-Chi is though.
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Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/24/2005 04:49 PM
When Dave first started the restaurant he realized it was cheaper to make them square. He had a machine that rolled out the ground beef and rather than cut them into round patties and then having to put the corners back into the machine, it was much faster to cut them into squares.
The "we don't cut corners" crap is just some corporate BS so they don't have to tell the story and reveal that Dave was, in fact, trying to cut corners in the first place.
...The more you know
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Bankey 70,843 10
02/24/2005 04:51 PM
Whatever monster craps out the stuff used in white castle burgers has a square Emerson.
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Filly 39,193 20
02/24/2005 04:53 PM
Bankey, I wish I could click you for that.
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Bankey 70,843 10
02/24/2005 05:04 PM
Thanks Filly, I plan on submitting that last comment as an article, hopefully you can click it then.
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Livewire 78,229 13
02/24/2005 05:04 PM
I like the square shape of the burgers because it melts the whole cheese. It's silly but I believe that process cheese food tastes bad cold, so I can't stand the McDonalds cheese corners.
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Livewire 78,229 13
02/24/2005 05:05 PM
Also: In Soviet Russia, corners cut you!
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Fratberry 282,931 53
02/24/2005 10:14 PM
Some of us are only 27.
Some of us never knew and never cared to.
It would appear that the Wendy's hamburger patty isn't the only thing that's square.
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Fratberry 282,931 53
02/24/2005 10:15 PM
<action>puts on Member's Only jacket and stomps out of thread</action>
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Sarin Highwind 699 11
02/24/2005 10:23 PM
You know, Wendy's sure does cut corners on their cleaning around my area.
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Hollis loves you. 7,284 14
02/24/2005 11:28 PM
Fascinating.
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Xxara 1,114 9
02/24/2005 11:33 PM
Personally I think it is because it makes the burger look like you are getting way more meat because it stick out of everywhere...
And everybody wants more meat..
that is the expensive stuff..
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Dweezil Meniketti 77,546 17
02/24/2005 11:45 PM
Dave Thomas was awesome in Strange Brew. Pity that he stopped acting to make square hamburgers.
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shoelace414 10,080 13
02/25/2005 05:06 PM
the reason White castles burgers are square (and the reason for the holes in the patties) are so the don't waste any inch of space on the grill. they can make like 5 million burgers an hour or something. plus with the holes they don't have to flip the burger, they only need to cook it on one side..
..and knowing is half the battle.
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Chi Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/25/2005 05:18 PM
A witch! Burn him!
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