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I'm kind of into running and biking en'stuff... mostly biking, but I'm going to talk about running mostly (side note: if I was hairy all over and had a tail... like... a deer or something... I would just run naked... but right now it's just to cold... and I wouldn't like it if bugs crawled up my butt or something so I'll just stick to wearing clothes) I like running. It makes me feel good because I'm better at it than most people... Something about being safe in the knowledge that if there ever was a CHOATIC CARNIVOR SPRING from the local zoo I would be able to run the fastest so I would be one of the people who gets to live...
I like to do things while I'm running to help me get into the mindset... Like some people like to play music in there head and they like to make the down beats in the song where there foot hits the ground... I'm always making up songs in my head when I run... and I'm not very good at keeping a beat... maybe that's why I look retarded when I run... Or maybe it's because I like to pretend I'm a dinosaur when I run... I like to pretend I'm a dinosaur because, you know dinosaurs are really fast en'stuff... I like to bend over like I have a HUGE tail growing out of my butt and run on my tip toes (cause that's what dinosaurs do)... I hold my arms in kind of a velocoraptor kind of way mostly because I just don't think the T-Rex arms look as cool... Sometimes when I'm at a track meet or something I'll start running like a dinosaur... people look at me weird, but I know they think I'm the coolest ever... I know everybody wants to be able to run like a dinosaur because they are really fast you know, but nobody can do it as cool as me... I mean sometimes I get so into it I stick out my neck and start making dinosaur noises........ Like grumbling and yelling en'stuff... sometimes when I feel "vicious" I let out an earth shattering rrRRWARRRRRrrr!!!! I know it's a good technique because I keep winning...
It's like when people start to get close to me I just flash them my claws and teeth and they're like O HOLY Shakespeare!!! THAT'S A DINOSAUR lets not mess with him... so I guess they're kind of scared of me... but at the end of every track meet I always make good and sure that they know I'm not really a dinosaur... I mean I've seen my self in the mirror when I'm a dinosaur... and I could see why that could be confusing for some people... but even though I like to pretend I'm a dinosaur sometimes, I've never hurt anyone I mean That's what I learned from the spider-man movie... "With great power comes GREAT RESPONSIBILITY"... And I would really hate to just you know blow what I have by doing something REALLY STUPID...
I know that I have like a burden that know body else has... but it's like a good burden... Sometimes I feel like I'm bragging about my ability to almost TRANSFORM into a REAL DINOSAUR, but I'm not. I'm really a modest person and I wouldn't hold something like MY SUPER POWERS over anybody's head... One trick I wish I could do though and I'm still kind of working on is how the Grinch slides around on his belly... you know when he's stealing all the presents... Ya that's a tuff one... I can kind of do it on like a fresh mopped hard wood floor... like in my kitchen (my mom doesn't like it much cause she keeps on tripping over me when she's making dinner...), but ya like the Grinch can do it ANYWHERE...even on carpet... and I really try to strive for excellence in all that I do soooo... I think I'm going to try to be able to do it just as good as him. In my perfect world I think I would just beable to run around naked like a dinosaur and slide on my belly like the Grinch or a SNAKE or something... ya that would be cool...
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
33 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140127
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29 Comments on "A letter to the fallopian’s according to birth con"
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140876
Favicon Felipe 161,353  14
02/24/2005 04:13 PM
I didn't edit this, because it's too masterfully formed for my mortal hands to tinker with.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140880
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/24/2005 04:16 PM
I Would read this, No really, I would.
But I'm just too damn busy sodomizing myself with a rusty garden spade.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140881
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/24/2005 04:16 PM
You know how it is.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140882
Favicon Felipe 161,353 14
02/24/2005 04:17 PM
You're missing out. I'm deadly serious. It's ridiculous.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140883
Fratberry 282,931 53
02/24/2005 04:17 PM
I would be able to run the fastest so I would be one of the people who gets to live...
Oh how I wish this weren't true.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140886
Fratberry 282,931 53
02/24/2005 04:19 PM
Really its not all that bad. Its only one sentence long.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140887
WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
02/24/2005 04:20 PM
I agree. Its totaly Frost-ing ridiculous.
Someday I am seriously going to sit and write a GOOD article with universal appeal just to prove a point.
Someday.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140889
Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
02/24/2005 04:21 PM
I read it. It sucked. Anything passes for an article these days. I'd be embarassed to even submit such a steaming pile of crap. Who approves this Shakespeare, anyway?
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140890
Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/24/2005 04:21 PM
And I would really hate to just you know blow what I have by doing something REALLY STUPID...
Too late..
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1140898
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
02/24/2005 04:30 PM
Oh Jesus Christ....
Chi, I trusted you.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141014
Gigantor 12 8
02/24/2005 06:20 PM
Please... Learn how to... Compose a sentance... Seriously...
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141015
(mofo)e4.219 = (wacko)^3 10,950 10
02/24/2005 06:21 PM
I clicked it anyway. I enjoy a touch of the surreal (and the short-bus) in my day.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141082
Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
02/24/2005 08:33 PM
I guess this paves the way for my next article, which will be in the form of a crossword puzzle.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141227
Auzjeweii 0 8
02/25/2005 02:31 AM
Dude,
You are obviously great at running! Look at you, at survivor-y since the big, bad - and decidedly CHOATIC - grammarvores escaped; there's absolutely no way they can catch you. Run on with your bad self.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141230
Calliope 927 10
02/25/2005 02:52 AM
Rrawr!
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141285
Rаt 2,085 9
02/25/2005 07:31 AM
I gave you a click because the article made me laugh . . .
at you.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141376
Dur I'm a dead fish 1,428 9
02/25/2005 12:13 PM
Something about being safe in the knowledge that if there ever was a CHOATIC CARNIVOR SPRING from the local zoo I would be able to run the fastest so I would be one of the people who gets to live...
I would be one of those people curled in the fetal position getting all ated up
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141381
Year of the Chickens 286,527 61
02/25/2005 12:25 PM
Pirate,
Have you been smoking the crack again?
xxxooo
Chicks
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141433
dropkick brody 43,090 12
02/25/2005 01:28 PM
<action> yells </action> Run Forest Dread run...
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141446
Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/25/2005 01:42 PM
Stream of consciousness writing is ruining GAB.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141643
Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
02/25/2005 05:24 PM
Good news I had a huge compare and contrast paper to do for last hour. With a few alterations, I turned this one in! I think I'm going to get an A+!!! YAY!
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141646
Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
02/25/2005 05:25 PM
Pirate, put the straw down and step away from the cocaine.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1141793
Cheesemonger 4 8
02/26/2005 01:48 AM
Wow.
Just wow.
No words can describe this brainwaste on the internet.
Well, maybe retarded.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1142025
gary the noob 59 8
02/26/2005 07:27 PM
NO ur retarded.
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1142316
Modesta 76 8
02/27/2005 03:22 AM
Dude, retards are hilarious.
You totally get a click.
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0 votes
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/live?func=new_user&msgid=1142350
Whistler P. McManus 186,021 44
02/27/2005 05:52 AM
I thought it was brilliant.
The rest of you sheep who think an article has to come from Canada to have merit have no taste.
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