Mr. Briham 38,843 10
03/09/2005 01:50 AM

A man marries a woman 40 years younger than him. Although they loved eachother very much, the man was just too old to have sex. After trying various pills, the couple decides to find a doctor for advice. The doctor recommends they find a handsome young man and have him wave a towel over them while they have sex. They found a man in town and tried this, but the old man still couldn't stay aroused. Finally, wanting his wife to be pleased, he suggests that he and the young man swich places. After a few minutes, she orgasms wildly. Afterwards, the old man winks at him and says "That's how you wave a towel!"

Lord of the Ribs 13,155 9
03/09/2005 01:59 AM

A man marries a woman 40 years younger than him.





I almost thought you were about to tell a Priestess/DemoMonkey joke.

Crackhowzer 68,758 11
03/09/2005 02:01 AM

A man is sitting at a bar, and notices the guy next to him is distraught. He asks the guy whats wrong and he says "My wife is going to kill me! She told me to stay out of the bars, but I went anyway, got drunk, and threw up on myself. Now I can't go home." "No Problem", says the first guy. "Put 20 bucks in your front pocket, and when you get home tell your wife somebody else did it and paid you for the dry cleaning." So the drunken guy goes home, and of course his wife starts yelling at him. The guy pulls some money out of his pocket and tells his wife somebody threw up on him and gave him 20 bucks for the dry cleaning. The wife looks at the money and says "thats all fine and good, but theres 40 dollars here." The guy says " Oh yeah, he Shakespeare in my pants too."

Jajoba 1,357 10
03/09/2005 07:30 AM

Chris goes to his GP complaining that his wife of thirty years just isn't interested in sex anymore.



Doctor tells him he has untested, illegal pills that may help but Chris must be sure to only give her one - in her coffee, after dinner.



"Just one? She's really cold, Doc," asks Chris.



"Just one. It's just too dangerous to push things at this stage."



So Chris goes home and that evening along with after dinner coffee, he slips a pill into his wife's cup. With relatively little thought he decides 'Frost this, I'm giving her two." and puts another pill in her cup and one in his.



They drink their coffees and within minutes his wife gets a wild look in her eyes and growls... "I need a man..."



Chris looks up at her and says "Me too..."

Jajoba 1,357 10
03/09/2005 07:32 AM

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.



After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?"The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!"



Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Piemaster 12,538 15
03/09/2005 07:34 AM

Fwd: Fwd: Fd: Fwd:...

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
03/09/2005 08:12 AM

Out in the pasture one lovely summer day, three bulls complained about the rumor that their farmer had brought in another bull.



The Alpha bull said, "You know, since we settled our differences and split up the cows, I've been pretty happy with my 100 cows. This new guy's not going to get any of my cows!"



The second toughest bull said, "Yeah, well, since I only have 50 cows, I can't afford to share any of my cows with him either!"



The youngest bull said, "You only gave me 10 cows. No way is he getting one of mine!"



Just then the aforementioned new bull pranced over the hill, the biggest, baddest bovine they've ever seen. He weighed over a ton, had horns four feet long, and the Earth shook beneath his mass.



Suddenly Alpha bull grew flexible. "Well, maybe I could spare a few cows."



The second bull said, "I wonder if I hung out over in that far corner of the pasture he'd leave me alone?"



But the small, teenage bull started snorting, pawing the ground, and shaking his fledgling horns in a highly confrontational manner.



Worried about their inexperienced friend, the two older bulls said, "Listen, son, it's not worth dying for! Just give the new guy half your cows."



"Hell, he can have them all if he wants them," said the young, snorting, pawing bull. "I just want to make sure that som'bitch knows I'm a bull!"

turtle10 42,578 26
03/09/2005 02:11 PM

A deaf man married a deaf woman and during their honeymoon, they realized that once the lights go out, they couldn't let the other know if they wanted to have sex. the wife tells her husband that if he wants sex, then to lean over and squeeze her right breast, and if he doesn't, then squeeze the left breast.

The husband agrees and tells his wife that is she wants sex to pull on his penis once, and if she doesn't want to have sex, pull it 100 times.

SpecialKake 55,555 14
03/09/2005 04:23 PM

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The

toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.



A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports

for her first day promptly at 0800. The next day at 0845 there is a

knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly

line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing

up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel

Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down

to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up

that

there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're

really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the new

employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll

of

plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in

amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two

marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's

legs.



The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of

hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm

sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but think

you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday". "Your job is

to give Elmo two test tickles".

Robin® 14,626 10
03/09/2005 08:48 PM

A couple getting married decided to write their own wedding vows. The bride elected to read her's first. They were long drawn out, but expressed how much she loved the groom. Afterwards there wasn't a dry eye in the church. The minister turned to the groom, the groom's vows went "Yeah, what she said."

Ithillion 20 8
03/09/2005 09:03 PM

A guy at the bar realises that it's getting a little late, and he should go home. He stands up, and falls flat on his face - "hell, I didn't think i drank that many! I'll be okay once I get outside"



So the guy crawls outside and pulls himself up, takes a step... and falls flat on his face. The guy thinks "Woah, my wife's gonna kill me! I'll crawl home, I'll be fine by the time I get there".



So the guy crawls all the way home and pulls himself up on the doorframe of his house. "Best not wake her up, gotta be quiet" thinks the guy. So he puts the key in the door carefully, opens the door just a crack, and falls through the rest of the way. "Shakespeare. That's done it", he thinks, "I'll just sleep on the sofa and hope she doesn't remember in the morning".



First thing in the morning, the guy's wife comes downstairs, and immediately asks her husband "You were drunk off your face last night weren't you?"



With feigned innocence slightly nulled by the headache and blurry eyes, the guys says "No! what makes you think that?"



"You left your wheelchar at the bar"