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I went grocery shopping today. The store I go to is within walking distance from my house, so I don't have to worry about driving a car, finding a parking spot, etc. I find this very convenient. Unfortunately, it also has its downside.
Among my purchases today: toilet paper. I got the big bag. 24 rolls. Quite cumbersome to carry around. I always feel uncomfortable carrying this huge bag of toilet paper when I am walking down the street. I feel like everyone's looking at me, pointing their finger at me, and laughing... "Ha ha, he's going to poop!"
That's the reason why I buy the biggest bag: to minimize the number of times I have to carry toilet paper when I walk back from the store.
Today's walk was even worse than usual: I bumped into someone I know. Cute girl, very friendly. If there is one downside to being within walking distance to the grocery store, it has to be this: the risk of bumping into a friend while you're carrying toilet paper.
We exchange hellos, and she engages the conversation. All I was thinking at that moment was to make it as short as possible, while trying to hide the toilet paper behind my other purchases, which given the size of the bag, was completely futile.
After two minutes of chit-chat, I excuse myself, and tell her that my bags are pretty heavy and that I need to go home. Her answer, in the most spontaneous and natural voice:
"Oh no problem, I have to run too. The pharmacy's closing in 15 minutes, and I need to buy some Monistat."
Boy was my face red.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
18 votes
5.0
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Side-splitting
8 votes
5.0
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Hrududu 0  0
03/13/2005 04:53 AM
Haha! You're going to poop!
And your friend has a yeast infection!
Haha!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Shoogagoogagunga 76,817 12
03/13/2005 04:58 AM
FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT HAVE A YEAST INFECTION!
Oh, uh.. nevermind.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Father brandon 596 6
03/13/2005 05:01 AM
You should have asked her to help you carry the toilet paper home and show her how it works.
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Side-splitting
15 votes
5.0
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Fratberry 219,219 13
03/13/2005 05:20 AM
Years ago I accidentally brushed my teeth with Monistat. I know this stuff works on women because I couldn't eat bread for a week.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Father brandon 596 6
03/13/2005 05:25 AM
It makes bread flacid.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.6
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Fratberry 219,219 13
03/13/2005 07:37 AM
Turns out that joke was a lot funnier than y'all thought it was.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151610
SpecialKake 55,241 10
03/13/2005 09:57 AM
Toilet paper? What's that? You mean you don't have to shower afterwards everytime?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Fratberry 219,219 13
03/13/2005 09:59 AM
If you're talking to me, then yes, yes I do.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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REAPERR-FU 12,322 8
03/13/2005 10:00 AM
Don't you know how to use the shell's?
</some movie.>
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Hammerhead 59,084 10
03/13/2005 10:14 AM
Reaper, that was Demolition Man.
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0 votes
0.0
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Neep, Santa wears jandals to New Zealand. 33,067 11
03/13/2005 03:51 PM
Hehe, the 3 sea shells. When I have a home of my own, I will have a little shelf over the toilet paper with 3 sea shells on it.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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JepRep - Limericking Lunatic till March 17th 57,795 10
03/13/2005 10:25 PM
You know, I've never had any hang-ups about buying any personal items or being seen buying them. It probably stems from complimenting my underaged beer purchases with tampons and diapers in order to look older.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1151994
Boots at the Boar 2,296 8
03/13/2005 11:44 PM
Being a po' bastard myself, I buy my toilet paper at Wal-Mart, and I have to ride the bus home. No matter when I shop, if I buy toilet paper, condoms, or pimple cream, I'm sure to meet someone I know on the bus. No one is capable of talking to you without examining your purchases. I don't know why; maybe their looking for a topic of conversation. But just as inevitably, the most embarrassing items will be on top. But lady friends are better to meet than guy friends during times like these. They understand you don't want to talk about it, and they tend to be more mature than your average 20-something guy friends. Guys will always say something like, "God damn! Are you gonna take a massive Shakespeare when you get home or you gonna TP someone's house?" Or, "Jesus, you gonna bath in Clearasil or what?" Or, "Someone's gonna SCOORRRRRRRRE!" in that really annoying Mexican soccer announcer voice.
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