TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 09:19 PM

"Hey, one day they're going to give her a fake arm, and it's going to be more powerful than your arm. Too bad they can't replace your face or give you a normal brain."



My head pops into the tube where they are just as she finishes saying this. I look at them, and my daughter has a look on her face that actually made me a little scared that she was going to hit the kid. And then I look at him. He's not making any noises, but there are silent tears running down his face. I grab my daughter and start down, and he starts yelling for his mom.



I finally get the 4 year old to the bottom, and step out to find the boy's mom at the bottom. She looks at me and says "I hope you're going to punish her. She didn't need to be so mean to him. He's just a little boy! He didn't mean any harm."



I tell her that I hope she punishes her child, because there was no need for him to be such a brat. I suggested she explain to him that some people are different before he makes an ass of himself the first time he sees a black man. I assured her that I was going to give my daughter exactly what she deserved. I turned around to take my oldest daughter's hand and said "Come on, (insert name of oldest daughter). I'm going to get you that sundae you wanted. I think you earned it".



I've also told me daughter that I'm so proud of her for defending her sister that, tonight, I'm not going to make her sleep in the closet.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/06/2005 09:24 PM

You have trained her well, TTJ. Let us know when she gets her first guilt Snickers.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/06/2005 09:25 PM

Not as good as a snickers covered in the sweet tears of a stranger, but still damn good.

Ditdah 123,102 14
04/06/2005 09:25 PM

Honeslty Jane, I think you are an amazing parent. In your situation, to help your kids, and not kill other kids or parents is awesome.





Want me to kill them???? I have no scruples.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 09:27 PM

Ditdah, meet me in the alley. I'll have 10,000 bucks for you.

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/06/2005 09:29 PM

Awesome.

Declan 'Velvet Jones' McManus 131,874 36
04/06/2005 09:30 PM

Damm, Janey. I am in AWE.



Not only did you make an old lady cry, your 10 year old made a kid cry.



Damm, you two are JUST.THAT.GOOD.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 09:34 PM

My daughter's been interested in GAB for a while now. I guess from hearing me and my dad talking about it. She keeps asking me to let her on before she's 18. Now I'm looking forward to it a little bit.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/06/2005 09:36 PM

You seriously want to scar her for life?





Cool.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 09:38 PM

I think she was scarred a long time ago when she got on YIM under my name and talked to a GABber. At 10, her dad had to explain to her what a blowjob was because of some GABber that thought he was talking to me.

ringworm 68,315 13
04/06/2005 09:42 PM

that dick.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 09:48 PM

that dick.



Don't worry, Ringworm. I've been working on a plan to pay him back. I'm pretty sure it's going to involve a male hooker and a digital camera.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
04/06/2005 09:50 PM

Seriously, that was my first thought. Get her on GAB. She can be a steak.



Nobody looks at steak butts.*



Uh. Nevermind.





(* = guaranteed tubgirl safe)

Frenchified Filly 39,193 20
04/06/2005 09:53 PM

She'd be a sweet steak, man. Uh, woman. Yeah.

Declan 'Velvet Jones' McManus 131,874 36
04/06/2005 09:53 PM

Janey-- depending on who the perp is, you might be able to get a very experienced volunteer.

Frenchified Filly 39,193 20
04/06/2005 09:54 PM

I'm a little upset Potter's up there and I'm not, Phla. That hurts.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
04/06/2005 09:55 PM

Filly, I considered you, but I think you might be the dealbreaker.

Frenchified Filly 39,193 20
04/06/2005 09:57 PM

Do huh?

Crowley 10,071 9
04/06/2005 09:58 PM

I can't think of anything to say but I can't resist a steak parade!

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
04/06/2005 09:58 PM

Jane won't let her be a steak if we all go around sucking our fingers, now, will she?

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 37
04/06/2005 09:59 PM

HAGGIS INTERMISSION!

Crowley 10,071 9
04/06/2005 09:59 PM

(Ps, Filly- I think Phla's telling you that you're hot.)

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
04/06/2005 10:01 PM

Too hot. I like my steaks rare.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
04/06/2005 10:01 PM

STEAK-JACKED!!!onemyfault

Frenchified Filly 39,193 20
04/06/2005 10:03 PM

Hahahahaha. You guys amuse me. Ahhh, steakdom!

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 10:05 PM

Great. My thread has been taken over by steaks. Female steaks that are flirting with each other. Yep. My daughter's going to have fun when she gets to GAB. Just do me a favor and never let me know if you meet her and sleep with her.

Crowley 10,071 9
04/06/2005 10:07 PM

I'm going to make a stranger cry on a snickers bar to lure your daughter with.

Frenchified Filly 39,193 20
04/06/2005 10:08 PM

I want pictures. I'm taking full credit for starting this bit up.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/06/2005 10:10 PM

SHARK!

Tabula Rasa - relatively clean 14,056 9
04/06/2005 10:10 PM

Can I tell her I met her mother and we had hot lesbian sex for four years?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 10:12 PM

Only if it's the truth, Tabby. Only if it's the truth. When are you moving up here?

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
04/06/2005 10:12 PM

Janey you tell the best stories, they all seem to "end in tears."



I Frost-ing love those.







New sign on the playground structure that reads:



No unsupervised children to play on the structure, and if your child is prone to being served by a 10 year old girls, we recommend both of you wear a helmet.

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/06/2005 10:12 PM

Take pictures. I wanna see.

Phuc 237,919 21
04/06/2005 10:22 PM

Props to TTJ and her kids.

filthy macpirate 268 9
04/06/2005 10:25 PM

hoorah for (insert name of oldest daughter)!!



TTJ, our kids would get along just famously...

Tabula Rasa - relatively clean 14,056 9
04/06/2005 10:27 PM

I really am proud of you, Jennifer. Your daughters will grow up to be wonderful people from the examples you're setting.



Okay, now about the lesbianism. I'll be moving up there at the beginning of September.

Declan 'Velvet Jones' McManus 131,874 36
04/06/2005 10:36 PM

Tabby- Who is this "Jennifer" person???



Is she Janey's eeeevil twin or something?



Love and laughter!





Declan

millie 116,988 28
04/06/2005 10:48 PM

It's never too early to start telling people off. Good girl!

Crowley 10,071 9
04/06/2005 10:50 PM

Declan, you sound as perky as a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide tonight.

Loociam Yofada 97,986 37
04/06/2005 10:53 PM

Love and laughter!



It appears I've been sucked into my middle school yearbook.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/06/2005 11:00 PM

Please pass along all the clickies you get from me in this thread (and all the others I can find tonight) to your daughter.



I am so looking forward to some day being made to cry by your daughter.

csme 15,189 12
04/06/2005 11:03 PM

Good for her!



My kids were banned from a McDonald's playplace 4 years ago when they got into a fight with a kid who shoved my son up in the top of the tubes. God, I miss those preschool years.

Loociam Yofada 97,986 37
04/06/2005 11:26 PM

We were in the McD's play area a few months ago and some boys were throwing the balls from the ball pit up through a hole in the netting so they landed outside the pit. One of the balls bonked my husband in the head and he yelled "Knock it off!" He is 6'3" and looks like a pissed off marine (when he's in a good mood) so this resulted in dead quiet for awhile. One little boy, who thought my husband was yelling at him (not the other boys), came up to him, stuttering and lip quivering, protesting that it wasn't him that did it.

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 11:30 PM

I let the kid read the thread. She's now more certain than ever that she wants to join. I pray for GAB on the day that happens

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/06/2005 11:33 PM

I want to adopt her!



Jane, her daughter. whatever. I'll adopt them all.





I'll adopt YOU too!

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
04/06/2005 11:38 PM

Daddy?

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/06/2005 11:38 PM

Don't make me take my belt off!



(my pants will fall down and you'll see my teeny weeny)

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/06/2005 11:41 PM

(it's not that tiny. I'm still willing to share it for a small amount of money to go towards the po GABber fund)

JepRep - Limericking upon request 58,758 13
04/06/2005 11:43 PM

Jane, that is by far the most awesome story I've heard all day. You and your daughter are just incredible.



Still, I think the situation would have been better resolved if you had hit the lady.......







.....with a pillow......







.....while both of you were dressed in leather negligees......





.....and captured it on film.







I'm just sayin'....

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/06/2005 11:44 PM

Heh... That ought to kill the thread...

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
04/07/2005 12:10 AM

Jane, I love you. And your daughter. Come to Priestess.

supergrover 4,517 9
04/07/2005 12:14 AM

It's horrible that the mom had the balls to tell you to make your kid apologize.

Frogpop 173,153 25
04/07/2005 12:20 AM

I've also told me daughter that I'm so proud of her for defending her sister that, tonight, I'm not going to make her sleep in the closet.



I've told me daughter it's a pirate's life for her. Yarr!

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/07/2005 12:57 AM

Jane and her daughter's would make awesome pirates. Hell, one of them's already ready for a hook hand, and TTJ could change her name to Captain Jane Sparrow!

Frogpop 173,153 25
04/07/2005 01:08 AM

My daughter just made a stranger cry



don't forget.. A stranger just made your other daughter cry. I mean, good on your older daughter, but, all in all, it seems like a wash.

Crowley 10,071 9
04/07/2005 01:17 AM

You know, you older daught brings up a really good point. One day the younger is gonna have a kick ass robotic arm. It's gonna be Frostin' awesome.



Ooh! Oooh! And then- then she can go on adventures! Mini-Jane: the semi-robotic ninja!

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2005 01:17 AM

And I shall call her my cyber-baby.

Crowley 10,071 9
04/07/2005 01:18 AM

Your old daughter also has a good point.





















*hangs herself*

SpecialKake 55,555 14
04/07/2005 01:19 AM

Congrats on the kid raising thing. I haven't had a plant live for over a month in 27 years.

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2005 01:24 AM

It was pretty hard with the first one. But the little one was a little harder. She's had to have a few operations, though, and they give her lots of happy pain medication. I've pretty much been keeping her drugged up for the past 2 years. It makes being a mom easier.

Frogpop 173,153 25
04/07/2005 01:26 AM

You should try Christmas Cactuses.. (so should Jane..) If an arm falls off, you can just pot it and it turns into a whole new plant!

SpecialKake 55,555 14
04/07/2005 01:28 AM

It was pretty hard with the first one. But the little one was a little harder. She's had to have a few operations, though, and they give her lots of happy pain medication. I've pretty much been keeping her drugged up for the past 2 years. It makes being a mom easier.



What? I didn't know you had to take them to get operations and give them medicine?!?! I've just been watering them like once a month, and MAYBE changing their soil once in a while.

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2005 01:32 AM

You thought I was talking about plants? Oh, hell no. Plants are too much responsibility for me to handle. I never remember to water them or bring them inside when it gets too cold.

Loociam Yofada 97,986 37
04/07/2005 01:34 AM

Frog, I saw one of those plants once and thought it was beautiful. I'd be tempted to try raising one, but I would have all these little pots all over the house with dead "arms."

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
04/07/2005 04:10 AM

Wouldn't want to be suspected of being a small arms dealer would ya ?

Jajoba 1,357 10
04/07/2005 06:13 AM

Frost-ing little twerp. Your lightie should have punched him in the eye and you should have punched him in the other eye, while karate kicking his mother in the groin (hopefully hard enough to prevent further spawning).



I swear, if life is ever really bad and I have kids - they're going to have manners!

Pubah, The Incurable 56,805 18
04/07/2005 12:19 PM

Snatch the little bastards arm off



That'll learn em

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
04/07/2005 02:38 PM

Best "my kid can beat up your kid" post EVAR.

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
04/07/2005 02:58 PM

Your daughters are too cute TTJ. I can't believe you didn't punch that lil' brats mom.

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2005 03:11 PM

I'm glad this thread made it into my funniest posts. I can't wait for the little one to get old enough to read it. As it is, my older one already has a crush on a GABber and is trying to tell me things to post.

If I get Sy to come back in a few years will we be the first family with 3 generations on GAB?

SpecialKake 55,555 14
04/07/2005 03:13 PM

As it is, my older one already has a crush on a GABber and is trying to tell me things to post.



PLEASE let it be me PLEASE don't let it be Oliver

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/07/2005 03:14 PM

Is it sad that my first thought was don't tell Oliver.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
04/07/2005 03:22 PM

No.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
04/07/2005 03:44 PM

I love you today Jane.



Hey, why wasn't this an article?

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2005 03:52 PM

For the same reason the other thread wasn't an article. I honestly didn't think it was funny enough to be an article. I was torn, because I knew it was a little too long to be a thread, though. If I ever have another story this long, I might try to do it as an article, though.

Phuc 237,919 21
04/07/2005 03:58 PM

Threads better. Threads = peepee for all.



I was going to vote TTJ for mother of the year until I read that thing about the GABber crush. Now I'm calling Social Services.

I am Oliver's Penis 6,902 12
04/07/2005 04:31 PM

We should have CG's daughter and TTJ's daughter fight.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/07/2005 04:33 PM

That's kind of like suggesting the Easter Bunny and your mom fight.

gorckat 41,132 13
04/07/2005 04:38 PM

That's kind of like suggesting the Easter Bunny and your mom fight.



The Easter Bunny is a bitch. If he can get his ass kicked by a 12 yr old, who wants to watch him get ripped down by some broad? I wanna see Terry 'The Vegetable' Schiavo go at it- that kicks ass.

gorckat 41,132 13
04/07/2005 04:39 PM

Frost! It was s'posed to be Terry vs. the Easter Bunny...but watching a chick in a coma 'go at it' does have a certain appeal.



alt-tabbing due to coworkers blows...

I am Oliver's Penis 6,902 12
04/07/2005 04:52 PM

Jesus Christ did I get maha'd for that?

La Filly 39,193 20
04/07/2005 05:11 PM

I think it was because of the name...

Crowley 10,071 9
04/07/2005 05:25 PM

Seriously, that icon is way to big to be Oliver's penis. Don't you know anything?

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/07/2005 09:22 PM

I was watching Ripley's Believe It or Not today, and there was a story about a guy with a mechanical arm. With luck, your daughter will be able to bitchslap that brat sooner than we'd hoped.

PlainTableTopJane 173,958 15
04/07/2005 10:52 PM

We should have CG's daughter and TTJ's daughter fight.



Pfft. I'd put money on my daughter, no matter who she's up against. Even if she out muscled, she'll figure out a way to come out ahead. She is an amazing little girl.



In fact, if other people are willing to put up money, maybe something could be arranged. I'll offer the kid a cut of the money, and she'll do it.

La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
06/23/2005 04:23 PM

Update:



So, I took the kids to McD's again. And guess who was there. The same little punk and his bitch of a mother.



When we walked into the room with the play area, they were still sitting there eating. The mom gathered up the food and said "Come on, honey. We'll finish eating at home".



It was a great feeling, knowing that my daughter and I can cause someone to leavea public place just by showing up.

Dr. Napkin Descartes 30,762 12
06/23/2005 05:35 PM

Awesome Jane.

Frogpop 173,153 25
06/23/2005 06:08 PM

There we go.



Jane's Fambly: 2

Other Guys: 1