Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/07/2005 08:16 PM

A man who lost his arm in a car accident got fitted with a new, experimental, robotic prosthetic. The man who sold it to him explained that the arm was made of titanium alloys with a soft, realistic plastic skin, it was about twice as strong and durable as a human arm, and it was voice activated. "For example, to open a door, you say 'grab doorknob, twist, and open' and it will that."

The man decides to test his new arm at bar. He orders a beer and says "grab beer, bring to mouth, tilt can" and the arm did it perfectly. He plays darts, and his arm throws perfect bullseyes evertime. Finally, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. He enters the men's room and approaches a urinal. "Unzip!" he tells the arm. "Hold and aim!" he says. Then his eyes wander over to a condom dispenser. It sells them for $2.00 each. "Ripoff!" the man yells.



His screams could be heard from two blocks away.

Adrian von Buttcrack 13,341 13
04/07/2005 08:22 PM

Did he gat a titanium robotic prosthetic penis?



Those things don't go limp, Yo

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/07/2005 08:46 PM

Did he gat a titanium robotic prosthetic penis?



"Enlarge! Pump! Ejaculate!"



And then when his wife gets sick of him: "Go flaccid!"

Bee's Knees Napkin 30,762 12
04/07/2005 10:22 PM

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.



He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except", and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing."



"Come on, tell me, I need something"



"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"

Bee's Knees Napkin 30,762 12
04/07/2005 10:23 PM

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.



The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big Frost-ing deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop". The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."



He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."



The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box". The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

Bee's Knees Napkin 30,762 12
04/07/2005 10:23 PM

"I'll take it", said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.



The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my Poe." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick.



She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my Poe". The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.



So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman.



He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her Poe, and wouldn't stop screwing.



The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right. Voodoo dick, my ass."

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/07/2005 10:27 PM

I haven't heard the voodoodick joke in forever

Adrian von Buttcrack 13,341 13
04/08/2005 12:16 AM

And then when his wife gets sick of him: "Go flaccid!"



And when he gets sick of the wife: "Frost brains out!"

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/08/2005 12:17 AM

Robo-penis! Skull-Frost her!

gorckat 41,132 13
04/08/2005 12:21 AM

By the Castle of Greyskulllllll- I. Have. The. Poweeeeeerrrrrr!

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/08/2005 12:22 AM

Voodoodick, Gorckat's ear!

Adrian von Buttcrack 13,341 13
04/08/2005 12:45 AM

what if they go gay?



Voodoodick, robo-penis!





I'm sure ther's a joke somewhere in there, but damn...I got nothing.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/08/2005 03:05 AM

Apparently somewhere there is an advance race of robotic phalluses that practice a creepy from of superstition. They are probably mounting an army as we sit here laughing at the ridiculous notion that they exist.