piXXXie 5,871 11
04/14/2005 02:15 PM

Those jokes sucked.

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
04/14/2005 02:16 PM

A man bumps into a nun on his way into a little out-of-the-way clothing boutique. He admires the scarf that she has just purchased, and asks her what the cost was.







"$20, same as in town."

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
04/14/2005 02:17 PM

What do you get when you cross a retarded person with a gorilla?







A retarded gorilla.

gorckat 41,132 13
04/14/2005 02:17 PM

I think the posting of this thread crashed the website.



That, or I spent my daily allotment of brain cells answering a Frost-ing math problem that some dipShakespeare posted to a comedy site.

gorckat 41,132 13
04/14/2005 02:19 PM

If it's just lame ass jokes, then why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?



It was dead.

Virnomine 79,386 11
04/14/2005 02:19 PM

A muffin was baking in an oven.



Why did the chicken cross the road?



It was dead and on the way to the processing plant.



What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?



A cheerleader.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/14/2005 02:20 PM

Pixxie: F+ for "getting the joke"

Kake. Just Kake. 55,555 14
04/14/2005 02:21 PM

How do you tell Gabbers apart?



It's all geek to me.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
04/14/2005 02:21 PM

I'll save everyone some time



The best one goes something like:



Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?



A: The Holocaust.

Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452 11
04/14/2005 02:22 PM

A baby seal walks into a club. He dances poorly and is raped by a 40-year old seal.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 02:22 PM

Ooo OOo can we start using obvious racist jokes?



I'll start off light.



What did the Mexican kid downt he street get for christmas?















Your bike.

Chi(Chi) + Felipe = Awesome 161,353 14
04/14/2005 02:23 PM

A black guy, a jew, and an Indian walk into a bar. The black guy orders a drink, and then so does the jew. The Indian doesn't order anything. The bartender says to the Indian, "Hey, pal, why aren't you drinking?" The Indian says, "I'm the designated driver."

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
04/14/2005 02:24 PM

Q: What do you call a black man who flies?



A: A pilot, you Frost-ing racist.

Superfly 1,145 8
04/14/2005 02:24 PM

What do you call a black man who flies an airplane?

















A pilot you Frost-ing racist!

piXXXie 5,871 11
04/14/2005 02:26 PM

Pixxie: F+ for "getting the joke"



G- for not getting my joke, jerkass.

Virnomine 79,386 11
04/14/2005 02:28 PM

I think this was the best one:



A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell.



"I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate.



"What is it?"



"Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back."



The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely.

gorckat 41,132 13
04/14/2005 02:29 PM

Here about the new Bank of Poland?



Bring in a toaster and they deposit $300 into your account.

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
04/14/2005 02:31 PM

A blonde takes her dress to the dry cleaner's, because there is a crusty white stain on it.

Since she is embarassed, she quickly fills out the form herself to avoid having to talk to the proprieter. She takes the pick-up ticket and heads for the door.

The cleaner walks out and calls after her, "Come again!"





The blonde turns around, red-faced, and replies, "yes, I'm afraid it is. I'm quite the whore."

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 02:32 PM

What do you call a black guy with eight arms?

























I don't know either, but he could probably pick cotton pretty fast.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/14/2005 02:33 PM

What do you call a white guy surrounded by:



4 black guys?



5 black guys?



10 black guys?



100 black guys?

Virnomine 79,386 11
04/14/2005 02:33 PM

OK, I take it back, this one is better:



How do you confuse a blonde?

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/14/2005 02:34 PM

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved clowns. I mean LOVED them. He had posters of them all over his wall and pictures of them everywhere. One day his parents took him to the Circus to see all of the clowns. He was so excited! He never saw one up close before! In the middle of the show, a tiny little car came out and out came 20 clowns! He was cheering so loud he couldn't speak for a couple minutes. Just then, the Leader of the Clowns took a microphone and asked for a volunteer. Billy raised his hand and shouted ''Me! Me!'' The clown looked around and said ''You!'' as he pointed at Billy. He was so happy! (cont...)

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 02:34 PM

How many babies does it take to paint a house?













It depends on how hard you throw them.

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
04/14/2005 02:34 PM

A GABber walks into a hardware store to buy some nails.



The store-employee asks what kind of nails he will need.





The GABber replies, "6-penny ringshank nails, please."

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/14/2005 02:35 PM

Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown looked down at him and asked, ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy said ''No...'' ''Are you the horse's ears?'' ''No...'' Then the clown got an evil look in his eye as he said ''Then you must be the horse's ass!'' The whole tent shook with laughter, and Billy cried his eyes out. He couldn't believe a clown made fun of him like that! He swore revenge! (cont...)

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/14/2005 02:35 PM

Billy grew up, he went to college, got a job, got married, and had a few kids, but still never forgot what that clown did to him. One morning he saw an ad in the paper for the same circus, and decided to go. He knew the PERFECT insult to get him back! When he told his wife and kids he was going his kids asked if they could goto the circus with him. He calmly said ''No. Daddy has something he needs to do there.'' In the middle of the show, a little car came out and out came about 20 clowns. The crowd cheered, except for Billy. The Leader of the Clowns took a microphone. It was the same Clown! Billy was so excited that he could now get revenge!(cont...)

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/14/2005 02:35 PM

The clown asked for a volunteer. Billy calmly raised his hand. The clown picked him! Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown said ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy stayed calm and said ''No.'' The clown asked ''Are you the horse's ears?'' Billy replied ''No.'' Then the clown said ''Then you must be the horse's ass!'' Billy knew his time had come. As the crowd laughed and everyone cheered, his anger grew. Now was the time for revenge. He looked deep into the clown's eyes and said...(cont...)

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
04/14/2005 02:36 PM

''Frost you, Clown.''

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 02:39 PM

How do polish fish die?















They drown

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
04/14/2005 02:44 PM

<action> whispers to Time Flies:</action>





Here's an extra point -> . <- you seem to be missing it.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 02:45 PM

What's your point?

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
04/14/2005 02:49 PM

How do you get a one armed blonde woman out of a tree?



With a ladder.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
04/14/2005 02:50 PM

With a ladder.





I was going to say "shoot her."

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
04/14/2005 02:53 PM

What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy with cancer?



Hello.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 02:53 PM

Here is one for Ollie:



What's the difference between a girl scout and a bath tub?











You can't Frost a bath tub.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
04/14/2005 02:54 PM

I don't think I'm very good at this.

Virnomine 79,386 11
04/14/2005 02:54 PM

you want to bet on that one, tempus?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/14/2005 02:56 PM

"G- for not getting my joke, jerkass."



Classy.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
04/14/2005 02:57 PM

<action>crosses the line...</action>What do you get when you cross a poor genetic profile with a tramp?











A one armed kid!

gorckat 41,132 13
04/14/2005 02:58 PM

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?



Guess I'll go jack off on Trae's tits.





Yeah- you thought it was gonna be 'Where's my tractor?'- well the farmer just got internet, dude.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/14/2005 04:32 PM

I want to give credit to BobJohnson and the no0b Superfly for STEALING A Frost-ing JOKE I POSTED LAST WEEK!!!

Kake. Just Kake. 55,555 14
04/14/2005 04:38 PM

Ah, plagiarism and double posting- the hallmark of any good Gabber's diet.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
04/14/2005 04:39 PM

I want to give credit to BobJohnson for EXPOSING MY BLATANT THEFT A JOKE ORIGINALLY POSTED ON SOMETHINGAWFUL today.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/14/2005 04:40 PM

Especially since the joke was in FHM or Maxim last month. Way to go.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 04:42 PM

Earlier I decided it would be in better judgement not to post these. But as the afternoon drags on I realized, my better judgement hasn't gotten me anywhere so, here goes.



How do you stop a black man from drowning?



Take your foot off his head.



What do a black man and an apple have in common?



They both look good hanging from trees.



Why is the "Black Power" symbol a closed fist versus the open hand of "White Power?"



If the hand were open they would fall out of the trees.



How do you starve a mexican?



Hide his food stamps under his work boots.









I'm not racist. I swear.

Misfit 1,104 10
04/14/2005 04:43 PM

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.

The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot father". After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says "Whoa, what a big son-of-a-bitch!"



The Priest says, "Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?" The Fisherman responds (THINKING QUICKLY), "I'm sorry Father, but that's what this fish is called - a son-of-a-bitch!"



"Oh, I'm sorry", replied the Priest. "I didn't know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the Bishop. "Eminence, look at this big son-of-a-bitch!"



"Please Father", said the Bishop. "Mind your language, this is a house of God."



"No, you don't understand", said the Priest. "That's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this son-of-a-bitch!"



(cont.)

Misfit 1,104 10
04/14/2005 04:43 PM

"Hmmm", said the Bishop. "You know, I could clean this son-of-a-bitch and we could have it for dinner." So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent. "Mother Superior could you cook this son-of-a-bitch for dinner tonight?"



"My lord, what language!", said the Mother Superior.



"No, Sister", said the Bishop. "That's what the fish is called - a son-of-a-bitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it."



"Hmmm", replied Mother Superior. "Yes, I'll cook that son-of-a-bitch tonight." Well, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it. "I caught the son-of-a-bitch!", said the Priest.



"And I cleaned the son-of-a-bitch!", said the Bishop.



"And I cooked the son-of-a-bitch!", said the Mother Superior.



The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you Frosters are alright".

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
04/14/2005 04:43 PM

What do you call an armless, legless man on your porch?





























Handicapped.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
04/14/2005 04:47 PM

A man walks into a pharmacy to purchase some condoms. To his surprise, there is a woman behind the counter, however, he's not turning back now.

He approaches the counter and asks for his purchase.

"Do you know what size you're going to need, sir?" The pharmacist asks.



"Yes, Small. Very small. I have a tiny penis."











Am I doing this right?

TempusFugit 5,772 10
04/14/2005 04:48 PM

Am I doing this right?



No, we're telling jokes, not life stories.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
04/14/2005 04:54 PM

Wow.



That was pretty much the first funny thing I've seen you say.



And the setup was perfect.



Toosh, n00b. Toosh.

Spicy Noodles 185 9
04/14/2005 04:59 PM

What's a good example of the word "confused" to educate a black man?



Father's Day in da hood



Why do more black people get hit by cars during the winter than any other season?



They're easier to spot

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
04/14/2005 05:00 PM

A man walks into a Brothel. The lady at the front greets him.



"Hello. Is there some sort of deal I can get, You see I haven't much money, and I'm not above making love to an ugly woman. The only thing I do not want to do is ruin the punchline to this joke."

spoonful O plenty 115 8
04/14/2005 05:03 PM

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?



A: A Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
04/14/2005 05:07 PM

An American, A Canadian and a Venezualean are all on an airplane.



Hours and Hours pass and finally they land. As they step off the plane, The Yank and Canuck light up cigarettes.

"Ah, Good flight."

"Yeah, Eh."



The venezualean would love to hang out and bullShakespeare, But he's got some grass to cut.

Mistah Briham 38,843 10
04/14/2005 05:11 PM

A long time ago, in China, there were these two boys. One was named Ping, the other Pong. One day, they decided to make a new game. Each of them picked up a stick and started hitting a rock back and forth to eachother. What did Ping and Pong name their game?











Tennis.

Virnomine 79,386 11
04/14/2005 05:18 PM

damn, now all the sudden I like tempus.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
04/14/2005 05:50 PM

It's interesting to see who gets the point of this thread, and who wouldn't have a clue if one swam up their urethra and extruded barbs.

Kake. Just Kake. 55,555 14
04/14/2005 05:52 PM

Clues don't have barbs. They're called Axillae.

DemoMonkey. Period. 166,252 10
04/14/2005 05:56 PM

No, he was a famous Greek.

mentaluprising 36 9
04/14/2005 05:58 PM

How about a joke with no punchline?



A horse walks in to a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks over to him and asks, "Why the long face?"

Mr. Sir 66,718 9
04/14/2005 06:00 PM

<action> answers anyway</action>



A horse walks in to a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks over to him and asks, "Why the long face?"



"Hay, I'm a little hoarse."

piXXXie 5,871 11
04/14/2005 06:01 PM

"G- for not getting my joke, jerkass."



Classy.



Well, I AM a lady.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
04/14/2005 06:07 PM

What did one cow say to another?











Mooooooo

Bee's Knees Napkin 30,762 12
04/14/2005 07:38 PM

A building contractor hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman is to help dig up the foundation to the house. The Irishman has to fill the foundation with cement and build a floor frame. The Chinaman is in charge of bringing the supplies.



The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks.



The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or anything else for that matter. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck a couple hours ago. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman walk out with a wheelbarrow full of shovels and hammers and other various building supplies and says "Sorry it took so long, the line was very long at Home Depot and I forgot what I had to bring so I had to go home and get the list of supplies and then come back and buy them, and then my car broke down and I had to walk with this wheelbarrow full of shovels and hammers and other various building supplies. Sorry". To which the contractor says "Well, that's bad work ethics but alright, everyone get back to work."