Bonky 75,733 15
04/16/2005 11:13 AM

I got up this morning.





I think I'd rather not.

Ditdah 123,102 14
04/16/2005 11:13 AM

I hate you.



That is all.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:14 AM

jealous

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:14 AM

masturbation counts

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 11:14 AM

You cralled up a chickens ass and waited all night!!??

Ditdah 123,102 14
04/16/2005 11:15 AM

jealous



Yes.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:17 AM

I'll have sex with you ditdah. Meet me at the top of the empire state building at midnight on valentines day.

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 37
04/16/2005 11:18 AM

My right hand got laid this morning. Now it says it's tired. It never wants to cuddle.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 11:19 AM

By cralled, I mean crawled. Or Frosted. Whichever.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:19 AM

give it a ciggarette

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:20 AM

yes. i Frosted a chicken this morning.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 11:22 AM

Don't the wings make great handlebars? Uh, I mean you are sick.

Ditdah 123,102 14
04/16/2005 11:24 AM

My day - GF left for her Saturday "Parks and Rec" job at 7:00 am. To damn early to get up. I just ate breakfast (a banana muffin bar and a diet coke) and ran around to clean up the house. Going to meet the stepmom in 45 minutes, go shopping, then bring her to see the place for the first time. I'll drop her off at her hotel (she's in town for a conference - banquet tonight - I'm not just a bitch who won't let her stay here)then come back and probably do nothing.



Woo-hoo. Don't you envy me?

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:25 AM

Here's a picture

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 11:26 AM

Mmmmm.. Delicious rabbit stuffed chicken with special sauce.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:28 AM

BBQ sauce

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 11:29 AM

or giz. you know whatever.

rhi es to tha co to tha bar 246 8
04/16/2005 11:36 AM

I got laid this morning too.. he had a nice Coleridge.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 11:43 AM

By nice, you really mean big, black, and attached to his inflatably body don't you?

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/16/2005 11:44 AM

What do you mean HAD? What did you do? Eat his dick?

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
04/16/2005 11:47 AM

In a bowl with a fork I assume.

Phuc 237,919 21
04/16/2005 12:02 PM

The baby threw up all over me and the wool rug this morning.



Twice.



20 minutes after she drank a good 6 ounces of milk.



Now I'm sitting on my tuffet, eating my curds and whey.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 12:02 PM

In a bowl with a fork I assume.



Nah she put that Shakespeare in the blender and drank it. With whip cream and a cherry on top.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 12:04 PM

Babies get away with anything. If your buddy threw up on you twice, you would punch him.





You should punch your baby.

Robin® 14,626 10
04/16/2005 01:27 PM

My boyfriend says waking up to a blow job is better than waking up to sex, less for him to do.

rhi es to tha co to tha bar 246 8
04/16/2005 01:34 PM

I say 'had' a nice Coleridge...



He still has it but since I've done the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, I suppose it's only right to say I don't have that Coleridge anymore.



or.. do I..?

DemoMonkey, Gracious in Defeat. 166,252 10
04/16/2005 02:15 PM

My boyfriend says waking up to a blow job is better than waking up to sex, less for him to do.



True, but aren't you concerned that your man enjoys waking up with a Coleridge in his mouth?

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 02:59 PM

I don't give blow jobs in the morning anymore. It takes FOREVER. I am not quite clear but Morning wood isn't the same as being "sexually aroused". Can anyone clear me up on this?

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 03:03 PM

I can clear this up, but I have to know if you are a man or a women.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 03:04 PM

both

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 03:06 PM

First of all, men love to get blown. Morning noon or night, we don't care. Secondly, a bj is the best way to get rid of morning wood. Either way, keep on suckin.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 03:14 PM

meh. it takes to long. i would rather just Frost.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 03:19 PM

Since your both man and woman, do you pitch or catch? Just askin.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
04/16/2005 03:22 PM

Whenever I have morning wood, it's usually cause I have to pee.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
04/16/2005 03:23 PM

SO YOU PEE IN YO BITCHESES MOUFS!!!

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 03:27 PM

golden showers! golden showers!

117,752 37
04/16/2005 03:29 PM

Someone say "Golden Shower"?

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 04:22 PM

so anyway

Sir Nigel Peppermont 95 8
04/16/2005 05:40 PM

I usually have a fight with my snooze alarm at the start of my day before the dearly beloved awakes from her beauty sleep, announcing her arrival by elbowing me in the face then yelling at me for being in the way.



"But I've always slept here, dear"

Filly, Steak Extraordinaire 39,193 20
04/16/2005 05:46 PM

Me too.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/16/2005 06:34 PM

I got screwed today.





Thirty eight Frost-ing dollars to park near Central Park so I could walk two miles for people with Parkinson's. And not a single person got red in the face over my "What's shakin'?" comments.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 06:37 PM

Walking for Parkinsons? Why?

What did Parkinsons ever do for you?

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/16/2005 06:53 PM

Babies get away with anything. If your buddy threw up on you twice, you would punch him.





You should punch your baby.





This is the comment that made for my first full pee tube. I just want to take this moment to thank all the wonderful people who think punching a baby is funny.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/16/2005 07:00 PM

What did Parkinsons ever do for you?



After the walk, we were strolling down 71st when an old guy came barreling out of a brownstone, shouting for help.



"Ya gotta help me...it's my wife!"



He turned around and ran back up into the place and we following him. In a second floor bedroom, we found him next to his wife, who was having convulsions and seizures on the bed.



"Help me tie her wrists and ankles! You gotta help."



We quickly tied her down to restrain her. The old guy then ripped of his clothes, climbed on top of the old broad, and shouted "Cut 'er loose!"

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/16/2005 07:02 PM

I didn't click because you said he should punch his baby, I clicked because you said he would punch his friend. Punching babies is wrong.

Tabula Rasa, Steak Revolutionary 14,056 9
04/16/2005 07:16 PM

Actually, men get morning wood because the body (like the brain) needs time to rest and regenerate. The cells that make up the spongy tissue in the penis need blood to regenerate and stay alive (most obvious in young boys getting random boners, as their tissue is developing). Morning word, then, is just your penis trying not to shrivel up and fall off.

The Pulchritudinous Napkin 30,762 12
04/16/2005 07:31 PM

is just your penis trying not to shrivel up and fall off.



I'm never going to bed again.

The Pulchritudinous Napkin 30,762 12
04/16/2005 07:39 PM

Yeah! Frost JARED!



Damn Subway eating commie.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
04/16/2005 07:47 PM

Tabby, you're partially right. Men get random wood for several reasons. One being the obvious arousal, another being the hormonal teenage random boner, and one being the fact that we need to take a piss.



When the penis is hard, it automatically clenches off the tube from the bladder to the penis, because urine can kill sperm. So when you have to pee really bad, it's not uncommon for the penis to get hard so as not to piss all over yourself.



This is why it's harder to get off with morning wood during sex. You're not aroused, so the penis gets confused. Plus, it's distracting to wake up with your s/o bouncing up and down on your throbbing member when you have to really pee.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/16/2005 07:49 PM

I haven't had a good pee in months.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
04/16/2005 07:56 PM

See, so actually it's more of a solenoid and valve issue, rather than anything sexual.





But there is no harm in blowing someone that is having a solenoid and valve issue.......



Wanted to just make that clear !

Whistler P. McManus 186,021 44
04/16/2005 09:08 PM

Plus, it's distracting to wake up with your s/o bouncing up and down on your throbbing member when you have to really pee.



It also feels like their pelvic bones are grinding right down on your overfull bladder.



At least that's what I think I remember, from 1989, the last year I got laid in the early morning.



damn kids.

Frogpop 173,153 25
04/17/2005 12:37 AM

Just tell them no more allowance until they start sleeping with you again.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/17/2005 01:31 AM

You use that line a lot with your kids Frogpop?

Frogpop 173,153 25
04/17/2005 04:45 AM

No, but it seems to scare the hell out of yours.

I am Jack's Liver 6,902 12
04/17/2005 10:56 AM

Wow I never knew there was so much to know about morning wood.

DemoMonkey, Gracious in Defeat. 166,252 10
04/17/2005 11:21 AM

I, once had a girl

Or should I say,

she once had me

She, woke me with her mouth

Isn't it good

Stiff morning wood...

Trae: Please return me to my upright position 156,790 17
04/17/2005 03:09 PM

I got laid this morning too, then 5 more times.



I'm rather tired now.



PS. Yes, by the same guy!!

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 37
04/17/2005 03:13 PM

I refuse to believe that without video, Trae.

millie 116,988 28
04/17/2005 04:11 PM

Twice this morning.



So, HA, Mr. B.I.G.!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/17/2005 06:08 PM

How much did that cost you Millie?

ringworm 68,315 13
04/17/2005 07:56 PM

once. four months ago. kill me.

Fillet Steak 39,193 20
04/17/2005 07:59 PM

I lied. I didn't. I'm so ashamed!

millie 116,988 28
04/17/2005 09:07 PM

B.I.G., there are some men who have as low standards as my own... luckily.

Kake 55,555 14
04/17/2005 09:10 PM

I got laid this morning too, then 5 more times.

I'm rather tired now.

PS. Yes, by the same guy!!



Let's see, that's $20sameasintown times 6.



Someone's not gonna need the Po' Gabber's fund!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/18/2005 08:39 AM

B.I.G., there are some men who have as low standards as my own... luckily.



So that's where Bankey went this week. Fratberry is going to be jealous.

Fratberry 282,931 53
04/18/2005 08:58 AM

Hey, BIG, how's your wife and my kids?

Spicy Noodles 185 9
04/18/2005 09:47 AM

I always thought morning wood was caused by the freakishly erotic dreams that I "must've" had...



When I do remember the dreams, I usually have visit the laundromat to drop off my sheets...



The lady behind the counter always gives me a puzzled look. I'll just let her imagination do all the work...then maybe i'll really get laid in the morning too. So, what if she's old enough to...Let's just avoid that one for now...



</O' So Honey...(ho-nee)>

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/18/2005 10:10 AM

Hey, BIG, how's your wife and my kids?





HA HA HA, those are Chickens' kids.

10,000 Choked Chickens can't be wrong 286,527 61
04/18/2005 11:29 AM

Whistler. We may be building a new home in the next year. I saw something on TV that is a must have and is worth whatever the cost.



Automatic bedroom door and lock controled by a remote.



GENIUS!

Jack's Kidney 6,902 12
05/11/2006 07:16 PM

bumpo

Dianapop 57,835 108
05/11/2006 08:59 PM

I got laid this morning too!

The Orginal Snork 45,655 12
05/11/2006 09:24 PM

Well whoop-dee-doo.







Frosters.

Chit 178,776 15
05/11/2006 09:53 PM

Jack's Liver...

Jack's Kidney...

Huh...





"To know death, Otto, one must Frost it in the gallbladder! ..."



Name that film.

daisypie 49,378 9
05/11/2006 10:45 PM

The first movie that comes to mind that had an 'Otto' in it, is Repo Man,

but I don't remember that line. It would fit, though.

Filly Harlot 39,193 20
05/12/2006 01:00 AM

I haven't gotten laid in a month. I am very distressed.

Chit 178,776 15
05/12/2006 02:47 AM

The answer was pretty bizarre.





It was Andy Warhol's Frankenstein.