Potrzebie 1,790 9
04/24/2005 11:46 AM

Wow, a self-hating steak. How original.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/24/2005 11:46 AM

I like Deirdre.

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/24/2005 11:47 AM

A self-heating steak would be better.

Rob Borer 958 8
04/24/2005 11:58 AM

Who else hates everyone?



Maddox, about seven years ago.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/24/2005 12:02 PM

I don't hate me. I like me. Me likes you. You hate me?

The High Priestess of Steaks 58,884 29
04/24/2005 12:04 PM

I don't hate me. I like me. Me likes you. You hate me?



Urge to Kill, Rising!

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/24/2005 12:06 PM

<action>holds small television in front of Priestess</action>

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
04/24/2005 12:07 PM

Likewise bitch!

DemoMonkey, Gracious in Defeat. 166,252 10
04/24/2005 12:16 PM

If only Midol came in dart form.

ooooo, Erotic Kakes! 55,555 14
04/24/2005 12:45 PM

Go to the garden and eat some worms.



No, wait. Go to the liquor store, and get some bottles of mezcal, and eat those worms.

millie 116,988 28
04/24/2005 12:47 PM

I, also hate everyone. And I hate everything, too.



Welcome to the dark side, Priestess.

millie 116,988 28
04/24/2005 12:48 PM

I meant to say, I, also, hate everyone.



(I hate bad grammar, too!)

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/24/2005 12:53 PM

I will jump on this bandwagon.



People suck.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
04/24/2005 12:54 PM

Posers. I was hating people before HP made it cool.

millie 116,988 28
04/24/2005 01:01 PM

Oh, please, I have always hated everyone!



Way before you were even born.



I hate you!

PuggyD 48,304 12
04/24/2005 01:03 PM

Hating everyone is so junior high.



Hating yourself is much more hardcore.

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
04/24/2005 01:04 PM

I hate people in general. Until you can prove me wrong, I hate you.



Don't hate the Gabbers, hate the Gab.



You're just bored. I think if you get outside, maybe kick a puppy or two, or throw a stick into the spokes of a random kid going by on a bicycle, you'll feel better in no time.

Ülrich the Viking 351 8
04/24/2005 01:06 PM

Well, considering the fact that I masterbate to snuff films, you're just a little ray of happy optimistic sunshine!

Dogs Akimbo 211,569 32
04/24/2005 01:55 PM

I, also, hate everyone.



Especially the retarded ones.

Spicey McHaggis 117,752 37
04/24/2005 01:59 PM

Okay, who put Haterade in the punch bowl? When I find out who did it, your parents are going to hear about it!

Napkin: Full of Ls 30,762 12
04/24/2005 04:13 PM

Well good golly gosh! I just love everything! The birds and the bees, the sun and the trees! A babbling brook and good book is all that it takes to lift my spirits! Fantastically magical! Lets all sing a song!



I'm so happy! I love my life! (and Jesus!)

I love my kids! I love my wife!

Oh! I love everybody! You're all so nice!



Hooray!

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
04/24/2005 04:18 PM

Napkin: Full of Ls(d)

Phuc 237,919 21
04/24/2005 04:20 PM

The hate I have for a select few is greater than the hate you poseurs have for everybody. And even the touch-feely love and Shakespeare that have for those I don't hate can't balance it out.

MaddMatt -Steely-eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
04/24/2005 04:28 PM

The hate I have for a select few is greater than the hate you poseurs have for everybody. And even the touch-feely love and Shakespeare that have for those I don't hate can't balance it out.



So, let's see if I have this right;



The hate you have for all, is greater than the hate you have for the few, or the one.



That makes you, Anti-Spock.

Napkin & Napalm 30,762 12
04/24/2005 04:29 PM

Phuc, out of curiosity, if these people who you hate were to die, would you still hate them?

Phuc 237,919 21
04/24/2005 04:32 PM

Phuc, out of curiosity, if these people who you hate were to die, would you still hate them?



Then my hatred would enfold itself in a chrysalis of joy where it would sleep for time, then emerge as a butterfly of bliss.

Dweezil S Meniketti [Electric Hoedown] 77,546 17
04/24/2005 05:03 PM

This is why Al is my mentor.



He didn't ask to be my mentor. He doesn't want to be my mentor.



He doesn't really have much choice in the matter. What Al is, I shall strive to become.

The High Priestess of Steaks 58,884 29
04/24/2005 08:36 PM

Perhaps I didn't make it clear why I hate everyone.



There is this guy in a wheelchair that sits at a major intersection begging everyday. I pass this guy once a day. When people beg from car to car I just stare straight ahead and ignor them. Today he knocked on my window to get my attention.



I know for a fact this guy isn't a cripple. I've seen him get out of his chair, stand up and strech. If he can do that, he should at least get a job bagging grocries.



I roll down the window about a fourth of the way and say

"Can I help you?"



"Ma'ma, I'm wheelchair and can't work for a living. Please, do you have some change for a poor soul?" Poor soul my ass, the wafting stench of Mad Dog 20/20 is so strong my eyes water.



"OH MY GOD YOU'RE A CRIPPLE?"



"Yes ma'ma. Please some spare change?" His hand is cupped and reaching inside the window. The temptation to hit the button and crush his fingers in my window is almost to strong to resist.



"How long have you been a cripple?"



"10 years ma'ma. I was the star running back in my highschool and I had a horrible accident on the feild. It ruined my life." Where are the violens when you need them?



"Really? Your legs don't look like they've been going through atropy for the past ten years. Don't try to scam me you drunk." The light turned green and I drove off.

Mavis Beacon 18,219 13
04/24/2005 09:02 PM

Man you really stripped him of his dignity.

jclast 1,443 8
04/24/2005 09:05 PM

you really stripped him of his dignity



Because if a beggar pretending to be a cripple has anything, it's dignity.

Pistolet 10,071 9
04/24/2005 09:22 PM

Okay, so my wheelchair scam isn't that great but a few blocks down, I make a killing giving handjobs.

The High Priestess of Steaks 58,884 29
04/24/2005 09:24 PM

I make a killing giving handjobs.



You're so good, men die during the orgasm.

Pistolet 10,071 9
04/24/2005 09:25 PM

Or is it because I'm so bad?

The High Priestess of Steaks 58,884 29
04/24/2005 09:28 PM

Well if you'd stop wearing those gloves with the sharp metal studs on the palm, you'd get more customers.

Flaminsky 379 10
04/24/2005 09:36 PM

I prefer penis acupuncture.

Whistler P. McManus 186,021 44
04/24/2005 09:42 PM

This is why Al is my mentor.



He didn't ask to be my mentor. He doesn't want to be my mentor.



He doesn't really have much choice in the matter. What Al is, I shall strive to become.





Holy phuc! Me too! Wait to you see the manly new look I've got, thanks to Al's fashion advice.

Whistler P. McManus 186,021 44
04/24/2005 09:42 PM

Or you could wait 'til you see it.

fiancé Lila 78,555 13
04/24/2005 10:45 PM

There is some dude who stands at a major intersection near my house who holds up a cardboard sign that says, "VISIONS OF A CHEESEBUGER". Yup, that's his spelling.



I'm half considering giving him a Big Mac driveby during rush hour next week.

jclast 1,443 8
04/24/2005 10:53 PM

I wanna see a beggar holding up a sign that reads "Too lazy to get a job." I'd give him my change just for being honest.



Also, cardboard is easy enough to come by, but where do they all get markers to make signs?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/24/2005 10:59 PM

What Al is, I shall strive to become.



An angry half-Asian, half-French guitar playing, icon drawing Bostonian that was voted most likely to go on a killing spree but will get caught because he gets hungry a half hour after every meal?

Phuc 237,919 21
04/24/2005 11:09 PM

You only wish you could be me.



But the Irish need to be human first.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/24/2005 11:12 PM

Hahaha, like you need to be human to get drunk.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/24/2005 11:15 PM

I meant to say, I, also, hate everyone.



Yeah right millie. You know you love me in that weird, creepy, I-only-know-you-from-the-Internet kind of way.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/24/2005 11:34 PM

I hate the way everyone keeps saying they hate the people who hate everyone. This hate just builds up and travels around in circles, and then some how all ends up in the Middle East.

Deli Deli (Ham on Wry) 296 9
04/24/2005 11:45 PM

I hated so much, my hater is broken.



Now I only love myself.

Pope Chickens the Fruitful 286,527 61
04/25/2005 12:08 AM

I...... LOVE...... YOU...... ALL!!!





I love you, and you, and you, and especially YOU.





*dances out of thread like Richard Simmons on Zoloft*

Filly 39,193 20
04/25/2005 12:09 AM

Chix. Online. C'mon, man!

millie 116,988 28
04/25/2005 12:09 AM

Don't flatter yourself, B.I.G.



I don't even think about you enough to hate you. You are merely an occasional irritation to me, much like a gnat.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/25/2005 12:16 AM

Aw millie, I was just trying to post something about you that didn't include you being a heartless bitch who has a strange affection for arts and crafts.

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,986 37
04/25/2005 12:22 AM

<action>decides that if people are going to hate her, they might as well have a reason.</action>

Quiet down in here, I'm trying to write a fanfic!

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/25/2005 12:23 AM

Many people suffer from occasional irritation of personal Big Irishness. That's when I discovered the new product, Whiskyoff, one spray on any object other then you and the Irish will be drawn to it. It contains a powerful smell of fine whisky.



*not available in England*





Also try our old favorite, Peyoteparley.

Deli Deli (Ham on Wry) 296 9
04/25/2005 12:24 AM

Writing a fanfic!

millie 116,988 28
04/25/2005 12:25 AM

I prefer a nice, well-aimed swat.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/25/2005 12:26 AM

That's when I discovered the new product, Whiskyoff, one spray on any object other then you and the Irish will be drawn to it. It contains a powerful smell of fine whisky.





I wonder who sprayed you with funnyoff?

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/25/2005 12:30 AM

You should know, they bottle it from your own sweat glands.

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,986 37
04/25/2005 12:31 AM

Many people suffer from occasional irritation of personal Big Irishness. That's when I discovered the new product, Whiskyoff, one spray on any object other then you and the Irish will be drawn to it. It contains a powerful smell of fine whisky.





hahahahahahahaha - because its funny when a person who is extremely humorless about his own ethnicity makes fun of someone else's ethnicity.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 12:32 AM

ahem

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 12:32 AM

Just because I love Irish beer.

#6 SUCKS COCK FOR PENNIES 203,956 21
04/25/2005 12:35 AM

SDRS's link just became so much funnier.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 12:37 AM

Heh, my acronym-ed name sounds like a disease. An awesome disease.

#1 Sucks 'em for Free that's why he's #1 27,937 12
04/25/2005 12:39 AM

What's that?

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,986 37
04/25/2005 12:41 AM

Just Frost each other, already!

jclast 1,443 8
04/25/2005 12:41 AM

Who's Free?

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 12:41 AM

I think this should definetly be physically fought out.



SR with a tomahawk and BIG with a broken bottle and a leprechaun.

#6 SUCKS COCK FOR PENNIES 203,956 21
04/25/2005 12:42 AM

Wow, you took someone else's joke, changed it a little and called it your own...just like your stand-up routine.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/25/2005 12:46 AM

Ha ha ha, someone has a sandy vagina...up to 48.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 12:48 AM

I'd just like to inform everyone that Filly is awesome.





That is all. Back to the SR hating.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
04/25/2005 12:50 AM

I hate the way everyone keeps saying they hate the people who hate everyone. This hate just builds up and travels around in circles, and then some how all ends up in the Middle East.





You think that's bad, imagine how Marc Marron hates it when another comedian uses one of his lines, and doesn't give him credit.

jclast 1,443 8
04/25/2005 12:50 AM

If BIG gets a leprechaun, shouldn't SR get one of those Poe spirit guide things? BIG's gonna whoop his ass, but at least that way it'd be a fair whoopin'.

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,986 37
04/25/2005 12:50 AM

What does that even mean? As an insult it doesn't even make sense.



Although maybe I should check my husband's penis for burn marks.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 12:51 AM

Nah.





He can dance all he wants, though

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,986 37
04/25/2005 12:53 AM

great, now I have the Safety Dance in my head.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/25/2005 12:53 AM

He can dance all he wants, though



So I should bring an umbrella?

Suicide Ranger : Coverd in Funnyoff 27,937 12
04/25/2005 12:54 AM

<action>sniffs underarm</action>



I kind of like it, it smells like Carrot Top's underwear.

Wonderus Breadulus 3,319 10
04/25/2005 12:54 AM

To hit him with.

Wonderus Breadulus 3,319 10
04/25/2005 12:56 AM

You sneaky indian! Well, I guess no point in worrying, since even with the right timing my post wasn't that funny.

millie 116,988 28
04/25/2005 12:59 AM

This thread pretty much sucks.

Loociam Straw - Under Metamorphosis 97,986 37
04/25/2005 01:01 AM

So, you're saying you hate it?

Suicide Ranger : Coverd in Funnyoff 27,937 12
04/25/2005 01:01 AM

Umbrella? Why not a Shaleleigh?

Robin® 14,626 10
04/25/2005 01:03 AM

Hate is such a strong word, I prefer the term loath or revulsion.

Suicide Ranger : Coverd in Funnyoff 27,937 12
04/25/2005 01:03 AM

I hate it when people who hate people, hate things that, cause people to hate this thread about hate. And further more I hate hate.

jclast 1,443 8
04/25/2005 01:06 AM

If you're not going to proofread your posts at least proofread your name.



Suicide Ranger : Coverd in Funnyoff

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/25/2005 01:06 AM

Umbrella? Why not a Shaleleigh?



Because when you start dancing the umbrella will at least keep me dry.





Oh, and its c-o-v-e-r-e-d

jclast 1,443 8
04/25/2005 01:07 AM

And in today's simul-post race, the maha soda can beats the spoon by an inch!

Suicide Ranger : Getting Blown by Irish and jclas 27,937 12
04/25/2005 01:10 AM

You guys are blowing me away with you wit. A little to the left jclast. Irsish not so hard when you come down.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 01:12 AM

What? No more firewater for you.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
04/25/2005 01:12 AM

SR, have you ever had a post without a typo?

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/25/2005 01:13 AM

oN..

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
04/25/2005 01:13 AM

Well...that was predictable.

jclast 1,443 8
04/25/2005 01:14 AM

My left? Stage left? Audience left? GAB left? What the hell kind of direction is this?



Bah, it's no wonder this show sucks.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
04/25/2005 01:14 AM

HA! I just won $5!

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
04/25/2005 01:20 AM

"Dont' you hate it when you take one of those..."

"Carrot peelers?"

"Yeah, and you stick it up your nose and twirl it around and then you take one of those...."

"Vick menthol inhalers?"

"Yeah, and you <SNIIIFFF>...."

"Yeah, I hate it when that happens."



-Billy Crystal and Chris Guest, SNL

Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
04/25/2005 05:25 AM

I saw a guy in Times Square over the weekend with a sign that said, "Ninjas killed my family and I need money for kung-fu lessons".



I instantly thought of Chi Chi, and what his involvement might have been.