How To Keep From Sporting a Woody In Class
A comedy article
by newwave  45,912  10
04/27/2005 01:46 PM 1268 views
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If you're like me, and I know I am, many a day will pass when you're sitting in class, thinking of boys getting hard or girls getting wet. Sometimes both. Well, this inevitably leads to popping a boner under the desk, which turns out to be humiliating when girls poke it with their pencils, or you're forced to go up to the blackboard and compute a sum and everyone sees your God damn tent erected. Fortunately, there are some easy ways to avoid this.
1. Don't wear excessively tight jeans.
That's right... now I'm not saying you should wear MC Hammer pants, because that'll just make it all that much more obvious when you've got a chubby. But the tighter the jeans, the more dick-friction is caused. Go for a loose fitting pair of khakis. When your mom asks why you need them, tell her it's so you can fit in with the yuppies at school, or that you want to look like Alex Keaton. Either way she'll be glad you finally quit wanting to wear your damned cowboy nut-hugger jeans, and she might even buy you a sodie pop.
2. Don't play with yourself at school.
This should be a given, but come on, people. The more you rub it, the bigger it gets. If you absolutely can't avoid it, try going to the bathroom first, big guy.
3. Quit thinking about hard boys/wet girls.
If you find your mind wandering to thoughts such as these, just put your mind somewhere else, like baseball, or frying bacon. (Unless of course you're turned on by baseball or frying bacon, in which case I advise you to jump out of the window now. You're doing it for humanity.)
4. Keep it out of the way.
If boners are a constant problem, rig up a rubber band device to tuck your willy downward. (Not too tight or you'll end up with an unpleasant surprise!)
Remember kids, no one wants to see your erection parading itself around class, so follow these simple tips. Because if I see another hardon in school, I'm afraid I just might snap and hit it with a frying pan dead-on.
Gerald FcGillicuddy, the King of Boner Comedy, is an "author", "speaker", and "trusted friend" of many. He was kicked out of Teenager High School for hanging out with stoners.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
64 votes
3.9
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0 votes
0.0
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Chi(Chi) + Felipe = Awesome 161,353  14
04/28/2005 06:25 PM
No, newwave was the first. You're second.
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0 votes
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PuggyD 48,304 12
04/28/2005 06:26 PM
"Because if I see another hardon in school..."
I think I need to transfer to wherever newwave goes.
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0 votes
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iam Straw - Ch-ch-ch-changing! 97,995 37
04/28/2005 06:26 PM
Now that I've read the article, isn't there an over 18 rule on Zug?
</obligatory>
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0 votes
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Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
04/28/2005 06:28 PM
Ha! I clicked just for the opening line.
"If you're like me, and I know I am..."
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0 votes
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PuggyD 48,304 12
04/28/2005 06:33 PM
"If you're like me... many a day... you're sitting in class, thinking of boys getting hard or girls getting wet."
Newwave's bi?
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SteamerLane 0 0
04/28/2005 06:34 PM
Who's Gerald?
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Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
04/28/2005 06:45 PM
Gerald FcGillicuddy, the King of Boner Comedy, is an "author", "speaker", and "trusted friend" of many. He was kicked out of Teenager High School for hanging out with stoners.
Any other dumb questions?
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Panda, now eating more zebras 181,783 70
04/28/2005 06:49 PM
(Not too tight or you'll end up with an unpleasant surprise!)
Unpleasnt?! It's going to grow. Hell, in one day alone it'll turn black!
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Pope Chickens the Fruitful 286,527 61
04/28/2005 06:55 PM
If they didn't want you sportin wood in class, they shouldn't have made those desks so low and the seats to high. You tuck under the desk, and John Thomas is touching the bottom of the desk. Which to a young male of classroom age is a uncontrolable wood inducer.
plus there is all that gum
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0 votes
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The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
04/28/2005 07:15 PM
I remember taking a weights training classback in highschool. (not cause I'm fat. Its for lifting weights. Jerk.) There was a kid in class that ended up gettin some wood.
He went for the turtle tuck manuever, in which he places his penis under the elastic waistband of his shorts.
He then went to do some bench presses. Still in the turtle tuck position, and while he was in the middle of lifting weights, his shirt moved up. Exposing his lil turtle head.
People laughed, but what could he do? He finished his set.
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Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
04/28/2005 07:28 PM
Newwave, you are a sexy weirdo. Great article.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Ditdah did Hat 123,110 14
04/28/2005 08:28 PM
"How To Keep From Sporting a Woody In Class"
Be a girl.
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0 votes
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newwave 45,912 10
04/28/2005 09:29 PM
Sure, take the easy way out.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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supergrover 4,517 9
04/28/2005 11:26 PM
I'm always disappointed by article threads because I can't clickie anyone...
Anyhow, in my I think 8th grade class I had this boy who sat across the row from me, and during work time he'd lean over and go, "psss, Sarah. Don't you just hate it when you get a boner?" or "Hey, I've got another one coming. Wanna smell it?"
Haha. That last one was because he used to fart all the time too. But I know at least some of you grimaced at the image it caused. Ahh, I rule.
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Virnomine 79,386 11
04/28/2005 11:31 PM
Obviously you didn't watch south park last week, you need to stick your penis in a woman, that will stop you from getting an erection.
Nutgobbler can help you out...
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0 votes
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Nathyn 0 0
09/18/2005 02:46 AM
This happened a long time ago didn't it.
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Nathyn 0 0
09/18/2005 02:46 AM
Yes,
It did.
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newwave 45,912 10
01/03/2006 10:50 PM
Oh, Gerald FcGillicuddy, you're the boneriest!
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nathyn: backatcha 0 0
01/08/2006 08:21 AM
whenever I get a boner in class I shove it in the nearest girls face. Hopefully she doesn't bite it off, and I get enough time to squeak one out...
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