Bob Saget look-alike seeks Full Heart
A comedy article
by scotttaylor  2,872  9
04/29/2005 11:03 PM 322 views
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 How would a man who looked like Bob Saget at the age of 26 find love? The only man who knows, Bob Saget himself, refuses to return my phone calls. How, then, would I come up with an answer that has perplexed mankind for several hours? I decided I'd put a personal ad on craigslist. Would there be love for Saget? Or would he be told to cut it out? I was about to find out...
Hey ladies,
I look exactly like Bob Saget did at the age of 26. Although looking like Danny Tanner has brought me a modicum of fame in the Seattle area and gotten me several part time jobs waving at car openings, this freakish genetic coincidence has closed as many doors as it has opened. One time when I was making love with a woman I met at Sears she screamed, "Spank me, Danny! Clean me!" When I didn't do as instructed she left unfulfilled. I have not been back to that Sears since.
Since I look exactly like Bob Saget did at the age of 26 it's important that I keep my guard up. I have decided to write this personal ad so I can be honest and open about my situation before we meet. I have been used by women for their own sick Danny Tanner related purposes and molested in public by strangers with no explanation at all. I want true love, the kind of passion that Danny felt for his deceased wife Pam before she was run over by a drunk driver. I didn't see that potential for romance in the unnamed woman who attempted to give me a hand job under a booth at Linda's on Capital Hill last weekend, but perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough. It's also possible she was a man.
I have many interests besides Bob Saget, although I rarely have a chance to explore them. I went to school for several years trying to find my way, but I was always brought crashing down to reality by constant questions and chatter about Bob Saget and my resemblance to him. No one ever wants to talk to me about anything else. As such, I have become something of an expert about Bob Saget. I know everything about him. If you choose to go out with me be prepared to talk Saget. This is not something I wanted to happen to me, in fact it's something I've been actively fighting since Full House hit the air in 1987, but society has made me what I am and I have no choice but to play my part.
Are you woman enough to see past the face of Bob Saget? Are you willing to make love to a man with the exact appearance of the one who narrated and hosted America's Funniest Home Videos for nearly thirty-seven years? Do you not have the urge to ask someone with my face what the Olsen twins are like because you realize that I'm not actually Saget but just someone who has been cursed by Satan to walk upon the earth with the visage of a man who sold his soul to T.G.I.F.?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions, please contact me immediately. I am more than meets the eye. Let me transform your perception of what you think of when you see Danny Tanner in your dreams, caressing you, tugging your nightie, rocking you to sleep, because I know that you do. I know it.
Everywhere you look, there's a face...of somebody who needs you.
The responses came in immediately. A sampling:
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Your post is so funny, i had to write. Do you really look like bob saget, or were u just being funny? I'd love to see a real picture of you. :)
K
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Dear Bob Saget look-alike,
Your post is the funniest thing I have read in months. Is this for real? My name's Vanessa, I'm not a wierdo, and I want to meet you. What do you say?
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subj: thank you
You're too cool. Thanks for the awesome post. I wish I were in Seattle to meet you but I live in San Francisco, where the Tanner Family resides. I'm so impressed with a lot of the Seattle ads. They're surprisingly more creative than the ones I read under the SF site which are so incredibly uninteresting...god. Anyway, Have a good one!
peace,
Isabelle
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I loved your posting, do you have an age limit? I'm 33, 5'6" with long blonde hair and blue eyes. Let me know if you're interested.
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I cannot believe that there is someone who looks like the BOB and he is not in my life. The wonders of that show and all that man has done for humanity... and to look like him. what an honor it must be to look in the mirror every morning of your life!!
Unfortunately, I do not look like DJ, stephanie, Uncle Jesse, or the Olsen twins... (which i am sure means you are deleting my email right about now). I am actually a middle school teacher (sometime we will need to talk about middle school kids of today an how they feel they have discovered "full House" on the ABC family channel. Am I really that old???) I have auburn hair blue eyes and have been know to be a bit fiesty. i am a teacher who dances on tabletops, sits courtside at sonics games, and has been known to stay up late watching... you guessed it.... tv reruns.
Hope to hear from you. Or atleast get a picture. can anyone be as hot as BOB?
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hi 32 divorced dad with 2 kids lean musc athletic very nice looking nice guy looking for another str8 guy to patch porn and jo with hit me back if this interests you ....pic available and good luck with your search
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Long ago I had a friend who looked just like Bob Saget at age 26. And everyday at 4:00, I would call his house, urging him to "Quick, turn on channel 11". Every day, same time, and he always fell for it.
Jess, if this is you, I'm still telling this dumb story. Take heart young Saget look alike, for there are others and the truth is, Saget is hot.
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Your post is handsdown the best post I've read on craigslist. Not that you're interested in having your post rated. Bob Saget aside, I think the German would give you at least a 9.5.
And aside from your curse, you sound absolutely delightful. It's too bad that some women can't get beyond the Bob Saget in you. And, I'm glad you've embraced your Bob.
I bet you're a hoot. When I was younger - I'm 32 on Friday - people were always telling me I looked exactly like Tempest Bledsoe (the middle child on the Cosby Show). Had I been wise, I would have embraced the Huxtable child in me. I would have claimed her as my own.
But, I have since grown out of middle (and not very memorable) Huxtable child character into Whoopie Goldberg.
Except that I still have my eyebrows and I don't go in for calling everyone "honey" and "child." And, as I write this I'm trying to visualize the romantic possiblities between Bob and Whoopie. It would certainly be an interesting sight.
But, I'll bet the laughs are fantastic.
Cheers!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
94 votes
5.0
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16 Comments on "Bob Saget look-alike seeks Full Heart"
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Captain Dan's Sea Legs 44,452  11
04/30/2005 03:17 PM
Scott, if you were a pokemon, I would choose you, because it would be pretty neat to have a Bob Saget pokemon.
Great article.
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DemoMonkey, Gracious in Defeat. 166,252 10
04/30/2005 04:38 PM
Those responses were, for the most part, surprisingly pleasant.
Could there actually be NICE people on the internet?
This bears monitoring.
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Virnomine 79,386 11
04/30/2005 04:42 PM
So did you message back the guy that wants to jerk off with you?
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Mr.Glass 25,340 11
04/30/2005 05:08 PM
No, not yet.
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millie 116,988 28
04/30/2005 08:40 PM
I think you should pick the one who looks like Vanessa.
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Mount Up on the Wings of Chickens 286,527 61
05/04/2005 05:38 AM
Go for Whoopie. she's right, a bob saget/whoopie pile on would be the funniest thing to ever hit the net.
And what is "patch porn"? The guy is into some sick cabbage patch doll fetish?
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Bothered 167 8
05/04/2005 11:15 AM
Bob probably didn't get much love at 26. However, from the looks of the replies you've already received, there just might be hope for somebody who looks like him. I would have made sure to add something like "does not possess the same awful sense of humor" to the ad. At any rate, funny stuff.
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TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/04/2005 02:50 PM
SHUT.UP.
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scotttaylor 2,872 9
05/04/2005 02:59 PM
A real picture of me would look more like Powder; I don't actually look like Saget.
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I Am Straw 97,995 37
05/04/2005 04:40 PM
I saw Bob do a stand up routine at the Improv. He did this bit where he talked about his wife wanted him to shave his pubes. He was horrified to learn that after shaving, it grows back in uncontrollably. He demonstrated this by quickly pulling his microphone cord through his crotch.
I'm scarred for life.
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Bothered 167 8
05/04/2005 05:35 PM
I'd sue Bob for some couch time, Straw. That's just not funny. Not funny at all.
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Lamburger 33,017 9
05/04/2005 07:17 PM
i am a teacher who dances on tabletops
Jane! Anything you want to tell us?
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fruitCake 14 8
05/06/2005 07:50 PM
Ahh, Craigslist. What a stellar choice for someone who wants to get a good, honest poll, that represents the average joe. Yes, my mother frequently chats about coffee and gardening on Craigslist.
NOT.
If you want THE largest collection of wierd,ugly, and generally twisted people in the known universe, Craigslist is the place to go.
Good job and, as always, i must change my underwear after reading your absolutely hilarious article.
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Livewire the Kelly Girl 78,229 13
10/14/2005 04:19 PM
Hi Mary-Kate. Hey, look, I have some food here, why not help yourself?
Quick, everyone, GRAB HER! GET THIS BURGER DOWN HER THROAT!
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