Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 04:16 PM

Semen.

Mount Up on the Wings of Chickens 286,527 61
05/04/2005 04:16 PM

For mother's day: Fetus puree.

gorckat: GAB Emperor 41,132 13
05/04/2005 04:16 PM

Wonder how somebody so clueless managed to pick such a descriptive login...

Phuc 237,919 21
05/04/2005 04:18 PM

Lynndie England's menstrual flow.

TableTopJane framed Roger Rabbit 173,958 15
05/04/2005 04:18 PM

For Valentines-



The broken hearts of young Texas women who aren't good enough to date or marry because they have kids and the men in their lives don't want to be with a mother.













I'm still not bitter!

TableTopJane framed Roger Rabbit 173,958 15
05/04/2005 04:19 PM

I'm as emotionally empty as a 14 year old rape victim.











Actually, I'm not. I just really like that phrase. I'm using it here so I can work up the nerve to use it in real life.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
05/04/2005 04:19 PM

Smegma.

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 04:20 PM

Why would you want to date a Texas man anyway?

gorckat: GAB Emperor 41,132 13
05/04/2005 04:22 PM

Why would you want to date a Texas man anyway?



Presumably, everything's bigger, including the alimony.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
05/04/2005 04:24 PM

Let a few hundred pounds of these set out in the sun.



That ought to get pretty sticky.





gross, maybe, but SFW.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 04:25 PM

Lynndie England's menstrual flow.



Combined with TTJ's broken heart, that could be a Texas special.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/04/2005 04:26 PM

Why don't you just spew some of the bullShakespeare from your post into a giant tub, and let them wrestle in that?

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 04:31 PM

For mother's day: Fetus puree.



I like your thinking.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
05/04/2005 04:37 PM

I won't divulge how your score ranked among other site's.



But I'm SURE the numbers will be on the front page of the next print of NEWSWEEK! They can't afford NOT to print a story this Frost-ing interes...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 04:38 PM

Why don't you just spew some of the bullShakespeare from your post into a giant tub, and let them wrestle in that?



Please keep in mind that by definition this is a comedy site, not a weekly session with your anger managent shrink.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/04/2005 04:40 PM

Learn to spell and then talk Shakespeare.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
05/04/2005 04:40 PM

that by definition this is a comedy site,



Well that's what we TELL people anyways...



But I would like to think of it as more of a online party where we go to bludgeon each other over the head with silly little ideas...

supergrover 4,517 9
05/04/2005 04:42 PM

I didn't think its was that difficult to answer with a bit of humor, but it wasn't the first time I've been proven wrong. In order to save you the embarrassment, I won't divulge how your score ranked among other site's. Let's just say, 'Needs Improvement.'





Don't diShakespeare out if you can't take it. Now shhhh. The gabbers are talking.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 04:42 PM

Please keep in mind that by definition this is a comedy site, not a weekly session with your anger managent shrink.



Just the other day I went into the bank to open a new account, Once the paperwork was signed, I tossed $20 into the account, then proceeded to fill the bankers in on the best way to do what they do, You know, Being a stupid n00b Frostwad and all.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 04:48 PM

Well that's what we TELL people anyways...



But I would like to think of it as more of a online party where we go to bludgeon each other over the head with silly little ideas...



That is my worst fear for this site. Sad.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/04/2005 04:49 PM

Don't you have an imaginary wrestling match to plan?

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,426 10
05/04/2005 04:52 PM

That is my worst fear for this site. Sad.



Hmmm... It could be worse.

You could have a friend post your personal telephone number on a thread so we can all say happy birthday to (and ask you out) at all hours of the night...

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 04:55 PM

Don't you have an imaginary wrestling match to plan?



Imagine this

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 04:56 PM

Interesting, I imagined this.

Zippies Drainage 2,735 9
05/04/2005 05:00 PM

Have both women be blind, I would love to see some missed clothslines and missed jumps on downed opponents because they cant acctually see each other

gorckat: GAB Emperor 41,132 13
05/04/2005 05:04 PM

My worst fear for GAB is that someday we'll be found by all the non-typing titty rapers out there and then we'll be flooded with booby pics...



Actually, that doesn't sound so bad.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:07 PM

Have both women be blind, I would love to see some missed clothslines and missed jumps on downed opponents because they cant acctually see each other



I have it on good authority that the crap in the 'ring' is pretty blinding on its own. I've been the victim of some 'not-so-well-aimed' sticky stuff.



Perhaps some other handicap? There may be a special class for some of the 'Mental Midgets' that have made some really pathetic posts.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 05:09 PM

I've been the victim of some 'not-so-well-aimed' sticky stuff.



QTA or SUYT?!

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:14 PM

QTA or SUYT?!



TYCO.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/04/2005 05:15 PM

Sometimes when I type a post I like to pretend I am Stevie Wonder and I sway back and forth.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:18 PM

Sometimes when I type a post I like to pretend I am Stevie Wonder and I sway back and forth.



But isn't he dead? Or am I confusing him with Jose Feliciano?

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 05:24 PM

Can we make a thread that states we know we aren't funny, no need to keep telling us? Seems every couple of weeks someone feels the need to come here and say how not funny we are and how much we suck, like it's some new revelation to us. Thanks for the newsflash, now go study this, should keep you busy.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:31 PM

Can we make a thread that states we know we aren't funny, no need to keep telling us?



I'm sure you can do anything you want.



My intent was not to criticise. I have the utmost respect for Hargrave and many other posters here. The rest, ehhh...not so much. But they probably already know who they are.

gorckat: GAB Emperor 41,132 13
05/04/2005 05:33 PM

<action>feels a warm breeze</action>



Was that a 'burn' directed at me and my homies (I'd like to give a shout out to SR, Queen Lioness and Stanky Chafe), or did you fart?

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:36 PM

Was that a 'burn' directed at me and my homies (I'd like to give a shout out to SR, Queen Lioness and Stanky Chafe), or did you fart?



I don't think the phrase, 'He who smelt it dealt it" has ever been more appropriate.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/04/2005 05:36 PM

What would the world be like if we were all homeschooled?

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:41 PM

What would the world be like if we were all homeschooled?



Answered above in, "Was that a 'burn' directed at me and my homies (I'd like to give a shout out to SR, Queen Lioness and Stanky Chafe), or did you fart?"

gorckat: GAB Emperor 41,132 13
05/04/2005 05:45 PM

clueless- can't you appreciate the irony of me 'defending' those other three? SR is often reviled, Queen Lioness despised and stanky chafe lasted 24 hours...I am admitting that I suck.



And to appease your rather tony humour sensibilities, if you whacked my head like a pinata, Jimmy Hoffa would pop out.



And make'em wrestle in used fast food grease.

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 05:45 PM

Good god clueless, you're not even interesting enough to try and bash. Go read that suck your own dick article and give it a go will you?



Oh and to save you the time, I'll quote myself again and add a witty retort:



Good god clueless, you're not even interesting enough to try and bash. Go read that suck your own dick article and give it a go will you?



I know you are but what am I?

gorckat: Captain of the USS Obvious 41,132 13
05/04/2005 05:48 PM

Oh- here clueless, you can have my Emperor helmet hat- the strap is too tight.

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 05:50 PM

The Emperor wore a robe stupid, Vader wore the helmet.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 05:51 PM

<action> feels violated in some way or another </action>

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 05:51 PM

Speaking of that, was the Emperor naked under there? All that talk of the Dark Side, you know the Sith are into some kinky Shakespeare.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 05:53 PM

And to appease your rather tony humour sensibilities, if you whacked my head like a pinata, Jimmy Hoffa would pop out.



And make'em wrestle in used fast food grease.



There ya go....sheesh. That would have been so much easier the first time. My friend Tony is quite ironic too, btw.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 06:12 PM

Good god clueless, you're not even interesting enough to try and bash. Go read that suck your own dick article and give it a go will you?



Some people here are funny enough to actually answer the question. Others just decide to whine. To those, where would you like your cheese tray delivered?

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 06:26 PM

You seem to have mistaken myself and my fellow GABbers as a group of people who give a Shakespeare about what you ask. We're not here to answer questions about something for one another, like other forums.



"Can anyone let me know which is funnier, Fake puke or Aeresol poop?"



"You are a stupid piece of Shakespeare and I hope your grandfather gets rape-mauled by a great dane!"





So please, Either embrace our way of day to day life here, or else leave, Because saying that we're not funny isn't exactly contributing yourself.





So really, Who is doing the whining?

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 06:39 PM

So please, Either embrace our way of day to day life here, or else leave, Because saying that we're not funny isn't exactly contributing yourself.



Well, since you're in charge boss, you might want to change the following since it obviously is no longer appropriate:



4.Thou shalt welcome diversity: new users, new points of view.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 06:44 PM

New users, Yes. When they lurk and read other OLD threads, and get a feel for how life around GAB is.



You did not do this, You came headlong into it, Started your own thread and pretty much tried to Shakespeare on us because you didn't find it as funny as you'd thought.









I walked into Petsmart the other day, I expected 30 different animals running amok like you would see in a commercial. Upon seeing nothing of the sort, I was set aback.



So of course, I freed all the animals from their cages in the back. Wouldn't ya know it, It didn't go over to well with the staff.

cajun_brit 47 8
05/04/2005 06:45 PM

Why are we all so angry? Can't we just get along? Maybe we can go out for tea or something

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 06:48 PM

Excuse me petshop boy, but exacctly WHAT part of 'diversity: new users, new points of view.' do you not understand?

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
05/04/2005 06:55 PM

Here we go again.



Like I said, You don't come here often, You wouldn't know.



The general rule of the community is: If you're a stupid n00b, read a bunch of threads first, just read them, laugh at whatever is funny, distribute clickies, and then start off posting, once you're desensitized to the comedic styles of our regulars.



Nothing I hate more than seeing a stupid Frost-ing new user who starts flappin their gums about this or that, then you click on their profile, they have a 2-digit number for their Clickies Given.



Who the Frost are you to pass judgement?

91,274 10
05/04/2005 06:57 PM

I've never told a joke before in my life, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Bothered 167 8
05/04/2005 06:59 PM

I'm so glad that I didn't post on this conversation, my feelings get hurt easily.







OH CRAP!

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 07:05 PM

Who the Frost are you to pass judgement?



If my opinion is considered 'passing judgement'...gawd help yas.



I did lurk. Is there a time limit specified someplace that I missed?



I 'get' the concept, I simply offer a little diversity and diferent point of few.



I YOU are in charge here and changing the rules...lemme know..mmmmkay?

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 07:09 PM

sttoopid KB. That last sentence should start out, 'If you', not, 'I YOU'. Someone gimme a maha will ya?

Filly Harlot 39,193 20
05/04/2005 07:27 PM

What makes you think you need to ask for them?

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 07:32 PM

What makes you think you need to ask for them?



Based on my extensive lurking and maha analysis theories, I'm under budget this year on mahas as a funcction of my n00biePosts/GoodClickies. At least according to the 'general' rules.

Filly Harlot 39,193 20
05/04/2005 07:34 PM

Based on my extensive lurking and maha analysis theories



You clicked on tubgirl.

ringworm 68,315 13
05/04/2005 07:36 PM

young Texas women who aren't good enough to date or marry because they have kids



you could have cut the phrase off at "young texas women." the rest would be implied.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 07:37 PM

You clicked on tubgirl.



Perhaps, just clicked on you too babe.



Deal with it.

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 07:45 PM

Clueless, are you a girl or a guy? I'd say either way you need a dick in your mouth to shut you up. You're as boring as a NHL hockey game this season. I'd rather pull my pubic hairs out one by one than read your posts. For christ's sake, quit spouting rules and opinions and try and contribute. Or at least spout rules and opinions in a funny way. You're about as funny as skin cancer. At least SR is as funny as colon cancer.

DemoMonkey, Gracious in Defeat. 166,252 10
05/04/2005 07:46 PM

Oh come on. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference how long someone lurks. As soon as they start posting, regardless of whether their post is funny or not, they'll get abuse dumped on them in the guise of "toughening them up". All it is is petty mean spiritedness masquerading as humour, and lurking more will not avoid this.



Lets be honest to ourselves, at least.

ringworm 68,315 13
05/04/2005 07:49 PM

shut the Frost up, newb.

Virnomine 79,386 11
05/04/2005 07:50 PM

Not true, plenty have made it through unhazed. Aimless did, ditdah did, I'm pretty sure people like chi, bobjohnson, and you demo made it through just fine.



Back in the original days when people like Onion and Squeamish posted here they were 10 times rougher on new people invading than we are now. Hell, it's a welcoming comittee now.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/04/2005 07:51 PM

I 'get' the concept,



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAhno seriously STFU and go away.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 08:02 PM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAhno seriously STFU and go away.



Now THAT was really funny!



*just hoping the rest of ya can keep up.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 08:30 PM

Oh come on. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference how long someone lurks. As soon as they start posting, regardless of whether their post is funny or not, they'll get abuse dumped on them in the guise of "toughening them up". All it is is petty mean spiritedness masquerading as humour, and lurking more will not avoid this.



Lets be honest to ourselves, at least.



Since when did 'rational' enter into this? Are you sure you're on the right thread?

DemoMonkey, Gracious in Defeat. 166,252 10
05/04/2005 08:52 PM

I am the Yin to Gabs Yang. Where they are darkness and despair, I am light and hope. I am the harbour in the storm of despair, the healer in the hail of blades, the mirror through which a better world can be glimpsed.



I am become Nice, the preserver of worlds.







...

So don't Frost with me.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 09:03 PM

So don't Frost with me.



Its not my style to Frost with Bram or anyone else that sucks blood, thank you very much.



I'l; stick to windmills.



Sincerely,

Don Quixote

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/04/2005 09:05 PM

What the Frost is happening in here?!

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/04/2005 09:06 PM

I agree whith that statement SDRS.



Man that hurts to say... I mean feels good I LIKE IT YEAH!

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/04/2005 09:08 PM

I think SR pants just got a little tighter...



eww...

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/04/2005 09:09 PM

Hey! Give me back my 's!

Doogler 807 9
05/04/2005 09:12 PM

(Not the first time I've used this and it won't be the last)





I bet it echoes!



This...this..this..... Post....post...post... Sucked...sucked..sucked



And it did...Imagine that

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 09:18 PM

(Not the first time I've used this and it won't be the last)



Awwwwww....UR jst sucha QT *pinches cheeks* u say that aboit all my threads.



Now ya'll cum back, yahear!

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
05/04/2005 09:24 PM

Look, Clueless, you seem to think we dislike you because you're new. It is true that we give new people a hard time. It helps root out the weak, breaks them in, and is all around pretty fun.



In your case, however, we just don't like you. You aren't funny, and you insult our intelligence. We didn't answer the questions in your dumbass threads because we think its a stupid and boring idea! It isn't because we can't think of anything, it's because we don't want to play your dumbass games. We do welcome diversity and new points of view, but we don't put up with morons. That would be like a retarded kid going to Harvard because of affirmative action. We're talking diversity of opinions and ideas, not a diversity of IQ points.



Like so many before, you blame the system and the majority rather than just realizing that you suck, plain and simple. If you post dumb stuff, we're going to insult you. That's life. Deal with it and quit assuming it's our problem.

Pubah, The Incurable 56,805 18
05/04/2005 09:28 PM

a runaway bride...



Pubah too late?



Pubah go now...

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 09:34 PM

That's life. Deal with it and quit assuming it's our problem.



I aspire to your wisdom.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/04/2005 09:36 PM

Keep it up clueless you're making me look GOOD!

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 09:38 PM

Keep it up clueless you're making me look GOOD!



Ya still owe me $20 from the last time.

Hammerhead is in mourning. 59,399 14
05/04/2005 09:38 PM

Hat, if you're going to post links, please post them right.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/04/2005 09:41 PM

Look I told you I wasn't going to give you back change for that Fifty. Just get over it, I let you screw my cat, the extra twenty covers the cleaning I had to do when you Shakespeare yourself when she bit down on your sack.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 09:56 PM

I let you screw my cat, the extra twenty covers the cleaning I had to do when you Shakespeare yourself when she bit down on your sack.



OK.

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
05/04/2005 09:59 PM

You n00bs need to have a daughter who's already been on GAB for a while. It helps when it comes time for these people to decide if they're going to accept you or not.



God bless Jane and her tit-showing ways. They made it easier for me to find a place here on GAB.

Filly Harlot 39,193 20
05/04/2005 10:00 PM

God bless Jane and her tit-showing ways.



I think everyone here would've felt better if it hadn't been you to mention that, Sy.

Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
05/04/2005 10:02 PM

Hell, I can't even look at the tit page. I know my daughter's in there, and I'm not going to take the chance that I'll see them.





Emails in my profile, if any female GABbers feel like taking pity and just mailing them to me directly.

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 10:03 PM

It helps when it comes time for these people to decide if they're going to accept you or not.



Have 'those' people call my people and they can do lunch.

Doogler 807 9
05/04/2005 10:15 PM

'Nuff said

clueless 115 8
05/04/2005 11:33 PM

'Nuff said...



...is about as incoherent a reply as one can give.



Do you speak english? If not, I'm multilingual.

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/05/2005 06:32 AM

Would <a href="http//www.tubgirl.com">THIS </a> be sticky enough for you?

Doogler 807 9
05/05/2005 06:34 AM

Hey, Everybody come look at the non-html using guy for only a quarter!!!!

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/05/2005 06:35 AM

DAMMIT!



Would THIS be sticky enough for you?

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/05/2005 06:36 AM

Nine times out of ten it works fine. It's usually that ONE that gets to me.

Vainglorious Snork 45,655 12
05/05/2005 07:15 AM

The real reason no one is answering your question: look at the second post.



Sure, the answer might be obviously simple, boring even, but unless you're a programmer, that's the way it should be. All the best things in life are simple; the wheel, pudding, stuff.

clueless 115 8
05/05/2005 12:19 PM

Nine times out of ten it works fine. It's usually that ONE that gets to me.



If you and doogler don't start making some sense soon (ie. speak intelligible english, or even another language is OK with me) then I'm gonna have to start another thread.