newwave 45,912 10
05/18/2005 01:43 AM

I lost my penis in a freak accident at the bordello, and came home with a VD.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/18/2005 01:44 AM

In fact, maybe me and Demomonkey should be exempt and just judge. Just to make it fair.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/18/2005 01:45 AM

I envy Demo's icon.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 01:45 AM

The last girl I truely loved died in a car accident and I have been a heartless alcoholic ever since.

gorckat 41,132 13
05/18/2005 01:46 AM

I'm gorckat.

gorckat 41,132 13
05/18/2005 01:48 AM

Holy Shakespeare those were some fast clickies!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 01:48 AM

I once clicked a gorckat post and a SR post, on the same day.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/18/2005 01:48 AM

Dammit, Gork, you actually made me chortle.





So that's my entry, then.

gorckat 41,132 13
05/18/2005 01:49 AM

1) I envy SR.



2) I'm out of alcohol.



3) I really am gorckat.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/18/2005 01:49 AM

Alright, Big, this means we have to fight to the death now.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 01:49 AM

You win, I get to YIM with filly.

I Am Straw 97,995 37
05/18/2005 01:50 AM

In less than a week I will be driving halfway across the country with my best friend and our two children under the age of 3.

McRib, Calvinball superstar 13,155 9
05/18/2005 01:51 AM

I love every show on the WB network.

Erotic Filly Nipple Kake 39,193 20
05/18/2005 01:51 AM

You win, I get to YIM with filly.



SMITE! SMITE-AGE! LOTS OF SMOKING DEATH! I'm gonna kill you, bucko!

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/18/2005 01:53 AM

I have to write a 10 page paper.. and Idonwanna.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/18/2005 01:53 AM

I will lose my virginity when I am 28 years old. I finally decide I have to know, so I get a motel room and call a hustler. When he arrives he is older than me and average looking, and he's pretty visibly disgusted by me. It hurts, and I don't enjoy it. He only lasts 8 minutes. The condom breaks and I get AIDS.

Humphrey© 51,764 12
05/18/2005 01:56 AM

I'm an accountant.



I have a 3 year old son who that is currently inventing the 'terrible threes'.



I have a 6 month old son that apparently does not require sleep.



My only pleasures are drinking and fishing.



My wife made me sell our boat as she is not working and we need the money to visit her family in England.



My wife nags me about my drinking.



Shall I continue?

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/18/2005 01:57 AM

You're married and you've had sex at least twice. Also, your wife is leaving the country soon. You lose.

Erotic Filly Nipple Kake 39,193 20
05/18/2005 01:57 AM

My only pleasures are drinking and fishing.



I read that as "fisting."

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 01:59 AM

superturkey, nli



5/18/2005 12:55 am [2FWdvarTa3KaoxpitoxJVw]





I am back!













Miracles wins.

I Am Straw 97,995 37
05/18/2005 02:00 AM

My wife made me sell our boat as she is not working and we need the money to visit her family in England.



England and Australia are both islands. Just use the boat to get from one to the other. Simple.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 02:04 AM

I know a horrible secret about filly.

Erotic Filly Nipple Kake 39,193 20
05/18/2005 02:05 AM

BIG knows a horrible secret about me.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/18/2005 02:07 AM

That's not depressing! It's probably a hot dirty secret.



Unless Filly's a dude...



That would be even hotter depressing.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 02:07 AM

BIG knows a horrible secret about me.



And I have pictures...

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
05/18/2005 02:08 AM

I have no friends. My parents are threatening to send me to a different college if I don't bring up my grades. I'm 19 and have never been in a relationship. I'm horrible at chemistry but am required to take two years of it in college. My body is obese and riddled with stress marks. My roommate actually paid a girl to kiss me (it was for a fund raiser) last year and I still haven't recieved it. I sometimes wonder if I have a personality disorder since I have no desire for human contact. I have almost no sex drive. I rarely dream, and when I do it's always about escaping from something. I frequently fantasize about either dropping everything and leaving, or of killing people with my bare hands.

Erotic Filly Nipple Kake 39,193 20
05/18/2005 02:08 AM

<action>cackles gleefully</action>So do I.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/18/2005 02:09 AM

Yeah, but looking like Ponch makes up for it all.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 02:10 AM

BIG knows a horrible secret about me.



And I have pictures...



Did you ever wonder why my picture isn't in the photo album?



And filly is WAY too good looking to be a real GABber?

Erotic Filly Nipple Kake 39,193 20
05/18/2005 02:11 AM

<action>looks at pictures. Laughs.<action> You people are freaking deluded. Especially BIG over there.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
05/18/2005 02:12 AM

So do I.



I'm hoping Filly's refering to BIG's comment on pictures and not my comment on killing people.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 02:12 AM

<action> is better at action tags then SOMEONE</action>

Erotic Filly Nipple Kake 39,193 20
05/18/2005 02:14 AM

Dammit. I'm tired, all right? And no, Briham, the cackling was directed at BIG.

lycos 291 8
05/18/2005 02:15 AM

Question for "old timers"



When was the last time that Gab was funny?



(Those who answer "before you posted" will be frowned upon for lack of creativity)

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 02:16 AM

Before I posted.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
05/18/2005 02:17 AM

Probably a day I was posting a lot.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/18/2005 02:21 AM

I win

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/18/2005 02:23 AM

Robin wins.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
05/18/2005 02:23 AM

I'm kinda fat, kinda bald, and really hairy.



But I'm still pretty cool, so I'm ok with it. And I like myself quite a bit.



You all should seek counseling.

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/18/2005 02:34 AM

Wait, I'm sorry I don't win, my mother does.

jlfjr 896 9
05/18/2005 03:12 AM

I was dumped about six months ago with an email. The girl who dumped me still to this day posts mean things about me on another message board. Aparently when I am cold my dick resembles a vienna sausage and my ass needs its own zip code. Well I can atleast dispute the first part of that

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/18/2005 03:38 AM

GAB is down again.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/18/2005 06:49 AM

a. extremely low reading on barometer

b. jimmy buffet cd

c. pitcher of frozen margaritas

d. no blow job

e. plastic palm tree



IM A TROPICAL DEPRESSION!







ba dump bump





okay I got nuthin

DemoMonkey, Vaultmaster. 166,252 10
05/18/2005 08:47 AM

I read this entire thread.



Then refreshed to see if any more had been added while I was reading.

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub 57,521 23
05/18/2005 09:06 AM

<action>walks into thread, realises he's entered emo-world and back out quietly so that no-ones cries from a sudden noise.</action>

HighSoci 30,109 18
05/18/2005 09:22 AM

After reading all the posts, I vote Briham "most likely to climb a clock tower at high noon with an assault rifle."

Erotic Kake 55,555 14
05/18/2005 09:32 AM

I think about suicide letters sometimes. I have two options:



Either I'll simply write "Sorry, I just never really got the HANG of it." or, if I wanted to go the song lyrics way, I'd quote They Might be Giants:"It's either I'm dead, and haven't done anything that I want, or I'm still alive, and there's nothing I want to do."

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
05/18/2005 11:47 AM

After reading all the posts, I vote Briham "most likely to climb a clock tower at high noon with an assault rifle."



Not anymore because I just saved a bunch on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Chi Chi Felipe: Operating Thetan 161,353 14
05/18/2005 12:13 PM

I clicked Chickens, because listening to Jimmy Buffet makes me want to kill myself.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
05/18/2005 12:30 PM

Well, my husband loves me, my boyfriend loves me, I've been flirting with this hot new guy, and I have green raccoon titties. So, yeah, my life's pretty damn good right now.

Sharribarri 14,124 11
05/18/2005 12:32 PM

Feline AIDS in the number one killer of domestic cats.



waaaaaa waaaaa



<debbie downer>

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/18/2005 12:38 PM

Rikki tikki tembo no sai rembo Sharri Barri ru cheep pip perri pembo has fallen down the well.

PuggyD 48,304 12
05/18/2005 12:40 PM

Dammit, I was close. I got it mixed up with Rikki Tikki Tavi.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
05/18/2005 12:48 PM

I doubt that there is anything that has depressed more people than this.



>*<

Graven Image of Snork 45,655 12
05/18/2005 12:51 PM

It's a good thing I'm so awesome.

fiancé Lila 78,555 13
05/18/2005 12:51 PM

"I've been talking to the Main Computer...



...it hates me."

fiancé Lila 78,555 13
05/18/2005 12:53 PM

"Here I am with a brain the size of a planet and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper. Call that job satisfaction? I don't."

Zippies Drainage 2,735 9
05/18/2005 01:26 PM

Growing up, even my imaginary friend didn't want to play with me. He played with the cool kids acrosss the street and sold them my toys to buy smack.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
05/18/2005 01:31 PM

Ok, it's official. I'm never going to have sex again. I read Lila's posts, and I know exactly what she is talking about.

DemoMonkey, Vaultmaster. 166,252 10
05/18/2005 01:38 PM

"again"?

fiancé Lila 78,555 13
05/18/2005 01:40 PM

Try as you might, none of you will EVER trump Marvin.

And if you think you can I will have to say good day to you.



I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!

larkknot 3,359 10
05/18/2005 02:11 PM

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, migraines, scoliosis, and osteoarthritis. So basically my back, head, and brain hurt all the time. And I'm 20. And people wonder why I'm bitchy.

fiancé Lila 78,555 13
05/18/2005 02:14 PM

Trust me, we didn't have to know all that to wonder.

larkknot 3,359 10
05/18/2005 02:45 PM

Hi Pot.

The Reverend Oliver Chest 203,475 12
05/18/2005 02:47 PM

Who's got pot?

gorckat: Captain of the USS Obvious 41,132 13
05/18/2005 02:52 PM

Who's got pot?



He does

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/18/2005 03:05 PM

I don't have the Poe, so I don't make the rules.



:(

Erotic Kake 55,555 14
05/18/2005 03:07 PM

Hey, Larky, welcome to the Bipolar club, it's great to have you.





















You Frost-ing Carroll!







But Seriously, it's nice to have support from others.







You stupid, sexy bitch.

Erotic Kake 55,555 14
05/18/2005 03:11 PM

gah, no wonder I drink so much. Nothing for depression like 15 big frosty mugs of depressants.

gorckat: Captain of the USS Obvious 41,132 13
05/18/2005 03:16 PM

You know, I was actually hospitalized for depression almost 2 years ago. Was diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder and OCD. Had a few dissociative episods, then started hallucinating and wanted a shotgun to shoot a racoon that kept getting in my trash. Also had to be kept away from razor blades- I wanted to slice my fingertips up. Then I quite the job that triggered it and feel great.



I mention this for no reason.

</BobJohnson>

fiancé Lila 78,555 13
05/18/2005 03:16 PM

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, migraines, scoliosis, and osteoarthritis. So basically my back, head, and brain hurt all the time. And I'm 20. And people wonder why I'm bitchy.



Your brain can't hurt.

And I've got 10 more years on you with the migraines.

And I'm quoting Marvin so you can't win.



And I'm jaunty!

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
05/18/2005 03:28 PM

And I'm jaunty!





Isn't that the thing that makes you turn yellow?

Funky-D 8,691 9
05/18/2005 03:40 PM

My entire family suffers from cancer of the left nipple. However, the rest of them, and my only childhood friend, died in a car crash. The crash was caused by my father, who was driving drunk. This was because we were leaving my girlfriend's (ex now) funeral. She may have not been easy on the eyes, but was the only person to consider getting near my 1 and a 1/2 inch penis. I miss the feeling I got when she rubbed my (now worsening) genital warts.

After that, I had to sell the house, but lost all the money when I was mugged by two ethiopian tribesmen. I then had to move to a box. Since I can't pick through garbage because I'm allergic to plastics. I have to use my own feces to sleep under at night. I once had a pet rat, but he only gave me ghoneria so I had to tell him "it's not you, it's me"

gorckat: Captain of the USS Obvious 41,132 13
05/18/2005 03:43 PM

Not bad. A few just grammatical and speling errors, but not bad for a first post.

The High Priestess of Steaks 58,884 29
05/18/2005 03:46 PM

In my day my 12 siblings slept out side in the street on broken glass, worked 36 hours a day in a coal factory, got home at 2 am, had to get up for work at 10 pm, and when we were bad our father would kill us with an axe to the head, but we were happy!

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
05/18/2005 03:49 PM

Not bad. A few just grammatical and speling errors, but not bad for a first post.





"Hello Pot, will you accept the charges from a Mr. Kettle?"

gorckat: Captain of the USS Obvious 41,132 13
05/18/2005 04:02 PM

Please bill the call to my IRONY account.

I am Jack's Butt Hair 6,902 12
05/18/2005 04:21 PM

1) I just found out my dad's cancer came back

2)My ex-boyfriends girlfriend's friends are harassing me for some reason

3)Verizon Frosted me over

4)I just found out today I need to change the brakes on all four of my wheels (at least i can do it myself)

5)I just accidentally gave a maha I think.

6)I'm supposed to get my period tomorrow

7)I need new license plate tabs (85 bucks)

8)I haven't gotton laid in at least a month

Suicide Ranger 27,937 12
05/18/2005 04:45 PM

I can't smoke pot because I am allergic to it.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
05/18/2005 05:07 PM

I can't smoke pot because I'm allergic to it.



Haha.



</nelson>

jlfjr 896 9
05/18/2005 05:57 PM

<action>looks at picture</action>



8)I haven't gotton laid in at least a month



Come to Texas and I can fix that one for you

jlfjr 896 9
05/18/2005 05:59 PM

<action>Looks at #6 and changes mind</action>

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/18/2005 06:00 PM

<action> looks at #6 and takes off his pants.</action>

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/18/2005 06:02 PM

Ewww...

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
05/18/2005 07:18 PM

I lost my job the other day....

Well....I didn't really loose it, I mean I still know where it is and everything.

It's just they got this other guy doin it !

-Bob Goldwaith-





At least I do have one friend anyway.....

He's in the diamond business.

-Bobby Bitter- (Larry Bubbles Brown)

HighSoci 30,109 18
05/18/2005 10:08 PM

I have to wait 2 hours for Star Wars III to finish downloading before I can watch it. Now that is depressing.

The High Priestess of Steaks 58,884 29
05/18/2005 10:12 PM

How come no one got a Monty Python reference? Is this what Gab is comming to?

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
05/18/2005 10:25 PM

That is pretty sad.....







Maybe "It's just not silly enough !"

Funky-D 8,691 9
05/18/2005 10:25 PM

I got it. As well as the 14 DVD set. However, from the look of it most of us are from the US. Python references make more of a splash in Britain

TableTopJane 173,958 15
05/18/2005 10:34 PM

I do not win this contest. I am not depressed. My like is grand right now.

HighSoci 30,109 18
05/18/2005 10:35 PM

My like is grand right now.





More than you can say for your spelling.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
05/18/2005 10:38 PM

It's not my fault you kidnapped my "f". I had no choice but to use a k.

Robin® 14,626 10
05/19/2005 10:06 AM

I have been with SR for 7 years.

I live with SR.

SR and I will be married this year.

I find SR funny some of the time.



My mother tells me about my grandmother's sex life, and compares it to her own.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/19/2005 10:15 AM

Ahem.

<action>reads Robin's Post</action>

DemoMonkey, Vaultmaster. 166,252 10
05/19/2005 10:18 AM

I have been with SR for 7 years.

I live with SR.

SR and I will be married this year.



Congratulations!



Are you starting to show yet?

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
05/19/2005 10:44 AM

DM, best use of "SR is a child" I have seen, lo these many years.

Scorpion 4,080 9
05/19/2005 10:53 AM

Star Wars is over.



I really am quite depressed by this.

I Am Straw 97,995 37
05/19/2005 06:24 PM

<action>only arrived in late 2004, so probably doesn't know what she's talking about.</action>

I mention this for no reason.

</BobJohnson>



You idiot, that is DemoMonkey's shtick.

turtle10 42,578 26
05/19/2005 06:31 PM

I am a narcoleptic with insomnia

Turgid Stars 26 9
05/19/2005 09:03 PM

I am a blind dyslexic

gorckat 41,132 13
05/20/2005 12:13 AM

I am a mute with Tourettes.

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/20/2005 12:35 AM

You're all dirty liars.

Rick Behr 82 8
05/20/2005 12:41 AM

Yesterday my grandmother died from cancer of the left cheek. On my way to her funeral while driving my Honda Element(thats depressing, isn't it?),I drove through a large gloomy rainstorm and I ran over 15 little kittens, all belonging to my dyslexic crippled blind mute sister named Gertrude.

Upon arriving at the funeral, I walked in with my head hung low, and noticed a dollar bill on the floor. I tried to pick it up, but it turns out it was just a tampon that had found its way out of someones undergarments. I dont like George Washington anyways...

Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/20/2005 12:45 AM

So are you.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/20/2005 12:46 AM

I don't like too many people, including myself.

Smoothie King 42 8
05/20/2005 02:53 AM

To get to work I have to walk 15 miles in the snow, with no shoes, up a hill, both ways!

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/20/2005 03:08 AM

Bonus clickies to someone who digs up our earlier unintentional "my life sucks" thread.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/20/2005 03:12 AM

Frog, that doesn't really narrow it down.

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/20/2005 03:19 AM

I wasted $100 on a homeless person to stay in line for 10 days for The Revenge Of the Sith, as well as pay for his ticket. There was NO ONE in sight but the homeless person when the midnight airing took place.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/20/2005 03:38 AM

Frog, that doesn't really narrow it down.



No snuh! If it was easy, either I'd do it, or it wouldn't be worth bonus clickies.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/20/2005 03:50 AM

Ok, I found it anyway.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
05/20/2005 03:53 AM

What exactly is the prize for this depressing contest?



Mouthful of shotgun, your toe on the trigger?

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/20/2005 04:00 AM

The prize is you get to read the thread I linked to and realize that when it comes to depressing, old gabbers have the n00bs beat, hands down.

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/20/2005 04:01 AM

Rumor has it first prize is a date with superturkey.

jaheira 143 9
05/20/2005 08:54 AM

As if their life weren't depressing enough..