Filly Harlot Strikes Back 39,193 20
05/26/2005 10:19 PM

<action>dons black clothing</action>I'm sorry, hun.

HighSoci 30,109 18
05/26/2005 10:19 PM

Chicken's had a mother?

Errol 10,584 9
05/26/2005 10:19 PM

A vaccuum?

BobJohnson, President of Tralfamadore 178,045 22
05/26/2005 10:19 PM

In related news, my sex life just got a lot worse.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/26/2005 10:20 PM

Yeah, right, you're thinking. Well, I swear on the head of my new icon, it's true.



Apparently, little red convertable BMWs are no match for 18 wheeler log trucks.

BobJohnson, President of Tralfamadore 178,045 22
05/26/2005 10:20 PM

Or better.

newwave 45,912 10
05/26/2005 10:20 PM

<action>hugs Chickens, cops a cheap feel</action>

Phuc 237,919 21
05/26/2005 10:20 PM

Sorry, guy.



Was this a recent occurence?

MiLLie 116,988 28
05/26/2005 10:21 PM

My sympathies.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/26/2005 10:21 PM

Yesterday at 3.

HighSoci 30,109 18
05/26/2005 10:21 PM

If you're serious, then I'm sorry to hear that.





If you aren't serious.... why did chicken's mother cross the road?

Errol 10,584 9
05/26/2005 10:21 PM

Chickens...I'm truly sorry, you'll be in my prayers.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/26/2005 10:23 PM

Hen had a good one liner about it. We were on our way to the homeschool conference. Mom was a public school teacher back in the day. We had to turn around and head home.



hen, "She never did like me homeschooling."



heh. Mom just really didn't want us to go to that homeschool conference in a big way.

DemoMonkey, Unplugged! 166,252 10
05/26/2005 10:30 PM

My condolences.

BobJohnson, President of Tralfamadore 178,045 22
05/26/2005 10:32 PM

But, seriously, I'm sorry. That's gotta be tough.



. . .



Do you happen to have a picture of her? See. . . I've been trying to solve this chicken/egg problem. . .

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
05/26/2005 10:33 PM

Chickens, I'm sorry for your loss and for your family.

default_user 12,538 15
05/26/2005 10:34 PM

But you saved a ton of money by switching to Geico!

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
05/26/2005 10:34 PM

I love you, Chickens.

Ghost Of Froglord 61 8
05/26/2005 11:33 PM

My sympathies and prayers are with you and your family.





If this is fake then you suck more than any human being ever.

MiLLie 116,988 28
05/26/2005 11:36 PM

Yeah, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, because I love my Mom more than anyone else and if I lost her I would be totally bereft.



So it isn't something to joke about.



All that having been said, I believe you are telling the truth and you have my utmost sympathy.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/26/2005 11:41 PM

Sorry, chix. Until I see an obit I gotta call bullShakespeare on this one.



You brought it on yourself, my friend.



It might be true, and if so I'll be sure to offer my condolences in the form of a tasteless joke, but until then I'm calling bullShakespeare.

Ghost Of Froglord 61 8
05/26/2005 11:43 PM

Ahhhh, the long memory of the GAB collective is a beautiful thing.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/26/2005 11:45 PM

HOLY Shakespeare IT'S FROGLORD!

Ho-Down Hollis 7,284 14
05/26/2005 11:56 PM

Poor Chickens! I'm really sorry.

Punkin. I've been here before, thanks. 3,585 11
05/27/2005 12:07 AM

Your mom drove an 18 wheeler?









Seriously. I'm so sorry. I'm about to lose my Pop, and it hurts. I wish there was something I could do.

Ghost Of Froglord 61 8
05/27/2005 12:10 AM

Oooooohhh, look what the cat dragged in.











Oh my god! It looks like a froglord.

Napkin is a Sassy Goat 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:13 AM

The following people died on the same day as your mother:



Graham Kennedy (I) (71) 2005

Kenneth Banghart (70) 1980

Ismail Merchant (68) 2005

Tom Symonds (66) 1980

Gillie Potter (I) (81) 2004

Fred Gunnarsson (40) 1979

David Dellinger (88) 2004

Stan Stone (58) 1979

Nicholas Luard (66) 2004

Madame Kyveli 1978

Stephen Keyes (86) 2003

Lela E. Rogers (85) 1977

Almir Chediak (52) 2003

Edward Colmans (68) 1977

Lois Rosenfield (78) 2003

Flix B. Caignet (84) 1976

Karl Heinz Willschrei (64) 2003

Leonard Horn (I) (48) 1975

Sloan Wilson (I) (83) 2003

Arthur N. White (41) 1975

Zoran Ratkovic (64) 2002

Verna Piponius (80) 1974

Pat Coombs (75) 2002

Ulvi Uraz (53) 1974

Bart de Graaff (35) 2002

Donald Crisp (I) (93) 1974

Ragni Malmstn (68) 2002

H.H. Pattee (81) 1974

Genichi Kawakami 2002

Manuel Arb (74) 1973

Herb Hickey (59) 2002

Jack Jevne (80) 1972

Michael Kirby (I) (77) 2002

Terence de Marney (62) 1971

Napkin is a Sassy Goat 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:13 AM

Jeannette Kerner (85) 2001

Charles Cabell (67) 1971

Steve Werner (I) (50) 2001

Bert Lawrence 1971

Arturo Maly (61) 2001

Nizamettin Nazif Tepedelenlioglu 1970

Francis Lederer (100) 2000

Rafael El Gallo (86) 1969

Majrooh Sultanpuri 2000

Charles K. Feldman (64) 1968

Nicholas Clay (I) (53) 2000

Arthur Knorr 1966

Alfredda Brilliant (95) 1999

Arturo Soto Rangel (83) 1965

Hillary Brooke (84) 1999

Faxon M. Dean (74) 1965

Horst Frank (69) 1999

Alex Suhr (65) 1964

Victor Vallejo (I) (90) 1998

Anthony Muto 1964

Dejan Corkovic 1998

Harry Feist 1963

Dragutin Krencer (45) 1998

Ethan Laidlaw (63) 1963

Laxmikant Shantaram Kudalkar 1998

Jlio Dantas (86) 1962

Michel Oukhow (72) 1998

Stanley Van Beers (50) 1961

David Rollins (I) (89) 1997

Campbell Dixon (64) 1960

Joseph Hoffman (I) (88) 1997

Belle Daube (71) 1959

Ragna Broo-Juter (91) 1997

Charles Phillips (I) (53) 1958

Chester Feldman (71) 1997

Zack Williams (73) 1958

Helga Raumer (72) 1997

Francis Carco (71) 1958

Bradley Nowell (28) 1996

Gustav Waldau (87) 1958

Barney Wilen (59) 1996

Jean Gehret (56) 1956

Alice Day (89) 1995

Hans Janowitz 1954

Dany Robin (68) 1995

Robert Capa (40) 1954

Jack Allen (I) (87) 1995

Marcel Le Picard (65) 1952

William Cronjager (65) 1995

Paul Weigel (84) 1951

Bernd Palma 1995

Niels Clemmensen (50) 1950

Oswaldo Massaini (75) 1994

Adolph Milar (64) 1950

Eric Gale (I) 1994

Charles Wheelock (73) 1948

Dan Seymour (I) (78) 1993

Napkin is a Sassy Goat 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:13 AM

Giorgio De Rege (53) 1948

Martin Trvires (67) 1992

Jacques Feyder (62) 1948

Tulio Demicheli (77) 1992

Patty S. Hill (78) 1946

Paul Tucker (I) 1991

Art Rowlands (46) 1944

Theodore Lydecker (81) 1990

Pete Gordon 1943

Gary Usher (51) 1990

F.X. Svoboda (82) 1943

Vic Tayback (60) 1990

Marion Lord (59) 1942

Lyudmila Semyonova (91) 1990

Emanuel Feuermann (39) 1942

Johnnie 'Mac' McHaynes (42) 1989

Ingeborg Gandrup (58) 1940

Brigid Bazlen (44) 1989

Gladys Unger 1940

Monte Kay (63) 1988

William M. Conselman (43) 1940

Sylvi Palo (76) 1987

Joseph De Grasse (67) 1940

Jack Rabin (73) 1987

Clive Currie (58) 1935

Henry Hunter (77) 1985

Gustav Holst (59) 1934

Robert Nathan (II) (91) 1985

Norman Jefferies 1933

Necip Fazil Kisakrek (77) 1983

C.W. Ritchie 1931

Paul Quinichette (62) 1983

Ren Leprince 1929

Kay Williams (XI) (65) 1983

Roy Redgrave 1922

Sydney Box (76) 1983

Georg Jarno (51) 1920

Hermine Sterler (88) 1982

Julia Walcott 1915

Larry J. Blake (68) 1982

Johann Nestroy (60) 1862

Georg Malmstn (78) 1981

Pedro Caldern de la Barca (81) 1681

Rosa Ponselle (84) 1981

Napkin is a Sassy Goat 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:14 AM

And out of all of them, my condolences go only to you Chix.

Napkin is a Sassy Goat 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:15 AM

And Nizamettin Nazif Tepedelenlioglu. 'Cause that's an awesome Frost-ing name.

Fishlegs - Acehole 1,612 9
05/27/2005 12:20 AM

William Cronjager is dead?!

redwing 3,887 30
05/27/2005 12:26 AM

I'm sorry chickens, my prayers will be with you and you're family tonight.

Punkin. I've been here before, thanks. 3,585 11
05/27/2005 12:27 AM

Napkin--you are a paparazzi Shakespeareclown. And I did not give you permission to use the term "sassy goat". I bet you don't even do the right hand motion.



Shakespeareclown.

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
05/27/2005 12:30 AM

I'm sorry to hear that Chickens. I wish you and your family the best in getting through this.

30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:31 AM

There you go Punkin.

Napkin says that Punkin is an ass bagel 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:32 AM

Strange.

redwing 3,887 30
05/27/2005 12:38 AM

Punkin, you are so right.

Thank you.

newwave says, "Napkin is an ass beagle" 45,912 10
05/27/2005 12:42 AM

Hmm...

Fratberry 282,940 53
05/27/2005 12:48 AM

Zombies! GAB zombies!! GAH!!!

Napkin World Renown Librarian 30,762 12
05/27/2005 12:48 AM

Sorry guys, here's a joke to smooth things out.



There's a black kid, a Methodist kid, and a Baptist kid in the third grade. Which one has the biggest dick?





The black kid, cause he's 23 years old.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
05/27/2005 01:24 AM

Sorry to hear it Chix !







(Tip of the hat)



Here is to remembering all the good years she lived !

Fishlegs - Acehole 1,612 9
05/27/2005 01:28 AM

Condolences, really, deaths are the poo.



I'm still recovering from the sudden death of one of my best friends a month ago (hence my disappearance after a short beginning), and the loss of family (especially if it's family you like and love) is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Fishlegs - Acehole 1,612 9
05/27/2005 01:29 AM

Apart from my enemies, those guys suck.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 06:01 AM

Nuttbutter- obit in your email

Rаt 2,085 9
05/27/2005 06:11 AM

While I offer my condolences in the event that this really happened, it sounds a little too ironic to be true.



A little red convertable BMW?, Doesn't sound like something a mother would drive.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 06:13 AM

You don't know my mother.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/27/2005 06:26 AM

Was it the truck's fault and you'll have to take back anything bad you've ever said against trial lawyers so you can get a nice juicy settlement?



Or was it her fault and I can write NHTSA a letter about elderly drivers endangering the lives of hard working americans?



Either way, hang in there.. she's headed for that big coop in the sky.

(They're much safer than the coupes down here on the ground.)

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 06:29 AM

Mom prided herself on being more of an Auntie Mame character than a grandmother. Bigger than life. All drama. Bright colors and strange gifts. She had taken individual trips to Italy, Ireland, Scotland, England, Alaska, all over the US, Germany, France. She stared in local theater musicals. Moreso in her youth, as there aren't many parts for aging Sopranos. She had a Masters Degree in Classical Piano and Voice. She was one of those people that everybody who knew her loved.



Everybody that didn't have to live with her that is.



She was also a drunk and made my adolence hell. But we reached an arms length truce later in life. And she is my only Momma. So yeah, I've broken down and cried several times in the past 24 hours.



Typical Mom: I called her best friend in Alaska to tell her the news. After the crying was over, her friend's comment was, "It was just like your mom to think she could take on a logging truck in a little red convertable. I bet she was wearing a tiara and flashing her jewelry at the truck driver."



Probably.

Lamburger 33,017 9
05/27/2005 06:29 AM

Sorry for your loss, Chackens. She sounds a bit like my grandmother who was a public school teacher for decades and hated that my mom homeschooled me and my sister. She later developed dementia and hid fried chicken under her pillow. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.



Oh and my deepest sympathies to the family of Laxmikant Shantaram Kudalkar.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 06:31 AM

Everyone doesn't hide fried chicken under their pillow? Oh my.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/27/2005 06:34 AM

Pfft.. Laxmikant Shantaram Kudalkar is just a poor man's Pedro Caldern de la Barca.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/27/2005 06:35 AM

I would love to see that on a shirt. Where the hell is Sharkface when you need him?

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
05/27/2005 06:55 AM

Hope she gets a ride in the #3 man.

DemoMonkey, Unplugged! 166,252 10
05/27/2005 07:48 AM

I'm fairly certain that "hide the fried chicken under the pillow" is a regular weekly activity in the Chickens household.



There are two possible reactions for the rest of us in this situation; we can be kind, and run the risk of being pranked and looking foolish, or we can be cynical and doubting, and run the risk of being cruel to someone at a difficult time.



Personally, looking foolish has never worried me. If it did, I wouldn't be wearing these shoes with this shirt.



Again Chickens, my deepest sympathies. I hope your family brings you comfort, your faith brings you peace, and your friends bring you laughter.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
05/27/2005 07:57 AM

I had a dream you died last night Chickens... and I cried and cried and cried. Odd.



I am so, so, sorry. If my mother died, don't think I would be too far behind her. Death is horrible and always gets me right here.



I was reading the World According to Garp last night and cried my eyes out when the younger son died. Even though I have read it before. Twice.

Ditdah, only 51 days away 123,110 14
05/27/2005 08:28 AM

Chickens, I am truly sorry. I know how you feel - regardless of your relationship with your mother at various points in the past, and how much she may have made your life hell at various times (at least MINE sure did), loosing her must be very hard.



Have a big glass of Scottish Ale and dance around in a kilt for her. She'll either appreciate it, or laugh her ass off. (If she still has one, that is.)

lupience 26,981 11
05/27/2005 09:05 AM

This is the saddest funny thread ever.

turtle10 42,578 26
05/27/2005 09:11 AM

Chickens, if it makes you feel better, you can have mine.





Serioulsy, thoughts and prayers will be with you.



If this is a joke, then I usually just say the whole prayer thing becuase I know what else to say.



If it is real, then disregard the above statement and accept my condolences.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/27/2005 10:30 AM

Ok, I've seen the obit. It's real. And no, I'm not part of the prank.



Sorry about your mom, chix.



(it kills me that I'm wussing out on making a joke right now. IT KILLS ME.)

Aroungry Aroungry Aimless 54,807 10
05/27/2005 11:11 AM

Chickens honey, my sympathy goes out to you and your family. Like you said, she was your only Mama (as far as you know) and good or bad it's hard to lose that. Chin up sweetie I'll be thinking about you and sending prayers your way.

Kake 55,555 14
05/27/2005 11:14 AM

Hey, Chickens. Sorry about your mom. She'll be in heaven now, surrounded by republicans.

gorckat 41,132 13
05/27/2005 11:24 AM

I'm sorry Chix.

Trixxie 65,026 15
05/27/2005 11:28 AM

condolences chicks.

Oliver Chest, M.D. 203,475 12
05/27/2005 11:33 AM

My dad died when I was 6. You eventually get over it.

















I've been told.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/27/2005 12:02 PM

Both my parents are still alive.



I WIN!

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/27/2005 12:02 PM

Sorry for your loss, Chickens. May she rest in peace.

Kakey McKakenstien 55,555 14
05/27/2005 12:15 PM

Both my parents are still alive.



I WIN!



Jesus, what are they, a hundred and seventy?

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/27/2005 12:19 PM

Yeah, Kake, but mom still Frosts like she's one hundred and thirty.

Kakey McKakenstien 55,555 14
05/27/2005 12:20 PM

I know, man. I know.

Pistolet 10,071 9
05/27/2005 12:21 PM

Sorry to here about you mom, Chickens. You should go to Boston and get some sympathy sex.

Bankey 70,843 10
05/27/2005 12:23 PM

from Trixxie

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 12:35 PM

Wow. One of you is a good stalker. Thanks for the flowers guys. Actually they're the first ones delivered.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 12:38 PM

<action>goes back to cutting the grass and getting all sweaty-like using his hippy-happy reel mower.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/27/2005 04:54 PM

If the obit's legit, you must admit.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/27/2005 08:21 PM

Sweet lawn mower!



But don't you have Mexicans in North Carolina?

The Solitary Snork 45,655 12
05/27/2005 09:15 PM

I find it disconcerting that people who make fun of the baby Jesus send out prayers. Aren't you all atheists or something?



Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss.













I suck at expression.

Declan 'Gabriel Conroy' McManus 131,874 36
05/27/2005 09:43 PM

My deepest sympathy.





Been there, done that, bought the black t-shirt.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/27/2005 09:49 PM

"My mom decomposed and got eaten by worms and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/28/2005 07:52 AM

Jew Girl, she's all yours. Take what you want.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/28/2005 07:59 AM

yeah.. that'll buff right out.

Fluffy now serving beer 977 9
05/28/2005 08:03 AM

My condolences.



Hey so did the egg come first or the chicken?



I pray for you and your family. May god bless you all.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/28/2005 08:16 AM

Is Hen gonna make you sell your bike now, or what?

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/28/2005 08:19 AM

Nah, she's learning to ride hers. She says as long as the life insurance is paid up....

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/28/2005 08:59 AM

But if you both die, then no one will be left to post about it.

Lamburger 33,017 9
05/28/2005 09:07 AM

That's why you gotta leave instructions in your will.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/28/2005 03:10 PM

Sorry, Froggy, I don't hang around at 5:30 in the morning just to make shirts at your every damn whim.



But here ya go. Also, I've added some others a couple days ago. Yippee for the big announcement on them.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
05/28/2005 03:16 PM

Also, Chickens, my condolences to you and yours.



And if she's as extravagant and boisterous as you say, you'd better give her a viking funeral.

Tinker to Evers to Chickens 286,527 61
05/28/2005 09:33 PM

FLAME ON OLAF!

Doogler 807 9
05/31/2005 12:26 PM

Wow Chix!!



My father passed on the 26th as well...if that is the right day. My condolences are with you. But the Shakespearety thing about my father dying on that day is that it was MY MOTHERS BIRTHDAY!!

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
05/31/2005 03:07 PM

It took several billions of years of constant coincidence to foment her being killed in a car crash. The exact chances of her being killed there and then are incalculable. That in itself should be cause for amazement.



If you can't find comfort in that, there's always the universal entropy that heralds our eventual and meaningless obliteration as a natural splitting movement of the nebulous fracturing of all things.

Piña Colossal 14,650 10
05/31/2005 03:13 PM

"You know what sucks?"



A truckload of Traes at a Tennessee truckstop?

14,650 10
05/31/2005 03:14 PM

i got pwnd.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
05/31/2005 03:27 PM

What's Red and Pink and a mile long?









































Chicken's MoBLAM!

Orfinked Chickens 286,527 61
05/31/2005 03:29 PM

Well, I'm offended.

















not really

Orfinked Chickens 286,527 61
05/31/2005 03:35 PM

You know what sucks?







Not my mama. Least not anymo*BLAM*

Orfinked Chickens 286,527 61
05/31/2005 03:36 PM

Now I'm offended.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
05/31/2005 03:37 PM

No....I disagree.



A little rigor-mortis...shape the mouth into an "O"..some vaseline squirt in the mouth......

dropkick brody 43,090 12
05/31/2005 03:38 PM

Oh sweet Jesus, CG.

Blue-Footed Boobie: Boob Moosary 21,744 10
05/31/2005 03:39 PM

A little rigor-mortis



Rigor-Mortis wears off eventually...











...staples don't.

gorckat 41,132 13
05/31/2005 03:39 PM

<action>taking notes</action>

Would almond oil work just as well, CG?

dinesh 24,862 16
05/31/2005 05:04 PM

lame. peace on you, dude.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
05/31/2005 05:32 PM

Okay, not to be horribly pedantic, but what was it about my above post to CG that garnered two mahas?



Seriously, I'm just curious to know.

Mr.Glass 25,340 11
06/03/2005 11:23 PM

It doesn't matter. If you really want to know, take to the mean streets and kill your way to the truth.